Day 11
Dear Journal
Today I was a bobcat and John was an ostrich.
Went and saw my mama today, and she is so good at reassurance. She says that everything will be fine, and her optimism is refreshing. We went to try to get John in his doctor's appointment, but the same thing happened with his insurance as happened to mine, so we had to leave checkup-less. We need to get him checked out, it's just going to take a little longer than I wanted.
It's said that God works in mysterious ways, and that there's a reason for everything. And though those two statements are cliche and overused, I believe them. I believe that help comes, and I believe in what my mama says. Optimism is a dying thing now days. At least, it looks that way. People don't believe, and then when they do, it's in the wrong thing or for the wrong reasons. "There's nothing" and "the lord gave me a truck!" Polar opposites, but equal in their nature. I want to know what is real, and the only way to do that is to feel it for myself. I know what I feel, and I know what I've been shown, and that is what I believe. I have rules and standards based on how I feel, and nothing save for new experiences could change that. I feel I'm right, at least right where I should be right now. I am thankful for every chance, every opportunity and ever miracle that I've known. I am thankful for every prayer answered. I will have faith in my own way as long as it keeps showing it's self to be in new lights.
These are trying times when you think of it. But if you think of it a little longer, you'll notice all the chances that have turned in your favor. Every stone laid down by some invisible hand in deep puddles for you to walk across. No, the hand will not walk you across, but make it so that you can walk it.
I am thankful for all the love I know. I know so much love, and see so much beauty. Thank you for letting me be. For putting me here in the first place. And then for all the things you've done for me. All the hours of silent whispers, listened to and arranged during the night to appear in the light of the next day, material. There. Real. Thoughts are real as ripples are. Drop a pebble, and the face of the water changes. Good thoughts, good hopes, good prayers. They are all real, and I will believe so as long as I can see the the blooming fruit on the bare tree that wasn't there yesterday. As long as I can touch it, and taste it, and smell it. I believe in what I see. I believe in what is shown to me. I believe what is real to me. And so should everyone. If only everyone knew how to get to it... this world would be a less pessimistic place.
Watched Hannibal Rising. Like the book much better. John's making meat. How appropriate, hm? :) We'll be to bed soon.
Best of Stuff
Ta,
L