Goodbye to yoOou....
Aliza left this morning... for good. Case closed. I'm really not sure how i feel. I held my tears in for the most part until my mom came back inside from putting her in the car and she just walked straight in ..tears pouring from her eyes and hugged my dad. Thats when i lost it. It was like watching my mom lose her child... which i guess in a way she did. I have this sense of peace like she'll be back... it's not forver... but it is. And its hard for me to express any emotion right now cuz i really don't like crying infront of people. But now i just keep tearing up at random... i mean we were eating dinner and i just started getting teary-eyed and i wasn't even thinking about Aliza. I know tonight when i go to bed i'll prob let it all out.... but i don't think it'll ever all be out. I lost my sister. That's hard. But i am so so so so so so so thankful for Myles. I know i was a pain today by making him drive me home just to say bye to her but he did it w/o complaining and i really appreciated that. It was nice just to be able to spend the day with him and get my mind off of things. I miss spending days with him. lol. And i know some people don't understand why this is such a tragedy for me... but i don't expect them to. Some people say "well didn't u realize she's not ur sister and u'd have to give her back at some point?" well no b/c they've told us we could adopt her and then said nvm and then said ok yea u are and back and forth so i just held on to that hope... and i wasn't gonna treat her like just another # like the DCF workers do. I mean how can u live with a little girl for 14 months and not love her or want to keep her? Ugh... i dunno. I need to find something to do tonight... Maybe i'll go shop, watch a movie.. something. My mom is really worrying me tho. She's not taking this well at all. She has health problems with like anxiety attacks and junk and she's gone to the hospital b4 so i'm kinda scared to leave her alone... but my dad should be here. Anyway... well i'm not gonna go camping... there's some tropical storm comming and its supposed to rain all weekend. My mom doesnt want me out there in the rain... i'm the lil girl again.. here it goes. lol. Maybe i can catch up on sleep. Spend time with old friends... i dunno. Well i need to go... LOVE...