Vampires Do It Better - Chap 16 [End]
Title: Vampires Do It Better
Author:
love_joongie
Pairing: Yunjae, Yoosu, Yoomin, maybe Jaemin in the future.
Genre: Action, Humour, Romance, and random stupid
Plot: Inspired by the novel “Bloodthirsty” by Flynn Meany. Mostly just for the first couple chapters though… You should read it! SUPER FUNNY!
Length: Chaptered
Rating: PG, might go up to 13 later… but who can predict that? Certainly not I!
Warning: Um… Deceit? Naaah.
Summary: “Some Vampires are good. Some are evil. And some are just faking it to get girls.” What Jaejoong didn’t count on was a gay roommate, some kind of vampire half-breed, and a tiny loser he accidentally rescued to ruin everything he had planned for his new year at a new school. ALL HE WANTED WAS A GIRLFRIEND FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!
Disclaimer: I don’t own anything or anyone in this fic… because if I did, neither I nor they would leave my bedroom… except maybe for snacks…
Chapter 16
I have reached a brand new low. To the untrained eye, I looked like a regular run-of-the-mill everyday teenager, maybe slightly buffer than usual, just hanging out in the library reading the latest addition to the Hunger Games, but I wasn’t. The book was a carefully thought-out ruse to hide what I was actually reading. I haven’t even started on the first two books of the trilogy, but this way if anybody asked me what the story was about, I could lie and tell them that I’m too far into it, and the storyline gets way too complicated to explain. Although from the three lines I read before getting to my actual reading, this book looks like it would kick ass with all the blood and gore and death in it. I should actually start reading these. It would probably be a good break from all those frilly vampire books.
What I was actually reading on that cold snowy January morn was a pamphlet I had sneakily acquired from the newly created student counselor’s office that the principal had no choice but to add after the sudden influx of out of the closet gays in our school, me included. So as not to arouse suspicion, I had to pretend to browse through the ‘So Your Parents Are Getting Divorced’ pamphlets before I could get the one I really had my eye on.
It probably didn’t help my cause that I kept suspiciously glancing around to see if anyone I knew was in the library, but this was a bit embarrassing. Nevertheless, I had to acquire this knowledge. I mean, I’m just so goddamn HORNY.
And you can’t blame me. Yunho is my boyfriend. YUNHO. Have you seen him? Or at least imagined him from my many descriptions? He is hawt. I may be new to being homo, but that doesn’t mean I don’t have NEEDS. Needs that happen to increase when incredibly sexy boyfriends are in the same room. And that’s freaking ALL the time, because we LIVE TOGETHER! I’m so passed ‘getting to know each other, and going on dates’ part of our relationship, and I want to sail through into the ‘getting it ON’ part of it. I feel so manly right now, I might just drown in my own testosterone. The only problem is that I don’t exactly know the basics of doing it mano a mano if you catch my drift. I mean, I thought I was straight for sixteen years of my life. And I’m not about to ask my friends. Changmin would probably think I’m hitting on him and start taking off his clothes. There’s no way I’d say anything to Yoochun, because he has returned to his previous self, except instead of chasing loads of girls, he indulges in his newfound obsession with Changmin’s tongue. I shudder at the thought. Junsu’s out of the question, because well… he’s Junsu. Last time I tried to get into a sex oriented conversation with him, he just blushed and giggled like a freak. He’s like the epitome of innocence. And really, Kim Bum and Han Geng would probably be so useless they’re actually nuisances, seeing that any time someone mentions gayness Kim Bum runs away screaming like he’s seen a rabid raccoon with a squirrel carrying dolphin strapped to its back, and Han Geng randomly starts naming famous gay people to show how okay with it he is. Also they’re straight as non-bendable rulers, so they probably have no idea how to get it on with a dude.
And this is why, on our first day back, I was sitting in the library with a ‘So you love boys, eh?’ pamphlet sneakily tucked into the pages of Mockingjay. That was until Soo Mi popped up beside me, and I shut the book on my finger. I may have yelped. “Whatcha’ doooooooin?” She grinned creepily at me, fluttering her insanely long fake-lashes. I felt I might blow away from the wind their flapping made.
“Reeeeadiiiiing.” I drawled in the same annoying tone.
“Whaaaaaaaat?”
“This booooooook.” I showed her the sky blue cover of my pretend book. Actually, it’s a real book, I was just pretending to read it. So it’s more like a spy book.
“Do you liiiiiiiike iiiiit? She giggled.
“Soo Mi, what do you want?” I asked in a normal voice, because all those lengthened vowels were starting to piss me off.
Soo Mi scooted closer to me on the bench we occupied, and leaned in closer to my ear. I twitched away from her sudden proximity. “Oh, sorry.” She mumbled. “I forgot.” My friend covered her neck and I rolled my eyes. Thank God this will all be over soon. “What’s the big announcement you’re making in the auditorium today?” She finally asked.
“Oh, it’s just something I promised I’d do.” I shrugged non-chalantly, hoping Soo Mi would go away so that I could continue my research. “Where are the Su twins?” I asked, reminding her that she could be bugging other people.
“Oh, they’re planning some silly birthday party. They’re going around school handing out invitations.” She shrugged, pulling out her own from her pocket. I stared at the frighteningly pink paper like it was a godsend. “See? It matches my hair.” Awfully enough, it did match her hair.
I felt a bit jealous. I never got invited to people’s parties back in my home town. Not unless the parents forced the kids to invite the entire class, and even then it was sometimes suggested that my attendance was optional. I wished I was invited. “Great.” I forced a smile on my face. Stupid Soo Mi with her matching pink invitations.
“I’m sure you’ll get one too.”Soo Mi patted my arm as if sensing my dilemma. I decided she wasn’t so hateful and annoying. “This party will be off the hook with you guys there!” She grinned. I have no idea what she must think I do at parties. I mean, does she think I come in with a top hat and do magic tricks to amaze everyone or something? Everyone keeps telling me that Yunho and I being there would make the party ‘off the hook’, but we almost never go partying. Only when the soccer team wins do I bother to attend, because my ‘soulmate’ and boyfriend happen to be on the team. “What’s that?” She pointed suspiciously at the paper poking out of my book. Uh-oh.
“Nothing.” I mumbled, hiding the book behind me.
“Let me see.”
“Wait! Soo Mi! NO!” I wrestled her for the book, but she used some weird girl technique on me, and I was left flabbergasted. She twisted my nipples. LIKE WHO THE FUCK TWIST A PERSONS NIPPLES?!?!? She grabbed it, and pulled out the pamphlet her eyes widening at the title. I groaned at the pain in my chest. Dear God, does that girl have a grip on her!
“Why do you have this pamphlet?” She asked me, her eyes bugging out of her skull.
I cleared my throat conspicuously. “Well… Yunho and I… are in a… well, you know.” I mumbled. “In a… relationship… thing…”
“I know THAT.” She rolled her eyes. “But why do you have this? I mean… like…” She lowered her voice, sneaking glances around to make sure no one was paying any attention to us. “Why do you need it? Haven’t you guys been doing it for like a bagillion years?”
Okay, it was time to tell Soo Mi the truth. She’s earned it with her top notch detective skills. Plus, she was the only person I’d directly lied to about being a vampire. “No. We haven’t.”
“WHAT?” She shrieked and I shushed her.
“Look… the announcement today… I’m not a vampire.” I told her.
She gasped indignantly. “What do you mean?”
“Well… I’m not technically a vampire. I just have the vampire attitude.” I nodded, as she stared at me like I was a giant freak. “You could be a vampire too if you wanted.”
“The fuck are you talking about, Jaejoong?” That was the first time I’d ever heard Soo Mi swear. “You told me you were a vampire!”
“Technically… I didn’t.” I grinned sheepishly.
“You said you drink blood!”
“No… I said I didn’t drink at school.” I elaborated. She glared at me angrily. “Look… It was just a stupid idea to get people to like me in the beginning.” I confessed. “In my hometown, everybody hated me and I had no friends.”
“Why? Did you lie to them about being a vampire too?” She snapped. Boy, are girls all this quick?
“No… I’m just not cool.” I shrugged. “So, when I came here, I decided to adopt the vampire attitude.”
Apparently, my admittance of uncoolness softened her up, because she tilted her head curiously. “What’s the vampire attitude, then?”
“To just not give a damn. It’s called the Rhett Butler philosophy, as well.” That made her giggle. “And it works! You can be the stupidest person in the history of idiots, and everyone will still love you.” I exclaimed. “It’s weird.”
Soo Mi thought that over. “So you’re not a vampire?”
“Nope. Just a loser.” I admitted.
“And Yunho’s not your werewolf protector?”
Where the hell do they get these insane ideas? How can Yunho protect me when he’s making out with the floor every other second? I shook my head. “He’s just my boyfriend. Although that’s fairly recent, we’ve only been dating like two weeks.” I shrugged.
“What about Yoochun?” I shrugged apologetically. “And Changmin and Hyun Joong?”
“Not them either.” I lied smoothly.
Soo Mi nodded. “The vampire attitude, huh?” She grinned. “That sounds cool. I’m going to start doing that.” We smirked at each other conspiringly. Then her smile faded. “Wait, you’ve only been dating Yunho two weeks?”
“Yup.” I nodded. “I was in denial for a really long time.”
“And you ALREADY want to sleep with him?!?” She shrieked in disgust. “KIM JAEJOONG! YOU ARE A SLUT!”
I did a major double-take in shock. “EXCUSE ME?!? I am NOT a slut!”
Soo Mi cackled evilly. “Yes you are! You’re a giant slut! A giant horny slut!”
“Shut up! I am not!” I grumbled. “Give me that back.” I reached for the pamphlet, but she held it just out of my reach. “Come on, Soo Mi! Don’t make me tickle you!”
The librarian came over and shushed the living hell out of us. “YOU ARE IN A LIBRARY! BEHAVE!” She shushed accusingly, before storming off muttering about ungrateful illiterates.
Soo Mi smirked wickedly at me. “You know, there are so many better ways than this pamphlet to learn about gay sex.” That peeked my interest in less than two seconds. “You could try the 21st century approach.” I cocked an eyebrow, when she paused for dramatic effect. “Porn.”
“What? Are suggesting I watch gay porn?”
“Well 70% of your memory is visual.” She shrugged.
“You just made that up!” I pouted.
Soo Mi giggled and grabbed my hand. “Come on! Let’s go to the computer room. They don’t even protect that shit here. It’s pretty fragging awesome.” I had no idea what fragging meant, but I pulled my hand away from her. “What?”
“I’m not going to go watch gay porn with you!” I whispered. What is wrong with this girl? “I don’t even want to watch regular porn with you. Are you out of your mind?”
“What’s wrong with it? Guys watch porn together all the time.” She shrugged.
“That’s disgusting.” I grimaced. “Why would they do that?”
“Beats me.” She shrugged. Thank God the bell rang then, and we both had to leave for our classes. Soo Mi is just way too open about these things. I grabbed the pamphlet from her and tucked it back in the book, which I shoved into my bag. She crushed me with a hug in the hallway, since we were going opposite sides. “I’m glad we had this talk, Jaejae.” Great… another nickname. “I like you better as a human.” She winked, and floundered off to her English class. Pff… Jaejae.
I walked down the corridor, humming a Disney song to myself, because they really are ideal for humming. I spotted Yunho’s silhouette near the class, and decided to sneak up behind him and then attack him. But as I tiptoed with catlike stealth towards my boyfriend, the girl he was talking to completely blew my cover by screaming. “HEY! JAEJOONG!”
“Hey, Baby.” Yunho grinned, kissing me on the cheek. I pouted. My epic entrance was completely ruined.
I shot Jin Su a glare for spoiling my hunt, but she beamed at me. “Oh, were you trying to scare Yunho?”
“No, I was practicing my ninja skills.” I grumbled sarcastically. Isn’t she standing a bit too close to Yunho? I’m not seeing things right? Her boobs are practically in his face. I mean they’re so ginormous they’re always in everybody’s face, but you get what I mean. “What are you guys talking about?”
Jin Su smiled. “I was just telling Yunho about the party Min Su and I are throwing this weekend!” She placed her hand on Yunho’s shoulder, like I wasn’t already aware who Yunho was. And I was aware, because he was my BOYFRIEND, and she was TOUCHING him!
“Yeah, it sounds like fun.” Yunho grinned, completely oblivious to Jin Su trying to entice him with her feminine wiles (a.k.a. boobs). “Did you know the Su twins have a mansion?”
Oh, so he’s impressed by money, is he? Jin Su shrugged like being rich wasn’t a big deal. “Yeah, Min Su’s like an economist or something. She has like shares in the stock market and whatever.” Why doesn’t she take her hand off his shoulder? Is it glued there or something? “Anyway, the party’s going to be like totally super ultra epic, you guys. Like people we totally don’t even know are coming, and whatever. But Min Su’s all like ‘Oh my God, we should totally charge for admission’, but I’m all ‘uh… nooooo. Tacky much.’ And she’s all ‘blah, blah, blah, allowance, and money, and I’m so stupid, I don’t even know how to throw a party.’ So we’re not charging admission for anything.” She finished grinning. “Oh and before I forget…” I swear to god, she pulled the frilly pink invitation right out of her cleavage and handed it to Yunho. “Here’s your invitation! OH! Kim Bum! Wait up!” She followed our friend into the class room, waving another boob invitation around.
Yunho held the pink paper gingerly. “Gross.” He grimaced. “It’s probably got boob juice on it.”
I glared at him. “What a bitch! I mean, she could at least have not invited you in front of me if she was planning not to invite me.” I grumbled. I really wanted to go to this birthday party. I love parties with invitations. It makes them seem so classy.
“Jae, this is for the both of us.” He smirked, showing me the invitation. A fancily scripted Yunjae was on the cover. I deadpanned. “See?”
“I’m invited?”
“Yup.” I snatched the invitation from him, and stared greedily at the envelope in my hands. “Wow, you sort of really look like Gollum.”
“Shut up! I’ve never been invited to anything in my life! This is awesome!” I exclaimed, then pouted. “Except for the Yunjae part, that totally sucks.”
“Why?” Yunho muttered. “I mean… they’re going to figure out we’re dating someday.”
I nodded, and handed him the invitation back. “Still, they don’t have to be so in my face about it.” Assholes. I’ll show them who’s Yunjae.
Yunho glared at me, suddenly oversensitive. “What?” I looked up at him in surprise. “You don’t want them to remind you of it?” he growled.
“Not particularly, no.” I mumbled, confused. Why is he mad at me?
“Are you ashamed of it or something?” He snapped.
“Well, duh.” I chuckled, starting to get a little worried about Yunho’s sudden mood swings. Is this like menopause? “Wouldn’t you be?”
“No. I wouldn’t. You’re some piece of work, Jaejoong. I mean… It took me some time to come to terms with who I am, and you just… like what are you doing?” I opened my mouth to answer, but he stopped me with a motion of his hand. “You know what? Forget it! I thought you were serious about this! I thought this meant something to the both of us.” He gave me this heartbroken look, and went into class.
“The fuck?” I muttered and followed him in. “Look, Yunho, I don’t know what you’re talking about.” I stopped at his desk. “Seriously, what’s wrong?”
“Forget it, Jae. It’s my own stupid fault for falling for you.” He growled.
I took my seat next to him. “Come on! What did I say?” He turned and sent me this evilly soul shrivelling glare. Holy crap! Miss Lee walked in then, probably saving me from murder. I don’t understand what’s happening right now. “Yun… Yun…” I whispered to him after class started, but he pointedly ignored me, scribbling notes in his booklet instead. “Yun…” I pouted, when he flipped me off. He wasn’t acting very boyfriend-like.
When class ended, he soared out like a bat out of hell to his next class. “What’s wrong with him?” Kim Bum asked me, helping me pick up the pencils that had rolled off my desk thanks to the gust of wind my boyfriend’s departure had caused. “Did you guys fight or something?”
“I… I don’t know… maybe…” I mumbled. I thanked him for helping me pick up my stuff. “It was like there was this elaborate trap set up for me or something.”
Kim Bum shrugged. “Hey, it’s hard being in a relationship. I’m sure a gay one is just the same. That’s why I’m taking a break for a week.” He nodded. “The only way to solve this is to do something so horrible that what you did before seems insignificant.
Hang Geng, who was walking up behind him, gave him a disbelieving stare. “What the fuck?”
“Dude. You’re relationship advice sucks.” I grumbled, as I got up.
Our friend nodded. “Seriously man, no wonder the Su twins play you like a violin.” He smirked, and we high-fived. “You should just talk to him and sort this out.”
“Yeah. I’ll sort this out… Hey… how do you guys know about us anyway?” I mumbled as we headed down the hallway to math class.
“Soo Mi texted us.” They both shrugged. “She’s kind of really bad at keeping secrets.” I rolled my eyes.
I spent the entity of the next class glaring at the back of Yunho’s head as he blatantly ignored me. If Min Su already knows that Yunho and I are currently involved, then why the hell is she sitting at the corner of his desk like some damn mermaid? When did I become a possessive little bitch? Oh my God… I’m a possessive little bitch. This is so weird. Maybe that’s why Yunho’s mad. I mean… I wasn’t very subtle with my glaring. When did I turn into such a douchebag? Okay, stopping the douchebaggery… now! Wait a minute, who’s that kid? I’ve never seen him before. Did he just… OH NO HE DIDN’T! “Excuse me!” I got up from my chair and stormed to the freshman currently chatting up MY boyfriend. Oh man, I am the epitome of douchebag. “What are you doing?” I glared at the offending hand.
“Um…” The boy stuttered, shrivelling under my glare. “I was just… brushing away an eyelash.”
“Uh-huh… likely story.” I muttered, crossing my arms over my chest. “What are you doing here anyway? Shouldn’t you be playing around in a sandbox or something?” Oh… wow… When did I suddenly turn into a bully? “I’m sorry.” I mumbled. “I don’t know what came over me. I’m usually really nice.” I mumbled.
“Jaejoong, what’s wrong?” Yunho asked, looking up at me all cold and heartless. “Karam is in the soccer team. He was asking me when the season starts.” He explained.
“Oh… Sorry.” I grinned apologetically. “Really… I’m super nice. And anti-bullying and all that.” Karam person nodded. “I sort of thought you were putting the moves on my boyfriend. I guess I’m secretly a possessive douchebag.” That made him laugh, so I figured he didn’t hate me for being a bitch to him.
Yunho did an awkward double take. “Did you just call me your boyfriend?”
I shared an awkward glance with the freshman. “Yes… that’s what you are… right?” Oh no… did we break up without me noticing? But I don’t want to break up! I love Yunho… Oh. My. God. Did I just-?
Yunho got up and grabbed my arm. “Come with me.” He grumbled, and dragged me after him outside of class. We couldn’t just stay in the hallway, so I followed him all the way to our lockers, where he shoved me against one of them. Well, less shoved me than pressed me. “I’m confused.” He admitted.
“Well, so am I, Mr. Yells at his boyfriend for no reason.” I grumbled. “Why did you get mad at me?”
“Because you said you were ashamed of me, YOU ASS!” He yelled. “You blatantly told me that you didn’t want people to know that we’re dating.”
“You idiot.” I smirked. “I’m a vampire. I don’t care if people know I’m gay, and have a boyfriend.”
“You’re not a vampire.” He growled, and I had to laugh. “Stop laughing! This is serious! You got mad, because of ‘Yunjae’ on the invitation. I pretty much HAVE to assume you don’t want to be seen out with me.”
I groaned. “Oh my God. Have a little faith! I was MAD because it said YUNJAE! WE’RE OBVIOUSLY JAEHO!” I shouted. Yunho stared at me for the longest time, and then burst into fits of laughter. “Yeah, yeah, yuk it up.” I grumbled. “I hate you.”
He kept laughing for a good five minutes while I stared deadpanned. “You… hahahahha… because… hihihihi… We’re not Jaeho… hahahha…” He held his aching sides. He straightened up, clearing his throat to try to be serious, but started laughing again. “Jaeho… hahahahahha.”
I glared at him. “You’re a horrible boyfriend.” I informed him, as he tittered. “I’m sort of ashamed of you right now actually.”
He finally straightened up, and leaned towards me. “Sorry, Babe.” He kissed me gently, but I pouted. “See? This is why we can’t be Jaeho. You’re too cute. And so jailbait.” He kissed me again.
“Screw you.” I muttered against his lips, but kissed him back anyway. My hands roped themselves around his waist, as his gripped my shoulders to pull my up and into him. Kissing is so much better when it’s not Yoochun. Yunho’s so much better at it.
“Not to interrupt the sexy time.” Changmin’s irritating voice interrupted our sexy time. “But Jae promised to announce that he’s not a vampire, and the P.A. dude is waiting.” He grinned evilly.
“Is this what you live for?” Yunho grumbled, releasing me.
“Seriously, you’re a jerkwad.” I snapped.
Changmin huffed. “Well, excuuuuuse me for caring about your life and safety! Now, come on! Before, Mr. Choi changes his mind and both of you turn into blood slaves.”
“I thought slaves were illegal.” I muttered following after Changmin.
“Heechul wants to make an exception for you two.” He shrugged, and Yunho and I shuddered in disgust. “And more than a few people are starting to agree with him. You two should seriously not be so hot when you make out.” I kicked him in the butt, sending him flying forward. “HEY! Don’t shoot the messenger!” He growled, coming back to kick me.
Mr. Choi glared at our roughhousing. “Just do the announcement already. I don’t have all day.” He handed me the microphone. “Just press the red button and say what you have to say.”
“Okay.” I shrugged. God did I just want this to be over so I could live a semi-normal high school life. I pushed the red button. “Hey dudes. Kim Jaejoong here. I want to give a shout out to Soo Mi!” I smirked, and Changmin hit the back of my head. “Fine, sorry. So… without further ado: I’m not a vampire. I’ve never been one, probably never will be.” I paused. “Because vampires are fictional characters. You people are weird for believing I was one in the first place, but I still love you all… ish…” I had run out of things to say. Then a thought occurred. “Oh, and Jung Yunho is my boyfriend. The next person who touches him - I’m talking to you Jin Su, you too Karam!- is going to get whooped all the way to the next millennia. My boyfriend, no touchy. Thank you.” I handed Mr. Choi his microphone back. “Thanks.”
“Whatever.” He muttered. “Stupid kids.”
__________-
A/N: So yeah... this is le end... because, i seriously got sick of this fic like ten chapters in. So... I'm sorry if this sucks... I've been kinda down lately anyway, so.. yeah... i hope u like it anyway. Bleeehhhhhhhh
Author:
love_joongie
Pairing: Yunjae, Yoosu, Yoomin, maybe Jaemin in the future.
Genre: Action, Humour, Romance, and random stupid
Plot: Inspired by the novel “Bloodthirsty” by Flynn Meany. Mostly just for the first couple chapters though… You should read it! SUPER FUNNY!
Length: Chaptered
Rating: PG, might go up to 13 later… but who can predict that? Certainly not I!
Warning: Um… Deceit? Naaah.
Summary: “Some Vampires are good. Some are evil. And some are just faking it to get girls.” What Jaejoong didn’t count on was a gay roommate, some kind of vampire half-breed, and a tiny loser he accidentally rescued to ruin everything he had planned for his new year at a new school. ALL HE WANTED WAS A GIRLFRIEND FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!
Disclaimer: I don’t own anything or anyone in this fic… because if I did, neither I nor they would leave my bedroom… except maybe for snacks…
Chapter 16
I have reached a brand new low. To the untrained eye, I looked like a regular run-of-the-mill everyday teenager, maybe slightly buffer than usual, just hanging out in the library reading the latest addition to the Hunger Games, but I wasn’t. The book was a carefully thought-out ruse to hide what I was actually reading. I haven’t even started on the first two books of the trilogy, but this way if anybody asked me what the story was about, I could lie and tell them that I’m too far into it, and the storyline gets way too complicated to explain. Although from the three lines I read before getting to my actual reading, this book looks like it would kick ass with all the blood and gore and death in it. I should actually start reading these. It would probably be a good break from all those frilly vampire books.
What I was actually reading on that cold snowy January morn was a pamphlet I had sneakily acquired from the newly created student counselor’s office that the principal had no choice but to add after the sudden influx of out of the closet gays in our school, me included. So as not to arouse suspicion, I had to pretend to browse through the ‘So Your Parents Are Getting Divorced’ pamphlets before I could get the one I really had my eye on.
It probably didn’t help my cause that I kept suspiciously glancing around to see if anyone I knew was in the library, but this was a bit embarrassing. Nevertheless, I had to acquire this knowledge. I mean, I’m just so goddamn HORNY.
And you can’t blame me. Yunho is my boyfriend. YUNHO. Have you seen him? Or at least imagined him from my many descriptions? He is hawt. I may be new to being homo, but that doesn’t mean I don’t have NEEDS. Needs that happen to increase when incredibly sexy boyfriends are in the same room. And that’s freaking ALL the time, because we LIVE TOGETHER! I’m so passed ‘getting to know each other, and going on dates’ part of our relationship, and I want to sail through into the ‘getting it ON’ part of it. I feel so manly right now, I might just drown in my own testosterone. The only problem is that I don’t exactly know the basics of doing it mano a mano if you catch my drift. I mean, I thought I was straight for sixteen years of my life. And I’m not about to ask my friends. Changmin would probably think I’m hitting on him and start taking off his clothes. There’s no way I’d say anything to Yoochun, because he has returned to his previous self, except instead of chasing loads of girls, he indulges in his newfound obsession with Changmin’s tongue. I shudder at the thought. Junsu’s out of the question, because well… he’s Junsu. Last time I tried to get into a sex oriented conversation with him, he just blushed and giggled like a freak. He’s like the epitome of innocence. And really, Kim Bum and Han Geng would probably be so useless they’re actually nuisances, seeing that any time someone mentions gayness Kim Bum runs away screaming like he’s seen a rabid raccoon with a squirrel carrying dolphin strapped to its back, and Han Geng randomly starts naming famous gay people to show how okay with it he is. Also they’re straight as non-bendable rulers, so they probably have no idea how to get it on with a dude.
And this is why, on our first day back, I was sitting in the library with a ‘So you love boys, eh?’ pamphlet sneakily tucked into the pages of Mockingjay. That was until Soo Mi popped up beside me, and I shut the book on my finger. I may have yelped. “Whatcha’ doooooooin?” She grinned creepily at me, fluttering her insanely long fake-lashes. I felt I might blow away from the wind their flapping made.
“Reeeeadiiiiing.” I drawled in the same annoying tone.
“Whaaaaaaaat?”
“This booooooook.” I showed her the sky blue cover of my pretend book. Actually, it’s a real book, I was just pretending to read it. So it’s more like a spy book.
“Do you liiiiiiiike iiiiit? She giggled.
“Soo Mi, what do you want?” I asked in a normal voice, because all those lengthened vowels were starting to piss me off.
Soo Mi scooted closer to me on the bench we occupied, and leaned in closer to my ear. I twitched away from her sudden proximity. “Oh, sorry.” She mumbled. “I forgot.” My friend covered her neck and I rolled my eyes. Thank God this will all be over soon. “What’s the big announcement you’re making in the auditorium today?” She finally asked.
“Oh, it’s just something I promised I’d do.” I shrugged non-chalantly, hoping Soo Mi would go away so that I could continue my research. “Where are the Su twins?” I asked, reminding her that she could be bugging other people.
“Oh, they’re planning some silly birthday party. They’re going around school handing out invitations.” She shrugged, pulling out her own from her pocket. I stared at the frighteningly pink paper like it was a godsend. “See? It matches my hair.” Awfully enough, it did match her hair.
I felt a bit jealous. I never got invited to people’s parties back in my home town. Not unless the parents forced the kids to invite the entire class, and even then it was sometimes suggested that my attendance was optional. I wished I was invited. “Great.” I forced a smile on my face. Stupid Soo Mi with her matching pink invitations.
“I’m sure you’ll get one too.”Soo Mi patted my arm as if sensing my dilemma. I decided she wasn’t so hateful and annoying. “This party will be off the hook with you guys there!” She grinned. I have no idea what she must think I do at parties. I mean, does she think I come in with a top hat and do magic tricks to amaze everyone or something? Everyone keeps telling me that Yunho and I being there would make the party ‘off the hook’, but we almost never go partying. Only when the soccer team wins do I bother to attend, because my ‘soulmate’ and boyfriend happen to be on the team. “What’s that?” She pointed suspiciously at the paper poking out of my book. Uh-oh.
“Nothing.” I mumbled, hiding the book behind me.
“Let me see.”
“Wait! Soo Mi! NO!” I wrestled her for the book, but she used some weird girl technique on me, and I was left flabbergasted. She twisted my nipples. LIKE WHO THE FUCK TWIST A PERSONS NIPPLES?!?!? She grabbed it, and pulled out the pamphlet her eyes widening at the title. I groaned at the pain in my chest. Dear God, does that girl have a grip on her!
“Why do you have this pamphlet?” She asked me, her eyes bugging out of her skull.
I cleared my throat conspicuously. “Well… Yunho and I… are in a… well, you know.” I mumbled. “In a… relationship… thing…”
“I know THAT.” She rolled her eyes. “But why do you have this? I mean… like…” She lowered her voice, sneaking glances around to make sure no one was paying any attention to us. “Why do you need it? Haven’t you guys been doing it for like a bagillion years?”
Okay, it was time to tell Soo Mi the truth. She’s earned it with her top notch detective skills. Plus, she was the only person I’d directly lied to about being a vampire. “No. We haven’t.”
“WHAT?” She shrieked and I shushed her.
“Look… the announcement today… I’m not a vampire.” I told her.
She gasped indignantly. “What do you mean?”
“Well… I’m not technically a vampire. I just have the vampire attitude.” I nodded, as she stared at me like I was a giant freak. “You could be a vampire too if you wanted.”
“The fuck are you talking about, Jaejoong?” That was the first time I’d ever heard Soo Mi swear. “You told me you were a vampire!”
“Technically… I didn’t.” I grinned sheepishly.
“You said you drink blood!”
“No… I said I didn’t drink at school.” I elaborated. She glared at me angrily. “Look… It was just a stupid idea to get people to like me in the beginning.” I confessed. “In my hometown, everybody hated me and I had no friends.”
“Why? Did you lie to them about being a vampire too?” She snapped. Boy, are girls all this quick?
“No… I’m just not cool.” I shrugged. “So, when I came here, I decided to adopt the vampire attitude.”
Apparently, my admittance of uncoolness softened her up, because she tilted her head curiously. “What’s the vampire attitude, then?”
“To just not give a damn. It’s called the Rhett Butler philosophy, as well.” That made her giggle. “And it works! You can be the stupidest person in the history of idiots, and everyone will still love you.” I exclaimed. “It’s weird.”
Soo Mi thought that over. “So you’re not a vampire?”
“Nope. Just a loser.” I admitted.
“And Yunho’s not your werewolf protector?”
Where the hell do they get these insane ideas? How can Yunho protect me when he’s making out with the floor every other second? I shook my head. “He’s just my boyfriend. Although that’s fairly recent, we’ve only been dating like two weeks.” I shrugged.
“What about Yoochun?” I shrugged apologetically. “And Changmin and Hyun Joong?”
“Not them either.” I lied smoothly.
Soo Mi nodded. “The vampire attitude, huh?” She grinned. “That sounds cool. I’m going to start doing that.” We smirked at each other conspiringly. Then her smile faded. “Wait, you’ve only been dating Yunho two weeks?”
“Yup.” I nodded. “I was in denial for a really long time.”
“And you ALREADY want to sleep with him?!?” She shrieked in disgust. “KIM JAEJOONG! YOU ARE A SLUT!”
I did a major double-take in shock. “EXCUSE ME?!? I am NOT a slut!”
Soo Mi cackled evilly. “Yes you are! You’re a giant slut! A giant horny slut!”
“Shut up! I am not!” I grumbled. “Give me that back.” I reached for the pamphlet, but she held it just out of my reach. “Come on, Soo Mi! Don’t make me tickle you!”
The librarian came over and shushed the living hell out of us. “YOU ARE IN A LIBRARY! BEHAVE!” She shushed accusingly, before storming off muttering about ungrateful illiterates.
Soo Mi smirked wickedly at me. “You know, there are so many better ways than this pamphlet to learn about gay sex.” That peeked my interest in less than two seconds. “You could try the 21st century approach.” I cocked an eyebrow, when she paused for dramatic effect. “Porn.”
“What? Are suggesting I watch gay porn?”
“Well 70% of your memory is visual.” She shrugged.
“You just made that up!” I pouted.
Soo Mi giggled and grabbed my hand. “Come on! Let’s go to the computer room. They don’t even protect that shit here. It’s pretty fragging awesome.” I had no idea what fragging meant, but I pulled my hand away from her. “What?”
“I’m not going to go watch gay porn with you!” I whispered. What is wrong with this girl? “I don’t even want to watch regular porn with you. Are you out of your mind?”
“What’s wrong with it? Guys watch porn together all the time.” She shrugged.
“That’s disgusting.” I grimaced. “Why would they do that?”
“Beats me.” She shrugged. Thank God the bell rang then, and we both had to leave for our classes. Soo Mi is just way too open about these things. I grabbed the pamphlet from her and tucked it back in the book, which I shoved into my bag. She crushed me with a hug in the hallway, since we were going opposite sides. “I’m glad we had this talk, Jaejae.” Great… another nickname. “I like you better as a human.” She winked, and floundered off to her English class. Pff… Jaejae.
I walked down the corridor, humming a Disney song to myself, because they really are ideal for humming. I spotted Yunho’s silhouette near the class, and decided to sneak up behind him and then attack him. But as I tiptoed with catlike stealth towards my boyfriend, the girl he was talking to completely blew my cover by screaming. “HEY! JAEJOONG!”
“Hey, Baby.” Yunho grinned, kissing me on the cheek. I pouted. My epic entrance was completely ruined.
I shot Jin Su a glare for spoiling my hunt, but she beamed at me. “Oh, were you trying to scare Yunho?”
“No, I was practicing my ninja skills.” I grumbled sarcastically. Isn’t she standing a bit too close to Yunho? I’m not seeing things right? Her boobs are practically in his face. I mean they’re so ginormous they’re always in everybody’s face, but you get what I mean. “What are you guys talking about?”
Jin Su smiled. “I was just telling Yunho about the party Min Su and I are throwing this weekend!” She placed her hand on Yunho’s shoulder, like I wasn’t already aware who Yunho was. And I was aware, because he was my BOYFRIEND, and she was TOUCHING him!
“Yeah, it sounds like fun.” Yunho grinned, completely oblivious to Jin Su trying to entice him with her feminine wiles (a.k.a. boobs). “Did you know the Su twins have a mansion?”
Oh, so he’s impressed by money, is he? Jin Su shrugged like being rich wasn’t a big deal. “Yeah, Min Su’s like an economist or something. She has like shares in the stock market and whatever.” Why doesn’t she take her hand off his shoulder? Is it glued there or something? “Anyway, the party’s going to be like totally super ultra epic, you guys. Like people we totally don’t even know are coming, and whatever. But Min Su’s all like ‘Oh my God, we should totally charge for admission’, but I’m all ‘uh… nooooo. Tacky much.’ And she’s all ‘blah, blah, blah, allowance, and money, and I’m so stupid, I don’t even know how to throw a party.’ So we’re not charging admission for anything.” She finished grinning. “Oh and before I forget…” I swear to god, she pulled the frilly pink invitation right out of her cleavage and handed it to Yunho. “Here’s your invitation! OH! Kim Bum! Wait up!” She followed our friend into the class room, waving another boob invitation around.
Yunho held the pink paper gingerly. “Gross.” He grimaced. “It’s probably got boob juice on it.”
I glared at him. “What a bitch! I mean, she could at least have not invited you in front of me if she was planning not to invite me.” I grumbled. I really wanted to go to this birthday party. I love parties with invitations. It makes them seem so classy.
“Jae, this is for the both of us.” He smirked, showing me the invitation. A fancily scripted Yunjae was on the cover. I deadpanned. “See?”
“I’m invited?”
“Yup.” I snatched the invitation from him, and stared greedily at the envelope in my hands. “Wow, you sort of really look like Gollum.”
“Shut up! I’ve never been invited to anything in my life! This is awesome!” I exclaimed, then pouted. “Except for the Yunjae part, that totally sucks.”
“Why?” Yunho muttered. “I mean… they’re going to figure out we’re dating someday.”
I nodded, and handed him the invitation back. “Still, they don’t have to be so in my face about it.” Assholes. I’ll show them who’s Yunjae.
Yunho glared at me, suddenly oversensitive. “What?” I looked up at him in surprise. “You don’t want them to remind you of it?” he growled.
“Not particularly, no.” I mumbled, confused. Why is he mad at me?
“Are you ashamed of it or something?” He snapped.
“Well, duh.” I chuckled, starting to get a little worried about Yunho’s sudden mood swings. Is this like menopause? “Wouldn’t you be?”
“No. I wouldn’t. You’re some piece of work, Jaejoong. I mean… It took me some time to come to terms with who I am, and you just… like what are you doing?” I opened my mouth to answer, but he stopped me with a motion of his hand. “You know what? Forget it! I thought you were serious about this! I thought this meant something to the both of us.” He gave me this heartbroken look, and went into class.
“The fuck?” I muttered and followed him in. “Look, Yunho, I don’t know what you’re talking about.” I stopped at his desk. “Seriously, what’s wrong?”
“Forget it, Jae. It’s my own stupid fault for falling for you.” He growled.
I took my seat next to him. “Come on! What did I say?” He turned and sent me this evilly soul shrivelling glare. Holy crap! Miss Lee walked in then, probably saving me from murder. I don’t understand what’s happening right now. “Yun… Yun…” I whispered to him after class started, but he pointedly ignored me, scribbling notes in his booklet instead. “Yun…” I pouted, when he flipped me off. He wasn’t acting very boyfriend-like.
When class ended, he soared out like a bat out of hell to his next class. “What’s wrong with him?” Kim Bum asked me, helping me pick up the pencils that had rolled off my desk thanks to the gust of wind my boyfriend’s departure had caused. “Did you guys fight or something?”
“I… I don’t know… maybe…” I mumbled. I thanked him for helping me pick up my stuff. “It was like there was this elaborate trap set up for me or something.”
Kim Bum shrugged. “Hey, it’s hard being in a relationship. I’m sure a gay one is just the same. That’s why I’m taking a break for a week.” He nodded. “The only way to solve this is to do something so horrible that what you did before seems insignificant.
Hang Geng, who was walking up behind him, gave him a disbelieving stare. “What the fuck?”
“Dude. You’re relationship advice sucks.” I grumbled, as I got up.
Our friend nodded. “Seriously man, no wonder the Su twins play you like a violin.” He smirked, and we high-fived. “You should just talk to him and sort this out.”
“Yeah. I’ll sort this out… Hey… how do you guys know about us anyway?” I mumbled as we headed down the hallway to math class.
“Soo Mi texted us.” They both shrugged. “She’s kind of really bad at keeping secrets.” I rolled my eyes.
I spent the entity of the next class glaring at the back of Yunho’s head as he blatantly ignored me. If Min Su already knows that Yunho and I are currently involved, then why the hell is she sitting at the corner of his desk like some damn mermaid? When did I become a possessive little bitch? Oh my God… I’m a possessive little bitch. This is so weird. Maybe that’s why Yunho’s mad. I mean… I wasn’t very subtle with my glaring. When did I turn into such a douchebag? Okay, stopping the douchebaggery… now! Wait a minute, who’s that kid? I’ve never seen him before. Did he just… OH NO HE DIDN’T! “Excuse me!” I got up from my chair and stormed to the freshman currently chatting up MY boyfriend. Oh man, I am the epitome of douchebag. “What are you doing?” I glared at the offending hand.
“Um…” The boy stuttered, shrivelling under my glare. “I was just… brushing away an eyelash.”
“Uh-huh… likely story.” I muttered, crossing my arms over my chest. “What are you doing here anyway? Shouldn’t you be playing around in a sandbox or something?” Oh… wow… When did I suddenly turn into a bully? “I’m sorry.” I mumbled. “I don’t know what came over me. I’m usually really nice.” I mumbled.
“Jaejoong, what’s wrong?” Yunho asked, looking up at me all cold and heartless. “Karam is in the soccer team. He was asking me when the season starts.” He explained.
“Oh… Sorry.” I grinned apologetically. “Really… I’m super nice. And anti-bullying and all that.” Karam person nodded. “I sort of thought you were putting the moves on my boyfriend. I guess I’m secretly a possessive douchebag.” That made him laugh, so I figured he didn’t hate me for being a bitch to him.
Yunho did an awkward double take. “Did you just call me your boyfriend?”
I shared an awkward glance with the freshman. “Yes… that’s what you are… right?” Oh no… did we break up without me noticing? But I don’t want to break up! I love Yunho… Oh. My. God. Did I just-?
Yunho got up and grabbed my arm. “Come with me.” He grumbled, and dragged me after him outside of class. We couldn’t just stay in the hallway, so I followed him all the way to our lockers, where he shoved me against one of them. Well, less shoved me than pressed me. “I’m confused.” He admitted.
“Well, so am I, Mr. Yells at his boyfriend for no reason.” I grumbled. “Why did you get mad at me?”
“Because you said you were ashamed of me, YOU ASS!” He yelled. “You blatantly told me that you didn’t want people to know that we’re dating.”
“You idiot.” I smirked. “I’m a vampire. I don’t care if people know I’m gay, and have a boyfriend.”
“You’re not a vampire.” He growled, and I had to laugh. “Stop laughing! This is serious! You got mad, because of ‘Yunjae’ on the invitation. I pretty much HAVE to assume you don’t want to be seen out with me.”
I groaned. “Oh my God. Have a little faith! I was MAD because it said YUNJAE! WE’RE OBVIOUSLY JAEHO!” I shouted. Yunho stared at me for the longest time, and then burst into fits of laughter. “Yeah, yeah, yuk it up.” I grumbled. “I hate you.”
He kept laughing for a good five minutes while I stared deadpanned. “You… hahahahha… because… hihihihi… We’re not Jaeho… hahahha…” He held his aching sides. He straightened up, clearing his throat to try to be serious, but started laughing again. “Jaeho… hahahahahha.”
I glared at him. “You’re a horrible boyfriend.” I informed him, as he tittered. “I’m sort of ashamed of you right now actually.”
He finally straightened up, and leaned towards me. “Sorry, Babe.” He kissed me gently, but I pouted. “See? This is why we can’t be Jaeho. You’re too cute. And so jailbait.” He kissed me again.
“Screw you.” I muttered against his lips, but kissed him back anyway. My hands roped themselves around his waist, as his gripped my shoulders to pull my up and into him. Kissing is so much better when it’s not Yoochun. Yunho’s so much better at it.
“Not to interrupt the sexy time.” Changmin’s irritating voice interrupted our sexy time. “But Jae promised to announce that he’s not a vampire, and the P.A. dude is waiting.” He grinned evilly.
“Is this what you live for?” Yunho grumbled, releasing me.
“Seriously, you’re a jerkwad.” I snapped.
Changmin huffed. “Well, excuuuuuse me for caring about your life and safety! Now, come on! Before, Mr. Choi changes his mind and both of you turn into blood slaves.”
“I thought slaves were illegal.” I muttered following after Changmin.
“Heechul wants to make an exception for you two.” He shrugged, and Yunho and I shuddered in disgust. “And more than a few people are starting to agree with him. You two should seriously not be so hot when you make out.” I kicked him in the butt, sending him flying forward. “HEY! Don’t shoot the messenger!” He growled, coming back to kick me.
Mr. Choi glared at our roughhousing. “Just do the announcement already. I don’t have all day.” He handed me the microphone. “Just press the red button and say what you have to say.”
“Okay.” I shrugged. God did I just want this to be over so I could live a semi-normal high school life. I pushed the red button. “Hey dudes. Kim Jaejoong here. I want to give a shout out to Soo Mi!” I smirked, and Changmin hit the back of my head. “Fine, sorry. So… without further ado: I’m not a vampire. I’ve never been one, probably never will be.” I paused. “Because vampires are fictional characters. You people are weird for believing I was one in the first place, but I still love you all… ish…” I had run out of things to say. Then a thought occurred. “Oh, and Jung Yunho is my boyfriend. The next person who touches him - I’m talking to you Jin Su, you too Karam!- is going to get whooped all the way to the next millennia. My boyfriend, no touchy. Thank you.” I handed Mr. Choi his microphone back. “Thanks.”
“Whatever.” He muttered. “Stupid kids.”
__________-
A/N: So yeah... this is le end... because, i seriously got sick of this fic like ten chapters in. So... I'm sorry if this sucks... I've been kinda down lately anyway, so.. yeah... i hope u like it anyway. Bleeehhhhhhhh