Friends Only
I don't know if things are going well or not. I don't know the difference between being examined or cross examined or bullied by lawyers being paid to believe you're a liar. I'm hating this so much. It's like being caught in the middle of one long, long argument. I'm not even good with little arguments. I'd rather go away and be somewhere else whenever someone is arguing. Now I have to do it, and it's horrible, because I've been up there on the stand a few times now and with them all looking at me all I want to do is agree with Charleston's lawyers because then they'll stop asking me questions and I can go away and be away and not have to deal with them anymore.
Whenever they're up in my face, I want to change my story. My story that's not a story. It wasn't like this to start with. On Saturday, we were all in there, me and Oliver and Brigit, and Heather and our lawyer and we all felt we stood a good chance. Because we were right, and when you're right about something, you expect other people to see that, too. Maybe you shouldn't, because you've been through enough to know the world isn't fair... but I really thought just being right would be enough, this time.
So Saturday started out well.
Monday was worse. There were journalists and cameras and microphones waiting outside the courtroom when we got there. They were still there when we left, or maybe it was a different bunch. Plenty of people on our side, plenty of people on hers as well. Too many people in general.
Inside, we seemed to go over everything again. Inside, Charleston's lawyers were getting more agreesive. I learned more about Oliver and Brigit than I even needed to know and I got to watch as they stretched out my life before the judge and jury and everyone watching and I got to listen as they questioned my state of mind completely. At which point Heather, bless her, got really upset and started defending me more than you're allowed to do in front of a judge, I think, and court ended then, for the day, so everyone could calm down.
Heather and my mother had to be separated in the carpark outside, though.
I stayed on the Kensington's couch last night, because no way was I calming down.
Today was the worst of all. We're all exhausted. Emotionally and otherwise. The court room feels like it's getting smaller.
Thank you all for your words of support and everything. I just wish it was over. We're back there on Friday, and if it isn't resolved by then, we're back after New Years.
Whenever they're up in my face, I want to change my story. My story that's not a story. It wasn't like this to start with. On Saturday, we were all in there, me and Oliver and Brigit, and Heather and our lawyer and we all felt we stood a good chance. Because we were right, and when you're right about something, you expect other people to see that, too. Maybe you shouldn't, because you've been through enough to know the world isn't fair... but I really thought just being right would be enough, this time.
So Saturday started out well.
Monday was worse. There were journalists and cameras and microphones waiting outside the courtroom when we got there. They were still there when we left, or maybe it was a different bunch. Plenty of people on our side, plenty of people on hers as well. Too many people in general.
Inside, we seemed to go over everything again. Inside, Charleston's lawyers were getting more agreesive. I learned more about Oliver and Brigit than I even needed to know and I got to watch as they stretched out my life before the judge and jury and everyone watching and I got to listen as they questioned my state of mind completely. At which point Heather, bless her, got really upset and started defending me more than you're allowed to do in front of a judge, I think, and court ended then, for the day, so everyone could calm down.
Heather and my mother had to be separated in the carpark outside, though.
I stayed on the Kensington's couch last night, because no way was I calming down.
Today was the worst of all. We're all exhausted. Emotionally and otherwise. The court room feels like it's getting smaller.
Thank you all for your words of support and everything. I just wish it was over. We're back there on Friday, and if it isn't resolved by then, we're back after New Years.