Reposted from my Bebo - cos it reads well & I still feel this way
http://www.spring.org.uk/2008/03/att...
Have a gawk.
Don't know if any of ye have had this happen but I have.
Conversation with a person who had gotten to know me as an out queer individual and had seen me with previous girlfriends started ranting about bisexuals being weekend queers and not really interested in 'real' relationships with same gender partners. Bi-folk were also picked on as having the highest incidence of new cases of HIV/AIDs according to this person. (We were at a quiz. The right answer was heterosexual women).
I've been out about my orientation in one way or another since I was 15. I got more confident about my attraction to women by the time I was 21. So with a view of me in mind as out, proud, vocal, queer they still went on about bi-folk being closeted, homophobic, not vocal about queer issues and generally just in it for the sex/novelty.
Well......I reminded them about where I volunteer, that I'm out to my granny, father, mother, brother, daughter and anyone else who has cared to notice. They agreed that I am indeed a card carrying, flag flying homo.
Then I outed myself as a lesbian-identified-bisexual (altho at this point it's queer-identified-bisexual but that's beside the point).
Cue
........and......"but I wasn't talking about you!!!!"
I, however, was one expression of the reality that the stereotype referred to.
That's why I posted the link above. Sometimes the stereotypes that we all carry around in our heads inform how we think we'll behave in any given situation, but when put in that situation, where there is an actual reality, we may well think one thing and do another.
I know they were talking about a stereotype. I realise this each and every time I hear homophobic, biphobic, transphobic, racist, mysogynistic, chauvinistic and sexist vents.
At the end of the day, it still sounds like the individual or group is talking about me, or my friends or my family and it still sounds bad and feels bad.
I'm lucky. I have access to support in a variety of different ways and have built a life where I can exist in a happy rainbow bubble with a network of aquaintances I can hang out with and a handful of friends who truly do 'get me' irrespective of labels.
I am vocal and independent. (Not to mention a tad rebellious). If it annoys me...... how much more does it hurt, alienate, offend, belittle and betray those aquaintances, friends, co-workers, family and affiliates of ours who aren't vocal, independent or connected to supportive individuals either in real life or through the internet.
Of course, with people who think one thing and say another, there is the unfortunate reality of LGBTQ identified folks who are not truly supportive of their own.
I've heard bi-folk decide on the behalf of another individual that they couldn't possibly be bi. Ditto for gay folks deciding who's actually gay and lesbians deciding who really is or isn't. Pffff!! Trans folk have their own hurdles.
At the end of the day the only individual qualified enough to make the call on their own orientation is the individual themselves. Not their friends. Not their family. Not their therapist. Not all the online resources in the world.
Even then, the world turns and we can all surprise ourselves.
Orientation is fluid after all.