grandpa/i've never felt so hated
um...yeah. my grandpa died like 2 days ago, so i'll be at school on monday, but not tuesday. nobody pity me, please. i'm really not all that sad. i know it sounds mean, but i've been praying for him to pass away. we've been holding on to him for too long and all he did was suffer. he was always in the hospital hooked up to a bunch of tubes and stuff. i'm glad he's not suffering anymore and is in a place of eternal happiness.
i never really had much of a bond with him, 1. because he's not very affectionate to begin with, 2. he hardly ever talks, and 3. he's really old. most grandparents are like in their 60s but he was 89. it was just hard to bond with somebody that old. i'm really scared i'm not gonna cry at his funeral...then again when i see guys cry, i start crying, so maybe i will. i know i'm sad, just not sad enough to burst out in tears cuz he wasn't really a big part of my life.
however, my grandma bert, whom i saw almost everyday, died about 3 years ago, and i cried for like 2 weeks straight. i think seeing her a lot really made the difference in the level of the loss i felt. watching her die probably had something to do with it, too.
but anyways, yeah, i'm more concerned about my family and how their taking it. i'm doing everything i can to be nice as possible cuz i know it's hard for them, cuz they had a strong bond. i really pity my dad and grandma, who watched him die. my grandparents had been married for 69 years, so i know my grandma was crushed.
as my grandpa was taking his last breaths, he held my grandma's hand, and managed to mutter the words "i love you" before he finally passed away. i thought that was the saddest thing. i really hope everybody can pull through this. it's a lot of stress on top of everything else going on right now.
IN OTHER NEWS:
everybody hates me cuz i told like 3 people that i thought dylan's party was cancelled. but here's what happened: me, rachel, and jordan went to his house, and who i thought was his mom was like,
"so are y'all going to the party on friday that i'm not supposed to know about?"
and we were just sort of silent
and she was like, "obviously not....."
and then she went on to tell us how he's not there and everything.
...so i told chelsea and like 2 people in my 2nd block that i thought the party was cancelled, and word gets around too damn fast at this school; so everybody was asking beau and he was like "no! that was his baysitter! of course she knows!" . during 3rd block he asked me why i was telling everybody that and i was like "i only told three people!!!" but somehow, a shitload of people ended up thinking it was cancelled. so...by the end of the day, like 30 people were screaming at me, and i don't think i've ever felt so hated in my life. but, from what i've heard, beau and them were already telling people that it was off so that not so many people would come. basically, it all boils down to i get blamed for every single word that came out of every person's mouth, and i don't think that's fair. but, whatever. so if dylan never again wants to look me in the face, i understand, but it still isn't my fault, and i hope one day everyone comes to understand that.
GREATER NEWS:
i got jelly beans's number!!! that at least gives me a sense of relief.
i never really had much of a bond with him, 1. because he's not very affectionate to begin with, 2. he hardly ever talks, and 3. he's really old. most grandparents are like in their 60s but he was 89. it was just hard to bond with somebody that old. i'm really scared i'm not gonna cry at his funeral...then again when i see guys cry, i start crying, so maybe i will. i know i'm sad, just not sad enough to burst out in tears cuz he wasn't really a big part of my life.
however, my grandma bert, whom i saw almost everyday, died about 3 years ago, and i cried for like 2 weeks straight. i think seeing her a lot really made the difference in the level of the loss i felt. watching her die probably had something to do with it, too.
but anyways, yeah, i'm more concerned about my family and how their taking it. i'm doing everything i can to be nice as possible cuz i know it's hard for them, cuz they had a strong bond. i really pity my dad and grandma, who watched him die. my grandparents had been married for 69 years, so i know my grandma was crushed.
as my grandpa was taking his last breaths, he held my grandma's hand, and managed to mutter the words "i love you" before he finally passed away. i thought that was the saddest thing. i really hope everybody can pull through this. it's a lot of stress on top of everything else going on right now.
IN OTHER NEWS:
everybody hates me cuz i told like 3 people that i thought dylan's party was cancelled. but here's what happened: me, rachel, and jordan went to his house, and who i thought was his mom was like,
"so are y'all going to the party on friday that i'm not supposed to know about?"
and we were just sort of silent
and she was like, "obviously not....."
and then she went on to tell us how he's not there and everything.
...so i told chelsea and like 2 people in my 2nd block that i thought the party was cancelled, and word gets around too damn fast at this school; so everybody was asking beau and he was like "no! that was his baysitter! of course she knows!" . during 3rd block he asked me why i was telling everybody that and i was like "i only told three people!!!" but somehow, a shitload of people ended up thinking it was cancelled. so...by the end of the day, like 30 people were screaming at me, and i don't think i've ever felt so hated in my life. but, from what i've heard, beau and them were already telling people that it was off so that not so many people would come. basically, it all boils down to i get blamed for every single word that came out of every person's mouth, and i don't think that's fair. but, whatever. so if dylan never again wants to look me in the face, i understand, but it still isn't my fault, and i hope one day everyone comes to understand that.
GREATER NEWS:
i got jelly beans's number!!! that at least gives me a sense of relief.