"old friends"...who needs enemies
saw an old friend the other night. first thoughts: he looks the same. gives me a bit of a grin to tell the truth at what his first thoughts must of been once he knew he'd been recognised. he probably came up and hugged me in the good spirit of routine, cuz it surely wasn't heartfelt. it must of been that breath we both fell short on when neither really knew what else to say when he decided to come clean. apparently he has conflict. conflict with being my friend and also my ex boyfriends. a nod and a handshake and a half grin saying thanks for your honesty, i can appreciate that at least and by the way, there's no more conflict. no need to hold onto what died a long time ago. of course then it hit me that he hugged me, hugged me tight, and all that was fake. fake for what purpose i wondered, why didn't he just ride by. and so anger, hurt, and pride mounted up and it was time for my old friend to get a dose of his own. he was about to hear from me what every "old friend" who was still managing to kick around the same dirt they'd always muck around in, what every "old friend" who was uncomfortable with the way i'd turned out, their sweet poor little sarah, how could she and all that, well good friend, thanks for being so kind and helping a girl out, but ain't it crazy how fast you'll run when your expectations and afectations are stepped over and pushed aside. i thought you might need some sort of validation for the uncomfortable vibe i seem to let off these days, so i thoughtfully obliged. my old friend who used to sympathise and wax mesmerized, you're just like all the rest, in love with an idea, if you'd of just left it in the box maybe it'd be worth something in a few years, but you just had to take it out to play with it, and now looks like your disappointed. sorry to of let you down, but if you'd of been taking notes, you might of seen it coming. you and all the rest of em, cuz this is really not just about you, but all of my "old friends". i never got to say a word though, my knight in not so shining armour having come to my rescue before i even had the chance to look at my "old friend" side ways. so i bantered on about 'no it's okay, we're friends, it's alright, let's go, let's just go, just stop'. cuz as hurt and angry and put off as i was, the last thing i wanted to see was my old friend paying the price with his face and the ground before i got a chance to let him know, without a doubt my good friend, there is no more conflict, you self richeous pompous relic of a human being i used to care for. before he rode off, rode off because i saved him let me add, rode off thinking he was better than us for sure, he made sure to let me know that he was there for me then, there for me when adrian died. when my boy blew his head off, he was there for me then. what a good friend he was. but that he had "conflict" with being my friend now because i had broken up with my boyfriend. because somewhere in his self serving go nowhere victims first of a brain, the two were similar, if not the same. my old man offing himself and me breaking up with my boyfriend were comparable to him. no, no conflict anymore you son of a bitch, we're not friends any more and i feel ashamed of myself that we ever were. that i could ever care about a dirty, lifeless, souless piece of shit like you. but that's what made us friends right, i was like you once wasn't i and wasn't i just so appealing, but as you stayed the same and i began to change, well things got a little uncomfortable didn't they. come on, think of something nice to say and rely on nostalgia whenever our paths cross. that's easy enough right. well i'm rambling now, cuz it's not just you old friend, it's every one that's ever felt they were above me, for every one who thought of me like oragami like if they just folded over those rough edges enough i'd fit in that little box forever. well fuck you. and by the way, you got your pass, but we aren't friends anymore, and that's the easy part. if me breaking up with my poor pathetic boyfriend leaving all the dirt and self pity behind me and moving on with my life, with my childrens life which i know is just so fucking beyond your stuck in it grasp...if moving on with a skinhead of all blasphemies and making a better life for myself causes you to be uncomfortable, causes you conflict, then by all means, let me just step aside, and you can start fending for yourself now "old friend", you and all the rest. cuz theres no more room for standers by. there's no such thing as neutral is there. let me close with a fuck you and a good luck, cuz you're gonna need it. "hope i talk to you soon yt."