(no subject)
I've realized that my emotional state has become much simpler than it has been quite a while. I'm just surviving day to day and waiting very excitedly for the move down to Victoria. In some ways I guess this means I'm not investing myself in the whole day-to-day activities as much as I normally do, but I'm okay with that. I need to go home, really. I've stopped trying to convince myself that the situation is otherwise. I feel worn out from being up here on my own for so long. I don't want another Smithers winter, it's beautiful for sure but I'm just not a Northern girl. I want to be able to go for walks and coffees, head over to friend's places and enjoy the area in a way that I feel I cant up here.
I'm still battling with myself over feeling like coming home without guaranteed employment is a failure, that I shouldn't *need* to come home. But... I do. And I'm not going to make myself feel bad about that. There have been a lot of negative things happening recently, from undue stress from my parents to someone rifling through my car and stealing things. To new glasses and medical scares and the job situation. To seeing my boyfriend for two days over the course of five weeks. Things aren't good here, and I need to just make it through until Nov. 9. Then Lindsay and my dad are arriving and we're packing up and driving back to Victoria, where I feel I actually belong.
I'm still battling with myself over feeling like coming home without guaranteed employment is a failure, that I shouldn't *need* to come home. But... I do. And I'm not going to make myself feel bad about that. There have been a lot of negative things happening recently, from undue stress from my parents to someone rifling through my car and stealing things. To new glasses and medical scares and the job situation. To seeing my boyfriend for two days over the course of five weeks. Things aren't good here, and I need to just make it through until Nov. 9. Then Lindsay and my dad are arriving and we're packing up and driving back to Victoria, where I feel I actually belong.