my love is a life taker
I wonder if I contribute to the evil in the universe by doing cruel things to good people.
There are times where I feel like I'm an evil spirit who's done evil in all her past lives, and the reason why I've suffered misery and emotional agony in my lifetime is because karma is punishing me for the deeds I've done in my past, and that the cycle will never end until I atone, but I'm not, because I continue to do evil and think evil and cause good people pain in the name of my own selfish happiness. I try to reason myself out of it by shrugging and just saying that I'm following my nature, but then that forces me to confront the fact that maybe my nature is just that, plain evil.
But if good people gain happiness from other things I do, does it add to the good in the universe, even if I feel like it's not really me?
I get sick happiness--the kind I have a lot of difficulty finding just on my own--out of making other people that I love happy, but if that in turn makes a good person unhappy, does it all cancel out?
What the hell? I can't do math. I should just go back to doing what I'm made for--making things that I hope evoke emotion. Of the positive variety. That's what CFAers are for, I guess.
There are times where I feel like I'm an evil spirit who's done evil in all her past lives, and the reason why I've suffered misery and emotional agony in my lifetime is because karma is punishing me for the deeds I've done in my past, and that the cycle will never end until I atone, but I'm not, because I continue to do evil and think evil and cause good people pain in the name of my own selfish happiness. I try to reason myself out of it by shrugging and just saying that I'm following my nature, but then that forces me to confront the fact that maybe my nature is just that, plain evil.
But if good people gain happiness from other things I do, does it add to the good in the universe, even if I feel like it's not really me?
I get sick happiness--the kind I have a lot of difficulty finding just on my own--out of making other people that I love happy, but if that in turn makes a good person unhappy, does it all cancel out?
What the hell? I can't do math. I should just go back to doing what I'm made for--making things that I hope evoke emotion. Of the positive variety. That's what CFAers are for, I guess.