Pulsatilla | Chapter 16/? [Part Two] : love

love_cassiopeia

Pulsatilla | Chapter 16/? [Part Two]

Aug 14, 2010 12:44

Pulsatilla
Author: love_cassiopeia
Summary: A complete mess was what Jung Yunho became after his beloved wife’s death. Trapped in a permanent state of isolation and loneliness, Yunho summons his knowledge on biology in hopes of recreating his wife in the form of an artificial human. However, the experiment goes terribly wrong and instead creates a male who has all his wife’s looks and qualities, one who he eventually decides to name ‘Jaejoong.’ Coping with the idyllic memories Jaejoong brings back of his wife, Yunho tries his best not to fall in love with his creation, knowing that the love he brings along is not the real thing-or is it?
Rated: PG-13 - NC-17
Warning(s): NC-17 material, language
Genre: Romance/Angst
Pairing(s): YunJae
Chapter 16: Fragile (Part Two)

Definition: The Pulsatilla is a deciduous perennial flower native to Europe and Asia that grows in the leftover nutrients of a dead plant. It is usually grown to replace another plant. It is capable of curing diseases and may be used in remedies.

<< Back to Part 1

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F r a g i l e
Continued

Although a sum of two weeks had sailed by, Yunho felt as if he had been a captive within the government labs for what seemed liked years. Without a doubt there were times when he missed the penthouse, but he was irresolute to leave the lab and therefore asked Changmin to retrieve the necessities for him. He couldn’t deny that Changmin was one of the best personalities he had ever discovered in life. Certainly the man was the best man out there to make him feel at ease or like utter shit, but Yunho knew Changmin wasn’t the exact same man he was before. In fact, upon arriving at the government labs, Yunho felt that Changmin’s lively spirit had been contaminated somehow. The assistant didn’t even care much for food anymore, and usually sustained his appetite by going to the nearby supermarket to purchase microwave goods that could easily be eaten at the lab. Yunho was flooded with guilt, realizing how much Changmin’s life had changed (probably for the worse) despite the man’s benign disposition. Without Changmin, Yunho was positive that he would not be able to make through such an agonizing ordeal.

The leaders of the project had provided the two of them with quarters within the lab. The two-person bedroom wasn’t as inhospitable as they thought-it had nicely-designed furniture, decorative curtains, and even a small TV at the centre of the room to provide entertainment when their spirits were low. In fact, the room was so much like a hotel room that Yunho felt utterly ridiculous that he was staying in it while Jaejoong was still in that horrible lab, a few floors above his, having doctors and scientists watch over his every move. Instead of feeling fortunate and gratified, Yunho was filled from head to toe with a vapid remorse.

During the two weeks, he had rarely seen Jaejoong awake, bearing any signs that he was still indeed alive. He had seen him shift a few times in the snow-white blankets, but knew he definitely wasn’t awake enough to have a decent conversation with him. He was more worried than he was guilty, and that made him lose a great deal of patience as he spoke with the leaders of the project. The two weeks that had seemed like two years certainly wasn’t enough time for scientists to finish up their experiments, and Yunho understood with his entire soul that the experiment he agreed to participate in turned out to be far worse than he originally anticipated it to be.

For one, he couldn’t impel himself to sleep every night. Instead of staying in his nicely-furnished room beside his assistant, he found himself continuously strolling over to the top floor where Jaejoong rested to offer him his company regardless of whether he was awake or not. During the long nights when the doctors were away, Yunho was offered the freedom to accompany Jaejoong through the night, looking at him for multiple hours and keeping a diary in a small memo pad that explained various things ranging from how lustrous Jaejoong’s hair was to how much he wanted to kiss him. Yunho had written the diary in a letter format to Jaejoong, hoping that when he woke up, he would be able to tell him all the things he had subconsciously jotted down in his diary.

One would call it utterly inopportune if one were to discover the fact that Yunho visited Jaejoong at such a time when he would always be asleep. During the day, while the doctors operated on Jaejoong with their obscure devices and expedient machines, Yunho was asked to step out of the room to prevent any mishaps from occurring. During the experimentation period, Jaejoong often awoke from his thick slumber to find doctors and the alike hovering over him fastidiously. Having no interest for the dull life that remained ahead of him, Jaejoong solicited the doctors for the sleeping drug once again, hoping to stay dormant for another fifteen to sixteen hours. The doctors agreed without much conflict, because the majority of them would rather operate on what seemed like a dead body instead of one which had eyes staring blankly back at you.

Jaejoong hoped this routine was capable of emptying out every single thing from his head. And for the most part, it did. However, since he couldn’t dig up the courage to ask of Yunho’s whereabouts and such, he was stuck with thousands of irksome questions as well. Some people consider it a cliché to say ‘no matter how far one runs away from love, the closer one will be to it,’ but in Jaejoong’s case, he knew it was something that had so much more meaning behind it than anticipated-for it wouldn’t be a cliché if it didn’t happen so often, no? Although he was wasting his life away being drugged and being sent back to sleep the moment he awoke, he knew that ever since his argument with Yunho and all the misfortunes it brought along, he didn’t have nearly a single drop of enthusiasm left within his weary body.

Being tenacious and persistent, Jaejoong continued his cycle despite how wrong he knew it was. A part of him did desperately want to see Yunho, but another part of him also terribly dreaded what the man would say to him if he ever came face to face with him again. He knew that instead of embracing each other like there was no tomorrow and exchanging apologetic words, the two of them would stare at each other blankly for a few seconds, and without mercy, hurl an army of ill-mannered words towards each other once again (hoping to finish the yelling match they had started weeks ago).

Unfortunately, that was exactly how both Yunho and Jaejoong felt upon meeting one another once again after this ordeal-but certainly not how they wanted everything to be. The two of them knew that even if one person were to take the offensive to hate the other for their reckless deeds, they themselves would offer to be kind and courteous to ask for the other’s forgiveness in return. Nonetheless, since Jaejoong’s inner phobia was still controlling every part of his mind, such a thing was incapable of occurring due to him refusing to wake up. He didn’t necessarily want to call it ‘giving up,’ but he knew with all his heart that now was not the opportune time to come in contact with Yunho.

Within the two weeks Yunho had been keeping a journal which chronicled his everyday life inside the government facility, there was a small voice in the back of Yunho’s head that kept telling him things he would rather not hear, such as: if Jaejoong’s not waking up now, will he ever? and Since he’s not waking up, the doctors must’ve done something terrible to him which prevented him from waking up. Although Jaejoong looked like sleeping beauty, rested within the white sheets, his lips curled slightly which offered not a single hint that he was ever angered by their argument, he knew that he would rather have Jaejoong wake up and yell at him instead of lying here, oblivious to the heart he was shattering.

It was a day in the third week of being caged within the facility when Yunho finally caught a glimpse of Jaejoong’s luminous pupils. Although it was nearly three o’ clock in the morning and Yunho was getting quite drowsy from watching Jaejoong for consecutive hours, his energy immediately resurfaced as Jaejoong shifted in his blankets uncomfortably and let out a gentle groan. Seeing his eyes and hearing his voice made Yunho feel as if he had been reborn. The lethargic waiting process was over, and it was only now that he’d have the chance to be bestowed with a certain happiness he had lived through once more.

“Yunho…” The voice was silent-but music to the ears-when it made its debut after eons of being dormant. Although Yunho was eager to initiate a conversation, he knew Jaejoong was in no condition whatsoever to discuss things solemnly.

So instead of jumping right in, Yunho decided to take one step at a time.

“Jaejoong, you’re awake!” He couldn’t control the energy in his voice, despite how much he cautioned himself to stay silent. He was just so relieved to see the love of his life finally taking its first steps to return to him.

Unexpectedly, a weak smile grazed over Jaejoong’s lips gently (a surprise, considering Yunho predicted Jaejoong would hate his guts after this entire situation). “I’m an idiot.” He whispered silently, showing just the slightest amount of sadness in his eyes as he tried to smile. “I’m such a damn idiot. And I'm so sorry for being a damn idiot.”

Yunho had no idea why Jaejoong’s first words in weeks were ones of apology, for he felt that he himself was the one accountable for the turmoil that erupted. There was a certain tone of solace in Jaejoong’s voice however, which made him feel at immediate ease. The benevolent melody and the mellow whisper was like a muse singing compared to the rough yelling he had done that night at the penthouse. Even if Jaejoong didn’t need to say a single word to gain his forgiveness, he was glad that he had heard it after all.

“Forgive me Yunho, please, for being that idiot.”

Seeing Yunho so speechless, feeble, and morose immediately lit a particular light bulb within Jaejoong that had been off for what seemed like months. He had been the in the dark for too long, being uncertain of every single thing that decided to come in contact with him. During his time in the dark, he didn’t have anyone to rely on, and henceforth lost a heap of trust for everyone he had ever come to meet, including Yunho. Now, however, as he saw Yunho’s tears glistening evidently on his thin face (which seemed to have gotten thinner since the last time he saw him) and worry written over every inch of his body, Jaejoong considered that perhaps Yunho had been just as weak as he had, living separately from him these past few weeks.

For one, the look in is eyes completely differed from the atrocious glare in his eyes during the previous argument. The irritated, pompous, egotistic man who knew how to accomplish absolutely nothing but to toss insult after insult at his face was now replaced by a man who had no idea how to live on without him. Seeing such a drastic change solaced Jaejoong-if only for a mere second-but he couldn’t deny the fact that he was still frightened of the man who sat beside him and what kind of damage he was capable of inflicting. But fuck it, he had to take a chance. He wouldn’t know a thing if he didn’t try-and life is all about trying, is it not? If Yunho would reject his apology, then big deal, he was already as hurt as he possibly could be at this point. But if Yunho would offer him the forgiveness he asked for, then perhaps the two of them would finally regain the strength to start all over again.

Although he was still relatively hesitant, Jaejoong took Yunho’s tears and behaviour into account, telling himself that those were the cues he needed to disentangle the web they had both knotted themselves into.

“Damn idiot? Do you know the definition of that word or has your brain simply turned to mush?” Yunho asked, wiping his tears with a shirtsleeve and trying to force a smile. “You did nothing wrong. The reason why you ended up in this place was because of me. Instead of you taking on the role of the damn idiot, I should be the one who should be on my knees, begging for your forgiveness.”

Yunho thought his words over and smiled, realizing that those words were the ones he would say to Seulki if he ever had the chance. Now, with Jaejoong here, willing to listen to every word, he felt that he had made an accomplishment-although, he couldn’t say that he was entirely happy with his circumstances right now. The same light bulb which had been turned off within Jaejoong was also ignited within Yunho, telling him that perhaps his troubles would lessen (not entirely) and life would take a bit of weight off his fatigued shoulders.

Jaejoong was able to smile at Yunho’s words-a shock, considering the two of them had nearly been through hell these past few weeks. “You’re right.” He stated confidently. “The two fo us both deserved the consequences, whether we want them or not. Who else is there to blame?”

“That Park Yoochun, perhaps, for pulling me into that whole ‘blind date’ situation.” Yunho retorted between laughter and tears. “If I hadn’t attended the dinner, none of this would’ve happened.”

Jaejoong frowned sarcastically and rolled his eyes. “Oh Yunho.” He slapped his nearby arm playfully, acting as if nothing had happened. “One second you’re saying it’s all your fault, and another you’re say it’s Yoochun’s.” The smile enlarged on Jaejoong’s face, making Yunho smile in return. “I think perhaps you have come down a personality disorder!”

Yunho made a face at Jaejoong’s irreverent statement. “Hey, I was just trying to cheer you up here, okay?” He asked, feeling a bit affronted. “I was just trying to bring out that smile from within you again. You’ve been asleep for ages, what else would a man want to see after all this time other than his sleeping beauty’s smile?”

Although Yunho expected Jaejoong to laugh in response to him calling him ’sleeping beauty,’ his eyes nailed to Yunho’s in a compassionate glance. Yunho was instantly marvelled by Jaejoong’s never-fading vibrancy and his power to continue smiling despite what decided to land on his doorstep. Jaejoong was like gold-he never wore away like a normal human would under severe circumstances.

Jaejoong’s delicate hand travelled to Yunho’s long, masculine fingers which were rested upon the raven-coloured strands of his hair. He entwined his fingers into Yunho’s, holding his hand tightly and wanting to feel every drop of blood flow through it, hoping he would be able to hold onto it for eternity. Even if he couldn’t, he’d like to tell himself that he could.

“Yunho?”

“Hmm?”

“I have a question to ask you.” Jaejoong said.

Yunho nodded. “What is it?”

“Can we perhaps…” His voice was weak, but had a precise confidence to it as he spoke. “Can we perhaps start fresh?” He questioned. “I know this entire argument has brought us to places we’ve never imagined ourselves going, but it has certainly taught us a valuable lesson. With that lesson learned, can we perhaps forget all the nasty comments we hollered at each other, and live our lives happily?”

Yunho was doubtful of Jaejoong’s utterance of ‘starting fresh’ and ‘forgetting the nasty comments,’ for he knew those nasty comments did have a hint of truth within them. ‘Living happily’ however, unquestionably sounded like something he could do-and much less enjoy. Being happy was every human’s desire, and in this case, every artificial human’s desire as well. If he could achieve this so-called happiness, perhaps the dilemmas and calamities that would horde their lives would seem a bit smaller compared to the overwhelming happiness they had created.

“I think you already know what my answer is-otherwise you wouldn't have asked.” Yunho grinned as he spoke, for it was impossible not to smile in the presence of happiness. “Forget the pain, Jaejoong, all that matters is now-not the future or the past. If we are able to cherish it, then we will have an everlasting happiness.”

Yunho’s grip tightened on Jaejoong’s as his final answer was stated. Feeling the heat of each other’s skin vividly upon their own, the twosome could do nothing more but to allow their tears of happiness to slide down their cheeks.

I’ll cherish this moment forever, Yunho told himself that night, before falling asleep beside his damn idiot of a lover.

pulsatilla