Take Two Chapter 25
Castiel exhaled slowly, his stomach churning as he slipped behind the wheel of the Impala. Part of him wanted to laugh -- it used to take him hours of begging and bribing Dean to get the other man to let him drive the Impala, even if they were just going five minutes down the road, and this morning, Dean had handed him the keys with a kiss and a smile like it was no big deal. Cas would have found it funny, if he hadn’t been so nauseous.
Already he was afraid he was going to be late. The tie he had thought he’d packed to wear with his suit had somehow gone missing, and he spent fifteen minutes panicking as he ripped apart his entire suitcase, dumping all of its contents onto Dean’s queen-sized bed and throwing everything around before Dean had pulled him into his arms, fighting back his laughter, and told him to just grab one of his ties instead.
Castiel hadn’t even thought of Dean having ties… Stupid, really… Cas had nodded and slipped into the closet, pulling a dark blue one off of the hanger. Dean had taken it from his nervously shaking fingers, slipped it under his shirt collar and quickly fastened it for him before giving him another kiss.
“I have coffee for you,” Dean called in parting and left Cas to finish getting ready. He was shaved, dressed, and apparently fed after he’d made it downstairs, but somehow he felt off. He felt like he was missing something, a step he hadn’t remembered to take, and now that he was sitting in the Impala at a red light, on his way to his interview, it hit him just what that ‘something’ was.
He was missing this, this life, a life with Dean and with Dot in Kansas. It had nothing to do with the interview, not really, except that if he got this job? If they liked him and hired him? He would have his life back -- the life he had always imagined having in the first place. A life with Dean.
Getting married at nineteen had been insane -- at almost thirty, Castiel could admit that and he was sure that Dean would agree. Hell, if Dorothy ever told Dean she was going to be getting married that young, he was sure Dean would have something to say about it. But even then, Cas had pictured himself at Dean’s side for the rest of his life, and after that had been ripped from them… well, he never really got rid of that dream.
Although he’d gotten close to replacing Dean’s image with Balthazar’s, and the life he’d planned suddenly shifted from a small town in Kansas to the busy city of New York, when Cas was being completely honest and closed his eyes, it was Dean he’d always seen. Now the chance to get all of that back was grazing his fingertips. He could feel it, every time he laid beside Dean and felt strong arms wrap around his stomach to hold him close. He felt it when Dot pulled him into her bedroom and fluffed her pillow for his head, begging him to read just one more story before bed. He felt it when the three of them sat together in the living room, fighting over which Disney movie was the best and which one they should watch that night.
Cas wanted this, more than anything. And the possibility that he could be turned down? It was terrifying.
Castiel pulled into the hospital’s parking lot, cutting the engine and exhaling slowly as he did so. He ended up being fifteen minutes early -- just as Dean had told him he would be when he practically ran out the door, waving off his good luck kiss, in a panic.
He stepped out of the car, locking the door, and quickly checking his reflection in the driver’s side window before pushing himself toward the building. He could do this -- he was already the CEO of the hospital in New York. He knew the job, he knew the numbers, he knew Kansas and the kinds of people that would end up being admitted here. New York was a busier hospital, and once again he was wrestling with the idea of bringing that up.
Pointing out that the New York location was busier meant that he could handle heavy influxes of patients, and would show that high census and stress were everyday situations for him. But, it could also mean that he came across as cocky and felt his skillset was above what was needed at a smaller city’s facility, which was certainly not how he felt nor the image he wanted to project…
He was still flipping it over in his mind when he found the front desk and forced himself to smile and extend his hand to the assistant in the reception area.
“Good Morning! Castiel Shirley. I’m here to see Megan Masters for an interview at ten.”
“Oh! Yes, she told me to be expecting you.” The woman smiled, shaking his hand before returning to her seat. “Go ahead and take a seat over there, I’ll let her know you’re here and she will be with you shortly.”
“Thank you,” With a smile, Cas turned around, heading for the closest seat in the lobby. Sinking into it he tucked his crossed ankles beneath the chair, and with a calmness he didn’t feel folded his hands into his lap.
Waiting. This was seriously the worst part…
Dean wondered if he should’ve asked Cas to drop him at Bobby's, but he’d known the stress Cas was under to get to this interview on time. Giving the Impala to Cas to drive to his interview was just one way for Dean to show how much he loved him and how important Cas's interview was to him too. He knew he'd have to deal with Bobby's teasing when his partner saw him arrive pedaling a bike instead of driving his beloved car, but that was something he could gladly put up with for the love of his life.
Dean had at least already taken Dot to school before Cas had even awakened. So now he shoved what he needed for work into an old backpack, swung it over his shoulder, and grabbed his bike from the back of the house. It was only a fifteen minute ride over to Bobby’s and he sent up a silent prayer of thanks that it wasn’t a rainy day.
Another thankful prayer followed the first when Bobby was nowhere to be seen in the yard as Dean arrived. He rode past the office and parked his bike at the back of the building before heading in.
“Morning,” Bobby grunted his greeting, looking up once when the door opened and then returning to his coffee and the paper in his hands. “Didn’t hear you come in…”
"Morning. I'm working on becoming a ninja. Glad to see I'm making progress." Dean joked and went right to the coffee machine to pour his own cup.
Bobby rolled his eyes and handed over the paper when Dean walked by to get to his own desk. "Only have a few scheduled for today... had a few tow-ins from last night -- look pretty standard though. That list there's the numbers I pulled from registrations. Wanna give them a call and let 'em know a time frame?"
"Yeah, gonna have a look and call them." Dean agreed and sat down. He sipped his coffee and checked the clock. He took a deep breath knowing it would still quite a while before he heard from Castiel.
Bobby eyed him and then leaned back into his chair, raising an eyebrow in Dean’s direction. “What’s eating you this morning?”
"Cas is in Topeka ... He's got an interview at the hospital..."
"Oh yeah?" Bobby hummed to himself and reached for his coffee, thinking as he took a sip. "Didn't know he was looking for employment down here..." he said slowly, meeting Dean's eyes across their desks. "You ready for that?"
Dean sighed and ran a hand through his hair. "Yeah, yeah I am. It's pure horror when he's away. I know it's all happening pretty fast and all, but I miss him so much when he's in New York."
Bobby nodded once, clearing his throat as he shuffled some of the papers on his desk. Dean knew his silence was from the older man thinking, weighing each word, and not that the conversation was over. Finally Bobby met his eyes again. "This is a big step for anyone... Never mind the history you two have. Have you... Talked about it in detail? Is he staying with you and Dot or his own place? Because if he's staying with you, and that's what you both want..? ...there needs to be that conversation..."
"We ... Not really, I mean, we both said it's crazy, but we also said that we both want it. It's hard, and we are well aware of our past history, Bobby, don't think we're not." Dean sighed deeply.
"You know, more than anyone what life can throw at you, Son..." Bobby said softly. "This is an entirely new situation for both of you, and for Dotty. I support you, you know I do, I just want you to be smart and careful... And happy and not to be a goddamn idjit again," He added, giving Dean a fond smile.
"I'm not planning on being an idiot, Bobby," Dean ran a hand through his hair. "I'll sit down with him tonight."
Bobby nodded again and tossed a pack of gum across their desks. "I'm gonna finish up the Smith's van and give Stu a call to pick ‘er up."
Dean just nodded and finished his coffee. "I'll have a look at the ‘tow-ins’," he told Bobby and got up.
Bobby grunted his response, before he pushed past him, heading out to the van in the repair bay. Dean reached behind him for the wall of keys, plucking the ones he needed from the hooks. With a sigh he pushed to his feet and moved out into the yard towards the newly arrived tows.
Dean sighed and shook and his head. Was he making a mistake? Was he going too fast? He felt horrible that he was giving it some real thought only now. He just wanted to hear from Cas and wanted to be able to talk to him.
Cas parked the Impala in front of the small office and carefully got out. He tugged at the waist of his dress shirt to straighten it out before he walked into the room. Dean looked up and gave him a small smile, but was talking on the phone with a customer.
"We'll have her ready by this evening, no problem. Do you need Bobby or me to come and pick you and the kids up?" Dean pointed towards the coffee maker and Cas nodded, heading over to make them both a cup while Dean finished on the phone.
Dean watched Cas while he was making his call. He blew him a kiss when he got the cup of coffee handed over. Once he hung up the phone he beamed at Cas. "Hello, Love, how are you? How was the interview?"
"Hey, I'm good." Cas leaned across the desk to give Dean a kiss before dropping into the visitor’s chair. "You and Bobby busy today? I thought we could do lunch or something and then I can tell you about the interview."
Dean grinned happily. "Not too busy… Lunch sounds awesome." He checked the time on his computer screen. "Let me just tell Bobby, and we're good to go now, actually."
"Alright," Cas nodded and took a sip of his coffee. "Meet you at the car?"
Dean nodded and sipped his coffee too. He got up and walked around his desk to kiss Cas softly.
Castiel kissed him back and then shoved at him gently. "Go… go tell Bobby and let's go. I want to tell you about it and talk to you about something.”
Dean sighed. "Yeah, me too..." He picked up his cup and taking another sip as he headed through the doorway.
Cas followed Dean out of the shop, splitting from him to head to the car. He sipped on his coffee leaning against the passenger door, suddenly nervous as he waited for Dean to join him.
Dean talked to Bobby, telling him about the call and that he was going out for lunch with Cas. Then he went to find Cas and looked at him amused when he saw him standing at the passenger side.
"Ready?" Dean's question made Cas jump and he nodded quickly, giving Dean a small smile and pushing down the nerves that had taken residence in his stomach. Dean slipped into the driver’s seat and Cas handed over the keys as he rode shotgun.
"Do you have half an hour or so?" Cas asked, turning the radio down as Dean turned on the car. Dean gave him a look, but didn't say anything about the volume of the music.
"I have as long as we need, Love - at least this time. So, where do you want to take me?" Dean asked when they got to the main road.
"How about that nice, little Italian place by my Dad's house?"
"Haven't been there for a while, but I heard they're even better now than back when we were regulars." Dean replied and turned right to take them to the suggested restaurant.
"Alright, good. I would kill for some chicken parmesan right now..." Cas smiled, relaxing back into the seat.
Dean cruised down the street where Cas used to live staying rather silent, trying to figure out how to start a conversation about the idea of Cas moving in.
When they finally arrived, Cas exhaled slowly and let out a nervous laugh. "When I said we needed to talk... I didn't expect you to come back with the same..." he said softly before looking over at Dean.
"Please tell me you're not... I don't know... going to say something really awful… that's going to make me wish we weren't out in public? Are you?"
Dean took Cas's hand and squeezed gently. "No. At least I hope not. I wouldn't have agreed to go out if I thought that was something that would happen."
"That really doesn't make me feel any better," Cas laughed uneasily, leaning over to give Dean a quick kiss. "Alright, let's go..."
"Not like I feel all peachy." Dean mumbled under his breath and got out of the car.
Cas sighed and followed after him, giving the hostess a smile when she greeted them at the door. "Two please."
"Right this way," she smiled warmly and led them through the restaurant. Cas was grateful they were seated in a secluded booth towards the back.
"Damien is your server, and he will be right with you."
"Thank you." Dean smiled at the hostess, waiting for Cas to get seated.
"Alright. You first…" Cas suggested, picking up the menu and flattening it in front of him. He glanced down at it quickly, but already knew what it was that he wanted to order.
Dean did the same with his menu, but he was too nervous to know what he wanted. He watched Cas for a few moments while chewing on his lower his lip uneasily. "We ... We never really… um… 'talked' about the ‘you moving in with us’ thing ..." He started finally.
Cas felt his face pale and he swallowed hard, trailing his eyes up from his menu to meet Dean's. "Right. I... I shouldn't have assumed..." He trailed off, suddenly feeling nauseous. He felt his stomach twist as he came to the quick conclusion that Dean maybe hadn't really wanted him to live down here with him. He bit on his lower lip, trying to recall all of their conversations about the prospect of Cas moving back down and getting relocated at the hospital in Topeka. Now he wondered if he had only heard what he himself had wanted to hear. Maybe Dean had never really suggested any of this… Cas felt his eyes begin to moisten.
Instantly Dean recognized the look on Cas's face, the horror in his blue eyes, and without a moment’s hesitation he reached across the table to grasp both of Cas’s hands in his, “No! No, Cas… Calm down… That came out wrong.” He smiled what he hoped was a reassuring smile, before continuing, "I do want you here, I want you to move in.. I only meant that we never actually talked about it… About all the changes it would mean for either of us... About anything..."
"Jesus Christ, Dean..." Cas exhaled quickly, clenching Dean's hands with his own. "Start with that next time..." He squeezed Dean's hands and tried to force his breathing back under control.
Dean took a deep breath. "I'm sorry… God, Cas, I'm so damned sorry."
"It's okay..." Cas reassured him, squeezing his hand one more time before pulling back. "Now that you've officially scared the crap out of me, I guess whatever you have to say can't be that bad." He chuckled and closed his menu. "So... no, you're right. We haven't talked about it much. I think part of that is because neither of us wanted to be disappointed in case this job thing didn't pan out."
"Yeah, I guess you're right. So, how about you start with telling me about your interview first?"
"Well..." Cas cleared his throat and shifted his position on the seat.
"Hello, gentlemen! I'm Damien, I'll be your server this afternoon. Can I start you guys off with something to drink?"
"I'll just have a glass of ice water with some lemon," Cas gave the waiter a small smile and then waited for Dean to order his Coke.
"Can I start you off with any breadsticks? Salad? Some fried calamari?"
"I think we know what we want actually... Dean?"
"I'll have the lasagna, please…" Dean told the waiter with a polite smile. And with a grin directed at Cas “and Cas will have a double order of Chicken Parmesan. Thank you.”
The waiter wrote down their orders and with a smile, picked up their menus before leaving them alone once more.
"Right... so... The interview went okay. I left kind of not really knowing where I stood, you know? The interview was with the current CEO who is planning on retiring, and he was nice and all but.. I just didn't get a good feel for him, you know? Not really sure where I stood…
"Well, as I was driving back to Lawrence... he called me." Cas paused, watching Dean's face and fighting back the smile. "He called me and... he said that he was impressed with me and he'd already talked to a few of the people back in New York and some of the hospitals in the area. Said he'd also contacted the Vice-President for the hospitals division. The interview was just a formality, they'd already decided a week ago.” Cas paused for dramatic effect.
"I got the job. I start in Topeka on January 1st!"
Dean's jaw dropped and he gasped in delighted surprise. Then he blinked at Cas like he wasn't real. "You got it? You're really coming home to Kansas? That's ... Amazing!!!"
“I did… yes,” Cas nodded quickly, a smile breaking out over his face. “I’m coming back, Dean…”
"That's crazy! I'm so fucking excited!" Dean gasped.
"Me too," Cas agreed and leaned over the table to capture Dean's lips in a quick kiss. "I'm coming home, Dean."
"I'm so happy, Cas," Dean breathed out.
"Good, I'm glad. I am too." Cas laughed and leaned back as the waiter returned with their drinks. "So... now the next part. Dean, look... if you're not ready for me to live with you and Dot yet, I get it. I really do, and I am sure Dad would let me stay with him until I got on my feet down here."
"I want it, Cas, I really want you to live with us. I have no idea if we're doing the right thing though," Dean sighed. "But I don't think anyone can say if we are. I think we'll have to find out, but I’d be lying if I didn’t admit that I'm a little scared."
"Alright... Well, let's talk about that then. What are you scared of? Because as much as I'm excited, I'm terrified too. And we know, from past experience, that we have to talk about this and… about what we're thinking and feeling. I don't... I don't want this… to end up like before, Dean. I barely handled it the first time. I couldn't do that again… especially now… now that I would be losing more than just you. I'd be losing Dotty too."
"That's really what I'm afraid of… Of us losing you… of me fucking things up… again..." Dean swallowed the lump of fear rising in his throat. "Look, I’ve never had anyone else live with Dot and me. We're a team, and she and I know each other inside and out. It's gonna’ be all new and different now with the three of us. She wants you to be her second daddy, but I want you to not only be around to spoil her a little but also to really act like a real dad ... with rules and such… you know? A real parent."
"And I really want that, Dean. God, I want that so badly... I can't imagine not having the two of you in my life and I truly want to be a part of yours and hers. I know I've never been a daddy before, and I'm going to have so much to learn… If this is really what we want, if we're really going to do this, then I’m going to need you to help me. I want to make this as easy and good for her as I can, you know? I don't want to upset her life by coming into it-- I want to make it better. I want to make both of your lives better."
"I know that... And I know it will take both Dot and me a little time to feel out our new roles. To learn to share our lives with you every day… but... I honestly mean it when I say there is nothing that I want more than that."
"Maybe we should just give it a try and not overthink it too much, and we should just talk right away when problems arise and not try to imagine them all beforehand.”
"Alright... But only if we do that… really talk . We have to promise to talk to each other, just like we do now." Cas reached across the table and took Dean's hand in his. "This time has to be different. For us and for Dotty’s sake..."
"For us and for Dotty," Dean agreed wholeheartedly, squeezing Cas's hand. "I promise I'll talk about my feelings and my fears and my problems. I love you and I don't want to lose you again...ever."
"I love you too," Cas smiled and his eyes twinkled with hope for their future. "We have a few months until I'm down here... But I’m thinking of taking two weeks off, if I can, so I can get settled in with you and Dotty. Plus, it will be Christmas..."
"A second Daddy for Christmas…That would be an awesome present for our Princess," Dean beamed.
"I don't know if I'll be able to take time off between now and then though... I'll still have to find someone for my hospital to take over my position." Cas chewed on his lip, lost in thought.
"Would you mind us coming to visit you for Thanksgiving?" Dean suggested.
"I would love that," Cas grinned, squeezing Dean's hand. "I still can't believe this is happening..." he said softly and leaned back as the waiter approached their table with their meals in hand.
"Me neither," Dean smiled softly at Cas.
Chapter Twenty-Six