(no subject)
I just have not been inspired to update. All my posts just tend to be a list of things I have done which is really boring. I am seriously thinking about a new journal to start again in but I have major issues about letting things go. I love reading through my old journal and often refer to it for dates and things. But there are things that I want to write about, but I know Ian now knows my new super duper secret password so he might hack in.
Christmas was such a relief after my misdemeanour although Ian got a new job with blackberry and the whole thing was tainted and overshadowed which I feel really bad about. Christmas eve is always down the full house (the local wetherspoons) getting absolutely off our faces and ruining Christmas, but this year all my friends decided to go to my local. I was ok with this as I really am not up for anything major after getting fucking arrested. We got down there and everyone was being ridiculous. All their girlfriends were with them, and I am not one of these girls who doesn’t get on with girls, but my male friends are so different when they are with them (this is to be expected) they sat inside as they won’t smoke in front of them and talked about houses and mortgages. Then I got a text from Maxine saying that she wasn’t coming down as her and Tom were staying in. This pissed me off so much as for the last 8 years we have gone out. He has moved in with her after some debacle where he punched her and his parents chucked him out and he had no option. Anyway he is a cunt and for the last year all she has done is moan about him and how he left her in the middle of Portugal and I have listened and been a good friend to all this shit. He is really possessive and her mobile is constantly stuck to her hand when we are together and he rings her all the time to check wgere she is. Also this dickhead is ‘mates’ with some little 17 year old emo girl who he texts constantly and sleeps at her house (this is probs alicecharlotte as she is from colechester) and he thinks this is appropriate. She said he had to leave Essex and live together if they wanted to stay together and he said no. So it is only when he fucking lamps her in the face and his parents see that he has no choice but to get a shitty transfer from his shitty pizza express and come and live in her mum and dads house. So she didn’t come to our Christmas eve tradition night out, she stayed in so she could be with him. I left my shit mates at the local and went to the full house and saw my oldest friends who were so fucked on ketamine I couldn’t talk to them. They left and didn’t even say goodbye. I found out one of them nearly died last week where he had done so much coke and ket (good idea uppers and downers - idiot) that his heart stopped. He looks so haggard and old even though he is only 25. He looks like a fucking rollingstone. All my friends from when I was young are like this, they just go to raves and get fucked and have no ambition and just leave without saying goodbye. I decided that I am going to make new friends this year.
Christmas was really casual, just round my mums, we ate loads, got a stupid amount of presents and just relaxed. My mum got me an arrested development hoody which I haven’t taken off and loads of books, nothing huge. On boxing day Ian and me cooked an awesome chilli from scratch and used our lazy susan that we got for our engagement to put all the dips and shit in it was hilarious.
New years is always shit because Ian’s birthday is so close, so we ended up going to Luton. Maxine had promised to drive us, but at 7 she hadn’t turned up. I rang and rang her but she didn’t answer. I rang her home phone and her mum said that she and Tom had gone to homebase to get furniture for their fucking box room love nest. I went mental. I rang her mobile and left her a voicemail that said pretty much what I had said in here and said I do not want to hear from her she has skanked me for the last fucking time. We went to Luton, Ian said no coke whatsoever, but when we got there I got two grams, did loads in the fucking toilets despite the fact this is how I got caught. Although this is a metal pub where the barman is the person I get it off. Went to another pub got really paranoid as it was a chain pub with bouncers etc, and I thought they would capture me, so we left. Stevo bought loads of MDMA back to mine and we all sat up and got fucked. I haven’t done MDMA for so long and after the coke wore off the MDMA started, I forgot how much fun it was, putting cold flannels on my face and talking shit and feeling so nice and loving Ian intensely. When it got light we went to bed on Ian’s birthday morning. We had Ian’s birthday on New Years Eve instead and just stayed in and watched a film with some bucks fizz.
So no more drugs and no more drinking. It is 14 days into January and I have had two bottles of beer and that is it. I am not going to waste money on this anymore, especially when I have no money in the month from going out on a huge fuck face weekend and watching hours of hard work go up my nose, and also my cheepo mates who never buy any noses. Ian and me cannot go out and not spend £200 at least on drinks and drugs and taxi’s for everyone. If it was just us I wouldn’t mind so much. But it never is.
I sent Maxine a facebook message, because I saw a picture (see below) of ‘Frank’ Carter, who is in love with Maxine and who I gave his first snog to and he wasn’t sure he was gay and he has a horrible skin head cross tattoo on his cheek, and is famous and a massive cunt. The first thing I wanted to do was call her and tell her about this disgusting wanker and what he has done now, but I couldn’t. I knew she would never make the first move but I don’t think I couldn't stand not being friends, so I sent the message and apologised for going mental but told her how I felt. I guess I will just have to wait.
Christmas was such a relief after my misdemeanour although Ian got a new job with blackberry and the whole thing was tainted and overshadowed which I feel really bad about. Christmas eve is always down the full house (the local wetherspoons) getting absolutely off our faces and ruining Christmas, but this year all my friends decided to go to my local. I was ok with this as I really am not up for anything major after getting fucking arrested. We got down there and everyone was being ridiculous. All their girlfriends were with them, and I am not one of these girls who doesn’t get on with girls, but my male friends are so different when they are with them (this is to be expected) they sat inside as they won’t smoke in front of them and talked about houses and mortgages. Then I got a text from Maxine saying that she wasn’t coming down as her and Tom were staying in. This pissed me off so much as for the last 8 years we have gone out. He has moved in with her after some debacle where he punched her and his parents chucked him out and he had no option. Anyway he is a cunt and for the last year all she has done is moan about him and how he left her in the middle of Portugal and I have listened and been a good friend to all this shit. He is really possessive and her mobile is constantly stuck to her hand when we are together and he rings her all the time to check wgere she is. Also this dickhead is ‘mates’ with some little 17 year old emo girl who he texts constantly and sleeps at her house (this is probs alicecharlotte as she is from colechester) and he thinks this is appropriate. She said he had to leave Essex and live together if they wanted to stay together and he said no. So it is only when he fucking lamps her in the face and his parents see that he has no choice but to get a shitty transfer from his shitty pizza express and come and live in her mum and dads house. So she didn’t come to our Christmas eve tradition night out, she stayed in so she could be with him. I left my shit mates at the local and went to the full house and saw my oldest friends who were so fucked on ketamine I couldn’t talk to them. They left and didn’t even say goodbye. I found out one of them nearly died last week where he had done so much coke and ket (good idea uppers and downers - idiot) that his heart stopped. He looks so haggard and old even though he is only 25. He looks like a fucking rollingstone. All my friends from when I was young are like this, they just go to raves and get fucked and have no ambition and just leave without saying goodbye. I decided that I am going to make new friends this year.
Christmas was really casual, just round my mums, we ate loads, got a stupid amount of presents and just relaxed. My mum got me an arrested development hoody which I haven’t taken off and loads of books, nothing huge. On boxing day Ian and me cooked an awesome chilli from scratch and used our lazy susan that we got for our engagement to put all the dips and shit in it was hilarious.
New years is always shit because Ian’s birthday is so close, so we ended up going to Luton. Maxine had promised to drive us, but at 7 she hadn’t turned up. I rang and rang her but she didn’t answer. I rang her home phone and her mum said that she and Tom had gone to homebase to get furniture for their fucking box room love nest. I went mental. I rang her mobile and left her a voicemail that said pretty much what I had said in here and said I do not want to hear from her she has skanked me for the last fucking time. We went to Luton, Ian said no coke whatsoever, but when we got there I got two grams, did loads in the fucking toilets despite the fact this is how I got caught. Although this is a metal pub where the barman is the person I get it off. Went to another pub got really paranoid as it was a chain pub with bouncers etc, and I thought they would capture me, so we left. Stevo bought loads of MDMA back to mine and we all sat up and got fucked. I haven’t done MDMA for so long and after the coke wore off the MDMA started, I forgot how much fun it was, putting cold flannels on my face and talking shit and feeling so nice and loving Ian intensely. When it got light we went to bed on Ian’s birthday morning. We had Ian’s birthday on New Years Eve instead and just stayed in and watched a film with some bucks fizz.
So no more drugs and no more drinking. It is 14 days into January and I have had two bottles of beer and that is it. I am not going to waste money on this anymore, especially when I have no money in the month from going out on a huge fuck face weekend and watching hours of hard work go up my nose, and also my cheepo mates who never buy any noses. Ian and me cannot go out and not spend £200 at least on drinks and drugs and taxi’s for everyone. If it was just us I wouldn’t mind so much. But it never is.
I sent Maxine a facebook message, because I saw a picture (see below) of ‘Frank’ Carter, who is in love with Maxine and who I gave his first snog to and he wasn’t sure he was gay and he has a horrible skin head cross tattoo on his cheek, and is famous and a massive cunt. The first thing I wanted to do was call her and tell her about this disgusting wanker and what he has done now, but I couldn’t. I knew she would never make the first move but I don’t think I couldn't stand not being friends, so I sent the message and apologised for going mental but told her how I felt. I guess I will just have to wait.