(no subject)
So i never post.
UPDATES:
i went to PA to visit friends and family and had a fucking blast. by far my best trip up there yet. i went to the first pre-season steelers game and i almost cried, a few times.. and made lots of good memories with my favorite people in the world. it really is depressing that i am so far away from them all. but nick calls me everyday and it helps. i'm really starting to think that moving back home might be the right decision for me. i haven't made/kept friends in florida and i have lived here since i was 10 or 11.. not friends like i have back home.. with exception of jaimie ashley and britt?? a few others.. i feel like no one really cares here.. maybe it is because lee county is so much bigger than the town i'm from.. people lose tuch easier? i don't know.. the friends that i've lost, i'm not sure what i've done wrong.. and if they don't miss me why was i friends with them? and why do they still matter so much to me? there is much more to it than that but i feel that florida is almost toxic for me... i just don't know how to break it to my father.. he's done everything for me.. i'm left with the question "what do i have here?" the only thing i can come up with is my father.. no one else seems to really care.. no one understands that i'm so focused on graduating that i have little time to hang.. and when i can hang no one wants to.. i feel really lonely and that no one understands.. i've made alot of mistakes in the past 2 years and i feel like i'm haunted by them every day.. and i still hurt so bad.. my brain went hay-wire when kelly died and i'm just now starting to feel ok about her passing now.. i don't feel normal, but i don't feel crazy anymore either.. just really really alone.
wow this post is all over the place..
and no one probaby read the shit..
UPDATES:
i went to PA to visit friends and family and had a fucking blast. by far my best trip up there yet. i went to the first pre-season steelers game and i almost cried, a few times.. and made lots of good memories with my favorite people in the world. it really is depressing that i am so far away from them all. but nick calls me everyday and it helps. i'm really starting to think that moving back home might be the right decision for me. i haven't made/kept friends in florida and i have lived here since i was 10 or 11.. not friends like i have back home.. with exception of jaimie ashley and britt?? a few others.. i feel like no one really cares here.. maybe it is because lee county is so much bigger than the town i'm from.. people lose tuch easier? i don't know.. the friends that i've lost, i'm not sure what i've done wrong.. and if they don't miss me why was i friends with them? and why do they still matter so much to me? there is much more to it than that but i feel that florida is almost toxic for me... i just don't know how to break it to my father.. he's done everything for me.. i'm left with the question "what do i have here?" the only thing i can come up with is my father.. no one else seems to really care.. no one understands that i'm so focused on graduating that i have little time to hang.. and when i can hang no one wants to.. i feel really lonely and that no one understands.. i've made alot of mistakes in the past 2 years and i feel like i'm haunted by them every day.. and i still hurt so bad.. my brain went hay-wire when kelly died and i'm just now starting to feel ok about her passing now.. i don't feel normal, but i don't feel crazy anymore either.. just really really alone.
wow this post is all over the place..
and no one probaby read the shit..