Half a Year.
Today marks the 6 month anniversary of my mother's passing.
I can't believe mom has been gone for half a year. It still seems so surreal.
Growth: I can go to my sister's home (formerly my mother's) and not be afraid to be there alone. I'm even helping my sister upgrade the property to make a bigger sale in spring. I have gone through her things without getting too nostalgic; but you should see the amount of clothes of hers I brought home. I still can get horrific flashbacks to the moment of her death & the days leading up to it, but they are fewer and farther between. I think less about her death and more about her life.
Pain: I miss her so much. I miss not having her to help me plan my wedding. I felt guilt shopping for my strapless bra with my father's wife instead of doing it with my mother. I saw a mother/daughter heading out to NYC when I was in the airport; made me think about the trip that never happened with mom. I miss the shopping adventures, period, especially the ones when we just "bummed" around. I miss the physical hugs and touches of comfort.
Milestones: August gets married this week in Jamaica. I had a bridal shower. Bekah is actually painting and not bitching about it. I'm trying really hard to be nice to my future-mother-in-law because Mom would tell me to kill her with kindness.
Resolve: I'm going to continue to grieve for my loss as long as I need to. I will have a special floral arrangement for mom at the church and an empty place setting at the reception to honor her presence. I will cry when I need to and laugh when I can. I will be a happy bride and know mom is with me in my heart and hand on my shoulder.
Deborah Sue Ristow. 03/07/52 - 03/05/06. Love you.
I can't believe mom has been gone for half a year. It still seems so surreal.
Growth: I can go to my sister's home (formerly my mother's) and not be afraid to be there alone. I'm even helping my sister upgrade the property to make a bigger sale in spring. I have gone through her things without getting too nostalgic; but you should see the amount of clothes of hers I brought home. I still can get horrific flashbacks to the moment of her death & the days leading up to it, but they are fewer and farther between. I think less about her death and more about her life.
Pain: I miss her so much. I miss not having her to help me plan my wedding. I felt guilt shopping for my strapless bra with my father's wife instead of doing it with my mother. I saw a mother/daughter heading out to NYC when I was in the airport; made me think about the trip that never happened with mom. I miss the shopping adventures, period, especially the ones when we just "bummed" around. I miss the physical hugs and touches of comfort.
Milestones: August gets married this week in Jamaica. I had a bridal shower. Bekah is actually painting and not bitching about it. I'm trying really hard to be nice to my future-mother-in-law because Mom would tell me to kill her with kindness.
Resolve: I'm going to continue to grieve for my loss as long as I need to. I will have a special floral arrangement for mom at the church and an empty place setting at the reception to honor her presence. I will cry when I need to and laugh when I can. I will be a happy bride and know mom is with me in my heart and hand on my shoulder.
Deborah Sue Ristow. 03/07/52 - 03/05/06. Love you.