Take Two - Chapter Twenty - Destiel Fanfiction

[lotrspnfangirl]

Title: Take Two
Authors: islanderbib83 & pdlessard07 (pippin1983 & lotrspnfangirl)
Pairing: Destiel
Rating: R (may change)
Summary: Dean and Castiel get drunkenly married at 19. It's bold, it's rash, it's being young and in love. After Dean walked out, Castiel tried to move and after ten years, he's decided to marry again. The only thing standing in his way is his legal marriage. Dean, however, wants a second chance to prove that he's grown up, he's matured, but his love for Castiel has never changed.
Warnings/Spoilers: Angsty! Totally AU.
Beta(s): Huge thanks and hugs to oldbatj for working with us on this! Jude, you’re fantastic!
A/N: We own nothing! We are taking these characters and playing with them nicely. Our fic was based off of this prompt.. Bibi primarily wrote Dean and Dani primarily wrote Cas. Our eye banners are used to signify scene changes and not POV, even if they coincide. We just think the boys have pretty eyes <3
You can find the rest of the chapters here.
You can find lotrspnfangirl fiction index here.
You can find pippin1983 fiction index here.





Castiel nervously cruised around the airport pickup loop again, his eyes searching anxiously for his visitors. Dean had told him not to worry, there was no need to come in, and that he could meet them outside once they’d collected their bags. The airport was bustling with activity -- cars and vans circling just as he was. Added to that commotion were the hundreds of newly arrived passengers many with screaming kids, dragging suitcases behind them as they searched for whatever mode of transportation they needed to get out of the airport.

Circling around once again, Cas saw them and his heart immediately jumped to his throat. Somehow, Dean had decided getting a four a.m. flight would be a good idea and although Dot looked bright eyed and bushy-tailed, Dean looked as if he needed to sleep for about a year. His hair was standing in all different directions, his eyes had dark circles marring them, and Cas smiled; even like this, disheveled and off his game, Dean Winchester was perfect.

“Hey!” He rolled down the electric, passenger window and pulled up to the curb under the JetBlue overhang. Dot let out a squeal of recognition and yanked her father forward to the car. Dean almost lost his balance but used the weight of their suitcases to right himself before moving forward, beaming when he saw Cas.

Dean opened the back door and quickly buckled in the car seat he’d brought along, so Dotty could sit up higher and see out the window of the plane during their flight.

"Cas!" the little girl greeted her friend as she scrambled into her seat.

Dean wrapped his knuckles on the trunk lid and waited for Cas to open it so he could toss their suitcases inside. Cas popped the lever and then turned towards the backseat to smile at Dotty.

“Hey, kiddo!” he laughed and opened his arms for Dorothy to give him a hug before Dean buckled her in. “Did you enjoy your flight? Was that your first time on a plane?”

“Oh yes! The pretty lady gave me bunches of peanuts and I even got a whole soda just for me!” Her eyes were wide and Cas laughed. Well, that explained how she was so awake…

“And I take it that wasn’t sugar-free soda either, huh?” he smirked as Dean leaned in to fasten her straps and met his boyfriend's eyes.

"Oh… I wonder how you guessed that," Dean grinned tiredly as he let himself fall into the passenger seat. He leaned over and kissed his boyfriend quickly.

Cas smiled against Dean's lips and then pulled back, waiting for Dean to buckle himself before slowly pulling away from the curb.

"I figured we could go back to my place so you guys can unload and then we can either cook up something for a late breakfast or we can go out... you look exhausted, Dean."

"It's okay." Dean smiled and leaned his head back.

"I drawed a picture for you, Cas. I seen the clouds." Dorothy babbled while Dean nodded off slowly.

"Oh yeah?" Cas met the little girl's eyes in the rear view mirror and smiled. "I can't wait to have it hanging on my fridge!"

The two of them passed into easy conversation about what Dean and Dotty wanted to do while they were in New York and how the flight went. Dean shrugged about the former, giving Cas a look. Cas chuckled, knowing how much Dean hated flying.

" I held his hand and told him it was okay." Dot beamed proudly. "The plane didn't even get all bouncy like Daddy said it might so I told him it wasn't gonna crash or anything."

Cas snorted and looked over at Dean's relaxed face, turned towards him, as if he’d been intending to listen to their conversation before sleep inevitably won out.

By the time they pulled into the parking garage behind Cas’s new apartment building, Dot had stopped talking and was staring, wide-eyed out the window.

As Cas parked his car, Dean jerked awake. Cas smiled at him and looked in the mirror towards Dot. "Ready to go inside?" he asked and she nodded happily, already reaching to undo her seat belts. "So... It's going to look pretty empty. I haven't gotten much furniture yet..." he warned as he slipped out of the car, locking the doors as they emptied the trunk, each man carrying a bag.

"Cas, don't worry. We're here to see you, not a well furnished apartment. As long as you have a shower and a bed, I'm good." Dean winked at his boyfriend.

Dorothy gasped, "Do you have a table or are we eating on the floor? Like picnic?"

Cas snorted and looked down at Dotty. "I do have a table... but!" he added when he saw the look of disappointment cross her face. "I know how to get on the roof and guess what? There's a garden up there with a picnic table that I'm sure we can eat on."

Dorothy's eyes went huge and she clapped excitedly. "Yes!" She tugged on her daddy's shirt. "Daddy! We can eat on the roof!"

Cas laughed and pushed the call-button for the garage elevator. Dorothy babbled happily already planning their roof meal animatedly, and Cas smiled as he watched her with Dean. It had been a long two months, and although he'd been excited and couldn't wait for Dot and Dean to get there, he'd underestimated how right this would feel. He slipped his hand into Dean's and leaned back against the elevator wall, completely content.

Dean smiled happily as they went upstairs. He had been excited to finally see Cas again and going to New York with Dot for two weeks of her long summer break was a great excuse to finally be with him again.

It also was their first out-of-state vacation together ever and they were both very excited about not only being with Cas but being in the huge city of New York as well.

"Alright, here we are!" Cas said as they stepped from the elevator and into a hallway. His apartment was four doors down on the left and after making quick work of his keys, he pushed the door open to let Dean and Dorothy inside.

Dot stormed inside while the two men followed with the bags.

"It's nice, Cas," Dean smiled softly.

"Yeah," Cas nodded and showed them around quickly. "Kitchen... living room... bathroom... Here's my bedroom," Cas pushed the door open and let Dean drop his bags down onto the floor before moving them all back into the hallway to stand in front of a second closed door. Catching Dean’s eye for a moment he grinned slyly and winked before he began to very slowly push the second door open. "And this room is..."

Dorothy squealed when the open door revealed a small pink canopy bed pressed up against one wall, a pretty pink dresser and, best of all, a truly special nightstand with a butterfly-shaped top and painted to look like a beautiful butterfly. Dot ran across the floor to stroke her hands gently across the wooden butterfly before kissing it softly. Her smile nearly swallowed her face, “Oooh, thank you, Cas… I loooove it!”

In the far corner sat a simple desk with a computer set up on top of it, and Dean realized Cas had given up his home office for the sake of his little girl. It brought a lump to his throat to see such a sweet, thoughtful gesture.

"Cas!" Dean whispered in a low voice, before kissing him softly. "Thank you," he smiled.

"It…um… It was on sale..." Cas shrugged, blushing at all the attention. Dorothy made a bee-line for the bed, jumping onto it and bouncing a few times before she started pulling open the drawers of her pretty nightstand.

"Sale or not, you have no idea how much this means to me, Love."

Cas leaned back against Dean's chest and hummed contentedly when Dean's arms slid gently around his waist. "I missed you guys," he said softly.

"We missed you too," Dean replied and nuzzled Cas's neck. "I missed you the most," he whispered.

"I’m going to get you guys something to eat," Cas turned in Dean's arms, kissing him softly before slipping out of the room. "And meanwhile you and Dotty can relax and get settled."

"Thank you." Dean let go off Cas and joined his little girl to help her unpack her bag and put her things in her new nightstand and dresser.

Cas smiled happily as he walked back down the hallway and let himself out of the apartment. Taking the elevator down to the first floor, he made his way to the front entrance of his building and walked two blocks down the street to his favorite little diner. Glancing at his watch he was reminded it was barely 10 a.m. But then remembering Dean’s eternal love affair with great burgers he decided that rather than a late breakfast they’d enjoy an early lunch, because without a doubt this place served the best burgers he'd ever eaten anywhere.

He ordered juicy burgers for Dean and him, asking for the buns to be kept separate so they wouldn't be scrunched and soggy by the time he got back to the apartment, added chicken fingers and fries for Dot and then sat down at the counter to sip a coffee while he waited for their food.

"I got my own room at Cas's, Daddy!" Dorothy beamed at her father when they were done. "It's so cool!"

"Yes, it really is! It's a really, nice room." Dean sat down on the bed. "You're a very lucky girl," he grinned. "So, what do you want to do while we wait for Cas to come back?"

"Where is the picture I drawed?"

Dot followed Dean down the hall into Cas’s room and waited patiently while he fetched the drawing from his bag and handed it over to her. She took it and skipped down the hallway back into the kitchen. "Daddy! Cas doesn't have any magnets!"

"Really? We'll have to buy Cas some then. But maybe he has some scotch tape that we can use until we buy him a few magnets," Dean suggested as he followed her into the kitchen.

Dot started pulling drawers open, searching for tape or anything she could have used to put the picture on the fridge. When she pulled the drawer closest to the fridge open it slid out completely, spilling its contents onto the floor With a clatter. Her eyes widened as she turned in shock to her Dad. "Daddy….I didn’t mean to… I didn't even pull that hard!"

“It’s okay, honey… Don’t worry. Daddy would have done the same thing. C’mon… I’ll help you pick it all up,” Dean offered gently.

It was the sight of the two of them hunched down on the floor, picking up the contents of the junk drawer --scotch tape included-- that greeted Cas when he walked back into the apartment. He laughed when he saw Dot's wide eyes and Dean's sheepish expression.

"I've been meaning to fix that drawer..." he chuckled.

"You could have put a warning sign on it, you know? Or not hide the scotch tape in it. Or just have magnets, you know?" Dean teased looking up at him.

Cas laughed and bent down to pick up the drawer from the floor, fighting for a second with the runner before he managed to slip it back into its rightful place. "Yeah, yeah," he laughed and then picked Dot up from the floor. "Don't worry, it was broken before, Dotty." he reassured her after noticing how quiet she’d gotten, as if she were afraid she was in trouble.

Dean stood up and moved to the sink to wash his hands. "Let's see what Cas bought for us to eat, hmmm?" He smiled, ruffling Dotty's hair.

"Okay," Dot nodded and leaned her head on Cas' shoulder. "I didn't mean to make a mess... I just wanted tape for your picture..."

"Well, thank you for making me a picture! And don’t worry, Dot. It was about time I cleaned out that drawer anyways." Cas smiled at her and carried her over to the small dining table at the far end of the kitchen. "I got you some chicken fingers... is that okay with you?"

"Yes! I love chicken fingers," she beamed.

"Okay, good!" Cas smiled at her and pushed the take out bag towards Dean so he could get them plates to eat off of and the ketchup for Dorothy from the fridge.

Dean and Dorothy sat down at the table and Dean opened the bag to take out the boxes.

"Here," Cas handed over the plates and smiled as Dean fixed Dorothy's plate before building their burgers.

"Burgers for breakfast," Dean grinned.

"That lady gave us some stuff on the plane, Daddy. This is lunch," Dot corrected.

"Yeah, Dean, this is lunch," Cas laughed and grabbed his plate along with three bottles of water from the fridge. “Shall we?” he asked and with Dorothy’s squeal of excitement they exited the apartment and made their ways to the elevator that would take them to the roof.

The moment they stepped off, Dorothy’s eyes lit up and she almost dropped her plate of chicken fingers. Cas laughed and shoved the bottles of water underneath his arm and rescued her plate, nodding to her that she could go and explore.

On one half of the roof, there was a large raised garden bed, full of large tomato and cucumber plants and a trellis for snow peas and green beans. The other half held large flower pots teaming with bright, colorful blossoms. If Castiel closed his eyes and inhaled deeply, he could almost forget that he was in the middle of a city.

Cas led Dean over one of the three picnic tables and set their plates down. Dorothy ran over giggling and threw herself beside Cas on the bench.

“You can even hear the birds!” she squealed and Cas nodded.

“See those feeders hanging?” He pointed and Dorothy followed his finger. “Sometimes they even come right up close to get their own breakfasts and lunches.” Dorothy kept her eyes trained on the feeders while she started to eat.

Dean grinned at them then took a bite of his burger and then let loose a nearly orgasmic groan of delight at the delicious taste.

Cas chuckled and shook his head, watching as Dorothy and Dean talked about the garden and the bird that appeared at the feeder. Yeah, it was good to have them here and feel like a part of this sweet little family.

“So I was thinking we could head out and get some frozen yogurt before dark tonight..." Cas told Dean as he washed their lunch plates. They’d spent some time lounging in the garden after lunch, but when Dorothy’s face started to get too pink, Dean declared it was time to go inside --if only to grab the sunscreen. Dotty had gone back off to her bedroom and could be heard playing with the dolls she’d brought with her. "Do you want to grab a nap before we go? You still look dead on your feet.”

"Yeah... I guess a nap would be great. I hate flying, you're living way too far away." Dean sighed.
"Would you tuck me in?" Dean asked stepping behind Cas, laying his arms around his waist and kissing his neck.

"Do you think Dotty will take a nap too?" Cas let his eyes fall closed, shivering at the feeling of Dean's lips against his skin.

"She usually does, but it’s seldom planned, she usually just drops asleep among her dolls and toys and sleeps right there." Dean murmured, smiling at memories of picking her up from among her toys quite frequently.

Cas laughed softly and leaned in, capturing Dean's lips in a soft kiss. "Alright, let's get you into bed then. I'll check on her in a little bit."

"Okay," Dean smiled and let go, starting his way towards the bedroom. "Thank you, for the bed for Dotty. She's so happy about it."

"I'm so glad. I was a bit worried honestly... I've never had to buy kids’ furniture before..."

"You did well, she loves it."

"Good," Cas smiled and followed Dean towards the bedroom. He'd paused for just a moment outside of Dot's door, spotting the six-year-old playing happily with her dolls and he raised an eyebrow as he realized she had two Ken dolls she was trying to make walk with their hands joined together.

Dean looked over his shoulder at where Cas stood and raised his eyebrow. "What?" He mouthed.

Cas shook his head, barely containing the smile on his face as he shoved Dean into his bedroom and shut the door, leaving it open a crack so they could hear Dot. "Dotty's Ken dolls look... very happy," he smirked.

"Oh, uh… yes, they are…" Dean smirked. “Holding hands again, right? She’s been doing that for a couple of months now.”

Cas laughed and reached for Dean, softly gripping his hips to draw him in closer. "I’m so glad you're here," he whispered before closing the distance between them and kissing Dean.

Dean kissed back, finally alone enough with Cas, to show just how much he had missed him.

Cas deepened the kiss, running his hands up Dean's back. He walked them backwards slowly until the backs of Dean’s knees hit the mattress and he pressed Dean down onto it as he slotted himself against Dean's outstretched body.

Dean smiled against Cas's lips, hooking one leg around Cas.

"Mmm, Dean," Cas groaned against Dean's mouth before taking his lower lip between his teeth and sucking gently.

Dean moaned softly. He felt completely torn between being exhausted from the flight and early rising, and wanting anything their hungry kissing could lead to.

Cas moved away from Dean's mouth and kissed all along his jaw, biting gently into the soft flesh before pulling back. "Sleep," he smirked down at Dean, kissing him once more. "You're here for two weeks, plenty of time to make out...later. Preferably when Dotty is actually asleep..."

"You're a terrible tease, I hate you, Shirley!" Dean smirked and kicked off his shoes before unbuckling his belt.

"Love you,too," Cas smiled and pulled the covers back for Dean to climb into the bed. He kicked off his own shoes and laid on top of the covers beside him.

"Love you so much, Cas. So glad to be here." Dean smiled and snuggled into the pillow. "Mmmh, it smells like you."

Cas turned on his side and smiled as he watched Dean get comfortable, his eyes falling shut. He leaned over once, brushing his lips lightly against Dean's forehead and when he'd fallen asleep, he slipped back out of the room to check on Dorothy.



"You're really sure you wanna see “Shaun the Sheep”, Cas?" Dean asked doubtfully as they got out of the car at the movie theater.

Cas smirked and reached for Dean's hand, taking it in his own. "Well, I don't know how this day could possibly get any better … especially after that M&M store..." he beamed and Dorothy nodded eagerly.

"Daddy? Can I bring in my M&Ms to the movie?"

"Sure you can, Princess, if you put them in your purse." Dean took Cas's hand and waited.

Dot grabbed the bag from the side of her car seat and adjusted her dress before shutting the car door. Dean helped her open her little pink Disney Princess purse and slide the bag inside before snapping the purse closed. Smiling at the two of them before moving to take Cas's hand Dot started to pull him toward the theatre.

Cas laughed at her eagerness and looked back at the surprised Dean whose outstretched hand remained empty. 'I win' he mouthed and winked.

As he hurried to catchup to Dot and her “daddy replacement” Dean gave Cas a playful glare and they all walked inside together.

"How about you get popcorn and I'll get the tickets?" Cas asked as they stepped inside the air conditioned building.

"You sure you want popcorn? I feel more like nachos. Want me to get both?"

"You know the way to my heart," Cas winked as Dorothy tugged on Cas' sleeve. "Will you share your popcorn with me?" she asked.

"Only if you share your M&Ms," he replied and she smiled in agreement. "We'll meet you by the concession?"

"Who you coming with, little Bear?"

"Can I stay with Cas, Daddy?"

"Sure you can. I'll see you two in a bit." Dean pecked Cas's lips quickly and ruffled Dot's hair playfully before making his way to get nachos and popcorn.

"Ready?" Cas asked, squeezing the little girl’s hand. She nodded and they hurried to get in line for their tickets.

Dean looked over his shoulder at the two people he loved and grinned. Seeing them both like this made him so happy. He wished so badly as didn't live so far away so he could have this kind of life every day.

Cas looked down at his little friend to ask if she was excited to see the movie but stopped when he saw the frightened look on her face. "Dotty? Dotty... what's wrong?" The child's eyes were wide, her hand was shaking in his. Cas glanced around quickly, trying to see what had the child so upset.

"Ba-bad man…" she whispered and Cas looked back down at her.

"What?" he bent down, pulling Dot around to face him. "Who's a bad man?" She pointed and Cas followed her finger to a couple standing people ahead of them. He was confused and moved to ask Dotty what she meant when the blond man turned to the side and Cas caught his profile.

Balthazar's profile…

Totally unaware of who was standing in the ticket queue a mere fifty feet away from him, Dean hummed happily to himself as he waited in the snack line.

"It's okay, Dotty," Cas said and leaned down to pick her up. She wrapped her small arms around his neck and he could still feel her shaking against him. "He's just in line like we are... he's not even going to notice that we're here."

Cas tried to give her a reassuring smile but as luck would have it, Lady Luck was looking the other way and wasn't on his side at all. Balthazar and the man with him bought their tickets and as they turned, Balt's eyes immediately found Cas and trailed over Dotty in his arms.

Cas felt frozen, he tried to give Balt a small smile in recognition, but his stomach twisted when Balt leaned over to kiss his companion’s cheek and moved toward Cas. Dotty shoved her head against Cas's neck and he forced himself to hold his ground rather than turn and leave.

"Cas!" Balt smiled at him, all teeth, his eyes shining. "I see you're with your... family?" he raised an eyebrow.

"Balt," Cas responded, ignoring the rest of his comment. "I see you're with... your date?"

"Yup, boyfriend, actually," Balt shrugged and looked over his shoulder at the man who was waiting patiently for him. "You would like him. Well... you know, if things were different. He's actually probably the best thing that's happened to me in... God, at least the last four or five years."

Catching the clearly intended insult, Cas swallowed hard, his gut churning again. "Well... Good. You should probably go back to him then..." Balt shrugged and his eyes trailed over Dorothy once more, a brief look of guilt flitting across his face before he turned away. Cas waited until they were out of sight before he spoke again.

"He's gone, Dotty..." he reassured her softly.

"I want my Daddy," Dorothy whispered against Cas' neck, her voice thick with unshed tears and Cas felt his heart twist.

Dean had just finished getting their snacks and beverages and was waiting at their agreed upon meeting spot for his daughter and boyfriend. His eyes went wide suddenly and he stiffened, holding his breath as he recognized one of the two men walking past him headed towards an R-rated flick. What were the odds of running into a specific person in a town so huge? And why Balthazar of all the people…? His eyes quickly sought out Cas and Dot standing in the ticket line.

At the same time Cas was looking for Dean. Feeling relief as he spotted him, before comforting Dot. "Okay, sweetheart," he nodded as he met Dean's eyes across the concession area. "Look, Dotty, Daddy is looking right at us. See him? He’s right there." he nodded his head in Dean's direction and felt Dotty lift her head up to peek over Cas's shoulder. "We're gonna get the tickets but you can watch your Daddy the entire time, okay?"

Dean watched Cas and Dotty talking quietly, his heart racing, scared for his little girl. He knew how damn scared of Balthazar she was and from the way she was clinging to Cas he knew they had seen the man too.

Cas continued talking to Dotty, asking what she thought might happen in the movie, if she thought the sheep would be able to talk. She answered softly, a few words here and there. Cas felt her discomfort and had never prayed harder for any line to move more quickly in his whole life.

Dean waited impatiently, his foot tapping nervously. Cas finally broke eye contact with Dean to get their tickets. He let Dorothy carry them, hoping to distract her a little as they walked over to join Dean. He gave him a small smile.

“Do you want to be by your Daddy?” Cas asked Dorothy. “I can carry the snacks…”

“Yeah, let’s switch, Cas. Come here, Princess,” Dean set the snacks down on a counter area next to him and opened his arms to take Dorothy. “Hey, Dot, you think Timmy’s gonna be in this movie?” he asked her as he settled her on his hip.

Cas smiled sadly as Dot clung to her Daddy, mumbling her tearful response into Dean’s shoulder. Cas picked up the snacks and nodded down the hallway, following Dean into their screening theater. They quickly found some empty seats, and even though Cas didn’t really expect Balthazar to be sitting in an animated children’s movie with his… boyfriend… that didn’t stop him from looking around the theater.

Picking their seats, they placed Dot in the middle seat and then put one drink into Dean’s cup holder and one in Cas’s so Dot had access to both of them. Once Dot had settled in her seat Cas sighed softly, glad Dorothy was starting to relax. It took three entire previews of upcoming kids’ flicks before she was smiling and giggling again, the entire conversation with Balthazar forgotten.

The movie started and Cas sank down a bit into his seat, glad for the comforting darkness of the theater so he could be lost in his own thoughts…



Dean kissed Dorothy goodnight, and slowly backed out of the room. Their day had been a long one and fairly emotional, but she had made it all the way through the movie before finally falling asleep in the car. Dean sometimes really envied her, when he was carrying her from car to bed and wished he could be as lucky and cared for as her sometimes.

Cas let them into the apartment and gave Dean the space he needed to get Dorothy ready for bed. He went to his own bedroom, slipping quietly into the shower and trying not to think of Balthazar and his ‘date’.

He shouldn’t feel jealous… there was nothing to be jealous of. Cas closed his eyes and pressed his forehead against the tile, letting the hot water beat down on his back. He had Dean in his life and even in his home now, practically ten steps away, and that’s was what he really wanted, there was no doubt in his mind. He shouldn’t care that Balt had moved on… He should be happy for him. But Cas couldn’t stop the questions flooding his mind.

How long had they been together? Did the other man come to stay at his-- Balt’s house he reminded himself-- and sleep in the bed that used to be his? Was Balt falling in love with him?

Dean heard the shower when he came into the bedroom after tucking his little daughter in. Of course they hadn’t talked about seeing Balthazar, not with Dot around. And Dean knew, could see it on his face, that Cas still had it on his mind. Of course he would have, Dean had too and he didn’t have a five year history with the guy. With a resigned sigh, he settled down on the edge of the bed and started undressing, waiting and wondering about what Cas would say.

Cas shut off the water and quickly toweled off as much as he could before knotting the towel around his waist and slipping back into the bedroom. He was greeted with the sight of Dean’s muscular back, his t-shirt laying discarded on the floor. Dean turned slightly and gave Cas a gentle smile, his eyes trailing over Cas’s bare chest.

Cas swallowed once, as he stepped forward, shutting off his mind, trying to forget all about Balthazar and his boyfriend, refusing to think about what they would be doing after the movie. Because this? This is what Cas wanted, what he needed. Not Balthazar, but Dean.

He let the towel fall to the floor as he moved and saw Dean’s pupils widen. Positioning himself so they were face to face, he sealed his lips over Dean’s, swallowing the soft sound of surprise that rumbled in Dean’s throat and pushed him back further, allowing Cas to straddle his hips, never breaking their kiss.

Dean was taken by surprise, but he didn’t break the kiss, loving the feel of Cas’s lips on his too much to let go. Cas groaned against Dean’s mouth, his skin cool against Cas’ shower-warmed skin and he ground his hips down against Dean’s still-jean clad ones. He ran his hands up Dean’s chest, fingers flicking across Dean’s nipples before he pushed him back to lie on the bed completely.

“Dean,” Cas whispered against his lips, reaching between their bodies to cup Dean through the denim fabric. “I want you… I want you so bad.”

“Fuck, Cas,” Dean groaned, throwing his head back, eyes closing.

“That’s the idea,” Cas laughed, moving away from Dean’s lips to kiss down Dean’s neck. He flicked his thumb over the button of Dean’s jeans, then worked the zipper down. He rolled his hips against Dean’s, both men groaning together.

“Cas,” Dean breathed out, hands sliding down to cup Cas’ bare ass, pulling him closer. “Cas, wait…”

“I don’t want to wait,” Cas shook his head, silencing Dean with another kiss. He shifted his hips up so he could slide Dean’s jeans down his thighs. “Want you, Dean. Want to feel you. Want you to fuck me.”

Dean shivered underneath him but his hands stilled where they’d been massaging the globes of Cas’s ass. “Cas…. no,” Dean shook his head and Cas met his bright green eyes, his own clouded with arousal. “No.”

“Why not? We’ve waited so long,” Cas whispered back, grinding down against him. He could feel Dean’s body, hot and hard against him, he knew Dean wanted him too.

“Because, Cas,” Dean whispered just as softly and pushed himself into a sitting position, holding Cas tight against his body. “I want you, God, you know that I do. But… not like this.” Cas gave him a confused look and moved to kiss him again, but Dean turned his head.

“I don’t understand.”

“I don’t want to ‘fuck you’, Cas. I love you and I haven’t been with you in ten years. I sure as hell am planning on taking my time and making love to you.”

Cas swallowed and nodded his head slowly. “We can do that too.”

“And we will,” Dean agreed, kissing Cas softly. “But not tonight. Not when you’re thinking of Balt and his boyfriend. Not when you’re questioning your choices and feeling guilty or angry. Our first time together isn’t going to be because of that. It deserves better… we deserve better.”

Cas felt himself blush, embarrassment and shame flooding him as he realized that not only did Dean know what he’d been thinking… But that Dean was right. He shoved away from Dean quickly, turning away from him and the bed to go to the dresser. He yanked the first drawer open with more force than necessary and heard Dean’s soft sigh from behind him.

He was shoving his legs into a pair of boxer briefs when he felt Dean’s arm come around his stomach and he stilled as Dean pulled him back to be flush against his chest.

“Cas, please don’t be upset. Don’t be angry with me,” Dean kissed between his shoulder blades, his fingers digging into Cas’s hip.

“I’m… I’m not… I… Just...” he shrugged Dean off and twisted away from him. He picked up Dean’s shirt from the floor and tugged it over his head. “I just need…”

“Come back to bed soon?” Dean gave him a sad smile and leaned against the dresser, watching as Cas slipped from the room with a quick nod.

He moved into the living room and threw himself down on his brand new couch. The material felt waxy, fake, and Cas thought it was a perfect mirror to himself right then.

Everything around him was new, sitting in limbo while Cas tried to figure out what the fuck he was supposed to do now. He had a man waiting in his bed, a man who he loved more than anything in the world, and he felt wrong going in to lay beside him. Dean may have been the one that left in the first place… but they’d been kids, stupid, young and reckless.

Cas was the one who was the heartbreaker now. An adult, who was fully and completely aware of the choices he’d been making. Cas closed his eyes as he realized the real problem.

Dean deserved so much better than him.

Chapter Twenty-One