Bittersweet (Bound Tag)
TITLE: Bittersweet (Bound Tag)
AUTHOR: LOTSlove®
CHARACTERS: Richard / Kahlan
RATING: PG 16
WARNINGS: Author Chooses Not to Use Warnings
TIMELINE: Anything up through S2 season finale (Tears)
DISCLAIMER: I’m completely obsessed with the show Legend of the Seeker and all things Richard and Kahlan. I love to write about them even though they cancelled my show and now I’m fighting to get it back!
SUMMARY: Following the episode Bound, Richard comforts Kahlan after everything she’s been through. Written from Richard’s POV.
Bittersweet
Walking along the dimly shaded floor of the woods, I can’t help the sense of contentment that has settled over me despite the fact that we have yet to find the Stone of Tears. Another catastrophe has been averted, one of the most terrifying yet and I can’t help but relish the fact that Kahlan is safely by my side once again where she belongs.
I inhale deeply, breathing in the smells of the forest that encircle me, embracing me and welcoming me home like a long lost friend. The combined scents of pine needles, moss and dirt fill my lungs and remind me of Hartland. Although I miss my home at times, I wouldn’t trade this life for all the fortune in the world and it’s all because of the woman that I’m looking for now.
I gladly gave up my former life, just a ghost of the man that I thought that I was all for her as well as to follow the path that I had been chosen to take long before I was even born.
My conscious mind barely registers the snap of twigs beneath my boots or the soft melody of the birds in the branches above me as I work my way deeper into the thick tangle of trees. After setting up rabbit traps in hopes of catching some game for dinner, I had returned to camp to find Kahlan gone.
Mild concern is now beginning to expand the longer that I search without finding her. She has been through a lot lately, more than her fair share. Who could possibly blame her for wanting some time alone to sort through the things that have just happened to her?
But that is also the very reason why I can’t help but worry about her.
I wish more than anything in this world that I could have been there for her during this latest chaos, been by her side to lend her my strength when she was reunited with her father after all these years. I don’t know if I could have been able to contain my rage at what that vile excuse for a parent had put her through as a child, but for her I would’ve at least tried.
Instead I had been forced into protecting the enemy, a situation that I could never have anticipated being drawn into. Who knew that such a magical spell was even possible, linking two people’s souls together so perfectly like that?
Every narrowly missed dacra, every Sister of the Dark that endangered Nicci’s life threatened Kahlan’s as well. How many times had my heart nearly stopped beating altogether during the time I spent with the dark sorceress?
Every cut, every blow that Nicci received directly happened to my Confessor.
When I saw that hulk of a man pinning Nicci to the bed with his body, it took every ounce of strength I had to contain the rage that coursed through my system, nearly pushing me over the edge of insanity. It was all I could do to keep myself from slicing that man to shreds with my sword.
But then to learn that Nicci had asked to be beaten like that, to be treated like some worthless piece of trash had made me physically ill. She had done it to punish me, knowing that whatever she received Kahlan would receive as well.
And she knew no other punishment could hurt me more than to hurt the woman that I would give my all for. It was the best way to control me and she used her to advantage.
Squeezing my eyes closed, I’m almost sick with the memory now.
Had I not left to try and save that husband and wife, Nicci never would have provoked such a dreadful attack, punishing me by allowing herself to be beaten and used and therefore Kahlan as well.
My knees had nearly buckled when Nicci took my hand and wiped the blood oozing from her lip, telling me it was Kahlan’s blood on my hand. All I could see in that moment was Kahlan with identical cuts, matching bruises forming on her beautiful face and not understanding what had truly happened or that I had been to blame for it.
What had Kahlan been thinking when she had been suddenly held down to the ground unable to move, the feel of unseen lips ghosting along her throat? Had she thought that I was making love with Nicci, that I was betraying the love that I felt for her?
My throat suddenly tightens so painfully that I can barely draw air. I pause in my search to lean my hand against a tree in an attempt to draw in my emotions.
Kahlan had to know that I would never betray her like that, would never give myself to another. How could I when my heart belongs only to her? Every woman that I meet is immediately compared to her in every way and every time I find they pale so mightily in comparison.
No one can possibly compare to her.
I know that we will be together someday, husband and wife in every way and I can hardly wait. I know it as sure as I know the sun will rise tomorrow or that the sky is blue and the grass is green and that Zedd will never miss a meal.
It’s not something that I can pinpoint, but a deep-seated belief that I feel inside of me. The belief is so strong that it never waivers, not even when I see the fear in her eyes when her magic begins to stir and causes her to pull away from me.
I have seen our love withstand the most trying of situations only to come out even stronger in the end, our bond becoming more powerful as time goes by. Nothing can ever get in the way of it and certainly not a Sister of the Dark throwing herself at me.
My need, my hunger is for Kahlan and Kahlan alone. No other woman could ever satisfy, no fleeting night of pleasure with another woman could ever begin to temper my heated desire for my Confessor. I know that my dreams could never compare to the reality that will be our life together someday.
Looking down, the imprints of her boots are clearly visible in the soft earth, allowing me to easily track her through the dense clump of trees. At least she isn’t concealing her destination from me, shutting me completely out of her pain. That would be something that I could not bear especially after coming so close to losing her this time.
Watching Nicci’s life slip away had been the most horrifying experience of my life, knowing that Kahlan was slipping away from me and there was nothing I could do stop it. I continued to rip flowers from the ground, squeezing the juice from the petals in desperate hope that maybe just one more drop might be what was necessary to save her life.
And then nothing happened and in that second I saw my entire life, my heart, my future slipping away from me. I couldn’t help myself. I had to make Kahlan know that I was there, that I had not abandoned her.
Without a second thought, I had begun to kiss Nicci’s forehead, her eyelids, her nose, desperate for Kahlan to feel my presence, my kisses, my love. I had kissed her lips then, tears spilling down my cheeks. And then Nicci had begun to respond and I found myself momentarily kissing her back, still gripped with grief as I tried to will Kahlan to live.
I can only hope that she felt my love in that moment, that she knew that I had not left her.
When I had seen Kahlan coming down that path this afternoon, I couldn’t help but run towards her, needing to kiss her and feel her body alive and safe in my arms again. I don’t think I had ever been so relieved in my life to see her, to know that she was no longer linked to Nicci.
Looking into her beautiful blue eyes lined with fatigue, I knew that she had been equally relieved to see me as well. She had sworn to me that she was fine now that I was safe. I could see the truth of her words shining behind the tears in her eyes, but the hint of anguish that lingered there spoke of a deeper struggle that she was still battling with.
How could she possibly be fine after seeing her father again after escaping his abuse? How could she be alright after all that Nicci had put her through, that I ultimately put her through as Nicci’s protector and therefore hers as well?
I could feel my anger stirring again. I may be the Seeker, wielder of the Sword of Truth, but even I can’t protect Kahlan from everything in this life no matter how hard I try. That frustrates me more than anything, not being able to protect the one that I love most in this life from all the hurts that come her way.
I never would have guessed that watching the person that I love suffer would hurt my heart more than any dagger or arrow ever could.
Finally entering a small clearing, I find the object of my desire sitting on a fallen log. The setting sun creates a breathtaking scene of soft pastels that blanket everything in its path including the Mother Confessor herself, her shadow on the ground her only companion right now.
Kahlan looks so small sitting alone on the edge of the cliff overlooking the lush valley below. It hurts me to see her like that and yet for some reason I have difficulty making my legs work. I’m not sure if it’s because of the guilt that still lingers in my soul over the things that had happened to Nicci and therefore to Kahlan. Or maybe it’s just because I’m suddenly awestruck by her beauty, the way that the fading sunlight is playing against her face and hair, creating an ethereal glow about her.
Either way, I need to be near her just as badly as I know that she needs me right now.
As I softly make my way towards her, I suddenly wonder where I would be without her. I would be lost, a nomad adrift in my own desolate world or probably even dead. And I immediately know that death would be preferable to having to live without her for she has somehow managed to become my all, my everything since I first met her.
Her scent lightly fills the air as well as my nostrils as I draw near and I inhale deeply, absorbing every ounce of it that I can. It’s like ambrosia to my very soul, taking me and my desire for her to a whole other plane.
To me, there are only two absolute truths in this world. I cling to these truths with all that I am, believe in them wholly.
The first one is that I love Kahlan, love her beyond anything that I’d ever known.
And the second…apart from her I could not survive.
Kahlan was the vital part of me that had been missing, a piece of me that I hadn’t known that I had needed until I had met her. I suddenly felt complete, whole and new when she had entered my life and turned my world upside down.
“Kahlan.” I softly say her name, not wanting to startle her.
She looks up at me with tears swimming in her bright blue eyes that always manage to take my breath away. She immediately begins to wipe at her tears in embarrassment, forcing a smile that I know is meant to temper my worry.
I kneel down before her, gently pushing her hands out of the way. I brush away the tears that now stain her cheeks, her skin like the finest velvet beneath my fingertips. She sighs softly as her eyes momentarily fall closed, her hand reaching up to clutch at mine that is now cupping the side of her face.
My free hand grasps the other side as I gaze into the bluest eyes I’ve ever seen. Closing mine, I lean in and press my lips softly to her forehead, aching inside to take away all of her pain and replace it with nothing but the happiness that she brings me every day of my life just with her presence alone.
“I’m sorry,” she murmured, pulling out of my hold on her and turning away. “I didn’t want you to see me like this.”
“Why not?” I ask, moving to sit on the log beside her.
I wrap my arm around her shoulders and pull her against him. She surprisingly comes easily to me, not fighting against my need to hold her right now. She melts into me and I melt as well with the easiness we share despite the unspoken obstacle that keeps me from loving her like we both so desperately want.
“I shouldn’t be so upset over seeing my mother and father again,” she quietly admits as I rest my chin on top of her head, tightening my hold on her as I rub her arm.
“Kahlan, no one can blame you after the horrible things that your father forced you and Dennee to do,” I reply, unable to keep the anger and resentment out of my voice. “He has no rights to you. You owe him nothing.”
Her hand comes up to rest against my chest, her fingers lightly running along my skin just inside my shirt before beginning to play with the tooth pendant that hangs from my neck. She fingers it thoughtfully, stroking the smooth bone as she works to form a response.
“I know,” she finally sighs. “It was just…bittersweet…seeing him again. It dug up a lot of painful memories that I’ve tried so hard to bury, but at the same time I think it may have healed some wounds.
“He promised me that he would start living a new life, make an honest living for a change. I would really like to believe that he meant it, but I just don’t know.”
Her breath is warm against my chest, sending a shiver racing up my spine and I find my need to comfort her beginning to duel my desire to be with her. It’s a heated battle that I’m more than willing to face for as long as necessary because having her in my life is much more preferable to not at all.
“I’m sorry, Kahlan,” I softly reply, tilting my head to kiss the top of hers. “I wish you hadn’t had to see him again.”
“It was hard, but in a way I’m glad I did. It gave me a chance to see how drastically my mother’s confession had truly changed his life, how it completely altered all of his dreams and hopes for the future. I wonder how different his life would’ve been had he never met my mother.”
“I don’t want to think of that. It would mean no Kahlan Amnell and that’s not something that I can accept.” I can’t help but shudder with that thought.
“It makes me that much more terrified of confessing you,” she softly admits as she grips my pendant tightly in her hand as if it’s a lifeline. “I never want to do that to you, Richard. I love you too much to hurt you that way, to take your life away from you like my mother did to my father. I see now why he became so bitter and angry.”
“That won’t happen, Kahlan,” I firmly reply, conviction creating a sharp edge to my words. “I will find a way around your magic and we will be together like we were meant to be. I believe that now more than ever.”
She buries herself even further into my embrace as I press my lips to her head again. She must be able to feel how hard my heart is beginning to pound now with the dreadful thought of never knowing her or worse yet, her leaving me to take a mate. She brushes a kiss against my chest and it only serves to make my heart hammer even harder.
“Seeing him again got us what we needed to break Nicci’s spell. That’s all that really matters,” she says, changing the subject. “I got to see my mother again and I did get this.”
She pulls out of my embrace and holds up a necklace adorned with jewels. “It belonged to my mother,” she answers my unspoken question. “My father gave it to me.”
“It’s beautiful,” I tell her as I take it from her. I can’t help but notice how the sparkling sapphires perfectly match the color of her eyes. It was as if the piece of jewelry had been made just for her.
“I miss her,” she simply says and I can’t help but notice the sadness that invades her voice.
“I know,” I say as I gently begin to stroke her hair. “I miss my parents too.”
“I guess you and I are kind of orphans,” she smiles sadly at me.
“No matter what happens, you will always have me, Kahlan...forever.”
She averts her eyes, a faint blush coloring her cheeks and I can’t help but be captivated by her. I lean in and kiss her softly, needing to and yet not wanting her to pull away from me just yet. It’s a kiss of comfort, of unspoken promises and reassurances, not the burning longing that I continually feel simmering just beneath the surface any time she’s near.
“Kahlan, nothing happened between me and Nicci,” I suddenly tell her, needing her to know. “There was a husband and wife that we met that needed our help, but she wouldn’t let me.
“I snuck out at night to return to help them, but she figured out what I was doing. When I came back to the room, there was a man there. She had allowed him to beat her…was on top of her kissing her…”
“Richard, it’s alright,” she murmurs, her eyes shining brighter than the sun with the love that I know she feels for me.
She kisses me again, her tongue suddenly dancing with mine. It’s like electricity shooting through me and I can’t help but pull her closer, our kiss intensifying and swiftly hurtling me past the point where I don’t want to stop.
My hand settles on the back of her neck and I kiss her more deeply, my passion for her rising to the surface. She responds just as passionately and it sends my mind reeling with the pleasure that is suddenly sparking like thousands of fireflies inside of me.
My hand begins to drop from her neck to find the side of her breast. I begin to gently caress her through the fabric, my fingertips lightly stroking her, knowing this is going too far, but I can’t stop.
Don’t stop.
I don’t ever want this to stop.
She moans softly into my mouth and my hunger for her explodes like hot lava through my veins. I retreat for air, the need to breathe suddenly superseding my deepest desires to kiss her and never let go. I continue my quest to have her by kissing along her throat, the feel of her racing pulse beneath my lips causing my insides to quiver in response.
She tilts her head, offering herself to me and I know deep in the dark recesses of my mind that it’s only a matter of time before I’ll be forced to stop, but I don’t care. I’ll take whatever from her that she allows me to have, knowing that she is just as desperate for me as I am for her.
I know how much it hurts her to not be able to give all of herself to me and it makes me feel guilty that I’m pushing her this far, but I can’t stop. I need her more than the air I breathe or the life preserving blood that pumps through my body.
To stop loving her, to not want her like this would be betraying my heart.
Her fingers find my hair, her other hand working its way inside my shirt. The feel of her fingers stroking my chest spurs me on as I finally kiss my way down to the edge of her corset, to what teases me every time I look at her.
I am a desert and she my oasis as I kiss the swell of her breasts, drinking in every ounce of what she offers me. Signals should be blaring inside my head like they have in the past, warning me to stop this now before her magic can sweep me away, but I can’t. I don’t. I know that she won’t hurt me.
Kahlan already owns every part of me, everything that I am is already hers. There is nothing her power can snatch that I wouldn’t willingly give her including my very life.
I feel her fingers curl into my chest and it causes my pulse to race like a comet across the sky. I’m beginning to reach that point of no return, that cloudy haze of bliss that fills my mind and seizes control of my body as my lips crash into hers once more with even more intensity than the last kiss.
My fingers tangle in her thick hair and I feel as though I’m home when I’m with her, that this was where I was always meant to be, with her, loving her with all that I am, protecting her and building a forever after with her.
Her teeth rake across my bottom lip and I cannot contain the groan of pleasure that fills the air around us that practically cracks with the intensity of our passion. I kiss her again, my hands searching out the clasps of her jacket. I need to be with her now. I came too close to losing her today. I can’t live without her, without fully knowing her in every way.
My hunger for her is screaming out now like a fierce siren’s call and I know how badly she wants me too as she tightly grips my thighs, her hands caressing so dangerously close to where I want her.
And then she’s suddenly gone.
I open my eyes in confusion; the only sound is our heavy pants for air as she draws further away from me. I instinctively reach for her, needing, wanting, demanding more of the sinfully forbidden fruit, but the terror that fills her face as her eyes begin to swirl to black before abruptly returning to blue again stops me cold and I know that I have pushed her too far this time.
But I don’t care. I am not afraid of her - not now, not ever. I’d rather be confessed by her a thousand times over than live without her.
“Richard…stop…please…” she pants, covering her face with her hands in an effort to pull herself together. “I’m so sorry…I shouldn’t have let it go on like that…”
The guilt and pain that permeates her voice lances my heart and creates a sudden lump in my throat. “No, Kahlan…it’s alright…” I tell her as I pull her back into my arms and hold her close. “It’s my fault. I shouldn’t have pushed you that far. I just want to make love to you so badly,” I murmur into her hair.
“I know. I want you too,” she softly replies and the tears I hear in her voice makes my guilt that much harder to bear, the ache in my heart of not being able to be with her that much more painful.
“I am going to marry you, Kahlan Amnell,” I swear to her. “We will be together in every way and I will make love to you every day for the rest of our lives.”
Kahlan draws back to look into my eyes that I’m sure reflects the raw desire that’s still coursing through my system. She gently strokes the side of my face and it’s all I can do not to kiss her again like I had before.
“I want that more than you know.”
The love and truth of her words shines like diamonds in her blue eyes and it takes my breath away. “There is nothing in this world that will keep me from finding a way.”
She smiles that special smile that lights up my whole world and I know that she’s beginning to believe it might be possible too. She leans closer into my side and I hold her as we watch the sun set, just relishing the feeling of being together again, alone with my beloved Confessor.
Being with Kahlan someday, to be able to make love to her the way that I’ve dreamed about for so very long will remain that for now - just a dream. But it will become a reality and we will have the life that we both want so badly.
In the meantime, I will savor every moment that I’m allowed with her even if these moments together are bittersweet.
THE END