(no subject)
i feel so abandoned. i kinda had this feeling it would come. i knew he didnt mean forever from the begining. i should have listened to my heart and just left when i wanted to. was it worth it?
no. no, i would have rather not fallen in love with him, and i mean, really fallen in love with him if i knew he harbored these feelings of unhappiness all along. what deception. what an asshole.
so i find myself sleeping on the cold floor with my son in a crowded house i never thought id find myself at again.
we had plans. and when they kept changing, i had a feeling something was going on.
you cant say yes and then change your mind so instantly. you cant just leave without reason. when everything was so right.
goddamnit. i dont....
they will watch for me. and i will heal. and they will suffer, but ill try to make the best of it.
i have nothing but my kids. and that hurts. all i wanted, was a family with him. our family. so broken inside.
and i find myself keeping busy with jas. if it wasnt for him i wouldnt have gotten out of bed yesterday.or today. i wouldnt have ate. well i didnt. 2 more lbs to go, and i will have lost 10lbs in less than a week.
he gave me that ultimatum and gave me a months time period. i did it in a week.
maybe theres someone else. thats all i can imagine.
my nerves are so on edge. i keep shaking and wanting to throw up and ugh. i have to keep going or i will just fall apart.
i contemplated having someone kill me, and then end my fustrations. my children could collect my life insurance and maybe i will finally be at peace.
i feel like throwing up again.
im going to go back to the house today and collect my stuff. well some of it.
i need to move out. i cant be here. its what depresses me most.
im going to buy myself the ring that he once bought me. and im going to wear it as a symbol that represents what i once had, and how i will never seek it again. it will be my ring that represents "the healing process- no relationships".
and i said yeah i would still be intimate with him, but nah. that will just confuse my mind more so.
sex is not desired. i dont even feel like partying. but i do need to keep active.
the best revenge for a break up, is looking your best. thats my new, real goal that i can and will fuckin achieve. i still plan to look incredibly sexy for my birthday. its just a matter of focusing.
i need to balance school and work and my kids and moving out. fuck. time to step up to the plate and handle my bus.
i called benny the other night crying to him, apologizing to him for the pain i inflicted on him when i left him. i did exactly what mark has done to me. and i feel so bad inside. like, so fucking bad.
im gonna make it, im gonna fucking suceed.
no. no, i would have rather not fallen in love with him, and i mean, really fallen in love with him if i knew he harbored these feelings of unhappiness all along. what deception. what an asshole.
so i find myself sleeping on the cold floor with my son in a crowded house i never thought id find myself at again.
we had plans. and when they kept changing, i had a feeling something was going on.
you cant say yes and then change your mind so instantly. you cant just leave without reason. when everything was so right.
goddamnit. i dont....
they will watch for me. and i will heal. and they will suffer, but ill try to make the best of it.
i have nothing but my kids. and that hurts. all i wanted, was a family with him. our family. so broken inside.
and i find myself keeping busy with jas. if it wasnt for him i wouldnt have gotten out of bed yesterday.or today. i wouldnt have ate. well i didnt. 2 more lbs to go, and i will have lost 10lbs in less than a week.
he gave me that ultimatum and gave me a months time period. i did it in a week.
maybe theres someone else. thats all i can imagine.
my nerves are so on edge. i keep shaking and wanting to throw up and ugh. i have to keep going or i will just fall apart.
i contemplated having someone kill me, and then end my fustrations. my children could collect my life insurance and maybe i will finally be at peace.
i feel like throwing up again.
im going to go back to the house today and collect my stuff. well some of it.
i need to move out. i cant be here. its what depresses me most.
im going to buy myself the ring that he once bought me. and im going to wear it as a symbol that represents what i once had, and how i will never seek it again. it will be my ring that represents "the healing process- no relationships".
and i said yeah i would still be intimate with him, but nah. that will just confuse my mind more so.
sex is not desired. i dont even feel like partying. but i do need to keep active.
the best revenge for a break up, is looking your best. thats my new, real goal that i can and will fuckin achieve. i still plan to look incredibly sexy for my birthday. its just a matter of focusing.
i need to balance school and work and my kids and moving out. fuck. time to step up to the plate and handle my bus.
i called benny the other night crying to him, apologizing to him for the pain i inflicted on him when i left him. i did exactly what mark has done to me. and i feel so bad inside. like, so fucking bad.
im gonna make it, im gonna fucking suceed.