musesandlyrics | 8.2. Eric Allenbaugh quote
8.2. "Painful as it may be, a significant emotional event can be the catalyst for choosing a direction that serves us -- and those around us -- more effectively."
Eric Allenbaugh
Co-written with gr8muppetyodin
[Follows THIS, THIS and THIS]
Buffy Summers, tourist.
It certainly was a change, and it even had a nice ring to it. Thankfully her French had been getting slowly better so she wasn't the complete ignorant American in Paris. She had managed to get herself the biggest cup of coffee available, and was nursing it against her chest as she stared up at the Eiffel Tower. The height probably wasn't helping her hangover and she had absolutely no urge to get up to the top. She was happy down on the ground level. At least she would be once she chose to look somewhere else and take a small sip of the precious caffeine. A small backpack she had strapped across her back contained a bottle of water and more painkillers. She really should have eaten something, but food was still a big no-no.
Especially the rich pastries that seemed to be so rampant in this city. Blaise's city. Everywhere she looked she couldn't not think about him. And then she thought about Rory back in the hotel room. Rory wasn't complicated. Rory was nice, and funny, and Scottish. Only he really was a friend. They would have never made the romance world even if they could still make the hot sex work. Hot, drunken sex. She shuddered as she remembered all the drinking, and tried not to give in to an urge to stick her head behind one of the legs of the Eiffel Tower and throw up.
Her mind was still churning with all the things she needed to think about. Blaise, Edinburgh, the Slayerettes... It all hurt and felt compounded by the god awful hangover. She just wanted simple. She missed simple. Simple like only one Slayer in the world, and true love still being something happy. Not something that gave her brain ache. Buffy turned around to walk around the other side of the Tower and nearly smacked right into a broad chest. She stared at the wall of muscle in front of her feeling like she knew it from somewhere. It was only when she squinted up to find Riley Finn looking down at her that she nearly dropped her coffee. "At least I'm not wearing a cow hat this time..."
Paris was starting to grow on him. He had been wary at first, and to be completely honest, he had hardly been able to pronounce croissant right, let alone start to figure out their whole language. The joys of government secrets ops, however. If you wanted to learn to scratch your ass and perform the whole semaphore alphabet at once, they would have a trainer riding you by sun down. He had picked it up relatively quickly, and a fresh start... away from America... really had been what he had needed. He had tried fresh starts a few times in the US, but each and every time they seemed to come back and firmly bite him in the butt. Maybe Europe had something more to offer, and on accepting his new promotion, rank, and location, he tried not to seem like a kid who just been offered the world's largest Oreo to snack on.
Six months he had been in France now, and this was the first day he had managed to get out for some sightseeing. The Eiffel Tower had seemed like a decent place to start, even if the locals scoffed and snorted about the tackiness of the light show it offered. Truth was, Riley found it pretty cool. It wasn't like America really had anything quite the same to offer. He had been looking up at the large structure, trying to work out how high it was without resorting to the tourist booklet right off when he got railroaded at the base of it. The only thing was, not a thing in the world could have prepared him to literally run into Buffy Summers again after all these years. Despite the fact he might have had knowledge of her presence in Europe...
He flashed her a bright smile, pleased to see her despite everything. "Well, well, well," he commented and then took her hand to kiss it lightly, much like he had seen a lot of Frenchmen do. "Bonjour, Mademoiselle Summers. Bienvenue à Paris."
Buffy wasn't sure if she was supposed to feel the tiny flutter in her gut that she felt when he kissed the back of her hand. And then he started up with the French and Buffy let out a wistful sigh. He was married, he was married, he was married. She definitely had to keep reminding herself of that. Just like the last time she'd seen Riley something in her kicked in and she couldn't help but remember all the good times they'd shared. And just how badly she'd wanted to reach the chopper that night he'd left Sunnydale. It felt like another lifetime ago, but there was still all these residual feelings. The what-ifs always played on her mind and she always wanted to know what it would feel like to give things another shot with Riley. Riley - the Iowa guy build for simple. She gave him a lopsided smile. "Bonjour, Monsieur Finn. I'm sorry, but I just... wow. Hi. Talk about a shock to the system. What are you even doing here?"
Riley released her hand and tucked both of his into the pockets of his black jeans. He was more than used to the inconspicuous lifestyle. Black jeans and a white t-shirt meant he could be one of the tourists, but if he wasn't, who was going to notice anyway. He glanced up again with a shrug. "A little sightseeing. I'm told you can't come to Paris without coming here, so I didn't want to be the crazy American to start a civil war or anything. You know me. I like the simple life. Iowa boy and all that..." he joked and then laughed, shaking his head. "Wow, it's really good to see you Buffy. How have you been? Will you let me buy you a coffee...?" He trailed off with a point, though, realising she was actually holding one. "Milkshake?"
"Hey, did you develop some telepathic abilities lately? Because reading my mind is so not fair. I was just thinking about how you liked the simple life. Iowa boy and all that... I've been missing the simple life recently. That's how I've been." Buffy reached up to touch her hair, realising she'd pulled it back into a messy bun because she couldn't have been bothered brushing it in the wake of waking up hungover. At least she didn't still have the vodka bottle in it. He was standing there looking amazing in the white t-shirt and tight black jeans and Buffy looked... terrible. She ducked her head as she laughed and gave a shake of her head. "No milk, please. This is the blackest I've had my coffee in a long, long time. If you know anywhere to get something that isn't rich in butter you can totally get me that."
Riley pressed his lips together and glanced around with a small shrug. He spotted a small vendor cart selling Evian down the sidewalk. "Water?" he suggested. He couldn't actually tell if she was giving him the brush off or not, so better to offer a happy medium. They had done the awkward, he didn't really want to revisit that any time soon if he could avoid it. "No. No telepathic abilities. That just always seemed like a fact you were a little stuck on about me. Understandable, considering I was turned into a potential military weapon. But hey, at least I got cool clothes to wear whilst doing it. I'm sorry things haven't been more... simple. If it's any consolation, that's something I can understand."
Buffy hesitated for a moment before she moved next to Riley and slipped her arm through his. At least he could keep her steady if the ground started moving. He always had been a touchstone for her. He hadn't mentioned his wife yet, and Buffy was too scared to even ask how Little Missus Soldier was going. She didn't want to know. "How about we just walk for a little while? I know this is me probably sounding crazy but the truth is I'm hungover. Really, badly hungover. And I was always stuck on that fact because I liked the simple you. Don't get me wrong, military you was always hot. And the clothes were... yum. But you grounded me. I'm sorry things haven't been simple for you either. Does this mean the black ops stealthy thing's changed?"
Riley looked down at her arm through his for a moment, and although there was some hesitation on his part, he started to walk slowly around the base of the tower through all the milling tourists with their cameras and phones out taking pictures. "Not grounded enough..." he had to remind her. They couldn't really escape their past, as tempting as it would be to try. There was nothing changing the fact that no matter how much he loved her, it was never enough for her. A curiosity about the hangover piqued, but he didn't question it. None of his business if she wanted to party on with some of France's finest alcohol. "I've gotten used to the not simple. I think I would get a beer gut and a Homer Simpson dent in the couch if I really had simple. I can't deny it, I would get bored. Boredom leads to restless and restless leads to... looking for the not simple. The location has changed, as has the rank. You could say I'm in the driver's seat now. Earned my big boy panties. Really earned them," he added wryly.
Buffy's face fell at the reminder. There really was no escaping the past. She'd messed up, and she'd messed up big time. He just happened to be here now, and if it wasn't for the constant reminder of his wife dancing through Buffy's head she'd already be fantasising about fresh starts. "Wait, wait. So you're here now? This is your base? That's some big boy panties, Riley Finn. Are they a little bit frilly? Maybe a little bit lacy... C'mon, you can tell me. Still, I'm sensing a story. If you don't want to get into the how then that's okay. We can talk about other things. Like you and a beer gut would just not work. Oh, um, I don't know if you heard or not but we closed the Hellmouth. Finally. The whole of Sunnydale is no more."
Riley nodded slowly. "Yeah, I heard. Pretty full on, huh? Not that it was really a town that had much to remain on the map for, and I mean that in the nicest possible way. I also heard that you had relocated to Scotland. How's that working out for you?" he asked as he squinted a little in the sunlight. The thing was, he also knew she had currently been in France, but it wasn't a fact he couldn't reveal without it sounding like he had been stalking her or something, which he hadn't. The whole bumping into her at the Eiffel Tower had been a cooincidence. It was his first day off in weeks, and after he got some sun and fresh air, he entirely planned on going back to his apartment and crashing out for a few hours to recharges the batteries. "I'm here. This is my new base... well, Europe is my new base, but Paris just happens to be HQ. Sans frills and lace, however. I'm not sure I could pull off frills and lace if I tried, as much of a lesbian as I am. It's not all that much to tell, really. I was up for a promotion around eight months ago, only I wasn't the only one who felt they deserved it. Long story short, I got myself poisoned in an effort to put me out of action when the promotion came up. But, uh... me and the, um, poisoner had been at each other's throats for months. It wasn't particularly surprising when it got dirty."
"Did you hear about the part where there's now a billion Slayers running around intent on murdering people? Because that's apparently the consensus. Personally I thought there was just a gaggle of Slayers. A flock? Maybe it should be a murder of Slayers... Anyway, I'm supposed to be all General Buffy now but as you can see I am very much not in Edinburgh. That's how well it's working out for me." She looked down at her feet as they walked and frowned as her mind once again returned to the fact that she really didn't know what she was doing. Maybe it was time to retire. "Riley, can I ask you something? You really are a massive lesbian. Even more than Willow is these days. Sounds like you know the poisoner. Who are they, and when can I kick their asses for trying to kill you?"
Riley scrunched up his nose a little. "No. Well, I heard there was more than one of you now, I just didn't exactly see the point of it. There's us... you... Hunters... you name it. We'll be running out of monsters to trace sooner or later. And to be fair, just because you aren't in one location doesn't necessarily mean things are going crap," he pointed out and sidestepped a little in towards her when he nearly got bowled over by a lady with a baby pram. "You know you can ask me anything. And what can I say, I really love a woman's body. There was no attempted murder, so stand down Slayer. It was merely a maiming born of months of... being rather pissed off, competitive, all that..."
"There was pretty much always more than one of me. I can't believe you forgot about Faith already." Buffy rolled her eyes a little as she shot him a wry smile. She might have patched things up with the rogue Slayer, but some of the past hurts still cut deep. Faith sleeping with Riley in Buffy's body was a big one. Again she didn't feel like asking about the wife, especially when she got a tingle down her spine as he moved closer to her, and the hangover ebbed enough for her to experience a flush in her cheeks as her attraction to Riley made itself known. She hadn't exactly forgotten how tall he was, but she had forgotten how much she'd always liked that. He had a way of making her feel safe without realising. "Do you think I'm... emo? Poisoning is still a big no-no. What aren't you telling me?"
"I haven't forgotten. My point still stands. Never did see the point of more than one. Not saying I don't get it, but opinions are opinions. Can't say I've ever been Faith's number one fan after... well, yeah. Old water, bridges, and stuff." Riley looked down at her with his eyebrows raised. "I think you have your emo moments. Maybe more than most, but then, jobs like ours, it's inevitable, isn't it? I'm telling you what you're asking. I'm being completely honest here. The poisoning wasn't to kill me, it was to make me sick so I couldn't be there to step up into the job. The thing is, I got it anyway, so it was a moot point at the end of the day. Best man for the job and all that. I worked pretty hard since leaving Sunnydale. I think I deserved it."
Buffy raised her hand and gestured futilely before the motion reminded her why hangovers were bad in the first place. She looked down at her coffee and scrunched up her nose before ditching it in a trash can as they passed. "Well, for one - I needed more than just my Slayer power to take on a whole Hellmouth full of uber vamps. I swear, you've never seen anything like them. All with the grr argh, and looking like old man scary vampires. It was needed at the time. I had to get the Potentials up to speed and fast. Now I'm having magic regret. Big, big magic regret. I did something that can't be undid. Well, not that I can figure out how. I don't know if Willow has some kinda mojo she can perform to reverse. Should it even be reversed? Am I allowed to just bow out when I've messed with the fabric of Fate? This is why my life is so not with the simple anymore." She glanced up at him as she slipped her other arm around his, effectively hugging a part of him. She had no idea why she was suddenly a Klingon other than the fact she was glad he was here. "See, that's what I think. Only there's this Scottish Hunter and he's all with the calling me emo and giving me the mime violin treatment. How can I not have the occasional doubts about my life? Who I am... Of course you deserved it. You were always the best man for the job. Any job, you were the guy."
Riley looked down at her clinging to his arm and cleared his throat, feeling a little akward. It seemed like considering their past, this was maybe treading some uncharted waters. He couldn't help feeling a little uncomfortable. A lot of time had passed. "I don't know, Buffy. I'm not even sure I believe in Fate, but whatever you need to do to make you happy. Isn't that what life should be about? Complicated doesn't mean you can't be happy. In fact, a lot of people with simple lives are miserable." He smirked with a small laugh. "Odd, I am not surprised in any way to hear you have been hanging out with Hunters. It was bound to happen one day. Have you given him reason to be mocking you like that? Am I the only one who remembers how you and I broke up? You did bang on about your own needs an awful lot. Sometimes other people need to be the ones banging on about theirs... you know, just saying," he added with a slight hint of sheepishness. "Or convenient helicopters might get in the way. Plus, my experience with Scottish guys, they're pretty straightforward and honest."
Buffy's brain finally returned to her and she released Riley's arm with an embarrassed look as she tucked a few stray strands of blonde hair behind her ear. "We were talking about me and... um, this French guy. He's, ah... descended from royalty or something. Tall, dark..." Fangy, she finished in her mind. "Not Angel," she added instead. "He's just got a few trust issues, and stuff. It's kind of a big deal to be introduced into his world and I keep not just putting my foot in it, but falling face first. Rory's the only one I can talk to about it, so I guess he's just been copping a lot of self-centred monologues. I don't mean to do it to him. I guess I have been selfish. But this is why I want to talk about you. And no, I haven't forgotten how we broke up. Just like I haven't forgotten that I missed you by one minute. I kept trying to wave at you, but you just didn't see me. I guess it was just meant to be that way. I mean, you're happy with Sam, right? She's all... your wife. And looking after you." It was the first time she'd brought up the wife and she swallowed down the green-eyed monster threatening to burst out. "He's very much with the straightforward and honest. We just wind up bickering."
"So... you're seeing some tall, dark, royal non-Angel French guy. That's... that's great, Buffy. That's really great. I mean, relationships are complicated. They take work. You'll get there. Makes sense why you would be here if it was for..." Riley waved his hand, not really sure what term was best in the circumstances, so he just cleared his throat again. "Well, one minute can be a hell of a long time when you're waiting for someone. I actually waited a lot longer than that for you, Buffy. We just weren't on the same page. Maybe the Scottish guy... Rory... is just bickering with you because you're like him? Some of the closest pals bicker all the time and if he's an opinionated Scot, maybe just listen and take it on board, then go back to bickering? I don't know. My best friends are my colleagues and if we bicker, it's usually about a job, or about the TV remote." At the mention of his wife, he just gave a short, cynical laugh. "Yeah... no. She was my wife," he corrected and then held up his left hand for evidence.
Buffy gave a shake of her head. "No, not seeing. Just... randomly making out with and trying to talk to without making a dick of myself. I don't really know how to explain it. There's just no seeing though. There was maybe some going to be seeing, but then I just sabotaged it in the stupidest way so now there's just... I don't know. Sort of talking?" Buffy shrugged as she struggled to even try and categorise whatever it was she had with Blaise. "I'm here to just... talk. I guess. I don't know." She threw up her hands helplessly. "I still feel stupid for not even realising we fell off the same page, but I really did have my head up my Slayer ass back then. I was kinda hoping I'd managed to pull it out, but sometimes I wonder. Guess the attacks of Dumb Blonde hit more frequently these days. I found the same page too late, and then you came back and you were all with your--" she broke off as it sunk in that Riley was implying Sam was his ex now and she balled her hands up into fists to stop herself from grabbing his hand just to make sure there really wasn't a ring on it. "Oh. Well, I'm really sorry to hear that. Good that you have friends to get you through the hard stuff. And I do listen to Rory. I do. It just takes until after the bickering for what he said to sink in and process."
"You do that a lot, you know. Trying to talk yourself out of relationships. Or convince yourself of reasons why it can't be a relationship. Not that I am one to judge. I haven't seen you in a long time and people change. Of course they do. I'm sure neither of us are who we were back then. You do know it actually requires talking to get things into gear in a relationship though, right? It's not just going to happen overnight. It's the figuring out if you both want the same things that is the hard part. It hurts to realise you don't..." They approached the drinks vendor and it gave him a break in the conversation to escape a little bit, gather his thoughts. He took his wallet out and in a brief French conversation with the vendor, he bought a bottle of water for Buffy and a Diet Coke for himself, handing over the cash before putting his wallet back into the back pocket of his jeans, handing her the water. "I should never have married a colleague. Things get too competitive. When you lose the professional distance, you lose the ability to be professional. Work got me through the hard stuff. Nothing else. There's only about one guy I would trust enough to offload my personal life to."
"Yeah, but this time... He's no Iowa boy, that's for sure. I guess I'm just scared. I don't know if it can ever be a relationship. There really are a lot of reasons why it's a bad idea. Why it shouldn't even be possible. But then Blaise has at least got me thinking about true love, and how I've never really... Maybe talking myself out of relationships is why. I never really lose myself in them enough to experience that jeronimo moment. Just that freefalling total love thing. I'm sorry, you really don't need any of this. You just need to tell me to shut up, okay?" Buffy took the chance to have a break as well as she kicked herself internally for rambling on about the one topic Riley really didn't need to hear about. She accepted the water with a smile, definitely still loving the fact that Riley came with the new upgrade of French. She clutched the bottle of water to her chest. "Was she the one that... Are you sure I can't kill her? Well, you need someone like that. Someone that's your confidant. I'm glad you have someone like that."
Riley looked at her with a hint of confusion mixed with amusement. "I'll try and not take that as an insult, and resist the urge to apologise for not being French," he told her and twisted the cap off his bottle of Coke to take a drink. But he nearly choked on the mouthful, coughing as he swallowed. "Blaise? And... um... yeah, well, you're the only one who can change that, Buffy. I guess on some level I got you to try and see that, but you didn't want to back then. I got tired. That's all. If I was going to tell you to shut up, I would have done it a long, long time ago." He shook his head with a small, wry smile. "You don't need to kill her. I don't even know where she is. Things just screwed up between us and there was no turning back. You saw us four months in. It wasn't long enough to screw anything up. I only knew her a short time before even that. Turns out, we... well, I can't say we wanted different things because it was more a fact of wanting the same things. I didn't know what she had done to me until the divorce was final. I was told the truth. It's pretty crap knowing someone you loved wanted to hurt you."
Buffy arched her eyebrow at him, not missing the near choking fit. "You know Blaise? You know, considering it's all meant to be with the super stealth with the You-Know-What's, they're doing a pretty good job of telling nearly everyone they meet. Rory's in on it, too. And hey, you should take it as an insult! I'm taking it as an insult. Here I was thinking I had experienced true love, but nope. The authority on true love tells me otherwise. I made him sick. I want to change it. I want to just give myself completely over to something. I want to maybe just kiss goodbye to the slaying for a while and just do something else. But then I think I don't really know how to do anything else. I'm selfish enough to want my old slaying life back, and to not suddenly be faced with an army to lead. I didn't want an army." Buffy had to stop as she just stared at Riley, trying to reconcile the image of Little Miss Perfect Soldier she still had in her mind with the news that she was the one to fuck Riley over. There was definitely an urge to kick some Sam ass, but she pushed it away. "I still can't... How could someone want to do that to you? To their husband?! It's more than crap, Riley!"
"I don't know what you're talking about, Buffy. If we're even referencing the same Blaise, being it a not uncommon traditional French name. The guy I know is one of the richest businessman in Paris. Of course I know him. It's a military thing. We're Americans. We have to make nice with the locals for them to be content with us having our HQ here." Riley remained calm and took in what else she had said. Surely she wouldn't be so reckless as to do it all over again? He just had no intentions of outright blurting that specific question out to her. "True love authorities? Making people sick? Are you sure you haven't gone just slightly mental? You're really not making any sense." He looked away with a small sigh, watching a pack of tourists bouncing up the sidewalk looking like they were all dressed the same and probably just piled off a backpackers bus somewhere. "Hey, you can't be all damn judgmental. How many vampires have you let feed from you now? Everyone has an agenda, Buffy. Everyone. It just so happened that mine and Sam's clashed. In a really messy, and nasty, and questionable way. Once I knew she was trying to knock me off my rank, the very reason she married me, I was just as bad as she was. I just... wouldn't poison someone to get a promotion."
Buffy pointed at him. "You so do know it's the same Blaise. And I might be just slightly mental but I'm still cute. I can carry off the mental... Kinda. He's a businessman in Paris, he practically owns the city. Blaise Richelieu. Or something. And you know he's more than just a businessman," she added quietly so only Riley could here. "Don't tell me you don't. Make nice with the locals so you don't tread on toes. And these locals specialise in keeping toes safe. Mostly their own." Buffy looked down at her water bottle and cracked it open to take a sip. The water was probably a lot better for her than the coffee would have ever been. "Well, I couldn't help it. Dracula was all with the thrawl. Angel was all with the dying, and... Never mind." If Riley really did know who Blaise was he could probably fill in the blanks himself. Spike was about the only vampire she hadn't let feed on her despite their closeness. "I still can't believe it. I'm sorry your marriage wasn't what you thought it was, Riley. I really am."
Riley looked at her blankly for a few moments and then went back to his Coke... and to walking. "I call mental," he replied with a shrug. "You need to lay off the booze. It's not good for you. It makes you far too paranoid for your own good. I don't do what I used to do. Strictly military now. We work with the French military, and the French military like keeping their biggest assets to their country happy. Plain and simple. You really are awesome with all those excuses. You wanted me to take account for my own actions with the nest, but when it comes to Buffy Summers, oh no. Buffy never does wrong when it comes to letting vampires get close. There are all reasons for that. No wonder you bug the Scot," he added, changing the subject abruptly. He couldn't help the twinge of bitterness that took the edge of his tone. "No you aren't. You're as relieved to hear I'm not married to Sam anymore as I am to be divorced."
Buffy managed to shut up again as they kept walking. It wasn't that she thought there was a different rulebook. She just didn't let someone feed on her every night just to feel needed. She still thought what Riley had done at the vampire brothel had been wrong. At least she had back then. Only now given the fact that she could get dragged into Blaise's world, maybe it was time to let that particular high horse ride off into the sunset. She glanced over at him and ducked her head. "I can't help it, I'm just really happy to see you. Alone."
It was probably a good thing she did remain quiet, because it would have opened a whole can of worms about being needed that Riley wasn't ready to pry open with a blunt, rusty knife again. And although words were on the tip of his tongue to blurt out the only reason he married Sam was because she made him feel needed, he stayed quiet too. He had been so messed up after the break up with Buffy, and Sam was kind, and smart, and kept him company. She was just there, and Riley made the error of projecting his feelings. It was any wonder they ended in a fiery mess when the foundation of their relationship was so unstable. All it did was leave him wondering if he was even capable of finding his own true love, because it was feeling increasingly more unlikely. Every time he thought he got it right, he got screwed over. "Awkward," he murmured. "Considering you're in the favours of someone else. Shame."
Buffy snorted lightly. "As if you'd even be interested. There are plenty of non-mental women out there that really would be crazy if they didn't snap you up. As for me, I don't think there are any favours. There's just a lot of talking to be had like I said. Who says I'll wind up in favours, anyway? The talk could be had and all that might happen is I get sent back to Edinburgh." Buffy gave a shake of her head. "I'm under no one's claim. That much was made clear," she replied quietly. That part really was sticking in her head. If Blaise had only claimed her to free her, then maybe she should just be free. That meant he didn't have a hold her. No one did. She was a free agent.
"You were the one who let me go, Buffy," Riley reminded her quietly. They were heading in the direction of the city now, and for some reason they just kept walking. It was true, Riley knew Blaise Richelieu and he knew that her words felt empty just from that fact. Blaise Richelieu didn't just 'talk' for the hell of it. In fact, he didn't talk to anyone he didn't want to. So many people knew he existed, but hardly anyone had actually even seen him in the flesh. "Then it must be one big wide, crazy world out there."
"I'm allowed to regret it," she murmured as she ran her finger around the top of her bottle. "When you came back to Sunnydale I had this hope... And it got busted for obvious reasons. And then of course my hideous secret was out, and how were you ever going to look at me the same? And then seeing you here... I let you go, but that doesn't mean I don't still care about you. A lot. So much. Sometimes I think about the what ifs and what could bes. Only I had to keep telling myself they were never gonna happens. I missed you, Riley. I still do."
Riley sipped his drink and listened to her. "Hindsight is always twenty-twenty, as they say. It would have been nice to hear all of this back then." His phone started to ring in his pocket and he pulled it out to answer it. One boring conversation later, he was smirking in amusement. "Dating woes. They seem to be catching. I'm just seriously indifferent as to whether the colour of my underwear has any bearing on how lucky I'm going to get on the pull." Strangely, his closest friend had come to be his old colleague, Graham, who had come to Paris with him after scoring the position of Riley's 2IC in the new unit. They hadn't been particularly close back during the Sunnydale time, but things changed. "Want to give him your female opinion? While you're at it, you could remind him that boxers versus boxer-briefs isn't a military emergency... and no, I'm not gay, before you ask. Though sometimes, I find myself wondering if that would be easier.'
"What happened to being a lesbian?" Buffy smiled a little at the in-joke as she just stared at Riley for a moment. She was still trying to wrap her brain around the fact that he was even in Paris in the first place. "Well, you were too busy making with another chopper exit. Besides, I did try and say something. Sort of. You had a wife! And I was wearing a stupid cow hat. How am I supposed to admit to lingering feelings and a need to find out if we really could work out and forgive the past and lose ourselves in each other properly wearing a cow hat?" After a beat Buffy crinkled her nose. "Personally I'm okay staying in the dark about Graham and his boxers. He's your best friend? Really? Huh. I guess he did come through for you that one time..."
"A chopper exit I did give you warning about. As much as I could, anyway. Right up until I told you, I wasn't sure I even wanted to think about going." Riley smirked and gave a small laugh. "He's saved my life a lot more than you realised, Buffy. He was the one that scraped me off the floor after the poisoning and called an ambulance. He was just the one who stuck with me through it all. Not that he is a particularly deep dude, nor does he say a whole lot, but he's still a mate. Just one with really bad taste in chicks. Buffy, cow hat, donkey hat, chicken hat, gorilla slippers... I probably wouldn't have agreed, married or not. You broke my heart, and it was still healing back then."
She huffed out a laugh as she looked up and around them, finally noticing that the Eiffel Tower was now behind them. "Remind me to thank Graham if I ever do have to give him the talk on underwear. Although I do just have to say I always liked your navy boxer-briefs best. The boxers that show about your waistband was just not a good look. Maybe you need to steer him in the direction of some good chicks? Help your mate out. How's your heart now?"
"Yeah, uh... that's where I tend to fail. My track record, I'm not sure I'm going to inflict my luck with chicks on any of my mates. Nor do they want me to." Riley screwed the cap back on his bottle and let it dangle loosely between his fingers as they walked. Two weeks without a day off before today, he was starting to get a little tired. "My heart is... cynical."
"That's how I feel about me giving advice to, well, Dawn about guys. Only I've strictly forbidden her to date. She's already been stupid about which boys she chooses. It's just safer if she doesn't bother." Buffy pressed her lips together as she thought about her little sister, and the fact she was neglecting to keep in touch. She made a mental note to change that when she actually knew what to tell Dawn she was doing. Just like when she'd decide to ring Giles, or Xander. "But cynical is not a complete no?"
Riley stopped walking with another small sigh and turned to her. "A complete no to what, Buffy? Look. You know what? My place is literally just a few blocks from here, and I haven't had any down time in two weeks. I'm just gonna head back there and chill out. Get my feet up, maybe have a beer, and take an afternoon nap, which I haven't done since grade school. You're welcome to join me if you feel like it, but please, don't railroad me into anything here. This is the first I have seen you in years and the fact of the matter is, you still broke my heart. Broke my heart, Buffy. Sure, you say you chased me... but you were too late. You had to think about chasing me, you didn't just know it in your heart. Was it Willow who talked you into it? Xander? So, forgive my cynical heart for not buying that any second chances would actually be any different to the first time."
Buffy gave a small shake of her head. "I don't know. I don't know what I'm asking. I guess it's more that I want to know it's okay to see you again, to maybe call you or something." She stuck her tongue out briefly. "You can definitely have the beer to yourself. I might just come for a little while. See where the newly promoted Riley Finn lives. It was Xander... He got me to see sense. Too late, but I did still see it. I'm not asking for anything right now. Just for it to maybe not be years before we see each other again."
"You can call me whenever you like. This is hardly high school. You don't need to punch in the number and hang up giggling when I answer. I can't always promise I'll be available to answer, but if I am, I will. Beer myself. Got it. I'm pretty sure you deserve any hangover you get. It's been a long time since I went out and just plain got drunk, but I won't pry. Xander... right. Figured it was one of them." Riley turned back and kept walking towards his place. "That's probably my fault. I didn't want to see you once I left. In fact, I wasn't sure I ever wanted to see you again."
Buffy bit down on the inside of her cheek as she slowly screwed the cap back onto her bottle of water. It wasn't like she had anything to say to that. She couldn't blame him for not wanting to see her again. She probably wouldn't want to see herself again either. She just wasn't sure what she could say to change his mind. His heart was cynical because she'd broken it. Now he was divorced on top of it, and she was confused over Blaise. Not to mention the fact she'd been been with Rory the night before. Buffy really did have to wonder what the hell she was doing. "You're a busy man. You're the go to guy. I'd understand if you couldn't answer the phone. I deserve the hangover? Nice, Finn. Real nice. It's been a long time since I've been that drunk. Last time was, well, it involved kitten poker. And Spike. So probably best not to ask." She cleared her throat after a moment. "Are you sure you're okay seeing me now?"
Riley held his hand up at the mention of Spike. He really did not want to ask now. In fact, he wasn't going to ask about any of it. Sure, she had a rough time... but so had he. The last thing he wanted was to get into a pissing contest over who had the suckiest experiences. "I'm the Commander of our unit. It keeps my schedule mostly filled with work. Don't get me wrong, I can get down time, I just don't choose to very often. I prefer to be kept busy. Every time I let myself stop being busy, I do something stupid like fall in love, and when I fall in love, I get booted in the nuts. Best to stay busy..." It was his turn to clear his throat now and he uncapped the bottle to take another quick drink as they walked. "Do I look like I'm running away screaming into the night? I'm not pining over you, Buffy. I stopped that a long time ago."
"I didn't mean to imply you'd be pining, but you might be making with the hate and the voodoo dolls. Anyway, not the point I wanted to be talking about. I'm accepting the invite and just enjoying a chance to talk to you. I still can't believe it. You, here in France. Of all the cities for you to have found your way to. So with the lack of down time does that mean you don't have any places you can show me? No cool insider knowledge on where the hotspots are. And I mean night hotspots. I'm strictly off duty, promise. I won't be cutting your grass, Commander," Buffy said as she held a hand up briefly.
Riley put his hand up and scratched the side of his neck. "Buffy, I've had an ex wife who poisoned me and a whole lot of other stuff in between this and when you broke up with me. I'm not pining, no voodoo dolls, no journals with your name outlined in lovehearts or carving RF and BS on trees. I moved on," he told her pointedly. He glanced down at her. "The grass surprisingly takes care of itself in France. I'm not so much a hunter these days as a tracker, so to speak... like, demon hunting with intelligence. FBI for creatures of the night." He smirked and then shook his head. "The Paris I know is hardly for the party scene. Maybe your French dude can take you out. At night.... of course."
Buffy made a face. "We tried that. It didn't end well." She wrapped her arms around herself as she tucked her bottle under one of them and glanced around to try and drink in some of the French architecture. It really was nothing like Sunnydale, or LA. It was maybe a little like Edinburgh, but it was just... Paris. And it still felt like Blaise's city. "How does it work? I guess it's too much to ask if you mind taking me on like a ride-a-long, right? We all know how it worked out the last time I did some work experience with you."
"It works well," Riley replied casually and then laughed, shaking his head. "You know I can't talk about it, Buffy. Not the fine details, anyway. And no. This stuff makes the Initiative look like child's play. It's just best that you stick to your tactics, and we stick to ours. It's military for a reason. Initiative was government. It's just a different playing field, and again, we have to function alongside the French military. It spans a lot further than Sunnydale."
"Which doesn't exist anymore, so it's kinda easy to span further than a crater. And okay, okay. Fine. Be all secretive." Buffy smiled a little as she glanced at Riley. "But I do still have a couple ways of making you talk, soldier."
Word Count | 7,763
Eric Allenbaugh
Co-written with gr8muppetyodin
[Follows THIS, THIS and THIS]
Buffy Summers, tourist.
It certainly was a change, and it even had a nice ring to it. Thankfully her French had been getting slowly better so she wasn't the complete ignorant American in Paris. She had managed to get herself the biggest cup of coffee available, and was nursing it against her chest as she stared up at the Eiffel Tower. The height probably wasn't helping her hangover and she had absolutely no urge to get up to the top. She was happy down on the ground level. At least she would be once she chose to look somewhere else and take a small sip of the precious caffeine. A small backpack she had strapped across her back contained a bottle of water and more painkillers. She really should have eaten something, but food was still a big no-no.
Especially the rich pastries that seemed to be so rampant in this city. Blaise's city. Everywhere she looked she couldn't not think about him. And then she thought about Rory back in the hotel room. Rory wasn't complicated. Rory was nice, and funny, and Scottish. Only he really was a friend. They would have never made the romance world even if they could still make the hot sex work. Hot, drunken sex. She shuddered as she remembered all the drinking, and tried not to give in to an urge to stick her head behind one of the legs of the Eiffel Tower and throw up.
Her mind was still churning with all the things she needed to think about. Blaise, Edinburgh, the Slayerettes... It all hurt and felt compounded by the god awful hangover. She just wanted simple. She missed simple. Simple like only one Slayer in the world, and true love still being something happy. Not something that gave her brain ache. Buffy turned around to walk around the other side of the Tower and nearly smacked right into a broad chest. She stared at the wall of muscle in front of her feeling like she knew it from somewhere. It was only when she squinted up to find Riley Finn looking down at her that she nearly dropped her coffee. "At least I'm not wearing a cow hat this time..."
Paris was starting to grow on him. He had been wary at first, and to be completely honest, he had hardly been able to pronounce croissant right, let alone start to figure out their whole language. The joys of government secrets ops, however. If you wanted to learn to scratch your ass and perform the whole semaphore alphabet at once, they would have a trainer riding you by sun down. He had picked it up relatively quickly, and a fresh start... away from America... really had been what he had needed. He had tried fresh starts a few times in the US, but each and every time they seemed to come back and firmly bite him in the butt. Maybe Europe had something more to offer, and on accepting his new promotion, rank, and location, he tried not to seem like a kid who just been offered the world's largest Oreo to snack on.
Six months he had been in France now, and this was the first day he had managed to get out for some sightseeing. The Eiffel Tower had seemed like a decent place to start, even if the locals scoffed and snorted about the tackiness of the light show it offered. Truth was, Riley found it pretty cool. It wasn't like America really had anything quite the same to offer. He had been looking up at the large structure, trying to work out how high it was without resorting to the tourist booklet right off when he got railroaded at the base of it. The only thing was, not a thing in the world could have prepared him to literally run into Buffy Summers again after all these years. Despite the fact he might have had knowledge of her presence in Europe...
He flashed her a bright smile, pleased to see her despite everything. "Well, well, well," he commented and then took her hand to kiss it lightly, much like he had seen a lot of Frenchmen do. "Bonjour, Mademoiselle Summers. Bienvenue à Paris."
Buffy wasn't sure if she was supposed to feel the tiny flutter in her gut that she felt when he kissed the back of her hand. And then he started up with the French and Buffy let out a wistful sigh. He was married, he was married, he was married. She definitely had to keep reminding herself of that. Just like the last time she'd seen Riley something in her kicked in and she couldn't help but remember all the good times they'd shared. And just how badly she'd wanted to reach the chopper that night he'd left Sunnydale. It felt like another lifetime ago, but there was still all these residual feelings. The what-ifs always played on her mind and she always wanted to know what it would feel like to give things another shot with Riley. Riley - the Iowa guy build for simple. She gave him a lopsided smile. "Bonjour, Monsieur Finn. I'm sorry, but I just... wow. Hi. Talk about a shock to the system. What are you even doing here?"
Riley released her hand and tucked both of his into the pockets of his black jeans. He was more than used to the inconspicuous lifestyle. Black jeans and a white t-shirt meant he could be one of the tourists, but if he wasn't, who was going to notice anyway. He glanced up again with a shrug. "A little sightseeing. I'm told you can't come to Paris without coming here, so I didn't want to be the crazy American to start a civil war or anything. You know me. I like the simple life. Iowa boy and all that..." he joked and then laughed, shaking his head. "Wow, it's really good to see you Buffy. How have you been? Will you let me buy you a coffee...?" He trailed off with a point, though, realising she was actually holding one. "Milkshake?"
"Hey, did you develop some telepathic abilities lately? Because reading my mind is so not fair. I was just thinking about how you liked the simple life. Iowa boy and all that... I've been missing the simple life recently. That's how I've been." Buffy reached up to touch her hair, realising she'd pulled it back into a messy bun because she couldn't have been bothered brushing it in the wake of waking up hungover. At least she didn't still have the vodka bottle in it. He was standing there looking amazing in the white t-shirt and tight black jeans and Buffy looked... terrible. She ducked her head as she laughed and gave a shake of her head. "No milk, please. This is the blackest I've had my coffee in a long, long time. If you know anywhere to get something that isn't rich in butter you can totally get me that."
Riley pressed his lips together and glanced around with a small shrug. He spotted a small vendor cart selling Evian down the sidewalk. "Water?" he suggested. He couldn't actually tell if she was giving him the brush off or not, so better to offer a happy medium. They had done the awkward, he didn't really want to revisit that any time soon if he could avoid it. "No. No telepathic abilities. That just always seemed like a fact you were a little stuck on about me. Understandable, considering I was turned into a potential military weapon. But hey, at least I got cool clothes to wear whilst doing it. I'm sorry things haven't been more... simple. If it's any consolation, that's something I can understand."
Buffy hesitated for a moment before she moved next to Riley and slipped her arm through his. At least he could keep her steady if the ground started moving. He always had been a touchstone for her. He hadn't mentioned his wife yet, and Buffy was too scared to even ask how Little Missus Soldier was going. She didn't want to know. "How about we just walk for a little while? I know this is me probably sounding crazy but the truth is I'm hungover. Really, badly hungover. And I was always stuck on that fact because I liked the simple you. Don't get me wrong, military you was always hot. And the clothes were... yum. But you grounded me. I'm sorry things haven't been simple for you either. Does this mean the black ops stealthy thing's changed?"
Riley looked down at her arm through his for a moment, and although there was some hesitation on his part, he started to walk slowly around the base of the tower through all the milling tourists with their cameras and phones out taking pictures. "Not grounded enough..." he had to remind her. They couldn't really escape their past, as tempting as it would be to try. There was nothing changing the fact that no matter how much he loved her, it was never enough for her. A curiosity about the hangover piqued, but he didn't question it. None of his business if she wanted to party on with some of France's finest alcohol. "I've gotten used to the not simple. I think I would get a beer gut and a Homer Simpson dent in the couch if I really had simple. I can't deny it, I would get bored. Boredom leads to restless and restless leads to... looking for the not simple. The location has changed, as has the rank. You could say I'm in the driver's seat now. Earned my big boy panties. Really earned them," he added wryly.
Buffy's face fell at the reminder. There really was no escaping the past. She'd messed up, and she'd messed up big time. He just happened to be here now, and if it wasn't for the constant reminder of his wife dancing through Buffy's head she'd already be fantasising about fresh starts. "Wait, wait. So you're here now? This is your base? That's some big boy panties, Riley Finn. Are they a little bit frilly? Maybe a little bit lacy... C'mon, you can tell me. Still, I'm sensing a story. If you don't want to get into the how then that's okay. We can talk about other things. Like you and a beer gut would just not work. Oh, um, I don't know if you heard or not but we closed the Hellmouth. Finally. The whole of Sunnydale is no more."
Riley nodded slowly. "Yeah, I heard. Pretty full on, huh? Not that it was really a town that had much to remain on the map for, and I mean that in the nicest possible way. I also heard that you had relocated to Scotland. How's that working out for you?" he asked as he squinted a little in the sunlight. The thing was, he also knew she had currently been in France, but it wasn't a fact he couldn't reveal without it sounding like he had been stalking her or something, which he hadn't. The whole bumping into her at the Eiffel Tower had been a cooincidence. It was his first day off in weeks, and after he got some sun and fresh air, he entirely planned on going back to his apartment and crashing out for a few hours to recharges the batteries. "I'm here. This is my new base... well, Europe is my new base, but Paris just happens to be HQ. Sans frills and lace, however. I'm not sure I could pull off frills and lace if I tried, as much of a lesbian as I am. It's not all that much to tell, really. I was up for a promotion around eight months ago, only I wasn't the only one who felt they deserved it. Long story short, I got myself poisoned in an effort to put me out of action when the promotion came up. But, uh... me and the, um, poisoner had been at each other's throats for months. It wasn't particularly surprising when it got dirty."
"Did you hear about the part where there's now a billion Slayers running around intent on murdering people? Because that's apparently the consensus. Personally I thought there was just a gaggle of Slayers. A flock? Maybe it should be a murder of Slayers... Anyway, I'm supposed to be all General Buffy now but as you can see I am very much not in Edinburgh. That's how well it's working out for me." She looked down at her feet as they walked and frowned as her mind once again returned to the fact that she really didn't know what she was doing. Maybe it was time to retire. "Riley, can I ask you something? You really are a massive lesbian. Even more than Willow is these days. Sounds like you know the poisoner. Who are they, and when can I kick their asses for trying to kill you?"
Riley scrunched up his nose a little. "No. Well, I heard there was more than one of you now, I just didn't exactly see the point of it. There's us... you... Hunters... you name it. We'll be running out of monsters to trace sooner or later. And to be fair, just because you aren't in one location doesn't necessarily mean things are going crap," he pointed out and sidestepped a little in towards her when he nearly got bowled over by a lady with a baby pram. "You know you can ask me anything. And what can I say, I really love a woman's body. There was no attempted murder, so stand down Slayer. It was merely a maiming born of months of... being rather pissed off, competitive, all that..."
"There was pretty much always more than one of me. I can't believe you forgot about Faith already." Buffy rolled her eyes a little as she shot him a wry smile. She might have patched things up with the rogue Slayer, but some of the past hurts still cut deep. Faith sleeping with Riley in Buffy's body was a big one. Again she didn't feel like asking about the wife, especially when she got a tingle down her spine as he moved closer to her, and the hangover ebbed enough for her to experience a flush in her cheeks as her attraction to Riley made itself known. She hadn't exactly forgotten how tall he was, but she had forgotten how much she'd always liked that. He had a way of making her feel safe without realising. "Do you think I'm... emo? Poisoning is still a big no-no. What aren't you telling me?"
"I haven't forgotten. My point still stands. Never did see the point of more than one. Not saying I don't get it, but opinions are opinions. Can't say I've ever been Faith's number one fan after... well, yeah. Old water, bridges, and stuff." Riley looked down at her with his eyebrows raised. "I think you have your emo moments. Maybe more than most, but then, jobs like ours, it's inevitable, isn't it? I'm telling you what you're asking. I'm being completely honest here. The poisoning wasn't to kill me, it was to make me sick so I couldn't be there to step up into the job. The thing is, I got it anyway, so it was a moot point at the end of the day. Best man for the job and all that. I worked pretty hard since leaving Sunnydale. I think I deserved it."
Buffy raised her hand and gestured futilely before the motion reminded her why hangovers were bad in the first place. She looked down at her coffee and scrunched up her nose before ditching it in a trash can as they passed. "Well, for one - I needed more than just my Slayer power to take on a whole Hellmouth full of uber vamps. I swear, you've never seen anything like them. All with the grr argh, and looking like old man scary vampires. It was needed at the time. I had to get the Potentials up to speed and fast. Now I'm having magic regret. Big, big magic regret. I did something that can't be undid. Well, not that I can figure out how. I don't know if Willow has some kinda mojo she can perform to reverse. Should it even be reversed? Am I allowed to just bow out when I've messed with the fabric of Fate? This is why my life is so not with the simple anymore." She glanced up at him as she slipped her other arm around his, effectively hugging a part of him. She had no idea why she was suddenly a Klingon other than the fact she was glad he was here. "See, that's what I think. Only there's this Scottish Hunter and he's all with the calling me emo and giving me the mime violin treatment. How can I not have the occasional doubts about my life? Who I am... Of course you deserved it. You were always the best man for the job. Any job, you were the guy."
Riley looked down at her clinging to his arm and cleared his throat, feeling a little akward. It seemed like considering their past, this was maybe treading some uncharted waters. He couldn't help feeling a little uncomfortable. A lot of time had passed. "I don't know, Buffy. I'm not even sure I believe in Fate, but whatever you need to do to make you happy. Isn't that what life should be about? Complicated doesn't mean you can't be happy. In fact, a lot of people with simple lives are miserable." He smirked with a small laugh. "Odd, I am not surprised in any way to hear you have been hanging out with Hunters. It was bound to happen one day. Have you given him reason to be mocking you like that? Am I the only one who remembers how you and I broke up? You did bang on about your own needs an awful lot. Sometimes other people need to be the ones banging on about theirs... you know, just saying," he added with a slight hint of sheepishness. "Or convenient helicopters might get in the way. Plus, my experience with Scottish guys, they're pretty straightforward and honest."
Buffy's brain finally returned to her and she released Riley's arm with an embarrassed look as she tucked a few stray strands of blonde hair behind her ear. "We were talking about me and... um, this French guy. He's, ah... descended from royalty or something. Tall, dark..." Fangy, she finished in her mind. "Not Angel," she added instead. "He's just got a few trust issues, and stuff. It's kind of a big deal to be introduced into his world and I keep not just putting my foot in it, but falling face first. Rory's the only one I can talk to about it, so I guess he's just been copping a lot of self-centred monologues. I don't mean to do it to him. I guess I have been selfish. But this is why I want to talk about you. And no, I haven't forgotten how we broke up. Just like I haven't forgotten that I missed you by one minute. I kept trying to wave at you, but you just didn't see me. I guess it was just meant to be that way. I mean, you're happy with Sam, right? She's all... your wife. And looking after you." It was the first time she'd brought up the wife and she swallowed down the green-eyed monster threatening to burst out. "He's very much with the straightforward and honest. We just wind up bickering."
"So... you're seeing some tall, dark, royal non-Angel French guy. That's... that's great, Buffy. That's really great. I mean, relationships are complicated. They take work. You'll get there. Makes sense why you would be here if it was for..." Riley waved his hand, not really sure what term was best in the circumstances, so he just cleared his throat again. "Well, one minute can be a hell of a long time when you're waiting for someone. I actually waited a lot longer than that for you, Buffy. We just weren't on the same page. Maybe the Scottish guy... Rory... is just bickering with you because you're like him? Some of the closest pals bicker all the time and if he's an opinionated Scot, maybe just listen and take it on board, then go back to bickering? I don't know. My best friends are my colleagues and if we bicker, it's usually about a job, or about the TV remote." At the mention of his wife, he just gave a short, cynical laugh. "Yeah... no. She was my wife," he corrected and then held up his left hand for evidence.
Buffy gave a shake of her head. "No, not seeing. Just... randomly making out with and trying to talk to without making a dick of myself. I don't really know how to explain it. There's just no seeing though. There was maybe some going to be seeing, but then I just sabotaged it in the stupidest way so now there's just... I don't know. Sort of talking?" Buffy shrugged as she struggled to even try and categorise whatever it was she had with Blaise. "I'm here to just... talk. I guess. I don't know." She threw up her hands helplessly. "I still feel stupid for not even realising we fell off the same page, but I really did have my head up my Slayer ass back then. I was kinda hoping I'd managed to pull it out, but sometimes I wonder. Guess the attacks of Dumb Blonde hit more frequently these days. I found the same page too late, and then you came back and you were all with your--" she broke off as it sunk in that Riley was implying Sam was his ex now and she balled her hands up into fists to stop herself from grabbing his hand just to make sure there really wasn't a ring on it. "Oh. Well, I'm really sorry to hear that. Good that you have friends to get you through the hard stuff. And I do listen to Rory. I do. It just takes until after the bickering for what he said to sink in and process."
"You do that a lot, you know. Trying to talk yourself out of relationships. Or convince yourself of reasons why it can't be a relationship. Not that I am one to judge. I haven't seen you in a long time and people change. Of course they do. I'm sure neither of us are who we were back then. You do know it actually requires talking to get things into gear in a relationship though, right? It's not just going to happen overnight. It's the figuring out if you both want the same things that is the hard part. It hurts to realise you don't..." They approached the drinks vendor and it gave him a break in the conversation to escape a little bit, gather his thoughts. He took his wallet out and in a brief French conversation with the vendor, he bought a bottle of water for Buffy and a Diet Coke for himself, handing over the cash before putting his wallet back into the back pocket of his jeans, handing her the water. "I should never have married a colleague. Things get too competitive. When you lose the professional distance, you lose the ability to be professional. Work got me through the hard stuff. Nothing else. There's only about one guy I would trust enough to offload my personal life to."
"Yeah, but this time... He's no Iowa boy, that's for sure. I guess I'm just scared. I don't know if it can ever be a relationship. There really are a lot of reasons why it's a bad idea. Why it shouldn't even be possible. But then Blaise has at least got me thinking about true love, and how I've never really... Maybe talking myself out of relationships is why. I never really lose myself in them enough to experience that jeronimo moment. Just that freefalling total love thing. I'm sorry, you really don't need any of this. You just need to tell me to shut up, okay?" Buffy took the chance to have a break as well as she kicked herself internally for rambling on about the one topic Riley really didn't need to hear about. She accepted the water with a smile, definitely still loving the fact that Riley came with the new upgrade of French. She clutched the bottle of water to her chest. "Was she the one that... Are you sure I can't kill her? Well, you need someone like that. Someone that's your confidant. I'm glad you have someone like that."
Riley looked at her with a hint of confusion mixed with amusement. "I'll try and not take that as an insult, and resist the urge to apologise for not being French," he told her and twisted the cap off his bottle of Coke to take a drink. But he nearly choked on the mouthful, coughing as he swallowed. "Blaise? And... um... yeah, well, you're the only one who can change that, Buffy. I guess on some level I got you to try and see that, but you didn't want to back then. I got tired. That's all. If I was going to tell you to shut up, I would have done it a long, long time ago." He shook his head with a small, wry smile. "You don't need to kill her. I don't even know where she is. Things just screwed up between us and there was no turning back. You saw us four months in. It wasn't long enough to screw anything up. I only knew her a short time before even that. Turns out, we... well, I can't say we wanted different things because it was more a fact of wanting the same things. I didn't know what she had done to me until the divorce was final. I was told the truth. It's pretty crap knowing someone you loved wanted to hurt you."
Buffy arched her eyebrow at him, not missing the near choking fit. "You know Blaise? You know, considering it's all meant to be with the super stealth with the You-Know-What's, they're doing a pretty good job of telling nearly everyone they meet. Rory's in on it, too. And hey, you should take it as an insult! I'm taking it as an insult. Here I was thinking I had experienced true love, but nope. The authority on true love tells me otherwise. I made him sick. I want to change it. I want to just give myself completely over to something. I want to maybe just kiss goodbye to the slaying for a while and just do something else. But then I think I don't really know how to do anything else. I'm selfish enough to want my old slaying life back, and to not suddenly be faced with an army to lead. I didn't want an army." Buffy had to stop as she just stared at Riley, trying to reconcile the image of Little Miss Perfect Soldier she still had in her mind with the news that she was the one to fuck Riley over. There was definitely an urge to kick some Sam ass, but she pushed it away. "I still can't... How could someone want to do that to you? To their husband?! It's more than crap, Riley!"
"I don't know what you're talking about, Buffy. If we're even referencing the same Blaise, being it a not uncommon traditional French name. The guy I know is one of the richest businessman in Paris. Of course I know him. It's a military thing. We're Americans. We have to make nice with the locals for them to be content with us having our HQ here." Riley remained calm and took in what else she had said. Surely she wouldn't be so reckless as to do it all over again? He just had no intentions of outright blurting that specific question out to her. "True love authorities? Making people sick? Are you sure you haven't gone just slightly mental? You're really not making any sense." He looked away with a small sigh, watching a pack of tourists bouncing up the sidewalk looking like they were all dressed the same and probably just piled off a backpackers bus somewhere. "Hey, you can't be all damn judgmental. How many vampires have you let feed from you now? Everyone has an agenda, Buffy. Everyone. It just so happened that mine and Sam's clashed. In a really messy, and nasty, and questionable way. Once I knew she was trying to knock me off my rank, the very reason she married me, I was just as bad as she was. I just... wouldn't poison someone to get a promotion."
Buffy pointed at him. "You so do know it's the same Blaise. And I might be just slightly mental but I'm still cute. I can carry off the mental... Kinda. He's a businessman in Paris, he practically owns the city. Blaise Richelieu. Or something. And you know he's more than just a businessman," she added quietly so only Riley could here. "Don't tell me you don't. Make nice with the locals so you don't tread on toes. And these locals specialise in keeping toes safe. Mostly their own." Buffy looked down at her water bottle and cracked it open to take a sip. The water was probably a lot better for her than the coffee would have ever been. "Well, I couldn't help it. Dracula was all with the thrawl. Angel was all with the dying, and... Never mind." If Riley really did know who Blaise was he could probably fill in the blanks himself. Spike was about the only vampire she hadn't let feed on her despite their closeness. "I still can't believe it. I'm sorry your marriage wasn't what you thought it was, Riley. I really am."
Riley looked at her blankly for a few moments and then went back to his Coke... and to walking. "I call mental," he replied with a shrug. "You need to lay off the booze. It's not good for you. It makes you far too paranoid for your own good. I don't do what I used to do. Strictly military now. We work with the French military, and the French military like keeping their biggest assets to their country happy. Plain and simple. You really are awesome with all those excuses. You wanted me to take account for my own actions with the nest, but when it comes to Buffy Summers, oh no. Buffy never does wrong when it comes to letting vampires get close. There are all reasons for that. No wonder you bug the Scot," he added, changing the subject abruptly. He couldn't help the twinge of bitterness that took the edge of his tone. "No you aren't. You're as relieved to hear I'm not married to Sam anymore as I am to be divorced."
Buffy managed to shut up again as they kept walking. It wasn't that she thought there was a different rulebook. She just didn't let someone feed on her every night just to feel needed. She still thought what Riley had done at the vampire brothel had been wrong. At least she had back then. Only now given the fact that she could get dragged into Blaise's world, maybe it was time to let that particular high horse ride off into the sunset. She glanced over at him and ducked her head. "I can't help it, I'm just really happy to see you. Alone."
It was probably a good thing she did remain quiet, because it would have opened a whole can of worms about being needed that Riley wasn't ready to pry open with a blunt, rusty knife again. And although words were on the tip of his tongue to blurt out the only reason he married Sam was because she made him feel needed, he stayed quiet too. He had been so messed up after the break up with Buffy, and Sam was kind, and smart, and kept him company. She was just there, and Riley made the error of projecting his feelings. It was any wonder they ended in a fiery mess when the foundation of their relationship was so unstable. All it did was leave him wondering if he was even capable of finding his own true love, because it was feeling increasingly more unlikely. Every time he thought he got it right, he got screwed over. "Awkward," he murmured. "Considering you're in the favours of someone else. Shame."
Buffy snorted lightly. "As if you'd even be interested. There are plenty of non-mental women out there that really would be crazy if they didn't snap you up. As for me, I don't think there are any favours. There's just a lot of talking to be had like I said. Who says I'll wind up in favours, anyway? The talk could be had and all that might happen is I get sent back to Edinburgh." Buffy gave a shake of her head. "I'm under no one's claim. That much was made clear," she replied quietly. That part really was sticking in her head. If Blaise had only claimed her to free her, then maybe she should just be free. That meant he didn't have a hold her. No one did. She was a free agent.
"You were the one who let me go, Buffy," Riley reminded her quietly. They were heading in the direction of the city now, and for some reason they just kept walking. It was true, Riley knew Blaise Richelieu and he knew that her words felt empty just from that fact. Blaise Richelieu didn't just 'talk' for the hell of it. In fact, he didn't talk to anyone he didn't want to. So many people knew he existed, but hardly anyone had actually even seen him in the flesh. "Then it must be one big wide, crazy world out there."
"I'm allowed to regret it," she murmured as she ran her finger around the top of her bottle. "When you came back to Sunnydale I had this hope... And it got busted for obvious reasons. And then of course my hideous secret was out, and how were you ever going to look at me the same? And then seeing you here... I let you go, but that doesn't mean I don't still care about you. A lot. So much. Sometimes I think about the what ifs and what could bes. Only I had to keep telling myself they were never gonna happens. I missed you, Riley. I still do."
Riley sipped his drink and listened to her. "Hindsight is always twenty-twenty, as they say. It would have been nice to hear all of this back then." His phone started to ring in his pocket and he pulled it out to answer it. One boring conversation later, he was smirking in amusement. "Dating woes. They seem to be catching. I'm just seriously indifferent as to whether the colour of my underwear has any bearing on how lucky I'm going to get on the pull." Strangely, his closest friend had come to be his old colleague, Graham, who had come to Paris with him after scoring the position of Riley's 2IC in the new unit. They hadn't been particularly close back during the Sunnydale time, but things changed. "Want to give him your female opinion? While you're at it, you could remind him that boxers versus boxer-briefs isn't a military emergency... and no, I'm not gay, before you ask. Though sometimes, I find myself wondering if that would be easier.'
"What happened to being a lesbian?" Buffy smiled a little at the in-joke as she just stared at Riley for a moment. She was still trying to wrap her brain around the fact that he was even in Paris in the first place. "Well, you were too busy making with another chopper exit. Besides, I did try and say something. Sort of. You had a wife! And I was wearing a stupid cow hat. How am I supposed to admit to lingering feelings and a need to find out if we really could work out and forgive the past and lose ourselves in each other properly wearing a cow hat?" After a beat Buffy crinkled her nose. "Personally I'm okay staying in the dark about Graham and his boxers. He's your best friend? Really? Huh. I guess he did come through for you that one time..."
"A chopper exit I did give you warning about. As much as I could, anyway. Right up until I told you, I wasn't sure I even wanted to think about going." Riley smirked and gave a small laugh. "He's saved my life a lot more than you realised, Buffy. He was the one that scraped me off the floor after the poisoning and called an ambulance. He was just the one who stuck with me through it all. Not that he is a particularly deep dude, nor does he say a whole lot, but he's still a mate. Just one with really bad taste in chicks. Buffy, cow hat, donkey hat, chicken hat, gorilla slippers... I probably wouldn't have agreed, married or not. You broke my heart, and it was still healing back then."
She huffed out a laugh as she looked up and around them, finally noticing that the Eiffel Tower was now behind them. "Remind me to thank Graham if I ever do have to give him the talk on underwear. Although I do just have to say I always liked your navy boxer-briefs best. The boxers that show about your waistband was just not a good look. Maybe you need to steer him in the direction of some good chicks? Help your mate out. How's your heart now?"
"Yeah, uh... that's where I tend to fail. My track record, I'm not sure I'm going to inflict my luck with chicks on any of my mates. Nor do they want me to." Riley screwed the cap back on his bottle and let it dangle loosely between his fingers as they walked. Two weeks without a day off before today, he was starting to get a little tired. "My heart is... cynical."
"That's how I feel about me giving advice to, well, Dawn about guys. Only I've strictly forbidden her to date. She's already been stupid about which boys she chooses. It's just safer if she doesn't bother." Buffy pressed her lips together as she thought about her little sister, and the fact she was neglecting to keep in touch. She made a mental note to change that when she actually knew what to tell Dawn she was doing. Just like when she'd decide to ring Giles, or Xander. "But cynical is not a complete no?"
Riley stopped walking with another small sigh and turned to her. "A complete no to what, Buffy? Look. You know what? My place is literally just a few blocks from here, and I haven't had any down time in two weeks. I'm just gonna head back there and chill out. Get my feet up, maybe have a beer, and take an afternoon nap, which I haven't done since grade school. You're welcome to join me if you feel like it, but please, don't railroad me into anything here. This is the first I have seen you in years and the fact of the matter is, you still broke my heart. Broke my heart, Buffy. Sure, you say you chased me... but you were too late. You had to think about chasing me, you didn't just know it in your heart. Was it Willow who talked you into it? Xander? So, forgive my cynical heart for not buying that any second chances would actually be any different to the first time."
Buffy gave a small shake of her head. "I don't know. I don't know what I'm asking. I guess it's more that I want to know it's okay to see you again, to maybe call you or something." She stuck her tongue out briefly. "You can definitely have the beer to yourself. I might just come for a little while. See where the newly promoted Riley Finn lives. It was Xander... He got me to see sense. Too late, but I did still see it. I'm not asking for anything right now. Just for it to maybe not be years before we see each other again."
"You can call me whenever you like. This is hardly high school. You don't need to punch in the number and hang up giggling when I answer. I can't always promise I'll be available to answer, but if I am, I will. Beer myself. Got it. I'm pretty sure you deserve any hangover you get. It's been a long time since I went out and just plain got drunk, but I won't pry. Xander... right. Figured it was one of them." Riley turned back and kept walking towards his place. "That's probably my fault. I didn't want to see you once I left. In fact, I wasn't sure I ever wanted to see you again."
Buffy bit down on the inside of her cheek as she slowly screwed the cap back onto her bottle of water. It wasn't like she had anything to say to that. She couldn't blame him for not wanting to see her again. She probably wouldn't want to see herself again either. She just wasn't sure what she could say to change his mind. His heart was cynical because she'd broken it. Now he was divorced on top of it, and she was confused over Blaise. Not to mention the fact she'd been been with Rory the night before. Buffy really did have to wonder what the hell she was doing. "You're a busy man. You're the go to guy. I'd understand if you couldn't answer the phone. I deserve the hangover? Nice, Finn. Real nice. It's been a long time since I've been that drunk. Last time was, well, it involved kitten poker. And Spike. So probably best not to ask." She cleared her throat after a moment. "Are you sure you're okay seeing me now?"
Riley held his hand up at the mention of Spike. He really did not want to ask now. In fact, he wasn't going to ask about any of it. Sure, she had a rough time... but so had he. The last thing he wanted was to get into a pissing contest over who had the suckiest experiences. "I'm the Commander of our unit. It keeps my schedule mostly filled with work. Don't get me wrong, I can get down time, I just don't choose to very often. I prefer to be kept busy. Every time I let myself stop being busy, I do something stupid like fall in love, and when I fall in love, I get booted in the nuts. Best to stay busy..." It was his turn to clear his throat now and he uncapped the bottle to take another quick drink as they walked. "Do I look like I'm running away screaming into the night? I'm not pining over you, Buffy. I stopped that a long time ago."
"I didn't mean to imply you'd be pining, but you might be making with the hate and the voodoo dolls. Anyway, not the point I wanted to be talking about. I'm accepting the invite and just enjoying a chance to talk to you. I still can't believe it. You, here in France. Of all the cities for you to have found your way to. So with the lack of down time does that mean you don't have any places you can show me? No cool insider knowledge on where the hotspots are. And I mean night hotspots. I'm strictly off duty, promise. I won't be cutting your grass, Commander," Buffy said as she held a hand up briefly.
Riley put his hand up and scratched the side of his neck. "Buffy, I've had an ex wife who poisoned me and a whole lot of other stuff in between this and when you broke up with me. I'm not pining, no voodoo dolls, no journals with your name outlined in lovehearts or carving RF and BS on trees. I moved on," he told her pointedly. He glanced down at her. "The grass surprisingly takes care of itself in France. I'm not so much a hunter these days as a tracker, so to speak... like, demon hunting with intelligence. FBI for creatures of the night." He smirked and then shook his head. "The Paris I know is hardly for the party scene. Maybe your French dude can take you out. At night.... of course."
Buffy made a face. "We tried that. It didn't end well." She wrapped her arms around herself as she tucked her bottle under one of them and glanced around to try and drink in some of the French architecture. It really was nothing like Sunnydale, or LA. It was maybe a little like Edinburgh, but it was just... Paris. And it still felt like Blaise's city. "How does it work? I guess it's too much to ask if you mind taking me on like a ride-a-long, right? We all know how it worked out the last time I did some work experience with you."
"It works well," Riley replied casually and then laughed, shaking his head. "You know I can't talk about it, Buffy. Not the fine details, anyway. And no. This stuff makes the Initiative look like child's play. It's just best that you stick to your tactics, and we stick to ours. It's military for a reason. Initiative was government. It's just a different playing field, and again, we have to function alongside the French military. It spans a lot further than Sunnydale."
"Which doesn't exist anymore, so it's kinda easy to span further than a crater. And okay, okay. Fine. Be all secretive." Buffy smiled a little as she glanced at Riley. "But I do still have a couple ways of making you talk, soldier."
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