VM fic: "Leaving Regret Behind" 1/2 (Logan/Veronica) PG-13
Title: "Leaving Regret Behind" 1/2
Author:
love_is_epic
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: some light language and slight sexual situations
Word count: This part: 3721, All together: 7,889
Characters/Pairings: Logan, Veronica, some Keith; Logan/Veronica
Spoilers: Set after the series finale but there aren’t any references to any episodes.
Summary: After Veronica gets some devastating news she decides that there are some relationships in her life that are in need of repair... one in particular. Futurefic set two years after the series finale.
Disclaimer: I only wish I owned Veronica Mars and all its characters.
A/N: I scrapped my original idea halfway through writing it when this sucker came to me. So needless to say it was written in two days and is probably pretty rough. And no beta cause, again, I waited until the very last minute.
Written for the Road-trippin! challenge at gogetem_bobcat
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“I need a favor.”
“Am I getting the head tilt, too… cause you know I can’t see you over the phone.”
“Yes. Head tilt, hair flip, everything.”
“Wow. Bringing out the big guns since I haven’t heard from you in months. I’m touched.”
She ignored his barb, continuing on.
“I’m bringing some of the stuff in my apartment home for the summer and I need a road trip buddy.”
“And I’m the only loser you know with no prior commitments?” he asked teasingly.
“Yes… all of my other friends are busy getting their college degrees.”
“College… isn’t that the place where you go to get drunk and laid, protest about the whales in China, attend lectures on the evils of the conservative right wingers and at the end of a few years they give you a piece of paper with your name on it saying that you’re smart?”
“Wow… tell me again how come you don’t go anymore?”
“Ha, ha… very funny… and I already know I’m smart. Besides, I’m busy making my mark on the world.”
“Ahh, yes… the secret mystery novels of David Bonner. I still think you’re lying, just so you know.”
“You just wait tiny blonde one. I’ll be king of the world!”
“Yeah, you are sooooo not Jack Dawson. Leo is a such a hottie in that movie.”
“I know… he was totally poor. And whatever, Mars… I know you secretly still lust after my hot bod.”
Veronica blushed and was extremely grateful that he couldn’t see her over the phone. Truth was she often did think of him at night, but no way did she want him to know that. She had last seen him five months earlier when she had gone home for Christmas. She noticed that he was changing, his boyish good looks making way to more distinguished manly features, that if possible, made him even more handsome. And his patented Echolls charm had become more gentlemanlike versus the jackass he was in high school. It was no wonder that he had no shortage of beautiful women fawning over him. The reasons why they had stayed apart seemed to fade away a little more each day.
She was proud of him, too. Although he had never made it back to Hearst for his sophomore year, he had apparently found out that he had a knack for writing. His first book landed him on the NY Times Best Seller List and the critics actually loved him. Of course he had written everything under a pen name and the only people in the world that knew it was actually him was his agent and herself. The fact that he trusted her with that even after everything meant more to her than he would probably ever know.
“… Veronica, Veronica… “
“What, huh… oh yeah, you just keep thinking that. I’m sure it’s hard enough for your head to fit through a doorway as it is.”
“Uh-huh. Where did you go just now? Were you having dirty thoughts about me again?”
“Dream on Echolls.”
“Most definitely.”
That earned a laugh from both of them. It was nice to know that some things never changed even when her world was crashing in around her.
“Alright. I’ll do it on one condition.” he stated seriously.
“Yeah? What is it?”
“That you keep your hands to yourself during the trip.”
That earned another laugh and Veronica found herself smiling like a giddy school girl. She hadn’t felt this lighthearted in weeks and she wondered why she didn’t talk to Logan more. He always had a way of making her feel lighter. Maybe she’ll tell him during their trip across the country. Maybe she’ll tell him a lot of things.
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“Veronica… I thought you were just taking a few things home for the summer. This looks like your whole apartment. I mean a U-haul trailer? Come on, I have an image to uphold.”
“Riggghhhhht… I’m sure it’s hard to hold onto your millionaire playboy status. After all, what would all your bimbo groupies think?”
“Careful… I might start to think you’re jealous.”
Veronica snorted in place of a retort while continuing to rearrange the back seat of the Saturn. She was jealous but not of the mindless floozies that he’d been occupied with lately. It just hurt a little that she wasn’t such a huge part of his life anymore and didn’t really have any right to be.
Besides an email or phone call here or there and a couple of visits home where she saw him very little, they hadn’t been in each other’s lives much at all since she had left Neptune two years ago. Sure she knew about his books but anything else came mostly from the Neptune grapevine, i.e., Wallace and Mac, whom surprisingly had stayed pretty close to him in her absence.
The summer internship at the FBI had gone extremely well, so well that they offered her a permanent internship year round and a scholarship to a local college. The offer was too good to refuse and with her troubles at Hearst she thought it might be nice to get out of Neptune for a while. She needed to breath.
“Speaking of bimbos, what does Trixie think about you going on a long road trip with another woman?”
“It’s Taylor and you can retract your claws, bobcat. We broke up. And since when do you know about my love life? Been checking up on me?” he asked, leering at her suggestively.
“It’s not my fault you couldn’t find friends of your own, that you had to go stealing mine. Apparently Wallace finds your love life very interesting, while I on the other hand am a quote, unquote, wet blanket. His words not mine. I for one find myself very fascinating.”
Logan snickered. “Now who’s the one with the big head?”
“I’m not going to even touch that. Sometimes you make it too easy. Just keeping loading that stuff so we can get on the road sometime today.”
He saluted her before replying, “Yes ma’am!”
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“Veronica… Veronica… we’re passing into Tennessee. Let’s stop for tonight. I’m tired from the flight this morning and it’s obvious that you’re exhausted.”
She looked over at him sleepily, wanting to protest but unable to. He was right. She was exhausted both emotionally and physically and maybe a little sleep would do her good. Somehow she doubted it though, sleep rarely came at all these days and when it did, it was fitful. But Logan didn’t have to know that.
“Yeah, sounds good. Just pull over at the first decent looking motel you see.”
“Motel? I don’t think so. I’m sure they have a nice hotel around her somewhere. I’m not staying in some flea bag interstate motel.”
“Logan, look around. Does this look like the kind of place that has a couple of four -star hotels poking up somewhere. They actually have pretty nice travel motels, you know. Look, there’s a Comfort Inn right there,” she stated pointing ahead at the next exit. “Take this exit.”
“Alright. But let it be known what a sacrifice I’m making for you Mars.”
“Duly noted, drama queen. Now pull over and stay in the car, and don’t even bother to pull out your credit card. My trip, I’m paying.”
“God you’re bossy when your tired… wait a minute, have you been sleep deprived the entire time I’ve known you.”
That earned him a glare before Veronica got out of the car to go into the motel lobby. When she came back she gave him instructions on where to park the car before handing him his key card.
“Wait… you got us separate rooms?” Logan asked incredulously.
“What happened to ‘I’ll come only if you keep your hands to yourself?’”
“I was secretly hoping for a least a little sleep groping.”
“Logan…” she started seriously.
“I was kidding, Veronica. Separate rooms are fine. Great even. Now I won’t have to listen to you snore.”
That earned him a punch in the arm. “I so do not snore.”
“You keep telling yourself that. I just feel sorry for the sucker that has to sleep with you the rest of his life.”
“Well, I never heard you complaining.”
“That’s because I was afraid that you would taser me in my sleep.”
Veronica punched his arm again, playfully.
“Ouch. Let’s get our stuff up to the rooms before you break my arm and I can’t carry anything.”
“Very funny. Wuss.”
They said their goodnights before going in their rooms and settling in. Veronica called to check in with her Dad, letting him know how the trip was going. As she got ready for bed she began to think about how nice it was having Logan on this trip. She was a little apprehensive about asking him at first, but she was glad she did. Life was too short to live with regrets and if she was going to start repairing relationships, theirs was number one on her list.
Veronica went to get ice from the machine down the corridor. On the way back to her room she past Logan’s door and paused. She wanted to tell him everything, but she knew if she knocked on that door, there would be no turning back. She wanted him. There was no denying that. Every inch of her body ached for his touch and had ever since she picked him up from the airport earlier that afternoon. But there was no guarantee that he felt the same and she wanted their friendship back more than anything. She didn’t want to ruin their chance at that.
Back in her room she fixed a glass of ice water before lying down in the bed and switching on the television. Her thoughts still centered on Logan, though. She just wanted to talk to him. She reached over for the phone.
“Hi,” she breathed into the phone.
“Miss me already?”
She let out a strangled laugh before becoming quiet.
“Veronica?”
“I just… I just wanted to say thank you. You know, for coming with me on this trip. I know you’re busy and…”
“Veronica, I’d never be too busy for you,” he stated firmly.
His words along with the conviction in his voice caused her breath to hitch. He always knew just what to say and it reminded her how much he had loved her once. She missed that. She missed him.
“Are you ok?”
“Of course. Why wouldn’t I be,” she replied in her best pseudo fine voice.
“I don’t know, you just seem… I just wanted to make sure you’re alright.”
“I am, but thank you. So I guess I’ll see you in the morning.”
“Goodnight, Veronica.”
“Goodnight, Logan.”
“Oh, Veronica…”
“Yes?”
“You’re welcome.”
She smiled into the phone before hanging up. Who knows… she just might get that good night sleep after all.
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“You hungry? Wait, why did I just ask that?”
“Contrary to popular belief, I do not eat all the time.”
“No, you’re right, you don’t. You manage to sleep for a few hours… well you used to at least,” he said, looking over at her, the concern etched in his features.
“The food jokes just never get old with you, do they,” Veronica replied trying to avoid the question. She should have known that he would know.
“You want to talk about it?”
“Not on an empty stomach.”
Logan seemed satisfied with that answer for now but he wasn’t letting her get away that easily. They were going to be in a car for forty hours and he’d be damned if he let her make it there without really talking to him. This was his chance. If they couldn’t work things through now, he would have to move on… with or without Veronica.
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He checked the GPS once more before maneuvering the Saturn into one of the tight parking spaces on the street. They were lucky to find two together since Veronica had insisted on dragging a U-Haul trailer behind them.
“Why won’t you just tell me where we are going?”
“Cause it’s a surprise.”
“I hate surprises.”
“I know.”
“That’s it. When we get back into the car, I’m driving.”
They walked a couple of blocks west from where they were parked until they found themselves on Broadway in downtown Nashville. Even though it was daytime, the neon signs of Music City were shining brightly, advertising everything from guitars to boots to Pabst Blue Ribbon. Veronica felt infinitely out of place.
“Aha, we’re here!” Logan declared, looking proudly up at the sign of the building in front of him.
“Tootsies Orchid Lounge?! We’re eating lunch in a bar?! Logan, have you lost your mind?!”
“Nope. And it’s the World Famous Tootsie’s Orchid Lounge. And it’s a honky-tonk, not a bar… big difference. I’ve always wanted to go to one of these places.”
Logan led her inside, after much protesting on Veronica’s part only to be met by sights and sounds even worse than she had imagined. The walls were covered in a medium brown paneling that looked like it was straight from the seventies and were littered with hundreds of autographed photos of famous people. The benches along the wall in the front and the barstools were covered in cheap, black imitation leather. The stage was immediately to their right, facing the rest of the bar, where a guy about their age crooned an old Johnny Cash song or at least what she thought was a Johnny Cash song.
The bar was on the same side as the stage stretching the length of the building starting from the vinyl tiled dance floor and there was a wooden balcony that spanned across the back of the not-so-fine establishment. It was almost one o’clock in the afternoon and there were actually two older couples decked out in their head to toe western wear, twirling it away to the steel guitar.
They made their way to one of the high round tables on the left side across from the bar and picked up some menus, which were covered in the same thin film of grease that seemed to layer everything in the place. They both settled on cheeseburgers, fries and a coke, placing their order with the waitress.
“So besides the obvious reason of annoying me, why did you want to come here?”
Logan shrugged. “My… Aaron actually mentioned taking my Mom here once when they were younger. Even she talked like she had a good time. I just wanted to see it, you know.”
He paused a second before a frowning, seemingly remembering something.
“Great… now I’m wanting to go to places he’s been. Next thing you know…”
“Stop, Logan,” Veronica whispered firmly, “ You are nothing like him, nothing.”
He dropped his head and nodded, unable to look at her.
“Yeah, I know.”
“Logan… look at me.”
She waited for him to look up at her and when he didn’t she became more forceful.
“Logan Nathaniel Echolls… look me in the eyes right now. “
When she finally had his attention where she wanted it she continued softly yet forcefully.
“You. Are. Not. Aaron. Nor will you ever be. And I’ll tell you over and over until you start to believe it.”
He gave her a tight smile and nodded again.
“Thanks.”
The arrival of their burgers interrupted the tense moment much to Logan’s relief. By the sound of things, Veronica’s stomach was pretty glad, too.
“Mmmmmmm, oh my god… this burger is heaven.”
“Not bad for a bar, huh.”
“Hey, it’s a honky-tonk. There’s a difference, you know.”
They both laughed, grateful to slip back in to the ease of their unspoken friendship.
“Now if that damn music would stop so I could really enjoy this gourmet delicacy.”
“Hey that’s the music of my southern roots you’re talking about there.”
“Logan… what in the world would you know about southern roots. You’re a Hollywood brat.”
“Hey… I had fried chicken once.”
Veronica laughed so hard she nearly fell off her chair.
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Logan…no freaking way. I’m not letting you talk me into that. I let you trick me into eating lunch in a bar. This is where I draw the line.”
“Awwwhhh, come on Veronica? Where’s your adventurous spirit?”
“I must have left it back wherever you left you’re brain. For the last time, I’m not visiting the William Jefferson Clinton Presidential Library. Besides… it looks like a trailer.”
“A trailer? That my dear is a fine example of contemporary southern architecture.”
“Exactly… trailer.”
Logan huffed and grabbed his pillow, putting it against the window to lie on. Veronica couldn’t help but to think how cute he looked when he was pouting.
They made it just outside Little Rock before stopping for the night. Things went pretty much the same as the night before with each getting their own rooms. Veronica called her Dad and got ready for bed.
An hour later she lay looking up at the ceiling unable to sleep. Looking over at the phone she inwardly debated whether or not she should call him. It had helped her sleep a little last night and she definitely could use the extra help now.
“I was wondering if you were going to call.”
“Did I wake you up?”
“No,” he said, yawning.
“Liar.”
“Yeah, well, sue me.”
“Why did you sleep with Madison?”
Veronica was met with silence and for a minute she thought the question that she’d been working up the courage to ask had fallen on deaf ears.
“Logan?”
She heard a long sigh, letting her know that he was awake and he’d definitely heard her question.
“I was drunk, Veronica. Stupid, sloppy, miserably, drunk. I don’t remember how I even got to her room. I just know that when I woke up she told me we’d had sex. Hell, there was even a trashcan beside the bed from where I had been throwing up. I left and tried to block it permanently out of my mind. You ask me why… she was a girl and she was there and beyond that I don’t have an answer. What I do know is that I never, ever did it to hurt you, not intentionally or unintentionally and I regret it every day of my life. “
“Ok.”
“Ok? That’s it? Ok?”
“Yes. I asked, you answered… ok.”
“Can I ask you a question then?”
“I guess it’s only fair.”
“Well, that’s never really been your strong suit.”
“Hey, be nice.”
“Right… sorry. Anyway… are you ever going to tell me why you’re moving back home? Did something happen with your internship or at school?”
“How did you…”
“Come on, Veronica. Give me a little credit, here. I’m not stupid.”
“I know.”
There was a long pause before Veronica continued.
“It’s… it’s my Dad. He’s sick, Logan.”
Logan could hear her jaw clench with the effort of trying not to cry, even over the phone. His heart silently broke right along with hers.
Veronica heard a knock at the door and went to answer it. She knew that it was Logan and willed herself not to cry. He didn’t need her ruining the fun time they’d had today by becoming a blubbering idiot. But the moment she opened the door he enveloped her in a bone crunching hug causing her to drop the phone, all pretenses of being strong long forgotten.
The tears came and they came hard. It was like a damn had burst and the pain she’d been hiding inside for months finally made its way to the surface. Logan continued to hold her tight after managing to close the door and now he was lightly stroking her hair while whispering into her ear.
“I’m so sorry, baby. I’m so, so, sorry. I promise that I would trade places with him if I could.”
That only made her cry harder. Suddenly it was too much effort for her to even stand and her body went slack. Logan lifted her up and carried her to the bed all the while holding her closely and doing whatever he could to comfort her.
Even through the haze of grief, Veronica was reminded of a night in which Logan held her quite like he was doing now. And even though she knew everything would never be ok, she felt safe and loved and that was enough for right now. She fell asleep with those thoughts filling her and Logan’s arms around her. And for the first time since her father shared the bad news, she slept soundly.
The next morning Veronica awoke, well rested and content. She removed herself from the strong arms that still encircled her and got up to take a shower. After she was almost ready she went to rouse Logan.
“ Wake up sleepy head.”
The only response she got was him, covering his head with a pillow.
“Come on… it’s almost nine and you still have to go back to your room and take a shower.”
“Uhhhhh, you’re such a slave driver.”
“Well, someone’s got to whip you into shape.”
He looked up from under his pillow and wiggled his eyebrows at her suggestively.
“Promise?”
“Ugh! You are such a perv.”
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“Why are we exiting? We don’t need gas already do we?”
“No. Just relax, Miss side-seat driver. I’m going downtown to get hotel room.”
“Logan, it’s only four o’clock. We can’t stop now. And there has been nothing wrong with the places we’ve been staying. They have been perfectly nice.”
“We can and we will. And I’ll admit it, the motels haven’t been all bad, but that doesn’t mean I won’t take the opportunity to stay at a high rise when I can. Tonight I’m taking you for a nice dinner in downtown Dallas and we’re going to stay at the Hyatt Regency, my treat. And now it’s me who won’t take any arguments.”
“But why?”
“Because… I want us to have a nice night together. Forget about things for a while. Just you and me.”
She smiled, acutely aware of everything he didn’t say but every bit grateful for the things he did.
“That would be nice. I’d like that. …. So who’s going to dig around in the back and find my dress clothes?”
onto part 2