(no subject)
i'm looking at my life here, wondering what it'll be like when i head home in exactly four weeks. all that i've built for myself here, all that my life has become. i'm happy here. perth has indeed given me fresh start, a clean break from all that my life was before. and i'm more than grateful. happy beyond words.
joy.
life isn't life if you're not really living. i want to live, i don't want to exist. i want to be able to run into the crashing waves of the cold ocean on a hot summer's day. i want to fight against the strong gusts of wind as i struggle to head to uni in the dead of winter. i want to touch every pretty delicate flower and sneeze every morning when i wake up in spring. i want to feel the crunch of the fallen leaves under my boots and enjoy the touch of the leaves falling like snowflakes in autumn. i need to feel all these. i need to know that i'm alive.
i've always said that the purpose of spending tens of thousands to study overseas is not to be holed up in one's room, with only the four surrounding walls for company and scenery. the purpose is to go out there, to travel, to see, hear, smell, taste and touch. to feel. to experience. and that is what i'm trying to do, that is what i'm trying to achieve. to attain the complete experience of living in a foreign land. to explore, enjoy, see things with the eyes of the unexperienced.
every now and then, i take a walk around curtin's massive campus and i breathe in the fresh air. with each breath, i think of how blessed i am to be here. and with each breath, the experience becomes increasingly surreal. ironically. one would think that a lungful of fresh air would bring one back to reality, but instead, it serves to remind me that this is but a fantasy. it is a surreal experience, but it is concurrently a personal perception of reality.
with living overseas comes the question of which life is real. only a quarter of a year is spent back "home", whilst the rest of the year flies swiftly by in a foreign land that is quickly unknowingly usurping singapore's position as "home". am i who i was back home in singapore? or am i who i am here in perth? which is the real "me"? which is my real "life"? why can't it be both, one might inquire. fair enough. but one cannot deny the descrepancies, the difference in lives, in living. the clean slate, the fresh start.
now, if only for some consistency.
joy.
life isn't life if you're not really living. i want to live, i don't want to exist. i want to be able to run into the crashing waves of the cold ocean on a hot summer's day. i want to fight against the strong gusts of wind as i struggle to head to uni in the dead of winter. i want to touch every pretty delicate flower and sneeze every morning when i wake up in spring. i want to feel the crunch of the fallen leaves under my boots and enjoy the touch of the leaves falling like snowflakes in autumn. i need to feel all these. i need to know that i'm alive.
i've always said that the purpose of spending tens of thousands to study overseas is not to be holed up in one's room, with only the four surrounding walls for company and scenery. the purpose is to go out there, to travel, to see, hear, smell, taste and touch. to feel. to experience. and that is what i'm trying to do, that is what i'm trying to achieve. to attain the complete experience of living in a foreign land. to explore, enjoy, see things with the eyes of the unexperienced.
every now and then, i take a walk around curtin's massive campus and i breathe in the fresh air. with each breath, i think of how blessed i am to be here. and with each breath, the experience becomes increasingly surreal. ironically. one would think that a lungful of fresh air would bring one back to reality, but instead, it serves to remind me that this is but a fantasy. it is a surreal experience, but it is concurrently a personal perception of reality.
with living overseas comes the question of which life is real. only a quarter of a year is spent back "home", whilst the rest of the year flies swiftly by in a foreign land that is quickly unknowingly usurping singapore's position as "home". am i who i was back home in singapore? or am i who i am here in perth? which is the real "me"? which is my real "life"? why can't it be both, one might inquire. fair enough. but one cannot deny the descrepancies, the difference in lives, in living. the clean slate, the fresh start.
now, if only for some consistency.