werid ass shit
so these last few weeks have been werid...i feel..well i feel lonely...but yet i seem to be surrounded by people all the time...i dont know if its because i want a girlfriend or not...or becasue it seems that my friends seem to be abandoning me...ians got yolanda now and well levi is all caught up in gettin trashed he doesnt make an effort to call or want to hangout...i feel isolated on my own island....but with people around me not realizing i am there...its almost like im dead and i can see everyone..i dont sleep anymore cuz i cant seem to get shit outta my head...i find my self crying my self to sleep at like 4 o clock in the morn then waking up the next day not wanting to go on with the day and not wanting to leave my bed...i put on a big show for everyone around me so people will think im happy but in reality im depressed i havent been this depressed for this long since the one time i tried to kill myself...i bet people are lookin at this thinking to them selves Jakes just trying to get attention...well im not i have a problem talkin to people directly so heres my indirect way to talk...i dont know wut to do with my self...i dont enjoy the things i love to do anymore...being home just make me more pissed...not cuz i hate my parents...i love them to death...its just i need to be away from them b4 i blow up on them and they think im crazy..and on top of this all im trying to quit smokin...which is makin matters worse due to the fact that i get crankier everyday...i dont know wut to do with myself...for springbreak i think im goin to daves cabin which should be cool but ill be surrounded my couples and people in love...but there should be alcohol there so i will prolly drink my sorrows away but end up drinkin too much saying shit i dont mean and being miserable there too...i just need to get away and find someone to make me happy and someone that understands me and doesnt listen to rumors they hear...people fuckin suck because in 7th and 8th grade i dated a lot of people so there for im a player? now its impossible to find a respectable girl to just fuckin be there for me...people with there god damn mouths ruin other peoples lives..i apologize for dating in jr high get over it grow the fuck up...as i look back on these last four years in my life i realize how much i have matured (those of u who laugh at that last statement FUCK U) i think i am very mature for my age and i can control many things that surrond me..i dont go around doing all the drugs i can think of...i dont drink till i dont know wuts goin on...i can save money and pay bills...i have paid for my own car...and i am able to be there for the people that need me the most...im a guy thats just tryin to find someone to respect me for who i am now...not who i used to be 5 years ago...people need to look past the rumors and look to my heart...so this passage goes out to all u fuckers who cant respect me...u fuckin ruined my highschool years and i hope u live miserable lives just as i will! FUCK ALL OF U. im out...have a nice life