Fic: Privacy, A Series of Scenes
Part of why Kahlan’d had the afternoon off was because she’d asked the whole of the Peoples’ Counsel to read the new proposition sent over by Richard, regarding (for lake of a better word) immigration between D’Hara and the Midlands. Despite knowing Richard was trying to change the ways of life that had made citizens want to abandon D’Hara, some still wished to leave. They wanted to take the opportunity now, while they knew they would not face swift and deadly retribution from their new Lord Rahl. The problem was, many of those who’d been abused enough by D’Haran life to want to leave, were somewhat scarred for it morally, and often found themselves on the receiving end of Midland’s Rule of Law and Justice; and thusly Kahlan. While both Kahlan and Richard were far from wanting to force people to remain within one country or another, Richard didn’t want his people causing trouble for Kahlan and her people of the Midlands.
Kahlan knew what lay ahead of her the next afternoon; a long and drawn-out debate over what is right and fair, and what is beneficial and profitable. While the Midlands were of comparable size to D’Hara, D’Hara was a single unified country with a single, unified ruler. The Midlands were made up of many independent lands, all governed internally before falling under The Mother Confessor’s jurisdiction.
The laws and decrees that Kahlan set forth were ones that had to be upheld through all of the territories, and thus must be tempered by the many circumstances that vary from one land to the next. The problem she most hated was that, while Kahlan was quite sure that the Midland’s way of Justice and Rule was far more fair and democratic, it was also a lot more petty, selfishly-motivated, and underhanded. Everyone was in it for themselves; the politicians, the Councilmen, the Nobility, even the citizens! Sometimes Kahlan couldn’t understand why, when the system was set up to be so focused on doing what was right for all, did people abuse it to do what was most beneficial for the individual? It all too often made Kahlan want to tear her hair out. Or, become nostalgic for a time of banelings, rogue-D’Harans and highwaymen.
Kahlan was thankful that, though she was expected to exude the calm, collected and patient façade of the Mother Confessor while in the Hall of Law with the Peoples Counsel, she was free to emote and relax in her own chambers as she read her official papers. Currently she sat in her chair by her desk, a fine-tipped quill in hand, ready with red ink to make her notes in the margins; she leaned heavily on one elbow where her chin rested in her hand, reading carefully. The light from the windows behind her was fading rapidly, and the firelight from her hearth was quickly becoming the most significant source of light in her chambers. She leaned closer to the page to read.
By the time Kahlan was reading down her nose, not far from the page, she realized how late it was. Twisting in her chair and glancing out the windows behind her, Kahlan calculated the hour. Her estimate gave her pause. She listened carefully. Cara must have already put Lilly to bed. Putting her quill back in its flute, she went to the door connecting her room to her daughters. Glancing inside, she saw that the child was asleep, her bed moved back away from the fire, though an extra blanket or two still lay on top of her. Kahlan frowned. Perhaps Cara knew the importance of what I was working on and, instead of collecting me as usual, she merely meant to let me finish?, she considered. But it didn’t seem like Cara-It was late, very late; late enough that one stops to consider if it ought to be called very late or else extremely early…
It didn’t matter to Kahlan, now that she knew the hour she was determined to go to bed if only to get some rest before the next morning. She stripped down to her sleeping shift, gathered the quilt from her bed, and snuck through Lilly’s room as she had for the past few months. With the bed moved again and the fire at less of a blaze, Kahlan had to be extra careful not to trip over something and wake her daughter. When the Confessor slowly opened the door to Cara’s room however, she almost stopped cold.
The room was empty. The fire was dying as though it’d not been fed in hours, the bed looked as though it’d not been touched since it’d been made the morning before, and the Mord’Sith herself was nowhere to be found. Nothing seemed out of place - her Journey Book still lay next to the hearth, her kettle and washbasin sat at the ready, clean and empty - except that it was the middle of the night, and Cara was not there. The brunette dropped the quilt on the blonde’s bed, and walked over to the narrow window. Looking out in earnest, she recalculated the hour. Kahlan was sure she’d not guessed wrong. She felt the fluttering of concern in her stomach, but quickly tried to tamp it down by reminding herself that it was Cara! She was more than capable of taking care of herself, she’d managed to stay out of trouble in Aydindril for nearly four years now; there was no need for worry.
But still, the oddness of all these details made Kahlan’s stomach twist a little. Something was off, something had changed, and she must not have been looking. Cara was usually so watchful of her, insisting she not overwork herself, and yet tonight she’d been so left to her own devices she’d nearly worked herself ‘til morning. Lilly had been cared for, she’d heard Cara putting her to bed, had seen the evidence of it moments ago when she’d passed through her daughter’s room, but after that Kahlan had no idea. Even before they’d been sharing a bed Cara often stayed with her as she worked, silently observing, giving company, until one or both of them decided she needed rest.
Kahlan walked back to the narrow bed, a hand on the headboard as she thought. She wondered where the Mord’Sith was, what she was doing if she wasn’t here, what had occupied Cara so much that she’d so forgotten about her. The Confessor shook her head, calling herself silly for feeling wounded by this neglect. She’d been spoiled, she knew, particularly this past winter; Cara had never really been hers, so much as she’d had her, it was only in her mind.
Kahlan climbed onto the bed, over the covers, and wrapped the quilt around herself as she leaned back against the headboard. She’d wait until Cara got back, and try and rest. She knew what sleep she might get wouldn’t be very good; she’d worked herself into too much of a worry. Seeing the blonde again, whether to prove her concerns founded or laughable would be the only thing to slake these concerns. Kahlan sighed and listened to the hiss of the smoldering logs in the fire, as they became nothing more than glowing coals. She drifted into a shallow sleep, thoughts of a thousand scenarios chasing one another through her mind.
It was a couple hours later when Kahlan was finally pulled from her restless sleep. It was to the sound of the door to Cara’s room being pulled shut. Cara made her way towards the bed, pulling off her gloves and tucking them into her belt before she looked up and saw Kahlan, sitting against the headboard, wrapped in her quilt.
“Mother Confessor,” Cara uttered, sounding slightly surprised. “What are you doing here?”
“Cara, where were you? I was worried.” Kahlan sighed, almost a huff, running a hand through her hair and then dragging her fingers across her eyes to clear the remnants of sleep. “When you didn’t come to collect me after putting Lilly to bed… I just kept working. It was well after midnight by the time I realized how late it was - then I came to see if you were alright, because this was so unlike you, and…” She swallowed, and shook her head. “I’m glad you’re alright, Cara.” She muttered.
“Why wouldn’t I be?” She asked back, almost affronted. Kahlan just chuckled.
“I know, it was silly, but it was still unlike you. I couldn’t help my worrying.”
“I was out.” Cara said evasively, shrugging, eyes on the floor as she made her way towards the window.
“Out where?” Kahlan asked, slightly more curious now that she’d sensed Cara’s hesitancy to elaborate.
“Out.” She repeated, “I’d not thought you’d be waiting up for me.” The blonde almost challenged back. Kahlan’s brows met in confusion. Something was off. Cara spun around, leaning against the sill of her narrow window, arms crossed over her chest. “The winter is over, Mother Confessor. I’d thought you’ be happy to return to your own rooms.”
Kahlan took a moment to really look at the woman across for her. Her face was rather blank, more alike the one she’d worn while they’d first met, traveling with Richard. But, like so much with the Mord’Sith, often one had to rely on what she didn’t say or do to understand what she wanted or meant. And pulling up a mask of indifference and stoicism was a maneuver that the Confessor herself was personally familiar with. She bowed her head slightly, taking her time to think.
“Cara,” she started quietly, “Surely you know that I’d not stayed here with you just for the warmth you provided?” She asked, looking up briefly. The green eyes had softened the slightest bit at hearing this, but that was all. Kahlan shrugged, breaking eye-contact. “Well, not just the literal warmth. Your company this past winter has been… precious. I’d not change it for anything, Cara.” She smiled, though only down into her own lap. “I’ve been happier these past few months with you than I feel I have ever been in all of my life. And, when I’d woken up this morning, I’d certainly not thought it would be the last time I’d get to wake up with you.” She tried to take a quiet breath, because she could feel her throat start to constrict. Kahlan knew Cara would be made to feel too awkward if she started crying and then she would surely run. Instead, she felt the bed dip beside her as Cara sat down. But she still couldn’t make herself look up from her own lap.
“Cara,” She started, but stopped suddenly when she could hear the roughness in her voice. There was a hand on her cheek. Cara was looking at her very closely. Her eyes locked with those of the Mord’Sith, but it wasn’t too long before her gaze drifted down to the lips on that face and she turned her head away. “I know I have no right to invite myself into your bed when I cannot fulfill all of the implications that go along with it.” She murmured, eyes fixed on the quilt beside her. “I had to accept a long time ago that I cannot have both love and a lover in a single person, but I would rather have you beside me as we have been, than anyone else.” She held her breath, and waited while Cara said nothing, didn’t move, for a very long moment. “I know I’m asking a lot, too much to be fair, but if only until you may find someone better-”
“No.” Cara said solidly, voice harsh. Kahlan bit her tongue, her head lowering, turning away. “No.” Cara said again, a little more gently. The Confessor opened her mouth again, to apologize, to excuse herself, to try and explain away what she’d said into a more forgivable lie, but her throat burned and she could feel her lip tremble and the words wouldn’t leave her mind, not that she could even come up with what to say. She felt the hand on her cheek again.
“Cara, I’m sorry-” Cara shook her head, scooting closer.
“There is no one better, Mother Confessor.” She murmured quietly, lips and inch from Kahlan’s cheek. “And it is a pleasure to be with you,” Cara whispered, voice warm against her skin as it drifted into the brunette’s ear, “in any way you would have me.” The familiar words suddenly resonated anew as Cara placed a lingering kiss high on her cheekbone. What might otherwise have appeared chaste, its effect was not on Kahlan. And she knew Cara hadn’t meant it to be. Pulling away from the hand on her face, she turned to look the Mord’Sith in the eye.
“No, Cara,” She insisted, quietly, “We can’t. You know we can’t.” Cara sighed exasperatedly, placing a hand on either side of the Mother Confessor’s face.
“Do you honestly believe that I have spent these many years here in Aydindril, and learned nothing about Confessors?” She challenged. Kahlan paused, “That I would not learn as much as I could, about Lilly, whom you know how much I care for, and yourself-whom I have sworn my life to protect?” Kahlan just blinked. Cara’s eyes dropped from the blue ones across from her to the lips below. “Do you honestly think this thought has never occurred to me before now, Mother Confessor?” She asked quietly, before swallowing, one hand moving into the brunette’s long hair. Kahlan sighed shakily, her eyes slipping closed at the thought alone. With effort she shook herself from such seductive thoughts.
“Cara, it would kill you-irreparably!” She insisted, “There is no one to revive you, not that they could-Confession is a horrible death for a Mord’Sith! You do not deserve it, and I will not risk it.” She protested resolutely.
Cara’s face hardened, her teeth bearing as she almost growled out, “I am tired of this, Confessor. I am tired of you being afraid when I am here. It is insulting! I will not allow anything to happen to you, do you not understand?” She ground out roughly, pulling their faces so close that their foreheads touched, the hand still woven into the brunette’s hair at the nape of her neck anchoring her there. Kahlan shuddered. Every corner of her mind shouted at her that this was madness, while every drop of blood, every fiber of her body, screamed to pull the woman closer.
Cara made the decision for her, and pulled her into a kiss.
~ AngelicSinner / VixenRaign
((I know! I know! You’re all probably ready to hunt me down with sharpened sticks to kill me now or something! But, in my defense? I was homeless for nearly a day on two separate occasions, then was living in a hostel for a week-but now I have an apartment, so the writing should become a little more regular now! Granted, my only access to the interwebs is one of those USB-WiFi stick-things, so it’s slow and expensive, but BETTER THAN NOTHING, eh?! As for where this ends… well, hopefully you’ll forgive me in time. ;-)… AS))