Bless Our House and Its Heart So Savage
Where do I even begin? August was just such a funny month. On Monday, the 14th, I had to work at a Super-Sweet 16 birthday party at The Radisson. I was blown away when I walked in, because there was a slushie machine, a caricaturist, and a million palm trees to convey a luau theme of some sort. My sister got invited, so I was excited for her to be there. We didn’t really have to do much, because everything was already set up for us and the dinner was a buffet [of crap like chicken fingers and fries] so all we had to do was clear dishes and man the slushie machine. I think I had twelve slushies. It was pretty boring for me, but I liked hanging out with Grace and introducing her to the people I worked with. She won a CD from the deejay when she was first to identify the “Charlie’s Angels” theme song. It felt like a long night. I instinctively felt bitter about the extravagance of the party, but then I found out the mother was dying and this was supposed to be a last hurrah of sorts. Isn’t that terrible? Once we cleaned everything up, there wasn’t a whole lot to set up for the next day. I wished that this had been my last night of work, because I felt such closure saying goodbye to everyone. I had to give Tara a ride home, and I was so glad I did. She talked about her daughter and going to school for criminal justice and wanting to get out of Scranton. It was sweet, and probably the last time I’ll see her. Alex called during the party to tell me to go over to her house and have some drinks. There, I met up with Liz and her guy Kleeb. We had beers and Alex decided to go meet Nelson after they had been fighting all night. The rest of us stayed at the house and drank and drank. We went swimming in the rain and danced around the living room, then sneaked shots of the specialty liquors in the kitchen cabinets. It was not too bright of me, as I woke up without any clothes on in Alex’s brother’s bed--caked in puke! Not one of my star moments, obviously. I’m lucky I didn’t die. Alex was only mad that we drank her mom’s liquor. I slept until four o’clock in the afternoon. That night, I went to see “The Descent” with Becky, who I hadn’t seen in a while. It was decent--scary and fun to watch, but ultimately pretty exhausting. My family left for Atlantic City early the next morning, and I had to drive them to get the bus in Wilkes-Barre. Later on, I skipped out on “Project Runway” (thankfully, because Allison got cut) and met up with Liz and Kleeb to have coffee downtown. Joe saw me and made sure I met his new date. I saw Nicole Doenges and Meghan McIntrye. Liz, Kleeb, and I walked around a lot, then decided to go to Chick’s until three. This drunk old man named Murdoch sat down with us and told us he had just gotten out of prison. I didn’t want to ask what got him there in the first place, afraid he might say something like “I stabbed three kids in a diner.” He fished around in his pocket for something he wanted to show me, which turned out to be a set of false teeth. What more could we expect? We made plans to go to Claws ‘n’ Paws, but I had to work--my last day! It was pretty lame, just a late funeral dinner for some Mason with salad and pasta stations. I wasn’t there too late, and no one really knew it was my last night. I left a note for my boss, because she was on vacation, and thanked her. That is such a crazy place, and I am happy for the experience, but even happier to finally hang up my tuxedo for a while. That night I packed a bag and tried to get a decent amount of sleep. I had to wake up early to catch a bus to Atlantic City and meet up with my family. It left from the Viewmont Mall, filled with old ladies and their husbands, hungry to get to the casinos and gamble their hearts out. The ride was pretty quick, and the driver put on “Batman” with Michael Keaton really loud. Probably because everyone was so old and couldn’t hear. I just remember opening my National Geographic and being there by the time I looked back up. Going through Philadelphia kind of tugged at my heart strings, knowing now that Chloe would soon be moving there. Becky called me in the hotel to say she had gotten in to PSU and would be moving to Portland, Oregon in about a month. I was so thrilled for her, and excited that I would get to visit. My Mom was shocked that she’d be going so far away but I know it will be great for her. We bummed around the beach, I read my Dale Carnegie book and got burned by the sun. We went to a Cuban restaurant, drank mojitos, and dropped my dad off at the bus to go back home. Grace and I walked up the boardwalk and went on this bungee ride, which I can only describe as a giant sling-shot. I was actually really petrified, and my legs were shaking even long after it was all over. I don’t know when I got so scared. My Mom didn’t believe us when we told her what we’d done. We shopped around the next day and spent our time at the beach, but the Jersey Shore is so fucking filthy and it smelled like sewage. I’m pretty sure there was a turd just a few yards from my beach chair. Atlantic City is just a sad place overall, probably because so many people lose all their money there. We had a delicious dinner at Mama Mott’s, then got on the crazy bus back to Scranton. This time we watched “Down and Out in Beverly Hills” and I was somehow enthralled. I had another early start the next morning, this time getting on a bus to New York. Then I made my way to Grand Central Station to get on a train to North White Plains, where Chloe was waiting to pick me up. I took a nap in her bed, then we got ready to go pick up Lorena at the airport. We made a sign that said “Bienvenidos a America” and drew soccer balls and shit. The plan was to pretend we were picking up our foreign exchange student, since I was too shy to do the marriage proposal or prom date scenario. We waited for a very, very long time, because a bunch of planes arrived at the same time and this caused a back-up at Customs. Eventually, Lorena came around the bend with a giant suitcase and a cute new haircut. It was wonderful to see her, and it soon felt as if we had never left each other. We sat in traffic for a while on the way home, then went to have Japanese food in one of those private booths. We drank Samurais--plum wine and sake. Then we got an ice cream cake to devour later. Lorena was still on Barcelona time, so she passed out for quite a while. We spent most of the next day looking up apartment listings and making phone calls and appointments. It was a really frustrating, awful process. We got burritos at Azteca that night. Lorena and I took the train into the city the next day to make our way to Prospect Heights and meet Steven the realtor. I called at the subway stop, and he said he would meet us there. After a while, we kept promising ourselves ‘If this guy pulls up in a van, we cannot get in’. Sure enough, he did and we did. The apartment was only a block away, in a pretty crummy area. The building, however, was brand new and still being worked on. The apartments were pretty nice--big rooms and balconies with Manhattan views. We could afford it, too. Steven was a fast-talker and knew how to make a sale, pointing out my Polish tattoos and expressing brotherhood with his being Ukrainian. Lorena had her arms folded the entire time. I told him we had to see another apartment not too far away, and he said we wouldn’t find anything nicer. We did! Down towards Park Slope and the Brooklyn Museum, we walked up to a little brick building on Saint Marks Avenue. So did two girls, our age. They were also there to see Sid and the available apartments. They were also Juniors at Parsons. Sid was a flustered young Asian man, who led us upstairs to the third floor. The building had been gut-renovated and everything was fresh and new. The wood was beautiful and the kitchen enchanted Lorena with its new appliances and custom spice racks. The girls, Tiffany and Deborah, had been looking for three weeks, gotten screwed over twice, and said this was the best they had seen. We all looked at each other, and made the decision right there. Tiffany and I sat at the kitchen table and filled out the applications and paperwork for credit checks. Lorena and I explored the neighborhood some more, and I loved it more and more. We got a sandwich and went to Prospect Perk, where our soon-to-be neighbors also were. We chatted for a while, then went to see the next apartment just in case. This was a family house in Greenpoint, not too far from McCarren Park. Barabara, who was supposed to show us the place, said she was sick and we would have to come back later in the week. It didn’t matter--the building was gross and still had Christmas decorations. Everyone in Greenpoint looks just like me--Polish. Everywhere people spoke Polish and all the stores had Warsaw falcons adorning them. It was pretty funny, but I felt like I was in some neighborhood of Scranton. There were some apartments to see in Jersey City, but we canceled those appointments and headed back to Chloe’s house with smiles on our faces. We got some sushi and went to the grocery store. I called home to talk about the apartments and fought with my Mom about my finances, or lack thereof. I felt delusional, like I shouldn’t have been getting my hopes up about the apartment. We finished the wine we had gotten the night before and watched some of Alfred Hitchcock’s “Rope”. I didn’t sleep a wink that night. My mind raced like it did on Christmas Eve when I was very little. I went up to the guest room to sleep with Lorena, even though the sun was now up. We looked up some more apartments, ones I could afford, then I talked to Bowen and my boss at financial aid about taking loans for housing. It would all be okay, and I was able to explain it to my parents back home. That night we drove to Playland in Rye, NY. This is where “Big” was filmed. We ate junk, posed in the photo booth, went on a haunted house ride, and watched some amazing fireworks over the Long Island Sound. I loved it so much. My Mom and Grace called the next morning to say they wanted to meet me in New York and see the apartment. I met them at Port Authority and we got on the Q. My Mom met Sid and his mother, then I showed them around the apartment. My Mom actually really loved it, so we took care of the paperwork, signed the lease, and got the keys. I showed them the area some more and admired the beautiful Prospect Park, then we sat outside at Burrito Bar for a while. I was really beside myself, and couldn’t let go of my new set of keys. It was like a had gotten back some part of me that had been missing. I can’t wait to move in. The three of us took the bus back home, and I couldn’t sleep like I usually do. It felt like Christmas Eve again. The next day was spent setting up for Crab Fest, which began as my aunt Mem saying she was going to make a lot of crab legs next Saturday. We made signs and hats and all kinds of shit while watching “The Joy Luck Club” so Grace wouldn’t have to read the book. I love that movie. Crab Fest 2006 was a great success, to say the least., even though the weather wasn’t so great. We ate a lot, and drank a lot, and I played a rousing game of “Would You Rather…?” with my aunts and my brother’s girlfriend. This eventually turned into “Who wouldn’t you have sex with over Tom Cruise?” For a few of us, sex with Osama, Hitler, Michael Jackson, or Charles Manson was still preferable to sex with the crazy Scientologist. Well, there is still so much to do before I leave. I have to move into my new apartment soon and hope I’m not too excited to sleep in it.
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