(hey God) why are you doing this to me...
/(hey God) i really don't know what you mean./
So, I haven't updated in forever. I am sorta dissapointed in myself for that reason. I used to love to write in my journal. It seemed that everyday I had something I felt I needed to write down. I guess I don't have those urges too much anymore. I wish I sorta did. I found some comfort updating, regardless of what people thought. *shrugs*
/(hey God) can this world really be as sad as it seems?/
Spring break rocks. It is SO nice to take a break and really relax with some old friends from high school and college. Tomorrow I am going to Huntington with the best roomie ever, Dan, to visit my other half and play some Ultimate Frisbee with him. Him being Trevor. Shall be good times. I can't wait.
/please don't take it. don't take it. don't/
So, I have been working out a lot lately, and have been eating less. I realized that I used to eat a lot and never took too much time to think about that. My R.A. suggested to try and eat less, between a 1,500 - 2,000 calorie diet. He told me that the only way for myself to keep my weight where it was, was to intake about 3,500 calories a day. So it makes sense to cut out a lot of calories, because obviously your body doesn't need that many. Along with excersizing 5 - 6 days a week, I have been able to cut probably 7-10 pounds in around a months time. I am pretty pleased with that. Being home for spring break doesn't help though... there is a lot of junk food around the house, including the killer of all diets... pop/soda.
/my head is filled with disease./
So, I have realized that I suck at life. And not for reasons that I would normally tell myself, but for much deeper spiritual reasons. I feel I am back to where I was when I first decided that God was amazing and ruled my life. He's like the corn on the back burner during out Thanksgiving meal. I am the only one that eats corn for Thanksgiving when I am with my mom and brother. So, not much attention is really paid to the corn, it's all about the Turkey. I need to make God the Turkey and really pay attention to Him.
There are so many things I told myself I would do to honor Him and to help my relationship with Him. But those things never fell through. That usually happens to me, a lot. I say I will do things, but I never do them. Luckily I have been able to do things I never thought I would do which have made me feel better. E.g. working out, working on my sensitivity, and other humanly characteristics. Those are all great, but what does it do for God? I never really thanked Him for it or gave Him credit. I felt it was all me, and not Him.
I am such a hypocrite and I find myself hard to call myself a Christian at times. I really do. I almost don't want to for the fact that I don't want to deface the name of Christianity. It's people like myself that give Christianity the bad name. I guess all I have left to do is pray and do something about it. I don't mean to have a sad, I suck tone, I am a loser, "oh woe is me", this is the end, etc. etc... but I feel my tone is more of a realization than anything. Haha, kinda funny... I am listening to NIN - Something I Can Never Have and the line that I heard as I stopped typing was, "Just a fading fucking reminder of who I used to be, come on and tell me!" *shrugs* Sorta ironic and funny.
Well, I think I am done writing. I don't have much more to say. I just ask that if you feel compelled to pray for me, rock on! I appreciate it! Love you guys!
/(hey God) there's nothing left for me to hide./
So, I haven't updated in forever. I am sorta dissapointed in myself for that reason. I used to love to write in my journal. It seemed that everyday I had something I felt I needed to write down. I guess I don't have those urges too much anymore. I wish I sorta did. I found some comfort updating, regardless of what people thought. *shrugs*
/(hey God) can this world really be as sad as it seems?/
Spring break rocks. It is SO nice to take a break and really relax with some old friends from high school and college. Tomorrow I am going to Huntington with the best roomie ever, Dan, to visit my other half and play some Ultimate Frisbee with him. Him being Trevor. Shall be good times. I can't wait.
/please don't take it. don't take it. don't/
So, I have been working out a lot lately, and have been eating less. I realized that I used to eat a lot and never took too much time to think about that. My R.A. suggested to try and eat less, between a 1,500 - 2,000 calorie diet. He told me that the only way for myself to keep my weight where it was, was to intake about 3,500 calories a day. So it makes sense to cut out a lot of calories, because obviously your body doesn't need that many. Along with excersizing 5 - 6 days a week, I have been able to cut probably 7-10 pounds in around a months time. I am pretty pleased with that. Being home for spring break doesn't help though... there is a lot of junk food around the house, including the killer of all diets... pop/soda.
/my head is filled with disease./
So, I have realized that I suck at life. And not for reasons that I would normally tell myself, but for much deeper spiritual reasons. I feel I am back to where I was when I first decided that God was amazing and ruled my life. He's like the corn on the back burner during out Thanksgiving meal. I am the only one that eats corn for Thanksgiving when I am with my mom and brother. So, not much attention is really paid to the corn, it's all about the Turkey. I need to make God the Turkey and really pay attention to Him.
There are so many things I told myself I would do to honor Him and to help my relationship with Him. But those things never fell through. That usually happens to me, a lot. I say I will do things, but I never do them. Luckily I have been able to do things I never thought I would do which have made me feel better. E.g. working out, working on my sensitivity, and other humanly characteristics. Those are all great, but what does it do for God? I never really thanked Him for it or gave Him credit. I felt it was all me, and not Him.
I am such a hypocrite and I find myself hard to call myself a Christian at times. I really do. I almost don't want to for the fact that I don't want to deface the name of Christianity. It's people like myself that give Christianity the bad name. I guess all I have left to do is pray and do something about it. I don't mean to have a sad, I suck tone, I am a loser, "oh woe is me", this is the end, etc. etc... but I feel my tone is more of a realization than anything. Haha, kinda funny... I am listening to NIN - Something I Can Never Have and the line that I heard as I stopped typing was, "Just a fading fucking reminder of who I used to be, come on and tell me!" *shrugs* Sorta ironic and funny.
Well, I think I am done writing. I don't have much more to say. I just ask that if you feel compelled to pray for me, rock on! I appreciate it! Love you guys!
/(hey God) there's nothing left for me to hide./