(no subject)
I dont like change.
Its a way of life, but i seem to be having a hard time accepting it.
things are stressful lately.
please understand that for some odd reason i feel betrayted. betrayed is the exact word of how im feeling right now. even though it may not make sense, its the worst feeling i could ever feel, and this is the worst of it. I have never felt this upset in my whole entire life. i cried to my mom as we talked. i couldnt tell her anything and that made the scenario ten times worse. she had no clue about what i was talking about.
it was terrible.
this whole ordeal is terrible.
and even though you, nor i, have no clue why im so upset, or why i feel this way, i do. and i dont know what to do about it. i feel i cant be myself around you, and that things wont ever be the same between us. ever.
and as i sit here shoving fork fulls of food down my throat, which ill most likely throw up, that being my bad way of coping with situations such as these, i feel sick to my stomach. like ive just lost a piece of myself, and i might not ever get it back. and its painful as hell to think about the old times, and to think about how much fun everything used to be, and wonder why my current situation is happening. I wonder what i can do about it. It's all very confusing, really. Because if i dont know what im upset about, how can i fix it? i cant. thats just it. you cant take back what youve done, i cant change the betrayl im feeling, and i cant seem to grasp what i should do.
I dont like this feeling of being lost.
i dont like getting anxiety attacks every ten minutes.
like the one im getting now.
i dont like not being best friends, with my best friend.
Its a way of life, but i seem to be having a hard time accepting it.
things are stressful lately.
please understand that for some odd reason i feel betrayted. betrayed is the exact word of how im feeling right now. even though it may not make sense, its the worst feeling i could ever feel, and this is the worst of it. I have never felt this upset in my whole entire life. i cried to my mom as we talked. i couldnt tell her anything and that made the scenario ten times worse. she had no clue about what i was talking about.
it was terrible.
this whole ordeal is terrible.
and even though you, nor i, have no clue why im so upset, or why i feel this way, i do. and i dont know what to do about it. i feel i cant be myself around you, and that things wont ever be the same between us. ever.
and as i sit here shoving fork fulls of food down my throat, which ill most likely throw up, that being my bad way of coping with situations such as these, i feel sick to my stomach. like ive just lost a piece of myself, and i might not ever get it back. and its painful as hell to think about the old times, and to think about how much fun everything used to be, and wonder why my current situation is happening. I wonder what i can do about it. It's all very confusing, really. Because if i dont know what im upset about, how can i fix it? i cant. thats just it. you cant take back what youve done, i cant change the betrayl im feeling, and i cant seem to grasp what i should do.
I dont like this feeling of being lost.
i dont like getting anxiety attacks every ten minutes.
like the one im getting now.
i dont like not being best friends, with my best friend.