unsure
So I found out a couple days ago that this year with my taxes that we will be getting back close to $2700 instead of just like $200. While im for the most part pretty excited and happy about it part of me is getting really down. And on top of that I found out that I can go back to the past 2 years and get back an additional $3000. It'll be real nice to be able to put some money aside so that when my job gets going, or if need be I end up getting a different job that starts to get goin, that we will have the money to finally move out of this hell hole. I think that it will be one of the best things that could happen to my family. One of the other things aside from getting myself out of debt with this money is that I will finally be able to get my wife a ring that she will actually like, I mean that is one of the things that has bothered me the most in the past three years so it would be nice to see her happy with that. And of course everyone knows that with all this money coming that Im going to SPOIL the hell out of my little baby girl. She is such a sweety when she wants to and she really deserves it.
Then theres the part of me that is getting really down. I know what I need to do with most of the money and for the rest I just love to see my wife and daughters eyes light up when they get something that they really want. (Especially when its adrianne, when I see her eyes it just makes my heart melt and anything in the world is worth doing to be able to see it) But there is the bad part of me that is really bothering me on the inside. Part of me wants to be really greedy and just go out and get something that I've been wanting for a long time. I know that im not going to be able to but that part is telling me that im being stupid and that I need to do something for myself once in awhile. With everything else that needs to have the money go to it I know that its not an option, but in just these couple days I've been getting down on myself more than I can remember happening in a long time. I wish that I knew what to do to stop these feelings and voices. I try so hard not to let it show, especially in front of adrianne. Its important for me that I don't let her see it because I know how much she cares for me and wants me to be happy and if I shared with her she would say that she'd give up something that she wants so that I can get what I want. That makes me feel so bad. All i really strive for in life is to make her happy and i know that doing that wouldn't make her happy. But even while I try not to let it show, I know that she can tell something is bothering me and it is putting a stress on our relationship, causing fights and in general putting me in a bad mood.
Im pretty sure that as soon as all of this is over that i will be able to forget about it and things will start to go a little more smoothly. But I have no idea what amount of time that this is going to take, I mean it said that it could take a few months for everything for the past 2 years to go through and get back to me. Now its not fair for me to be putting adrianne through this for even a couple days let alone a couple months. I just wish that I would be able to find a way or something I could work out in my mind that I could put all this behind me. But every time that I try to work it out in my mind theres that little voice telling me how stupid Im being and I end up getting in an even worse mood and treat adrianne like crap and we get into fights because Im feeling so bad that Im not able to treat her with the love and respect that she deserves but even more she needs it to help keep her feeling up as far as they can be.
I am happy about it for the most part but I should be happy about it completely. My family is suffering because part of me is a greedy little fucker. Why cant i just be normal like everyone else and realize that there are other needs that come before myself so that it doesn't bother me anymore. Its a nasty little circle that just makes itself worse as time goes by. little by little it gets me depressed and then it makes me mad that im depressed about it and then it starts over just a bit worse than it was to start with. I think that I just need to stop being immature, but that seems to be easier said than done
I just feel like the worlds biggest asshole over all this and have no idea what to do to make the situation better. Am I just destined to spend my life going round and round in these pitiful little circles causing grief for everyone around me?
Then theres the part of me that is getting really down. I know what I need to do with most of the money and for the rest I just love to see my wife and daughters eyes light up when they get something that they really want. (Especially when its adrianne, when I see her eyes it just makes my heart melt and anything in the world is worth doing to be able to see it) But there is the bad part of me that is really bothering me on the inside. Part of me wants to be really greedy and just go out and get something that I've been wanting for a long time. I know that im not going to be able to but that part is telling me that im being stupid and that I need to do something for myself once in awhile. With everything else that needs to have the money go to it I know that its not an option, but in just these couple days I've been getting down on myself more than I can remember happening in a long time. I wish that I knew what to do to stop these feelings and voices. I try so hard not to let it show, especially in front of adrianne. Its important for me that I don't let her see it because I know how much she cares for me and wants me to be happy and if I shared with her she would say that she'd give up something that she wants so that I can get what I want. That makes me feel so bad. All i really strive for in life is to make her happy and i know that doing that wouldn't make her happy. But even while I try not to let it show, I know that she can tell something is bothering me and it is putting a stress on our relationship, causing fights and in general putting me in a bad mood.
Im pretty sure that as soon as all of this is over that i will be able to forget about it and things will start to go a little more smoothly. But I have no idea what amount of time that this is going to take, I mean it said that it could take a few months for everything for the past 2 years to go through and get back to me. Now its not fair for me to be putting adrianne through this for even a couple days let alone a couple months. I just wish that I would be able to find a way or something I could work out in my mind that I could put all this behind me. But every time that I try to work it out in my mind theres that little voice telling me how stupid Im being and I end up getting in an even worse mood and treat adrianne like crap and we get into fights because Im feeling so bad that Im not able to treat her with the love and respect that she deserves but even more she needs it to help keep her feeling up as far as they can be.
I am happy about it for the most part but I should be happy about it completely. My family is suffering because part of me is a greedy little fucker. Why cant i just be normal like everyone else and realize that there are other needs that come before myself so that it doesn't bother me anymore. Its a nasty little circle that just makes itself worse as time goes by. little by little it gets me depressed and then it makes me mad that im depressed about it and then it starts over just a bit worse than it was to start with. I think that I just need to stop being immature, but that seems to be easier said than done
I just feel like the worlds biggest asshole over all this and have no idea what to do to make the situation better. Am I just destined to spend my life going round and round in these pitiful little circles causing grief for everyone around me?