(no subject)
Feeling slightly panicky with the new semester approaching. I can't fail these courses again, I would lose my study place.
I really don't want to study my butt off and get kicked in the figurative jewels again.
I just wanna write my series and my challenges and find some work because my family is seriously struggling right now.
I don’t wanna go back to uni but I don't want to be exmatriculated either.
So, the solution is to work my fucking butt off until the date when I have to finalise my attendance of the course. But I already know I won't be able to make it this semester either.
I feel hopeless and completely worthless like I'm wasting time and money with a futile attempt at a university degree.
I just wanna have a good time and write something that will stick with people.
Is it too much to ask not to feel like a failure anymore?
I can't afford private tutoring to get better and I don’t want to drive one and a half hours everyday to study in a rude and loud environment because there are like a thousand reasons why I can't study at home.
I don’t want to have the label "failed university student" on my vita.
But I don't see a solution to this fuckass shitty situation.
And if I hadn't written this down now, I probably would have had a panic attack because my thoughts keep racing around in circles and I can't calm down. It's rest time but I feel so far from sleep that it's simply ridiculous to think that it'll ever be alright.
I hate it all.
It's all so fucking useless.
Why does it matter anyway, we'll all be dead sooner or later and it's not as if it matters what we did inbetween.
Life sucks and then you die.
Every time I reached that point, I know it can only get better.
I don’t know why, but if I reached the lowest of the low points the only way to go is up.
So, I'll be damned if I don't get this shitty thing done. Nobody, not even myself is gonna stand in my way.
I'm here to get the goddamn job done!