This is one of "Those" posts...
Ya know … the hard kind? The kind you don’t want to post but you know you have to. And I have had a whole weekend to deal with the news so … here goes …
The results of the second CAT scan are in and they are not good. While the main tumor has shrunk a little bit, there are more nodules in my left lung and they are not sure if the swelling in my lymph nodes is more cancer or an infection.
So…
I had a major meltdown this past weekend. I spent Friday pretty much sobbing my damn eyes out. I did go to see a friend Saturday morning and my family in the afternoon. I tried to eat but that did not work all that well. And Sunday was spent sleeping on off and trying to deal with a major stress headache. I did not eat and hardly drank anything on Sunday. Today … eh … it’s a little bit better but not all that much. I have managed to eat something but it’s tossing my tummy in many different directions.
What happens now?
My doctor is sending me back to Moffitt. Remember they said that after the second scan if everything was going well, I should just “stay the course”. But if things got worse - and now they have - I should stop chemo and make an appointment with them. Once the appointment is made, I am going to stop chemo. I am also stopping chemo for a couple of weeks so I can go up and visit Angela in New York for a week. She and her friend Val - a cancer survivor - are flying me up so I can get away from all of this for a week.
I don’t know what I am going to do if Moffitt cannot do anything. I guess I am just gonna apply for disability and let whatever happens … happen. I think there comes a point when Reality Hits and there is nothing left to do but enjoy the time left.
It SO sucks to be me at the moment…
The results of the second CAT scan are in and they are not good. While the main tumor has shrunk a little bit, there are more nodules in my left lung and they are not sure if the swelling in my lymph nodes is more cancer or an infection.
So…
I had a major meltdown this past weekend. I spent Friday pretty much sobbing my damn eyes out. I did go to see a friend Saturday morning and my family in the afternoon. I tried to eat but that did not work all that well. And Sunday was spent sleeping on off and trying to deal with a major stress headache. I did not eat and hardly drank anything on Sunday. Today … eh … it’s a little bit better but not all that much. I have managed to eat something but it’s tossing my tummy in many different directions.
What happens now?
My doctor is sending me back to Moffitt. Remember they said that after the second scan if everything was going well, I should just “stay the course”. But if things got worse - and now they have - I should stop chemo and make an appointment with them. Once the appointment is made, I am going to stop chemo. I am also stopping chemo for a couple of weeks so I can go up and visit Angela in New York for a week. She and her friend Val - a cancer survivor - are flying me up so I can get away from all of this for a week.
I don’t know what I am going to do if Moffitt cannot do anything. I guess I am just gonna apply for disability and let whatever happens … happen. I think there comes a point when Reality Hits and there is nothing left to do but enjoy the time left.
It SO sucks to be me at the moment…