(no subject)
Haiden was in the hospital yesterday. I Jess and I were at home, and she was really warm. I took her temp and it was around 100, so we took her to the hospital, and she threw up...they entered her and did tests and they said something about her being dehydrated. Which I was like..what? Because I feed her, I give her milk and water and I do everything the nice little books tell me! Then they said something about a flu or something that's been going around. She stayed over night, and I stayed with her. We came home today, I have to give her this medication she hates. She'll scream when I walk into the room now..I hate it. I hate her being sick, it scares the shit out of me.
It scared Jess too. He came over, for me to sign those stupid papers. I broke down and told him, I didnt' wanna get divorced. I don't know what he's gonna do, but for now he's staying with me. He's on the couch, I want him in my bed with me but..I can't have everything. I'm gonna just hurt myself, thinking he's back when he's not. I try to hate him. I try to tell myself he's a fucker and not to care. But I love him. Even if he leaves me again, I'll want him back. It's like an abusivie relationship. Maybe we should--not live together for things to work.
pray for me guys, i need it.
It scared Jess too. He came over, for me to sign those stupid papers. I broke down and told him, I didnt' wanna get divorced. I don't know what he's gonna do, but for now he's staying with me. He's on the couch, I want him in my bed with me but..I can't have everything. I'm gonna just hurt myself, thinking he's back when he's not. I try to hate him. I try to tell myself he's a fucker and not to care. But I love him. Even if he leaves me again, I'll want him back. It's like an abusivie relationship. Maybe we should--not live together for things to work.
pray for me guys, i need it.