Jaejoong's Lyric | Verse 25+26/26 (LAST CHAPTER)
Jaejoong's Lyric
Author: love_cassiopeia
Summary: Jaejoong - a poor yet talented musician with an impossible dream. Yunho - an educated SM producer who had the power to make Jaejoong’s unreal dream come true. They needed each other to succeed, and they were delighted they had met that magical day. But, will love get in the way of dreams? Will the two be captured by love rather than work? Only his song will tell.
Rated: NC-17
Disclaimer: I don’t own the five members, I’m simply borrowing them.
Warnings: NC-17 material, language, some angst
Genre: Romance/Angst
Pairings: YunJae | YunChun (2U/To-You)
(Final) Verse 25+26: Song for You
Download OST | Character Profiles
Verse 25:
The recording studio where your lips first met his offered as a haven of blessings as you created tracks and tracks of songs within it.
The fragments of your heart were scattered about at the bedside of the paradise where he last made love to you, not wishing to ever depart.
The café outside the SM entertainment headquarters would still without a doubt carry the same drinks he and you shared that day when you first met each other.
And the concert hall… the concert hall that seemed so close but now was so far away will always be remembered as the place where you left you, broken and begging for more.
Those were the thoughts that sailed about in your mind as you dreamt eccentrically; replaying every single episode that occurred after you had stumbled upon him that day at the audition. You don’t recall how you fell into such an inescapable slumber-although you do remember the red ocean which you last saw before losing your control completely. How could you forget such a thing? How could your mind possibly fail to recall the fact that there was no speck of green, amongst the vast sea of red?
It wasn’t you who was accountable for such a dry sight. Yunho had decided not to come to the concert at his own accord, and you had no blame whatsoever to put on yourself for such a result. A man such as him would need no partner to complete him. After what you saw in the audience, you knew it was true.
But...what about the words he told you? Were they all lies? Everything he had told you, did they have only one objective: to trick you?
Why must it be so? You’ve put your heart, mind, and soul into him, and yet you end up here: hurt and afraid. If you knew beforehand that you would be terribly wounded after this, you would’ve refused to become a vocalist and given up your dreams on your desired music career. If only you hadn’t skipped your morning classes to go to the audition that day in October, then you wouldn’t be entrapped in such a tangled mess.
“Jaejoong!”
What was that? Someone calling your name? Who was it? Was it Yunho? Recognizing the voice immediately, you let your emotions run wildly about your dreams, looking for a possible exit.
“Yunho!” You cry out, happiness in your voice. You’re surprised that you were contended to hear him, but you can’t deny it-you still want him.
“Jaejoong! Wake up!”
You hear that voice again, the same one that had called for you in the beginning. Your mind roughly sketched a picture of Yunho, calling after you frantically in order to save you from drowning within your own dreams.
Thinking without a doubt that it was him, you call out to him even louder. “Yunho, where are you?” You shout. Despite your questions and requests, an answer was still unable to be obtained.
“Jaejoong! C’mon, Jaejoong, you have to wake up!”
Still captured in the darkness of your dream, you run insanely, stopping at no cost until you can escape these shadows. When you think you can no longer run anymore, a ray of light appears from darkness, bring every drop of hope back into your body.
“Yunho!” You yell again, this time, louder than ever. You think he would hear you by now, but you were far from right.
Running towards the light, you finally retrieve the power to wake up. Opening your eyes, you finally realize where you were and what you were doing here.
Once again, you were in the dressing room backstage of Seoul Olympic Stadium. Hovered over you, Junsu, Changmin, and the rest of the concert crew stared upon you nervously, worry painted all over their faces.
“Jaejoong!”
“Yunho?” To your dismay, the voice in your dream acted as a hoax, tantalizing you until you touch the highest extent of hope. Instead of Yunho, the voice calling out to you-wishing for you to wake up-was none other than that of prodigy songwriter, Shim Changmin.
He looks like he’s ready to shed a tear as he overhears your utterance of Yunho’s name. He squeezes your hand encouragingly, offering you a grin that would attempt to give you hope.
“Jaejoong, you have to listen to me.” Changmin orders, his voice unstable and shaking wildly. “Yunho did not come to the concert because he doesn’t care, he didn’t come because of his circumstances.”
You’re surprised at how much he knows, but you shake your head, ignoring his well-told lies. “You don’t have to lie to me, Min. I know why he hasn’t come. He made a promise with me that sealed-“
“Jaejoong! I’m telling you to listen!” He interrupts you loudly, sourness apparent in his high-pitched voice. You’re taken back by his powerful statement, so you stay quiet, and listen to everything he had wanted to tell you.
“I’m going to put aside the press and audience, as well as your large fan-base, for your own good. What is important now is your condition, and what we will be able to do to heal you.” He sighs, clearing his body of stress and switching to a more important topic. “I’ve received a call from Seoul hospital during your concert.” He explains. “I’ve informed Dr. Jeon earlier in the week to give me every single detail of Yunho’s condition until he’s fully healed. I’ve received news today about Yunho’s plan to sneak out of the hospital this evening despite his vulnerable conditions and health dangers. He’s been hospitalized for a few weeks now, but he’s been feeling better, thinking he could somehow make it in one piece to your concert. However, when Dr. Jeon arrived in Yunho’s empty hospital room, she received news that Yunho had fainted on the sidewalk outside the hospital while he was trying to make his way to your concert. She brought him back up to his room, trying to heal him, but…”
No matter how much your heart ached to hear his words, you still knew you couldn’t interrupt him.
“He… what?” You ask, begging him for an answer. “What happened to Yunho, Changmin? What happened?” You desperately pleaded, your voice frantically trembling.
He sighs heavily, making your eyebrows furrow and your blood boil. “Yunho has been unable to wake up even after all this time.” Changmin proceeds. “When the hospital secretary last found him by the entrance of the building, he’s been unconscious, despite how much care and medication the doctors had given him. He’s pushed himself too far, Jaejoong. You can’t blame him for that.”
If this is what shattering apart into fragments felt like, then you were most definitely feeling the exact same sensation. All this time, you had blamed him harshly, putting every trace of tension between the two of you upon his shoulders. You thought he was a man who was controlled by his ego and pride, unable to arrive at your concert simply because he had better things to do. But as of no surprise, you were wrong, contradicting all traces of reality within your broken mind.
But before you’re ready to lose all traces of sanity, Junsu comes in and interrupts the confusion that had gathered up inside you.
“Look, Jaejoong, you need to know something.” Your oldest friend remarks, a tone higher than that of Changmin’s. “When Dr. Jeon informed us about Yunho’s condition, she also told us that he kept saying your name in his sleep. He wants to see you Jaejoong-he wants to see you as much as you want to see him! He wants to hear you sing, not just for a crowd of 30,000, but for him, also.”
Junsu’s unbelievable words ignited a spark within you, allowing you to find the energy to fully stand up despite your weak condition. As long as your one knee could fully support you, you would have the determination and energy to run over to Seoul hospital and sing for him.
He was unable to make it to the concert, so why not bring the concert to him?
Changmin looks worried-even irritated-as you grab your guitar hastily and pull a jacket over your head, preparing yourself to leave the room.
“Jaejoong, what are you doing-“
“Isn’t it obvious? I need to go see him.” You answer bitterly.
The infuriated Changmin comes in-between you and the door, hastily blocking you. “Jaejoong-hyung!” He yells. “Think about your health! We’ve almost lost Yunho, and now you’re putting yourself at risk?” He looks like he’s ready to throw a tantrum that could bomb the entire world. “I won’t allow you to go, not now!”
With the small amount of energy left inside you, you hurl your own set of words towards him, defending yourself in the best way possible.
“You just don’t understand, do you, Changmin?” You question. “You’re so blinded by the high standards of the music industry and your own goals that you won’t allow me to be damaged in any way.” You roll your eyes at him dryly. “If my condition were to get any worse, SM would lose piles of money and trust, and I know you don’t want that to happen. But Min, I have to risk this, I have to risk this because I want Yunho to live. I want to risk my fame so I can save his life!”
The sharp glare that held yours soon mellowed down, understanding the concepts you had wanted him to comprehend. He gives you a weak smile, and makes a clear path for you to head out the door.
“Thank you, Changmin.” You utter, patting his back with your sweaty palm as you leave the dim lighted dressing room behind you. You leave your comrades together in the room, departing the concert hall hastily to the dangerous midnight streets of Seoul. Your watch read 1:30 (AM, that is), an unusual time for a singer to be strolling around town unaccompanied. A new day had begun, and you were afraid that it would end, just as quickly as it had started.
You know clearly the location of Seoul hospital, so you run rigorously, carrying your heavy guitar fervently on your back. You pass by a few nightclubs, some karaoke bars, and some attractive couples kissing erotically out on the lighted streets. Seoul’s nightlife turned into a blur as your eyes began to water up, imagining Yunho’s horrible condition upon the hospital bed. You accelerate your run even faster, speeding up as fast as the cars around you. You would risk your life-no, everything-to see him now.
It was so remarkable how fast you ran that it almost felt as if you had taken a car to Seoul hospital. When you arrive in the chilly hospital, you are greeted by the same secretary as the last time, sitting at the exact same desk, carrying the exact same ignorant expressions.
“I’m here to see Jung Yunho-sshi.” You declare impatiently, frustration in your voice.
“Sir, visitor’s hours were over five hours ago.” She utters. “I’m afraid you can’t see him at the moment.”
“Ugh, fuck you!” You remark disrespectfully, ignoring every single word she had put into her previous sentence. You can hear her yelling after you as you run towards the nearest flight of stairs, and enter, hoping to make your way up to Yunho’s room.
Floor 15, room 23. You can still remember the exact location of Yunho’s room, despite how much time has passed. With the last drop of energy, you make your way up the lengthy flight of stairs, running at top speed until you’re at your destination. You forgot your stinging pain, you forgot the weight of the guitar upon your shoulders, and you forgot your stomach that was desperately begging for food. But right now, you don’t care. Not when Yunho’s hurt, and needed your comfort.
You feel as if you’ve reached heaven when you arrived on the fifteenth floor, your chest heaving from the tiring run you had endured. Feeling your heartbeat accelerate faster than its usual rhythm, you force your legs to carry yourself further across the hallway, halting only when you’ve reached your final location.
Out of all the times you’ve ran-whether it was away from him or right into his arms-never have you ran as eagerly as you are now.
Almost breaking the door apart, you enter the hospital room fervently, accidently hurting yourself in the process. However, as you enter and see Yunho upon the same bland hospital bed, you don’t know whether to feel fortunate, or to feel disgusted at what you saw before you.
You were fortunate that he was still alive; the heartbeat monitor had proved that clearly. But what was encouraging your frustration was how the single line moved about on the heartbeat monitor. It looked as if the life had drained from him, slowing his heartbeat down until it completely came to a stop. You can’t let that happen, not ever.
Thanking fate for the fact that no one except you and Yunho occupied the hospital room, you pull a chair next to the bed, and rest yourself upon it so you can view his unstable condition clearly. You take out your acoustic guitar hastily-the one he had given you for Christmas-and hold your shaking fingers against the strings to assist you in your song.
“Yunho, you have to wake up!” You coax him, hoping your touch will heal him. “You have to wake up so you can hear this!” You beg desperately, hoping with all your heart that he will do as you wish.
Fulfilling your request, the sick man opens his eyes, looking as handsome as ever (even in his fragile state). You want to boast about how fortunate you were that he was conscious after all this time, and yet, you can’t; at least, not after you realized the weak rhythm of his heart.
“Jaejoong…” He murmurs, his voice frail with no energy to speak. “I’m sorry.” He apologizes, bandaging up all the wounds that he had previous inflicted on you.
You shake your head. No, he isn’t sorry. You are, you are the horrible person who did this to him-who pushed him this far.
But you want to believe him, so much that you break a smile, despite the burden he had placed upon your shoulders. “Yunho, I’m not going to stop the concert from getting to you.” You lean in a bit closer, and leave a gentle kiss on his forehead. “Please, Yunho, just listen to me. I want to sing for you, once again.”
He doesn’t say anything; instead he just nods to show that he has understood you.
Getting your guitar pick out of its case, you clear your throat, and prepare yourself for the last encore he had given you.
This was the concert you anticipated for a lifetime. It could very well save a life.
Don’t have to say it
Don’t have to put it into words.
Your love says it all
It’s better not being heard.
Don’t have to waste it
Don’t have to make it any worse
I could be in love,
With you until the very end.
Out of every line you had sung and every chord you had played upon the guitar, you never distanced your eyes so that he was out of your sight. You can’t bear to look away, not ever again.
Stay,
Stay by my side
Stay,
Stay so I can live my life
Please don’t leave me
Just love me,
Love me silently
Although his condition was at its worst and tears tainted his flawless features, he offered you a weak smile, glad that you have come for him; cared for him. You reciprocate his actions with your own, showing him a side of yourself you had refused let out after the ordeal you had survived.
Stay,
Stay by my side
Stay,
Stay so I can live my life
Please don’t leave me
Just love me,
Love me silently
You don’t understand yourself when your teardrops arrive upon your wooden guitar. Although your smile had carried thousands of messages across to him, your tears only desired to do one thing: to weaken him. Fighting the tears away, you hold Yunho’s hand in yours, handing every last drop of happiness within you over to him.
If you had one final wish, you would wish for the opportunity to pause this moment; to finally see it for its true beauty. You would never restart the movie again-not after the misery you’ve seen play over and over again.
Instead of pausing the moment, reality came into the picture, and pressed play, forcing you to watch the rest of this cruel movie.
“Jaejoong-ah… thank you. Thank you for everything.” He proposes with a smile upon his face. “Promise you’ll forgive me.” He utters unclearly, making your ears tingle. “Forgive me for not being able to attend your concert.”
You shake your head to indicate how tired you were of his apologies. “No, Yunho. It’s all my fault, I should’ve realized your weak condition sooner-“
“No.” He wears a wider smile as he denies your statement. “It’s not your fault; it never is your fault.” He extends his arm so his hand is able to caress the lustrous cross necklace upon your neckline. “I love you, Jaejoong. Not just for your talent or your looks or your charms, but I love you as a whole. Don’t think for a moment that I don’t.”
You laugh hysterically as you realize the shit you’ve been through because of his so-called ‘love.’
“It’s not sarcasm this time, is it?” You ask immaturely. “It’s been pretty hard to tell, especially after you moved to Incheon.”
He finds energy in his body to roll his eyes at you. “No, Jaejoong. Everything I said has never been sarcasm.” He confesses. “It has always been the truth, and always will be.”
“Then I love you too.” You offer him a gentle smirk. “Not just because of your annoying sarcasm, good looks, or amazing music background.” You mimic him. “But I love you as a whole, Yunho.”
He laughs once more, amazed at your humor-especially at a time like this.
Although you had tried your best to freeze this moment, your heart skipped a beat when Yunho’s eyelids began to close.
No… it couldn’t have been it. He had to wake up. You had wanted to continue your conversation with him, he had to be conscious!
This wasn't possible! His eyes would open, you promised yourself that they would!
“Y-Yunho… Yunho… Yunho?!” You can feel nothing but cold sweat upon your neckline and hot tears streaming down your face as you uttered his name over and over again. “Yunho! You have to wake up, please!” You plead, giving your whole heart up in the process.
The inanimate figure before you refuses to answer as you hold his hand in yours. His touch had no trace of warmth within it, only bitter emptiness. You cautioned yourself to stop as your head turned to look towards the heartbeat monitor, but it was too late. You had already seen the malicious result.
The line that was moving up and down among the screen immediately turned into a straight horizontal line. It didn’t take a medical degree for you to understand what the line meant: Yunho’s heart had stopped beating, and the brutal movie had restarted, no matter how hard you had tried to pause it.
You didn’t know how to react as you realized the truth. The life Yunho once had had been drained from him, and you couldn't stop it, despite all you’ve done to try.
And still… you have hope, thinking that this was only a mere joke.
“Yunho, stop!” You yell, almost shattering your voice box. Your two hands drop the guitar to place themselves on his shoulders, cajoling him aggressively. “Yunho! You have to be alive, please!”
No matter how much you pleaded, your request could not be fulfilled. Your mind tells you to give up, but no matter how much you want to, your heart contradicts you, using that one last drop of hope to fuel your actions.
To your astonishment, gravity had carried tears from your eyes over to his flawless features. In the end, he had carried a smile as he died, making your heart ache in pure agony.
But after all the weight fate had placed on top of you, you were glad. Glad that the tension between the two of you had disappeared; glad that he didn’t abandon your love for his pride; glad that he was yours after all.
And most of all, you were glad that your song had reached him in the end.
I understand now. I understand everything that I could not before I stumbled upon him and all the misfortunes he brought along. At first, I couldn’t comprehend my feelings for him-why I kept returning to him, and why I was so in love with him. But now I do. I understand every last detail.
One will never forget their first love; how their heart beat so frantically at the sight of them or how their knees weakened as they heard their melodic voice travel throughout their ears. Yunho will always have the same emotions for Yoochun, as Yoochun will have the same for Junsu. In the end they are unable to escape each other, afraid they will wreck apart the precious string of memories they had created together.
But one has to let go. No matter how hurtful it is, one has to let go for their own good.
Although Yunho is gone now, I will feel the same towards him, no matter how insane or ridiculous it would sound. Even after I die, I will not fail to remember the memories we created together-that lovely string of details that made the two of us who we are.
I am his muse, and he is my melody. His heart is my stage, and my voice is his soul. Without his heartbeat here to accompany me, I am unable to perform a complete song.
Yes indeed I feel very unfortunate for losing him. But in the end, I will continue to sing, using everything he taught me as my guide. In the end, I will be singing for him, hoping he will be able to hear me wherever he is.
My song ends here.
FIN.
Whew! *wipes sweat off forehead* Finally done! I don’t know whether I should be crying or dancing right now-crying because this fic has ended, and dancing because I don’t have to write this anymore!
(Click on image for the OST)
So now that the story has ended, why not hop over to the OST? I had a bit of trouble creating the OST because I wasn’t so acquainted with many American songs these days. I also decided to add a bit of piano/instrumental music into it, because I figured that it wouldn’t distract you as much when you read the story. Nonetheless, please download it and tell me what you think!
A big thank you to lilxinyue and peifong for helping me out with the OST!
And another big thank you to the readers who have supported this story, and who have continuously been giving me helpful feedback! I wouldn’t have done it with out you! I hope my ending didn’t disappoint you in the end…
I’ll be going on hiatus for a while before I write anything else. I don’t plan to be writing any chaptered-fics for another 4-5 months. Although, I will be updating some one-shots! So please look forward to them ^^
Thank you once again! I love you all so much <333
~Cindy
Chance | Sing | Conversation | Interruptions | Spark | Microphone | Flirt | Again | Flame | Gift | Miracle | Promise | Awake | Timeless | Doubt | Jealousy | Fast-forward | Rewind | Brave | Forget | Wound | Lost | Hope | 30,001 | Song for You