not in a very good mood :(

[lovable_lowlow]

well i have never really written how i really feel in my livejournal but i guess ill give it a shot. i dont know but lately i havent been feeling not to great. not sick wise just like i havent really been happy lately. im not saying im depressed or anything but its just hard to explain. lately i feel like..not myself. like i have to pretend to be the happy normal lauren to please people when all i want to do is just be ...blah. i feel like every day i have to pretend to smile and laugh when all i want to do is cry. its weird ive never really felt this way before. i think its just because right now i feel like im drifting apart from everyone...like everywhere i go im the third wheel...everyone has some one. all my close freinds have some one special and being around them is like a constant reminder that i have no one. of course liek alot of people i want someone to cuddle with and hold their hand but its not only that i want to have someone only to myself that that will never make me feel like im unwanted. i dont really feel close to anyone, like im always just there but i dont really matter. everyone thinks im just always happy and funny but they dont realize that i really get hurt easily by jokes. but i just feel like talking to someone i can relate to. it feels like everyones life is going great right now. oh well hopefully this feeling will pass soon. i hope i didnt bore anyone with this entry it just feels good to fianlly get this out.

<3 lauren

dont worry im noit going to be all depressing and put