Not So Super
Chapter 2
His kisses were careful, reverent. He kissed me like I was something breakable, delicate and precious. He didn’t want to hurt me, or dirty me. His lips pressed gently and repeatedly against mine, never asking for more or going further, unless I pushed for it, and even then it was just a soft shove against my lips. He treated me like a polished and frail jewel…
And it pissed me off.
I was already shirtless and hot for him for crying out loud! The least he could do is jump my bones! I grabbed the collar of his shirt and pulled him closer to me, hoping that would give him the hint, but all that did was make him give me his soft precious kisses a bit higher up on the bed. This is not what I meant by ‘Do you want to come up to my room and make out?’ at all! This is so boring.
“Siwon, stop.” I sighed and pushed him off me.
“What’s wrong? Did I go to hard? I knew I should’ve-”
“No, you didn’t push too hard.” I rolled my eyes, holding back a laugh. I suddenly had the urge for a cigarette. I wondered if I should go ahead and hurt his feelings or be tactful. Which would get rid of him faster? Eh, tact is overrated. “Siwon you bore me.”
“What?” He asked, his eyes widening in surprise.
“I said I’m BORED.” I groaned. “I didn’t call you over for your girly kisses. I called you over, because I wanted to get LAID.”
“I… I’m sorry. I can-”
“Don’t bother.” I sighed, leaning my head back on the bed. This is all that stupid Yunho’s fault. I wasn’t expecting him to suddenly turn into a fucking hot boy toy in a spur of the moment hotness streak. God, is he hot. He just got me itching in all the right places. I can’t hire him. I won’t be able to work! Oh, but I WANT to hire him. I groaned. Decisions, decisions. I noticed my lobby receptionist was still staring blankly at me. “You can leave now.” Siwon is such a waste of hotness. I bet Yunho wouldn’t be so useless in bed. I should stop thinking about him. Siwon ran out of the room, closing the door gently behind him.
It’s not like he doesn’t have the credentials. He got through university as a scholarship student. And he’s more than experienced enough in advertisement and publishing. And he has the sexiest abs! Oh God. And to think I was just going to take the indoor path to the parking lot and not go all the way around. His body was so damn hot! It was just like rows upon rows of sexy gleaming muscles, and hotness. Mm… I pressed my hand to my stomach, imagining Yunho’s sexy ass abs. I trailed it down into my pants, past the waistband of my boxers. If Siwon isn’t going to help me out, I might as well help myself.
“JAEJOONG!” The door to my room slammed open, letting in my idiotic best friend. I pulled my hand out of my pants before he would notice. “Did you just let that hot boy leave without screwing you?”
“Yoochun, remember that conversation we had about knocking? Yeah, that would apply in these situations.” I squinted evilly at him, pushing myself off the bed without breaking eye-contact.
“That only applies if you bring a guy in here, or if you’re jerking off.” He huffed. I raised a ‘DUH!’ eyebrow at him. “Oh… Well how the hell was I supposed to know you were helping yourself? Next time put a note on the door or something.”
“You want me to stop, get up, write a note and stick it on the door?” I pulled the cigarette box out of my coat pocket. Yoochun nodded like it should be common courtesy to do that. Why do I surround myself with freaks? “Seriously?” I put a cigarette to my lips.
“I’m sorry if I like my things organized.” Yoochun huffed, crossing his arms over his chest. “What are you doing?” He stared at me as I lit the cigarette.
“What?”
“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!” Yoochun hurled himself onto me, pushing me to the floor, and pulled the roll of tobacco out of my hand and crushed it between his fingers. “NO SMOKING IN THE HOUSE!”
“Get off me, you neat freak!” I punched him in the face. Twice for good measure.
My stupid minion pushed himself off me, glaring like I was the reason he was such a crazy tard-ass. “I’m not a neat freak. I just don’t like my house smelling like charred farts!”
“I believe it’s MY house!” I scowled unhappily. “I’ve just had a whole day of interviews, which ended with the hottest guy this side of the universe. I’m tired, I’m horny, and the only doable guy I could find on my way here knows nothing about pleasing people!” I shouted at him. “I think I deserve to have a cigarette in my own DAMN house!”
“Technically it’s an apartment.” I threw a shoe at him, which he promptly avoided. “Stop being a whiner. You can go smoke on the roof.”
“It’s all your fault I’m a whiner. If you had convinced me not to go to work today I wouldn’t have seen the hottest man alive, and I wouldn’t have to ease all my horniness with a cigarette.” I told him, widening my eyes pitifully at him.
“Don’t blame me for your libido. No smoking in the house.” He looked down at my lying body on the floor. I tried to make myself more adorable, but I guess I’ve played that card way too many times with him, he just ignored me.
Oh, IDEA! “Do you want to play with me?” I fluttered my eyelashes at my roommate, sliding my hand down my body. “Take care of my libido?”
He blinked, bored. “You can’t do that anymore. I have a boyfriend now.”
“But Chuuuuuuuuuuuun….” I pouted at him. “I wanna smoke in the house.”
“On. The. Roof.” He glared me down.
I groaned. “Fiiiine. Ass monkey.” I grabbed my sweater of the floor and pulled it on, still lying there.
“And while you’re up there, try to think up your next dastardly plan.” Yoochun said over his shoulder as he left my room. “The fountain was beyond mediocre.”
“You know it would be nice if YOU came up with something every once in a while!” I shouted after him, but he probably ignored me. What’s the point of having a minion if he’s just going to be useless all the time? I groaned, and pushed myself off the floor, taking my cigarettes and lighter with me.
Stupid Jung Yunho. This is entirely his fault. I was going to quit smoking and everything, and now because of his insane hotness, I’m going out on a damn roof, in freaking January just to smoke a stupid cigarette. I slipped my coat on and went up the stairs to the roof. How dare he randomly take his shirt off in an alley? Who on earth tans at nine o’clock at night?!? And why the hell is he so damn ripped? Walking around with his stupid pretty face and those stupid rock hard, drool inducing abs, and that yummy little mole just above his lips. If I hire him, I’ll make a rule that he has to be shirtless all the time. Or to be that HOMYGAWD hot boy toy. ‘There are things in life you really don’t want to miss out on.’ Just MOAN. I sighed, shaking my head. How can anybody that hot exist? It must be against some law of physics.
“Spider-man, I’m NOT going to do that!” An oddly familiar voice echoed down the staircase.
“Oh, come on! You can get over your gay for one night, can’t you?” Another voice shouted.
“Shut up and eat your hot dog. I’m not going anywhere near your girlfriend. I can’t believe you’d even suggest that, man! It’s not right!” The voice seemed offended. What the hell? I went up the stairs faster, and pushed open the creaky metal door. It opened to two men in tight uniforms sitting on the ledge of my roof, eating. “Just adopt a kid and stop bugging me.”
I squinted at them wondering how the hell they’d gotten on my roof, when I recognized U-know’s sexy black and red power ranger type suit, with a long red cape. His suit framed all his muscles so well. Great, now I have two hotties to deal with. Oh wait, what was that theory I had this morning? Whatever, I’ll think about that later. I have to shoo those two off my roof. “Excuse me?”
They both jumped up from where they were sitting. U-know yelped, and actually fell off the roof, and I almost shot off to save him, but he just floated up and landed gingerly on the roof, grinning cockily. Stupid superheroes and their stupid superpowers. The other guy shook his head, and I thought he rolled his eyes, but he had a full face mask on so I was probably just imagining things. “Show off.” He huffed. “Howdy.” Mr. Blue and Red waved at me, still sitting on the edge of my roof. He pulled his mask up to his nose, and took a big bite out of his hotdog. “Can we help you?”
“Damn, my hot dog’s gone.” U-know pouted unhappily looking down, and I just thought he looked so much like a glasses-less Yunho. Oh, right, THAT was my theory this morning. Yunho totally distracted me with his abs. I bet that was his plan all along, confuse me with his hotness so I would forget that he might secretly be my nemesis.
“What are you two doing on my roof?” I asked the tight-suited weirdos.
Yunho/U-know looked up from mourning his hotdog at me, and his pretty eyes widened. “Kim Jaejoong-ssi?” He squeaked. Awwww, so cute.
“Do I know you?” Hihihihi, I have such awesome acting skills.
U-know blinked adorably and shook his pretty little head. “I don’t think so, but everybody knows you.” He smiled politely, pointing up at the huge billboard with my face on it. You might think it’s tacky to advertise yourself on your own roof, but it saves A LOT of money. Money better used trying to TAKE OVER THE WORLD! MOUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I’ve been watching way too many mouse-centered cartoons lately. “You own half the city.” He shrugged, looking away from me.
“Hey, dude, dude.” Mr. Blue and Red got up and nudged U-know’s stomach with his elbow. “Isn’t that the hot dude in the-”
U-know grabbed the man’s face, covering his mouth with his hand. “Yes, so I’m sorry we’re bothering you, Mr. Kim. We were just investigating. Mr. Evil was here this morning, and we were just looking around for clues.”
Mr. Evil? Oh man, THAT’s what they’re calling me? God, are all superheroes so unoriginal? “Mr. Evil?” I growled unhappily. I should’ve zapped his powers out and let him fall off the building when I had the chance.
“Yeah, he doesn’t have an official name or anything, but my bro… uh… sidekick thought it up.” He rolled his eyes. “It’s kind of unoriginal.” Huh.
“Mmmmm….” Red and Blue mumbled unhappily, his words muffled by U-know’s hand.
“EW!” He pulled his hand away quickly, wiping it on his tights. “Gross, Spiderman! Why did you lick my hand?” Spiderman?!? Like THE Spiderman?
“Dude! You were crushing my jaw.” The man held his exposed chin, pouting unhappily. “Can’t you control your strength?”
“Sorry.” He mumbled apologetically.
“Okay, hellooo!” I waved at the two ‘superheroes’ taking up my smoking time. “I know what you’re doing must be terribly important and life-saving and all that, but…” Wow, U-know’s uniform really does frame his muscles. Just look at those abs… Yum. “This is private property, and you kind of need permission to be here.” All though I really wouldn’t mind giving YOU permission, I added in my head, snickering.
“Right, we know that.” Spiderman nodded. “But this is a matter of national security.”
“Yeah.” U-know nodded in agreement. “And we’d like to know if you noticed anything strange on your roof this morning? Maybe you saw someone come up here?” He prompted.
Awww… “No, there was nothing strange this morning. You should really ask permission before coming here.” I told him.
U-know blinked in confusion and bit his lower lip. AWWWWWW, he’s so cute. I just want to huggle him to death. “Yes, but… You’ll definitely give me permission right?” He smirked hotly.
Great. Now, he’s a hot boy toy, too. Next thing you know, he’ll take his shirt off and start tanning. U-know is definitely Yunho, I’m sure of it. Oh IDEA! It’s mole checking time. And not his special mole, hahaha, I still can’t believe I was right about that one. I should see if Yunho has a special mole, hehehe. “And why would I do that?” I seductively raised an eyebrow at him, and walked a step closer.
“I don’t know, you tell me.” He grinned wolfishly stepping nearer to me. Moooannn. He’s so hot.
“Ew, okay, I’m going to pretend my girlfriend called me, and leave.” THE Spiderman shook his head disappointedly.
“I thought you were okay with it.” U-know pouted adorably. SO cute.
“I am, stupid, but that doesn’t mean I’m just going to hang around here, while you get all alter-ego on people. No thank you.” He bended down two of his fingers, and white filmy crap came out his wrists and hit the building next door. Ok, gross. Spiders are just nasty. “See you around, man.” He grabbed the… web I guess, ew, and swung down, moving from web to web, away from my apartment. I shuddered in disgust.
“I’m sorry about that.” U-know rolled his eyes. “He’s PMSing or something.” Without him noticing, I had sneaked up close enough to grab his collar and yank it down. It was pretty dark out so I had to squint at his upper lip. “Uh… hi?” He blinked, surprised at having my face less than an inch from his. DAMN! There’s no mole! I was so sure it was Yunho. “What are you looking at?”
I looked up at him, and batted my eyelashes. “You.” I smiled brightly. I raked my eyes up and down his body. He must be Yunho’s clone or something. Damn, is he hot! I just want to push him on the huge version of my face and scream at him to take me. I can’t do that, he’s a potential employee, you don’t sleep with… oh wait a minute. He’s NOT Yunho… which means that I can have as much sex with him as I want. Why didn’t I think of this sooner?
Because U-know is supposed to be the superhero to your super villain, idiot. Yoochun’s voice screamed in my head. Stupid logic.
“You’re standing very close to me.” Yunho whispered, like someone was going to hear him.
“I am aren’t I?” I smirked, leaning closer. “Does it bother you?” I felt my grin widen when his breath caught. Screw Yoochun and his ‘logic’, I’m getting laid tonight. “Do you want me to step back?”
He cleared his throat, his adam’s apple bobbing up and down as he gulped. “Huh… Um… Why are you up on the roof this late at night?” He gasped, his eyes looking everywhere, but at me.
I ran my finger slowly down his chest, and he sucked in a deep breath, staring up at the sky like it was going to save him from my sexy. “I came up to smoke, but I’m easily distracted.” I winked at him, and pulled away, taking out the cigarette box. I flipped open the top and pulled one out. U-know was staring at the box in my hand like it was evil. “Do you want one?”
He bit his lower lip like he was having an intense inner dilemma. “I quit.”
“So did I.” I laughed, and offered him one again. He shook his head vehemently. “Your loss.” I shrugged, putting the cigarette to my lips. He grabbed it and literally pulverised it between his fingers. “HEY!”
“You shouldn’t smoke. It’s bad for your health.” He smirked.
“You can’t go around destroying people’s cigarettes!” I shouted angrily at him. “That’s not superhero behaviour at all!”
“I just saved five years of your life. If that’s not superhero behaviour, then I don’t know what is.” He laughed haughtily. I chucked my lighter at his head, and it bounced off his skull. “OW! What’s with the violence?” He pouted rubbing his forehead. Aw, he’s adorable.
“Your ego needed adjusting.” I smirked, and he glared at me. So cute.
“Are you sure you didn’t notice anything strange up here this morning? Maybe heard some evil cackling?” He asked me, looking around the place like an arrow was going to pop out and point at ‘Mr. Evil’. He’s kind of dimwitted, but his adorableness makes up for it.
“No, not really… Are you busy tonight?” I asked him.
“I’m kind of… I don’t know… why?” U-know stuttered adorably.
“Well, since you won’t let me have a cigarette to ease my horniness, I was thinking of a much more satisfying way to do it.” I winked up at him.
“Like what?” He blinked obliviously.
I grabbed his collar and pulled him to me, pressing my lips up against his. He tasted like a hot dog, with mustard… a LOT of mustard. It took U-know less than two seconds to react. His lips pushed back against mine painfully, and I had to concentrate on sucking out his powers, because I like having all my teeth intact, thank you very much. His fingers twirled in my hair, and his free arm wrapped around my waist, and he pushed me up against my face on the billboard. Now THIS is what I was talking about. I wrapped my arms around his hips, and traced my fingers up and down his spine. He shuddered deliciously and pressed me harder against my face (Heehees). Then he pulled away. “What?” I pouted.
“Hah. I can’t do this.” He sighed, running his hand through his hair. “You might get hurt.”
“What? Why?” I grumbled unhappily. I thought I was finally going to get laid! What is this? Cruel and unusual punishment, THAT’s what it is!
“I can’t really control my super strength. I’d really love to, believe me.” He nodded eagerly. “But I don’t want to kill you. That would look really bad on my record.”
“Mnnnnnn…” I groaned, sliding down on the ad until my butt hit the cold floor. It’s not like I could just tell him I’m the bad guy, and can just suck away his powers. Haha, that’s sounds much naughtier than I intended. “It’s not fair.” I kicked the air uselessly. “I want to have sex.”
“Don’t complain; I haven’t gotten laid in a year.” U-know huffed unhappily. His head suddenly twitched to the left, and he stared off into the distance. “I’ve gotta go. My crime senses are tingling.”
“Wait.” I reached into my coat and pulled out a business card, and a few bills. Pushing myself off the floor, I grabbed the waistband of his suit and dropped it in his underwear making him gasped. “If you change your mind call me.” I winked.
He chuckled breathily. “Sure.” He walked to the edge of the roof and jumped off, flying into the distance.
I glared after him for a few seconds, trying to will him to come back with my mind. When that didn’t work, I realized it was freezing cold outside and that he had taken all my cigarettes. “CHUUUUN!” I called my minion, storming angrily down the stairs. Asshole. How freakin’ DARE he?!?
“What?” He looked up from the bowl of rice he was eating.
“Put your mask on, we’ve got some evil planning to do.”
~~~
Preview for the next chapter~
[Yunho’s PoV]
A secretary. I, the manly man Jung Yunho, am a motherfucking secretary! What the hell?! WHAT THE FREAKING ASS HELL?!?!? Changmin is so going to die when he finds out. And it’s not like I didn’t go out looking for another job when fucking prince of the universe Kim Jaejoong called me PERSONALLY to tell me I was hired as his private phone answering person, it’s just that no one else wanted to hire me! I graduated as a scholarship student from freaking Seoul National for crying out loud! Why in hell am I sitting here in front of this stupid laptop, typing a LOVE LETTER to my boss’s imaginary lover? WHY?
“Oh, Yunho?” The melodious voice rang from the tiny black box that was sitting on my desk.
_____________________
**Heehees... I'm sorry this took so long to post, school and homework and stuff... eww... believe me I have suffered. I feel the fail radiating from this chap. So ENJOYYY!! (or at least pretend to) *hides*
His kisses were careful, reverent. He kissed me like I was something breakable, delicate and precious. He didn’t want to hurt me, or dirty me. His lips pressed gently and repeatedly against mine, never asking for more or going further, unless I pushed for it, and even then it was just a soft shove against my lips. He treated me like a polished and frail jewel…
And it pissed me off.
I was already shirtless and hot for him for crying out loud! The least he could do is jump my bones! I grabbed the collar of his shirt and pulled him closer to me, hoping that would give him the hint, but all that did was make him give me his soft precious kisses a bit higher up on the bed. This is not what I meant by ‘Do you want to come up to my room and make out?’ at all! This is so boring.
“Siwon, stop.” I sighed and pushed him off me.
“What’s wrong? Did I go to hard? I knew I should’ve-”
“No, you didn’t push too hard.” I rolled my eyes, holding back a laugh. I suddenly had the urge for a cigarette. I wondered if I should go ahead and hurt his feelings or be tactful. Which would get rid of him faster? Eh, tact is overrated. “Siwon you bore me.”
“What?” He asked, his eyes widening in surprise.
“I said I’m BORED.” I groaned. “I didn’t call you over for your girly kisses. I called you over, because I wanted to get LAID.”
“I… I’m sorry. I can-”
“Don’t bother.” I sighed, leaning my head back on the bed. This is all that stupid Yunho’s fault. I wasn’t expecting him to suddenly turn into a fucking hot boy toy in a spur of the moment hotness streak. God, is he hot. He just got me itching in all the right places. I can’t hire him. I won’t be able to work! Oh, but I WANT to hire him. I groaned. Decisions, decisions. I noticed my lobby receptionist was still staring blankly at me. “You can leave now.” Siwon is such a waste of hotness. I bet Yunho wouldn’t be so useless in bed. I should stop thinking about him. Siwon ran out of the room, closing the door gently behind him.
It’s not like he doesn’t have the credentials. He got through university as a scholarship student. And he’s more than experienced enough in advertisement and publishing. And he has the sexiest abs! Oh God. And to think I was just going to take the indoor path to the parking lot and not go all the way around. His body was so damn hot! It was just like rows upon rows of sexy gleaming muscles, and hotness. Mm… I pressed my hand to my stomach, imagining Yunho’s sexy ass abs. I trailed it down into my pants, past the waistband of my boxers. If Siwon isn’t going to help me out, I might as well help myself.
“JAEJOONG!” The door to my room slammed open, letting in my idiotic best friend. I pulled my hand out of my pants before he would notice. “Did you just let that hot boy leave without screwing you?”
“Yoochun, remember that conversation we had about knocking? Yeah, that would apply in these situations.” I squinted evilly at him, pushing myself off the bed without breaking eye-contact.
“That only applies if you bring a guy in here, or if you’re jerking off.” He huffed. I raised a ‘DUH!’ eyebrow at him. “Oh… Well how the hell was I supposed to know you were helping yourself? Next time put a note on the door or something.”
“You want me to stop, get up, write a note and stick it on the door?” I pulled the cigarette box out of my coat pocket. Yoochun nodded like it should be common courtesy to do that. Why do I surround myself with freaks? “Seriously?” I put a cigarette to my lips.
“I’m sorry if I like my things organized.” Yoochun huffed, crossing his arms over his chest. “What are you doing?” He stared at me as I lit the cigarette.
“What?”
“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!” Yoochun hurled himself onto me, pushing me to the floor, and pulled the roll of tobacco out of my hand and crushed it between his fingers. “NO SMOKING IN THE HOUSE!”
“Get off me, you neat freak!” I punched him in the face. Twice for good measure.
My stupid minion pushed himself off me, glaring like I was the reason he was such a crazy tard-ass. “I’m not a neat freak. I just don’t like my house smelling like charred farts!”
“I believe it’s MY house!” I scowled unhappily. “I’ve just had a whole day of interviews, which ended with the hottest guy this side of the universe. I’m tired, I’m horny, and the only doable guy I could find on my way here knows nothing about pleasing people!” I shouted at him. “I think I deserve to have a cigarette in my own DAMN house!”
“Technically it’s an apartment.” I threw a shoe at him, which he promptly avoided. “Stop being a whiner. You can go smoke on the roof.”
“It’s all your fault I’m a whiner. If you had convinced me not to go to work today I wouldn’t have seen the hottest man alive, and I wouldn’t have to ease all my horniness with a cigarette.” I told him, widening my eyes pitifully at him.
“Don’t blame me for your libido. No smoking in the house.” He looked down at my lying body on the floor. I tried to make myself more adorable, but I guess I’ve played that card way too many times with him, he just ignored me.
Oh, IDEA! “Do you want to play with me?” I fluttered my eyelashes at my roommate, sliding my hand down my body. “Take care of my libido?”
He blinked, bored. “You can’t do that anymore. I have a boyfriend now.”
“But Chuuuuuuuuuuuun….” I pouted at him. “I wanna smoke in the house.”
“On. The. Roof.” He glared me down.
I groaned. “Fiiiine. Ass monkey.” I grabbed my sweater of the floor and pulled it on, still lying there.
“And while you’re up there, try to think up your next dastardly plan.” Yoochun said over his shoulder as he left my room. “The fountain was beyond mediocre.”
“You know it would be nice if YOU came up with something every once in a while!” I shouted after him, but he probably ignored me. What’s the point of having a minion if he’s just going to be useless all the time? I groaned, and pushed myself off the floor, taking my cigarettes and lighter with me.
Stupid Jung Yunho. This is entirely his fault. I was going to quit smoking and everything, and now because of his insane hotness, I’m going out on a damn roof, in freaking January just to smoke a stupid cigarette. I slipped my coat on and went up the stairs to the roof. How dare he randomly take his shirt off in an alley? Who on earth tans at nine o’clock at night?!? And why the hell is he so damn ripped? Walking around with his stupid pretty face and those stupid rock hard, drool inducing abs, and that yummy little mole just above his lips. If I hire him, I’ll make a rule that he has to be shirtless all the time. Or to be that HOMYGAWD hot boy toy. ‘There are things in life you really don’t want to miss out on.’ Just MOAN. I sighed, shaking my head. How can anybody that hot exist? It must be against some law of physics.
“Spider-man, I’m NOT going to do that!” An oddly familiar voice echoed down the staircase.
“Oh, come on! You can get over your gay for one night, can’t you?” Another voice shouted.
“Shut up and eat your hot dog. I’m not going anywhere near your girlfriend. I can’t believe you’d even suggest that, man! It’s not right!” The voice seemed offended. What the hell? I went up the stairs faster, and pushed open the creaky metal door. It opened to two men in tight uniforms sitting on the ledge of my roof, eating. “Just adopt a kid and stop bugging me.”
I squinted at them wondering how the hell they’d gotten on my roof, when I recognized U-know’s sexy black and red power ranger type suit, with a long red cape. His suit framed all his muscles so well. Great, now I have two hotties to deal with. Oh wait, what was that theory I had this morning? Whatever, I’ll think about that later. I have to shoo those two off my roof. “Excuse me?”
They both jumped up from where they were sitting. U-know yelped, and actually fell off the roof, and I almost shot off to save him, but he just floated up and landed gingerly on the roof, grinning cockily. Stupid superheroes and their stupid superpowers. The other guy shook his head, and I thought he rolled his eyes, but he had a full face mask on so I was probably just imagining things. “Show off.” He huffed. “Howdy.” Mr. Blue and Red waved at me, still sitting on the edge of my roof. He pulled his mask up to his nose, and took a big bite out of his hotdog. “Can we help you?”
“Damn, my hot dog’s gone.” U-know pouted unhappily looking down, and I just thought he looked so much like a glasses-less Yunho. Oh, right, THAT was my theory this morning. Yunho totally distracted me with his abs. I bet that was his plan all along, confuse me with his hotness so I would forget that he might secretly be my nemesis.
“What are you two doing on my roof?” I asked the tight-suited weirdos.
Yunho/U-know looked up from mourning his hotdog at me, and his pretty eyes widened. “Kim Jaejoong-ssi?” He squeaked. Awwww, so cute.
“Do I know you?” Hihihihi, I have such awesome acting skills.
U-know blinked adorably and shook his pretty little head. “I don’t think so, but everybody knows you.” He smiled politely, pointing up at the huge billboard with my face on it. You might think it’s tacky to advertise yourself on your own roof, but it saves A LOT of money. Money better used trying to TAKE OVER THE WORLD! MOUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I’ve been watching way too many mouse-centered cartoons lately. “You own half the city.” He shrugged, looking away from me.
“Hey, dude, dude.” Mr. Blue and Red got up and nudged U-know’s stomach with his elbow. “Isn’t that the hot dude in the-”
U-know grabbed the man’s face, covering his mouth with his hand. “Yes, so I’m sorry we’re bothering you, Mr. Kim. We were just investigating. Mr. Evil was here this morning, and we were just looking around for clues.”
Mr. Evil? Oh man, THAT’s what they’re calling me? God, are all superheroes so unoriginal? “Mr. Evil?” I growled unhappily. I should’ve zapped his powers out and let him fall off the building when I had the chance.
“Yeah, he doesn’t have an official name or anything, but my bro… uh… sidekick thought it up.” He rolled his eyes. “It’s kind of unoriginal.” Huh.
“Mmmmm….” Red and Blue mumbled unhappily, his words muffled by U-know’s hand.
“EW!” He pulled his hand away quickly, wiping it on his tights. “Gross, Spiderman! Why did you lick my hand?” Spiderman?!? Like THE Spiderman?
“Dude! You were crushing my jaw.” The man held his exposed chin, pouting unhappily. “Can’t you control your strength?”
“Sorry.” He mumbled apologetically.
“Okay, hellooo!” I waved at the two ‘superheroes’ taking up my smoking time. “I know what you’re doing must be terribly important and life-saving and all that, but…” Wow, U-know’s uniform really does frame his muscles. Just look at those abs… Yum. “This is private property, and you kind of need permission to be here.” All though I really wouldn’t mind giving YOU permission, I added in my head, snickering.
“Right, we know that.” Spiderman nodded. “But this is a matter of national security.”
“Yeah.” U-know nodded in agreement. “And we’d like to know if you noticed anything strange on your roof this morning? Maybe you saw someone come up here?” He prompted.
Awww… “No, there was nothing strange this morning. You should really ask permission before coming here.” I told him.
U-know blinked in confusion and bit his lower lip. AWWWWWW, he’s so cute. I just want to huggle him to death. “Yes, but… You’ll definitely give me permission right?” He smirked hotly.
Great. Now, he’s a hot boy toy, too. Next thing you know, he’ll take his shirt off and start tanning. U-know is definitely Yunho, I’m sure of it. Oh IDEA! It’s mole checking time. And not his special mole, hahaha, I still can’t believe I was right about that one. I should see if Yunho has a special mole, hehehe. “And why would I do that?” I seductively raised an eyebrow at him, and walked a step closer.
“I don’t know, you tell me.” He grinned wolfishly stepping nearer to me. Moooannn. He’s so hot.
“Ew, okay, I’m going to pretend my girlfriend called me, and leave.” THE Spiderman shook his head disappointedly.
“I thought you were okay with it.” U-know pouted adorably. SO cute.
“I am, stupid, but that doesn’t mean I’m just going to hang around here, while you get all alter-ego on people. No thank you.” He bended down two of his fingers, and white filmy crap came out his wrists and hit the building next door. Ok, gross. Spiders are just nasty. “See you around, man.” He grabbed the… web I guess, ew, and swung down, moving from web to web, away from my apartment. I shuddered in disgust.
“I’m sorry about that.” U-know rolled his eyes. “He’s PMSing or something.” Without him noticing, I had sneaked up close enough to grab his collar and yank it down. It was pretty dark out so I had to squint at his upper lip. “Uh… hi?” He blinked, surprised at having my face less than an inch from his. DAMN! There’s no mole! I was so sure it was Yunho. “What are you looking at?”
I looked up at him, and batted my eyelashes. “You.” I smiled brightly. I raked my eyes up and down his body. He must be Yunho’s clone or something. Damn, is he hot! I just want to push him on the huge version of my face and scream at him to take me. I can’t do that, he’s a potential employee, you don’t sleep with… oh wait a minute. He’s NOT Yunho… which means that I can have as much sex with him as I want. Why didn’t I think of this sooner?
Because U-know is supposed to be the superhero to your super villain, idiot. Yoochun’s voice screamed in my head. Stupid logic.
“You’re standing very close to me.” Yunho whispered, like someone was going to hear him.
“I am aren’t I?” I smirked, leaning closer. “Does it bother you?” I felt my grin widen when his breath caught. Screw Yoochun and his ‘logic’, I’m getting laid tonight. “Do you want me to step back?”
He cleared his throat, his adam’s apple bobbing up and down as he gulped. “Huh… Um… Why are you up on the roof this late at night?” He gasped, his eyes looking everywhere, but at me.
I ran my finger slowly down his chest, and he sucked in a deep breath, staring up at the sky like it was going to save him from my sexy. “I came up to smoke, but I’m easily distracted.” I winked at him, and pulled away, taking out the cigarette box. I flipped open the top and pulled one out. U-know was staring at the box in my hand like it was evil. “Do you want one?”
He bit his lower lip like he was having an intense inner dilemma. “I quit.”
“So did I.” I laughed, and offered him one again. He shook his head vehemently. “Your loss.” I shrugged, putting the cigarette to my lips. He grabbed it and literally pulverised it between his fingers. “HEY!”
“You shouldn’t smoke. It’s bad for your health.” He smirked.
“You can’t go around destroying people’s cigarettes!” I shouted angrily at him. “That’s not superhero behaviour at all!”
“I just saved five years of your life. If that’s not superhero behaviour, then I don’t know what is.” He laughed haughtily. I chucked my lighter at his head, and it bounced off his skull. “OW! What’s with the violence?” He pouted rubbing his forehead. Aw, he’s adorable.
“Your ego needed adjusting.” I smirked, and he glared at me. So cute.
“Are you sure you didn’t notice anything strange up here this morning? Maybe heard some evil cackling?” He asked me, looking around the place like an arrow was going to pop out and point at ‘Mr. Evil’. He’s kind of dimwitted, but his adorableness makes up for it.
“No, not really… Are you busy tonight?” I asked him.
“I’m kind of… I don’t know… why?” U-know stuttered adorably.
“Well, since you won’t let me have a cigarette to ease my horniness, I was thinking of a much more satisfying way to do it.” I winked up at him.
“Like what?” He blinked obliviously.
I grabbed his collar and pulled him to me, pressing my lips up against his. He tasted like a hot dog, with mustard… a LOT of mustard. It took U-know less than two seconds to react. His lips pushed back against mine painfully, and I had to concentrate on sucking out his powers, because I like having all my teeth intact, thank you very much. His fingers twirled in my hair, and his free arm wrapped around my waist, and he pushed me up against my face on the billboard. Now THIS is what I was talking about. I wrapped my arms around his hips, and traced my fingers up and down his spine. He shuddered deliciously and pressed me harder against my face (Heehees). Then he pulled away. “What?” I pouted.
“Hah. I can’t do this.” He sighed, running his hand through his hair. “You might get hurt.”
“What? Why?” I grumbled unhappily. I thought I was finally going to get laid! What is this? Cruel and unusual punishment, THAT’s what it is!
“I can’t really control my super strength. I’d really love to, believe me.” He nodded eagerly. “But I don’t want to kill you. That would look really bad on my record.”
“Mnnnnnn…” I groaned, sliding down on the ad until my butt hit the cold floor. It’s not like I could just tell him I’m the bad guy, and can just suck away his powers. Haha, that’s sounds much naughtier than I intended. “It’s not fair.” I kicked the air uselessly. “I want to have sex.”
“Don’t complain; I haven’t gotten laid in a year.” U-know huffed unhappily. His head suddenly twitched to the left, and he stared off into the distance. “I’ve gotta go. My crime senses are tingling.”
“Wait.” I reached into my coat and pulled out a business card, and a few bills. Pushing myself off the floor, I grabbed the waistband of his suit and dropped it in his underwear making him gasped. “If you change your mind call me.” I winked.
He chuckled breathily. “Sure.” He walked to the edge of the roof and jumped off, flying into the distance.
I glared after him for a few seconds, trying to will him to come back with my mind. When that didn’t work, I realized it was freezing cold outside and that he had taken all my cigarettes. “CHUUUUN!” I called my minion, storming angrily down the stairs. Asshole. How freakin’ DARE he?!?
“What?” He looked up from the bowl of rice he was eating.
“Put your mask on, we’ve got some evil planning to do.”
~~~
Preview for the next chapter~
[Yunho’s PoV]
A secretary. I, the manly man Jung Yunho, am a motherfucking secretary! What the hell?! WHAT THE FREAKING ASS HELL?!?!? Changmin is so going to die when he finds out. And it’s not like I didn’t go out looking for another job when fucking prince of the universe Kim Jaejoong called me PERSONALLY to tell me I was hired as his private phone answering person, it’s just that no one else wanted to hire me! I graduated as a scholarship student from freaking Seoul National for crying out loud! Why in hell am I sitting here in front of this stupid laptop, typing a LOVE LETTER to my boss’s imaginary lover? WHY?
“Oh, Yunho?” The melodious voice rang from the tiny black box that was sitting on my desk.
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**Heehees... I'm sorry this took so long to post, school and homework and stuff... eww... believe me I have suffered. I feel the fail radiating from this chap. So ENJOYYY!! (or at least pretend to) *hides*