Small fanfic
This is a Yaoi fanfic i've been workin' on, it isn't very Yaoi right now, it's just the beginning
Chapter 1
Fragile
I lay in my bed staring at the dark ceiling, the room drenched in a bluish glow. I stroked my stomach gently as the re-occurring thoughts came upon me once again.
‘Maybe it’s the way he looks at me? Maybe it’s the way he smiles, only raising one corner of his mouth to form a warm smile. Maybe it’s the way he sticks up for me when the other guys pick on me?’
I felt my stomach clench and I turned over, hoping to dim the pain a little. Stomach cramping was something that had affected me since childhood; because of it I wasn’t physically fit or very healthy. Anything green or with high fibre made my stomach do somersaults. I sighed and tucked my legs into my chest wondering, wondering if Daroch was going to be in school tomorrow. I thought of his silky soft light red hair, it licked around his face like flames when it was windy. He wasn’t the best built of guys but he had muscles. I didn’t like to think about Daroch as he made my stomach hurt, the very thought of him making my stomach contract. Once I had got Daroch into my head I couldn’t set my mind free of him. I remembered back to when we were 10, I was the small skinny loser of our little gang and of course, Daroch was the leader. He’d never leave me behind or make fun of me like the others did. I remembered when we had gone down to the lake for a swim. All the other boys took their clothes off and plunged into the water, Daroch was first of course as no one ever did anything that Daroch didn’t do before hand. They had just ripped the clothing from themselves and threw them at either side, making sure they were away from the water’s edge. Me I couldn’t, I just couldn’t be so reckless. Since my mother had died I had been of a tidy sort as my father didn’t care much for cleaning. I stood and unbuttoned every button making sure to carefully fold my shirt and place it gently on the ground, then I took of my pants, again making sure I folded them and placed them on top of the shirt; I quickly changed the order though, thinking that the black pants would be better suited on the earth than my clean white shirt. I then walked carefully into the water, stopping now and then to shiver and wiggle my toes to get the feeling back. When I had gotten waist high and in the same area as the other boys they stopped at laughed at me. I had always been bashful when around other boys, I didn’t want them to see me naked, see me at my most vulnerable. So I didn’t take my underwear off. Daroch didn’t laugh with the other boys though, he walked over to where I was and put his hand on my head ramming his fingers into my scalp and smirking. He had called me a doofus and laughed playfully, funnily I didn’t mind when it was him laughing at me, though I would have thought it would have hurt most. I smiled to myself at the memory.
‘Me and Daroch, yeah. I and Daroch were always great friends, always been buddies now that I think about it.’
I often wondered if maybe it had been for pity at that time. Nowadays I and Daroch were still in our group and I was still treated the same way, nothing really changed apart from we all got a little more mature. I had gotten taller as well, now the same height as Daroch. A small noise escaped my throat as the knot in my stomach became tighter. I rolled out of bed onto the floor, only managing to get to my feet between the spasms.
“Dad.” I called quietly, wanting to be louder.
I fell to my knees with a thud, the pain in my kneecaps not much comparing with the pain of my gut. I doubled over and coughed trying not to wretch and cause a terrible mess on the carpet. The sweet saliva entered my mouth as I stood up still hunched over.
“Da-Dad!” I yelled.
I could hear rapid movements from downstairs as my father must have heard me and was now running up the stairs. Just before he entered the room I wretched and vomited onto the carpet, not able to stop myself. Tears were squeezed out by the violent jerks of my body. My father ran to me and held my shoulders to try and secure me. Normally I could tell how harsh and how quick the spasms would come and how they would affect me, but for some reason I had no warning of it.
“Are you alright? Why didn’t you come down and take your medicine?! You should know better than that Kenshi!” my father blurted out as he hugged me close.
The spasms were passing now. I should have gone and got my medicine, and I did know better than to let the spasms continue if they were bad. Sometimes it could be ignored but yet when I think of Daroch I forget about them and they end up really bad. I wiped my mouth with the back of my hand, I was trembling.
“I’m okay.” I said hoarsely.
“No you‘re not! I’ll go and get your medicine, wait right here.” He said and ran out of the room.
My father was too protective of me and ran around after me a lot. I didn’t really need the attention, I didn’t want it. I had been sent to a psychiatrist when my mother died because the school had said I ‘Wasn’t Coping’ truth being that I just didn’t feel like doing the work. The psychiatrist had told my father that I would need extra love and care and lots of attention, if I was to turn out right. I was a sickly child and now am a sickly teenager the fact being that I don’t have good health. When I was younger I wasn’t allowed outside much unless I was with Daroch. I don’t want to go out these days as there isn’t much to do. I’m fairly good with babysitting, but only with small children. I coughed again and wiped my nose, rising to the bed and sitting on it. All the guys and girls at school said I was a wuss and that’s why no one likes me.
‘No one likes me because I’m a freak, I’m an unhealthy freak and people are too frightened to be with me…’
That was what my conclusion was. I noticed when I vomited that everything starts to water. My nose was now watery and my eyes still managing to squeeze out some tears. I couldn’t be helped. I closed my eyes as my father ran back into the room turning the light on as he did so; he gave me a small container filled with horrible black/brown sticky liquid. I took a deep breath and swallowed the solution quickly trying not to taste it, it was vile and the taste stayed in my mouth for ages afterwards. My father hovered over me, watching me drink it and then make a face. I stared up at him.
“You can stay up a bit later if you want.” He said quietly.
I smiled at his attempt to make me feel better, but spending a little more time with my Looney father wasn’t going to make me feel better.
“It’s alright really, I’m fine just tired.”
Uncertainly he nodded. He looked over at the carpet where I had been sick, I looked there too and sighed slowly beginning to rise from the bed.
“No.” he said and pushed me down gently. “I’ll do it for you; it’s only a bit of sick. You go downstairs and get comfy on the sofa and I’ll take care of this okay?”
I stared at him in awe, usually when it came to cleaning he’d leave it to me. I walked slowly out of my room and made my way step by step down stairs, by the time I reached the bottom I had to cling to the banister for support. I coughed and staggered into the living room and sat on the sofa. I nodded in and out of sleep for about half an hour until my father came downstairs and put a blanket over me. I muttered thanks and snuggled down into the soft bobbly material.
“You’ll be okay down here on your own?” he asked stroking my brow.
“Yeah, just fine.”
“You can stay off school if you want.”
“No I’m alright, just tired.” I closed my eyes and hoped he would take the hint.
He coughed embarrassed and patted my head. He snuck out of the room being sure to leave a small lamp on and closed the door. I got up from my soft cosy den to turn the lamp off. I didn’t need it or want it so there was no sense in having it on and waste electricity. Once I had crawled into my protective blanket my mind began to wander again, began to think of Daroch. I thought of the episode we had had in the showers, how he had saw me staring at his private parts and merely smiled. It stirred some sort of feeling inside me, some kind of ache. I remembered it so clearly; the way his hips stuck out through his soft freckled skin and how much I had wanted to touch them and feel the sharp bone on my fingers, I remembered thinking that he was a natural red head as his thin and soft looking pubic hair was the same light red. I remembered his shaft, long and excited by the hot water of the showers. I cringed as I felt an ache pass through my tender regions and brought my knees up to my chest, trying to conceal my dirty pleasure. I shivered and snuggled into the sofa pillows, putting Daroch out of my head. I slept.
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I woke the next morning to the gentle shoving of my father.
“Time to wake up.” He said and walked away.
I opened my eyes wearily and sat on the sofa for a minute with my head in my hands. I felt terrible but I shrugged it off and walked into the kitchen. Yawning I sat at the table and rubbed my eyes, my stomach gave an alarming noise.
“Hungry?” he asked as he poured out some low fibre cereal for me.
I nodded sleepily and yawned again.
“You don’t have to go to school you know, you’re ill.”
“I want to, besides I’m always ill I’d always be off.” He shook his head and put the cereal bowl on the table.
He hesitated for a moment staring down at me in a confused sort of way. He then gave a smile and closed his eyes, like he had just confirmed something that he was thinking of, a kind of ‘I knew it!’ look. He turned and looked at me from the counter of the sink as he was washing dishes. He said in a kind of macho way:
“So…what were you dreaming about last night?” he smiled as he said it.
I blinked at him and then shrugged, looking down at my watery cereal and poking at it with my spoon.
“I don’t know, nothing I suppose.” I mumbled.
“Oh you don’t fool me.” He said in the voice. I blinked at him again.
“What?”
“C’mon!” he said excitedly and sat on a chair beside me. “Tell me, who’s the girl?”
Now I was getting worried, not sure what he was talking about. Why was he asking that question and why was he so sure that I was dreaming about a girl? I mumbled an um and stood up. He lost his excited expression and stood up with me.
“Not going to tell me? No problem I understand” he beat his chest with one hand “It’s a personal guy thing.” I stared at him.
“What the hell are you talking about?” I said and took a few steps backwards.
That’s when I noticed the feeling, the confined feeling in my groin. Taking a deep breath I slowly looked down and saw a bulge on my pants. I had noticed the slight chaffing feeling as I walked to the kitchen but didn’t pay attention to it.
‘Oh god, oh god! I have a boner, I have a boner and my dad’s seen it and he thinks I’ve been dreaming about a girl! Oh god!’
I squeezed my eyes shut and coward behind the chair. My father laughed and patted my shoulder.
“Hah! It’s alright, it’s alright. It’s a natural thing for boys your age, 15 is a very tender age and lots of new things are going on in your body. Don’t be embarrassed.”
‘Oh god! Oh god! He’s saying it! He’d saying the “talk”! Oh shut up shut up!’
My mind screamed and I ran out of the room and up the stairs. If there was one thing I hated, it was my father trying to have ‘the talk’ with me. Breathing heavily, now in the safety of my room behind the door, I slid down the door and sighed. He had tried to ‘bond’ with me before and tried to be all close, truth being that I didn’t want it.
“Kenshi? Are you alright?” he shouted from downstairs.
“Yes.” I said briskly rising to my feet.
“You haven’t eaten your cereal!”
“It’s….grose….” I whispered “its okay I’ll get something in school.” I shouted down, and then set about putting on my school clothes.
Being one for tidiness I hung everything up in the closet and then (usually) ironed it to be worn that day, but looking at the alarm clock I found it was 7:30 so I had no time. Shivering as I took off my warm pyjamas, the coldness of the room consumed my body. The windows were always open now to keep everything fresh. My mother loved to put the windows wide open and then hang out of them. I looked up thoughtfully as I did up my tie.
‘Come to think of it, my mom was a right Looney.’
I smiled as I thought of her. She was my mother, mine, and no one else’s. Now I have a father who is still grieving and treats me like a child. I sighed and pulled at the tie now tied.
“Kenshi? You ready? I’m driving you to school today.” I heard him call.
“Yeah I’m ready.” I yelled back, pulling my rucksack out from under my bed and running downstairs.
I stared out of the dirty window of my father’s jeep. It was old and smelly but familiar. There was an old cheesy song on the radio, also familiar but very old and annoying; a song about love.
“So what ya going to be doing today?” I heard him say.
I ignored him, not really wanting to listen or pay attention at that moment. I remembered what the psychiatrist had said, about me being very depressed and I would probably be very rebellious in my teens, that I would be ‘disruptive’. My father had asked how this could be prevented and they had replied: ‘It can only be handled, not prevented’. I didn’t think of myself to be bad or even depressed. I often asked myself if I was sad or happy but could never find an answer, I could be happy one day and sad the next. They had said I was ‘moody’. I was the smart but very quiet one of the class that always sat near the back, never causing any trouble, my teachers had told my father how quiet I was and how they worried.
‘For what?’
I wondered. I could feel the car seat vibrating slightly as the car went over the cracks in the road. My father tapped the steering wheel nervously.
“Um…”
“You need to wash the car.” I said, not turning to look at him.
He looked at me rather surprised.
“Oh? But then I would be erasing such good times! No, the car stays filthy I say!”
“You’re nuts.” I mumbled concealing a smile.
He smiled back and whistled along with a kind of western song that was on the radio. I was glad I was getting close to school; I couldn’t take the horrendous music any longer. As we pulled up to the curb just outside of the school entrance, I saw Daroch sitting on the wall just a little in front of the car. He smiled and waved. I didn’t respond only staring and wondering why he looked so excited.
“Well, you have a good day son. I’ll pick you -”
“No, its okay I’ll walk. I want to.” I said and shoved the door open.
“Uh, yeah okay. Have a good day.” He said and reversed, then pulled away and drove off down the street.
Daroch came bounding towards me and placed his hand on my shoulder, smiling at me. I stared at him.
‘Why is he smiling? Why does he smile at me in that way? Why does he always want to touch me?’
So many questions rushing around inside my head, but not one did I dare ask. I felt his grip tighten on my shoulder and he led me away from the road, gently leading me into the building not saying a word. Feeling slightly confused I had to say something.
“D-Daroch?”
“Yup?”
“Where are we going?” he looked at me and laughed.
“To look at the sports results dummy! You said you’d come look remember?”
‘That’s right! He asked me to come and see the results with him, to see if he had the abilities to get into a good basketball team.’
“Oh yeah, I forgot.” He simply smirked and released me from his grip.
Once we had entered the building we walked round to the P.E. dept. and checked the results board. Daroch wasn’t extremely fit but he was wicked at basketball. He looked slightly disappointed.
“Didn’t get in?” I asked generally interested.
“Well no, not into the Landrove Tigers. I got into Hasdave.”
Landrove Tigers were the best team in the whole school, Hasdave being the second best.
“You did well though huh? Second best is just as good I say.” I said as we walked away from the board.
“Too true, but Landrove Tigers are going to Italy this year for a tournament! I would have loved that! Mind you, Hasdave are having a tournament in Canada so I suppose I still get to travel eh?”
One thing about Daroch I loved was the way he spoke. He was well spoken and had a high voice, but not so high as to annoy. Daroch talked all the time, either talking utter gibberish or not talking at all, never seeming to be an in between. I smiled at him gibbering on about basketball and where the teams where going to play, not really listening to the words but to his voice. It made me tingle inside, I wanted to touch his throat and feel it vibrate as he spoke in the soft silky way that he does. I suddenly wanted to touch his face, his lips I wanted to touch and caress them so badly. I blushed, feeling embarrassed about what I wanted to do, it was filthy. I had never thought of myself as being gay, and as far as I knew Daroch wasn’t.
‘Why do I feel like this? Like I’m going to burst if I don’t do something?’
Unable to withstand it any longer, I jumped out in front of Daroch and stopped him. He stopped talking and stared at me innocently.
“Something wrong?” he asked tilting his head slightly.
“I….can I….?”
It felt so wrong, so utterly disgusting that I couldn’t say it. ‘Can I touch your face?’. I felt disgusted. I still out stretched my arm and gently touched his face, the soft tanned skin my fingertips gliding across it. My fingers travelled to his lips, I dragged one finger along the bottom one, the soft pink skin felt so delicate and tender under it.
“Ken-Kenshi….” stuttered Daroch in surprise.
He slowly took my hand from his face and placed it on his chest smiling. His deep amber eyes stared into mine making me shiver in pleasure. His grip on my hand tightened and his face grew soft and warm, a slight pink haze took place on his cheeks.
“I…didn’t know you…felt that way.”
Just when I was about to answer, the bell rang in both my ears and we were shocked from each other’s grasp. Clearing his throat and looking downwards Daroch rushed off past me.
“I’ll seeya later, okay?” he shouted over his shoulder.
I just stared at my hand and muttered and in audible ‘yeah’.
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Hope you liked ^^