Pulsatilla | Chapter 23/23 FINAL CHAPTER [Part Two] : love

love_cassiopeia

Pulsatilla | Chapter 23/23 FINAL CHAPTER [Part Two]

Nov 20, 2010 18:53

Pulsatilla
Author: love_cassiopeia
Summary: A complete mess was what Jung Yunho became after his beloved wife’s death. Trapped in a permanent state of isolation and loneliness, Yunho summons his knowledge on biology in hopes of recreating his wife in the form of an artificial human. However, the experiment goes terribly wrong and instead creates a male who has all his wife’s looks and qualities, one who he eventually decides to name ‘Jaejoong.’ Coping with the idyllic memories Jaejoong brings back of his wife, Yunho tries his best not to fall in love with his creation, knowing that the love he brings along is not the real thing-or is it?
Rated: PG-13 - NC-17
Warning(s): NC-17 material, language
Genre: Romance/Angst
Pairing(s): YunJae
Chapter 23: le verso - The Second Side (Part II)

Definition: The Pulsatilla is a deciduous perennial flower native to Europe and Asia that grows in the leftover nutrients of a dead plant. It is usually grown to replace another plant. It is capable of curing diseases and may be used in remedies.

<-- Back to Part I

*

l e v e r s o

T h e S e c o n d S i d e

Part Two

“Really, there must be something wrong with me.”

Before even touching a single key on the expensive, professional, elegant grand piano, he looked at the flower in the vase and compared it one last time to the flower that was dying in his hands. Strangely, one part of him wanted to crush the healthy, very much-alive flower in the vase and make it whither in the same condition the other flower was in. He was not angry. Not at the circumstances-but at one single person-at the one person who could’ve done his experiment a bit better so perhaps he wouldn't have to die at such a ridiculous time. Or, if that one person had not the guts to do the experiment at all-at least, not to create him.

“I’ll try not to curse at you as I play this song.” He told himself, knowing that the anger within him could only be obtained by human experience. He hadn’t a hit of anger within him when he first started out. Although it was far too difficult a thing to admit, he had to realize sooner or later that he had learned to be angry from Yunho.

11:57

Okay, three more minutes in this hell-on-earth kind of world, not bad. His thoughts sang out as he began to play. Really, is Close to You the only song I can really play? No, but that wasn’t important anymore. Something was missing. If this was his last three minutes on earth, why the hell did it feel so utterly empty? Even with his ears filled with the melody of the lively, exuberant theme of Long Vacation, and his fingers stretching, nearly dancing on the black and white keys, why did he feel nothing? Why did it not feel complete enough to be classified as an “end?”

He felt that he really was in a ridiculously stupid romance novel of some sort-both he and Yunho of course. Thrown around by some author who just wasn’t satisfied with the love they created and chose to test it by throwing different obstacles their direction. Now, was this how the story was to end? Incomplete? Without the one person that acted as another, more crucial, spiritual part of him?

Perhaps he really was being too melodramatic about the entire situation. Perhaps all he really wanted in the end was just to be loved-to be rescued. And perhaps the reason why he resented Yunho so passionately was because he had not come to rescue him.

One chord, one note, one sequence, and then another... no signs of Yunho. You’re acting like a child, he lectured himself, knowing the futile statement could do nothing to help his incorrigible disposition at the time. How could Yunho even know where he was? The note he had written that morning left no indication whatsoever of his whereabouts for the upcoming hours leading up to his death. After all this time, just what exactly made him believe that Yunho would come running, whenever he needed him?

Perhaps it really depended on the connection between them-a certain telepathy between lovers that allowed one thought to travel from one mind to another in spite of the distance that stretched between them. Or maybe it was just chance, really. After all, there were certain events where he felt he would've easily fallen through, losing Yunho forever; that was, until he took the right road and ultimately, followed his instincts back home to Yunho. He tried thinking of the past experiences, the past rescues Yunho had made. The nightclub, the government facility-he thought deeply of what really would’ve happened if he had stayed in those dark, miserable places where the memory of Yunho seemed so utterly faint. If he had asked himself whether Yunho would come to rescue him during his momentary stay at such places, he would’ve denied the thought immediately, for what was being optimistic going to accomplish? Fortunately, to his whim, Yunho had come spontaneously, making sure he was able to take him away from the situation in one piece. What made him think the impossible could stay impossible at this point, when his past experiences told him Yunho had done all in his power to astound him beyond description by being his knight in shining armour?

Just play the goddamn piano, he commanded, knowing such thoughts weren’t exactly the best ones to fill his head up with, being his last three minutes on earth were withering away like the petals on the dying flower. Trying to clear all the thoughts of Yunho from his mind, he hoped he could at the very least enjoy the sensation of the keys below his fingertips one last time before he himself would wither away, just like the flower.

“Tell me Yunho, am I real?”

“…”

“I’m asking you an easy question, Yunho. Am I real or not?”

“You’re the most real thing that’s ever happened to me.”

That was it. That was just it. After hours and hours of trying to blame every tear he shed in this world on Yunho, looking to his expiration-which was a complete misnomer for the otherwise direct term “death”-so lightly without a single grain of desperation, a flame ignited within him. After remembering their conversation the night before, there was a part of him that suddenly didn’t feel he was quite ready for death just yet. Sudden, he didn’t feel much like dying anymore.

He looked at the clock, hanging across the room directly across from him, its hands moving faster now than ever. How could these eight months move by so quickly? If I knew this would happen, I would’ve treasured every moment of it, not taking it for granted-not have yelled at Yunho even once.

Regret was such a difficult emotion to endure. Not only did it sever him from all the pride he had managed to gather up in hopes of making himself feel strong for once in his life, it also made him feel that he didn’t deserve to be loved after the mess he had made with Yunho. The six months he had alive was set aside for one purpose: to love and care for Yunho with every move he made. Yet the attempts ended up in vain, him deviating from the task at hand with every single moment that passed. Instead, he had fallen in love with him. He wished to clean up the past, but how could he now? He would sell himself to the world, give up everything he had (even though he had close to nothing in this world), if he was given the opportunity to buy even just a few minutes to be with him.

He looked at the clock once again.

11:58

His world was slowed down. The notes he created, the rhythm of the melody-they all slowed to the point where they seemed to go on forever.

“You idiot!”

So he was right-it was telepathy after all.

“You goddamn idiot, Jaejoong. You think I was gullible enough to believe that ridiculous note you left me?”

If these were the last words he would hear from Yunho, he wouldn’t mind it-not the least bit.

“‘Spreading your wings, finding a new life and place for yourself in the world…’ You think I would’ve believed all that?” Was that anger he heard? Of course it was, but a large portion of it was love as well-if he were to listen carefully. “Did you really expect me to live on like that, thinking you were out there-somewhere? I would’ve searched for you forever, Jaejoong, I would’ve journeyed on through the world forever, hoping to apologize to you and ask you exactly what made you leave!”

He turned around to see the ruckus-the aftermath of a well-off, handsome, wise man ruined solely by his love for someone that wasn’t even real (well, to the rest of the world). He smiled as he saw his expression-filled with worry, anger, and the gentle glistening in his eyes. He continued playing the song, knowing the song, as well as his life, would end in a few minutes, despite the man who was inches away from him, screaming at him at the top of his lungs. If this was the way he was going to die, so be it. He quite enjoyed it, having both the serene melody of Close to You and the cacophonic, angry voice of Yunho soaring through one eardrum to another.

Most of all, he was just glad to be close to him once more.

“Jaejoong-ah, won’t you at least try to listen to me?”

The permanent smile could not be wiped from his face. He was happy, perhaps way too happy, for the fact that Yunho had even shown up, to regard the pain that was eating his lover up at the very moment.

“Will you excuse me? I’m trying to finish a song here.”

“Will you excuse me? I’m trying to love you here-like I always have. And for once, will you learn not to ignore my love, like you’ve done so many times in the past! Will you stop running away with every chance you get?”

It was ironic how long his two minutes left on earth was turning out to be. “A good musician never interrupts himself from his own song.”

Yunho scoffed in disbelief. “So you’re insisting that you’d rather finish the song than talk to me, for your last few seconds on earth!”

“Yes, that’s true. Because I’m afraid, Yunho, I’m so fucking afraid of taking one glimpse at you.” His voice cracked, showing his vulnerability. “I’m afraid what taking one glance at you will do to me in the after-world-or… wherever I’m going. I’m afraid I’ll want you more.”

“But you wanted me to come, Jaejoong! I know you did-otherwise you wouldn't have bothered writing that second note on the back of the first! You wrote that note solely because you wanted me to care!”

The song reached its climax as did the turbulence within Jaejoong’s mind. “What we had, Yunho-it was beautiful. But I’m afraid it’s come to an end. Will you just admit it already?”

Yunho didn’t mean to, but let out a chuckle at how farcical the situation was turning out to be. “No, I will not admit it! I will not admit that the one thing I treasure most in life can somehow vanish into thin air right before my own eyes! I will not admit that you share similar qualities with a carton of milk-having an expiration date! And no, I will not admit that you love a song more than you love me!”

“You’re such a romantic, Yunho.” Jaejoong responded as his song ended. “Perhaps that’s the reason why you decided to create me in the first place.”

The scientist sighed, wondering why he had fallen in love with such a complicated and satirical man. Maybe he actually wanted it-maybe he actually enjoyed the confusion, the rollercoaster-whatever it was. Maybe he needed something so beautifully horrible to wreak havoc in his mundane life.

“That’s the reason you love me, isn't it?”

But now, all that doesn’t matter. What matters is that he’s here, safe, playing the piano with his beautiful, lengthy fingers. It doesn’t matter how irksome he is, or how he won’t listen to him no matter how loud he yells. All of his imperfections-they can all go pass unnoticed. Besides, isn’t that what makes him human? His anger, his jealousy, his pettiness?

He took a glance at the clock hanging in the background and smiled. Perhaps it really doesn’t matter after all. The way science and time works only applies to a certain portion of the world. In the other more emotional, spiritual realm, science might as well go to hell.

“You realize that our conversation just took up five minutes, right?” Yunho asked, uncertain of whether to burst out in tears or laughter. “Would you mind taking a look at the clock for once?”

Incredulous and afraid, Jaejoong lifted his fatigued eyes from the myriad of black and white keys, fixing them on the hands of old, antique clock in the distant background. At first he didn’t believe his eyes, but then again, what is there really to believe anymore?

12:03

“It’s… past twelve o’ clock.”

Yunho nodded. “And you know what that means."

Jaejoong frowned. “Bullshit! That clock is probably running earlier than usual! Wait and see, I’ll drop dead in a few seconds!”

“Jae, why must you be so cynical about something like this? Can’t you at least try to be a little poignant… shed a little bit of tears?”

“Can you stop trying to be so romantic?” Jaejoong responded, not knowing what to think. “You’re a scientist! You’re not supposed to be so optimistic-so damn corny, to say the least.”

“Well, science says it’s currently 12:04 right now.” Yunho teased, showing him the watch on his wrist, and the time displayed on the LCD screen of his cell phone. “We’ve defied science, Jaejoong!”

Still skeptical, the raven-haired boy stared blankly at the hands of the clock, progressing increment by increment, almost as if it still had a long way to go. He had lived the past few days in utter fear, shunned by the idea of time and death to love Yunho to the point where he would be too enticed to let him go. But was it really true? Had they really defied science-or in this case, the world altogether? Surely he was being a little pessimistic, but considering he knew when exactly he was going to expire-die-wasn’t it his every right to be? He stared blankly up at Yunho, who stared blankly back at him (except, with a stupid grin on his lips). Everything was still colourful. Everything was still there. There was no darkness, no hell, no heaven. The world after twelve o’ clock and the world preceding it were exactly identical.

“How can you be sure? How can you be sure that it’s already past twelve?”

Yunho chuckled, unable to believe the situation himself. “Still skeptical, I see.” He said. “You see that café in the corner? At 12:05, a businessman from the nearby insurance company will go into that café during his lunch break to cheat on his wife.” He mentioned. And indeed, a businessman emerged from a black sedan, entering the café with a wide smile and his body full of vigour. “He’s going to meet his boyfriend-because in reality, he doesn’t love his wife. He’s gay.”

“And you know all of this because…”

“Because I had a life before I met you! And like the rest of Korea, I'm a sucker for gossip.” Yunho replied between chuckles. “And I can identify love when I see it.”

Jaejoong looked at the clock once more, at its moving fingers, and told his palpitating heart to settle down. “All right, all right, I believe you.”

The worlds settled down in Yunho’s heart, reassuring him as well that the calamity they were in was over. All that worry, all those tears-all that running-they boiled down to this. He had hated himself because of the world and its values. He had believed in Jaejoong’s death because of science. But there was something beyond all that. Something that was holding the two of them together. Although he had no idea what it was, he was glad that it existed.

“Yunho…” Jaejoong lifted his hands up to caress Yunho’s arm. Yes, it was still tangible. Yunho was in tact, he was in tact. “I’m… I’m not dead.”

The grin on Yunho’s face soon mellowed, and then turned into something far more equivocal. “Now look who’s being sentimental. I think the correct scientific term for that is ‘expire.’”

“Why did you come here?” Jaejoong asked, ignoring Yunho’s earlier comment. “Why did you come here if you knew you couldn’t save me? If you knew that you would see me die out of all things. Why did you come here if you knew you were going to ruin yourself in the process-ruin us?”

“Because I believed in something farcical… something that goes against my entire body. I chose to believe that I could save you-even if it was the most ridiculous thing to believe in.” He claimed, not knowing whether to feel ashamed. “But it doesn’t matter if I believe it or not, because you’re here, safe and sound. It doesn’t matter what coerced me to come here and what coerced you to come here. All that matters is that we’re here-in one piece, you might add.”

When Jaejoong didn’t reply, Yunho sat down next to him on the piano bench, making his presence more evident by wrapping an arm around his lover. Together, the two of them watched the clock on the wall, moving its fingers gracefully past the Roman numerals, oblivious to Junsu’s officious voice to the customers in the other room. 12:10, then 12:15. Time goes by so quickly, yes, but then again, there is so much left of time. There is still so much life left to live. Why worry at all?

“You won’t cheat on me, will you?” Jaejoong asked, allowing his voice to penetrate the idyllic silence. “You won’t cheat on me like that business man, right?”

“I should be asking you that question.” Yunho replied. “Who knows, one day, when I’m old and unattractive, you might want to ditch me for someone younger.”

Jaejoong smiled. “Well, I can’t say that I won’t… but you’re still young now! So we might as well make something out of it, yes?”

Yunho nudged Jaejoong in the ribs angrily, showing his disbelief as such a blatant statement.

“I’m kidding, I’m kidding!” Jaejoong iterated between laughs.

Yunho sighed. “I’ll be thirty in three years-can you believe it?”

“Three years-that’s still a lot of time for sex! If we have sex three times a day for 365 days per year… well, that would mean oh... 3285 sessions until then, yes?”

Yunho rolled his eyes. “When did you become so good at math?”

“Because I was created by a genius.” Jaejoong ran his fingers down his lover’s-husband’s-neck, tracing the lean, enticing lines. “And because I thought we had a commitment-a commitment represented by two rings for fuck’s sake. And because that commitment goes far past what God or whoever is up there might think. If we can deify science, I think our relationship can deify age.”

“But you’ll be loving an old man by then.”

“But won’t I be an old man as well?” He retorted, in a more alluring manner. “I’ll age with you Yunho, emotionally-there’s no need to worry. We’ll be an old married couple by then.”

Not being able to resist it, Yunho took his creation into his arms and left a kiss on his forehead. His lips then travelled down to his lips for the thousandth time, still not certain whether he would get enough of the rosy taste. Jaejoong wrapped his fingers around Yunho’s chestnut-coloured hair, feeling perfectly at home in Yunho’s arms. The man he was holding was perfection itself. He not only simulated by his sexual impulses, but his intellectual sentiments as well. His actions could be so forceful at times-yet, so gentle, like that of a guardian.

“What exactly kept me staying alive today?”

Yunho shook his head. “I have no fucking clue.”

Jaejoong rolled his eyes. “Some scientist you are.”

“Actually, it might be because of this.” And once again, he dove into Jaejoong’s lips, happy, but still on the verge of shedding tears. It was all so much like a dream-except, this time, he didn’t need to wake up. He had no obligations outside of this dream. The dream was his reality.

“Now that we’re technically ‘married,’ why don’t we go somewhere for our honeymoon?”

Yunho chuckled, his lips still grazing Jaejoong’s chin. “Where do you want to go? Paris, London, Bora Bora, Egypt, the grocery store?”

Out of all the emotions he had experienced: sadness, anger, happiness, fear, jealousy, guilt-love was perhaps the most difficult to learn. Nevertheless, hearing Yunho’s serious voice mixed with the occasional humorous details made him realize that perhaps it really wasn’t so difficult after all.

“We can go to all those places.” Jaejoong responded cheekily. “Don't you know? Our life has just begun.”

Smiling, Jaejoong took the dying purple Pulsatilla before him and valiantly placed it in the vase, beside the healthy, very much alive, flower.

--

Changmin’s apartment. Seoul, South Korea. 12:10 PM

Taking the chicken out of the oven, he was overwhelmed by an aroma filled with exotic herbs, spices, and juices. He was surprised that he had managed to pull off something so unusual and so foreign in his very own apartment. But food, like life, has its possibilities. One can ruin it with too much of something just as one can savour it to its fullest with a big appetite. Ah, this was the life.

Arranging the chicken on his small, two-person table, Changmin took the fruit salad out of the refrigerator and was once again, marveled by his creation. You should become a chef someday, he told himself, knowing full well that good food was his passion in life. Never did he know though, that his passion for eating would morph into a sudden penchant for cooking.

He had planned to invite his boss over for lunch that day-perhaps because he knew that he would suffer from a great loss. He sympathized for Yunho, and hoped, at the very least, that his meal would somehow liven his spirits. Whether Jaejoong decided to tell Yunho the truth or not, he knew his boss would be devastated from the loss of his loved one.

Before he fetched the phone to make a call to the penthouse, Changmin decided to look over the expiration note once more. It was funny really, how one note would be able to change everything-or how overlooking one note could make you fall deeply in love with someone. But that’s not the case now, because it was already past twelve, and there’s no need to be so optimistic about love anymore.

Figure: #00001

Weight: 63 kg

Height: 180 cm

Eye colour: brown

Hair colour: black

Blood type: O

Expiration date: October 18, 2015

*important! The model created will remain alive and in perfect condition until the day it expires. When the figure expires, its heart will stop beating, putting it into an endless slumber. The expiration date for this model is October 18 noon, which means it will be alive for a total of eight months.

He read those words over and over again-for probably the thousandth time. And still, a part of him still could not believe it: that a person could be taken away by a single minute-a single second.

Pouring himself a glass of wine, he turned the parchment over subconsciously, knowing fully well nothing was written on the back. However, to his surprise, something was indeed inscribed on the back of the parchment in bold, red, read-me-or-die ink.

*To ensure that the model does not expire, the creator must bestow the model with human qualities. The model must learn of the seven core human emotions: sadness, happiness, anger, guilt, jealousy, fear, and love. If it fails to do so, it will expire. However, if the model is able to learn of these human emotions, it will continue to live until its creator dies.

Choking on his red wine, Changmin read the four sentences over and over again. What was this? How could he have disregarded the back of the note? Feeling cold sweat run down his back and his fingers tremble, Changmin put the wine down onto the table, deciding to contemplate over the convoluted situation once more.

Jaejoong must’ve learned all of those emotions. For God’s sake, he’s been through the ordeal at the government labs! If that’s the case… then perhaps he won’t expire after all. There’s no doubt about it. Jaejoong’s as human as anyone can get!

For the first time in his life, Changmin realized how important reading the second side of a parchment was.

“Oh God, I’m so fucked.”

Realizing that he had created such a big deal out of something so trivial, Changmin looked at his gourmet meal, and thought that maybe he would be dining alone for lunch today. Or, perhaps he could invite both Yunho and Jaejoong over-you know, to apologize and all. Then again, maybe he should stay silent, and let the two of them believe that it was pure magic.

Hope you enjoyed this fic! It’s my last, so I really hope it met your standards =D I can’t express the gratitude I have towards you guys as my readers. You not only inspired me to write, but to keep on writing-and to get better at it with your feedback. Thank you so much for everything. I’ve had so much fun here on LJ.

Want to download the OST? Tada! Here it is!

pulsatilla