Fic - Hello, Dolly! - Remus/Sirius - PG-13/R
Title: Hello, Dolly!
Prompt: I pinched myprettycabinet’s prompt for rs_small_gifts's bonus round: ‘Fun, happy, romantic non-magic AU! How about...Remus works at reception in a building that Sirius frequents for one reason or another, and Sirius becomes smitten and keeps coming back for different fake reasons just to see Remus. And they end up together and live happily ever after, etc.’
Fandom: Harry Potter
Characters/Pairing: Remus/Sirius, Harry/Neville, Fred and George
Rating: PG-13/R
Contains: Language, adult themes, drag, camp, silliness, Barbra Streisand.
Word Count: 4211
Summary: A non-magic AU in which Sirius Black comes across one of London’s most popular drag queens, Dolly, who in her spare time calls herself Remus Lupin and likes the colour brown. Fred and George feature as does Neville/Harry.
Notes: I got a bit carried away with this, but I had fun writing it! I’m tone deaf and haven’t had any sort of musical education so descriptions could potentially be a little bit off there, I apologise in advance. It's not set in any specific period but Harry and co. are in their early twenties, which would make Remus and Sirius mid-forties. Anyway, I hope it fits the brief and that you all like it! <3
Oh, and the songs Remus sings are ‘Hello, Dolly!’ from Hello, Dolly!, originally sung by Barbra Streisand, and ‘Maybe This Time’ from Cabaret, originally sung by Liza Minelli.
'It's rather busy tonight, isn't it?' Sirius said, swinging himself up onto a stool in the gay club he'd recently discovered in London and that had quickly become his favourite. It couldn't really be called a club in the nightclub sense of the word, nor was it a bar, or a pub, or a members-only club. The venue wasn't entirely sure what it was, or where it stood, but it was popular enough and the atmosphere was pleasant, and that was good enough for Sirius.
'Oh, haven't you heard?' said Neville, smiling as he fetched a glass out from underneath the bar. Neville was Sirius's favourite bartender - he was attractive (but irritatingly off-limits), eager to listen to whatever you had to say (or at least gave that impression), and he always remembered what Sirius liked to drink.
'Heard what?' Sirius said, frowning slightly, rolling his shirt sleeves up.
'It's Dolly's big return tonight,' Neville said, still smiling. He filled a quarter of the glass with gin and poured soda water and crushed ice in after it, adding a dash of lime cordial with a flick of his wrist and squeezing a wedge of fresh lime and a straw, as well as a drink stirrer, into the side of the glass.
'Dolly?' Sirius said with a puzzled looking smile, slipping a note into Neville's hand as he took the drink and waving the change away, pleased when Neville pocketed it.
'Dolly,' Neville said. 'You must have heard about Dolly, everyone's heard about Dolly.'
Sirius shook his head. 'I haven't been coming all that long, have I?'
'You've been missing out,' Neville grinned, throwing a small handtowel over his shoulder. 'She was our best drag queen before she left for the bright lights of Paris a few years ago, seems they weren't as bright as she thought they'd be, but hey, I'm glad she's back.'
Sirius raised his eyebrows and smiled, sipping his drink. 'Mixed to perfection as always, Neville, thank you very much,' he said, raising the glass and inclining his head towards Neville.
'One does one's best,' Neville returned with a smile. 'I'll talk to you later,' he said, before flitting off to serve a group of men at the other end of the bar.
Sirius looked around the club, the main room that he was in rapidly filling up. The club was a cinema that had been converted in the sixties and as such everything was naturally angled towards the back of the cavernous room where the screen had once been and a stage now stood, two staircases leading down from the upper level of the club onto the wooden boards of the stage. Sirius leant back against one of the three bars in the place, half-listening to the pianist at the foot of the stage, scoping the room lazily for a potential pick-up until the lights began to dim and a hush descended over the room, working from the stage backwards until everyone was quiet, everyone's attention focused on the spotlight illuminating the first few steps of one of the staircases. A man stood there with his back to the audience - his frame clearly masculine despite the sparkling golden dress and the auburn wig and the - were those feathers? that Sirius could see in his hair. Well. The wig's hair. Sirius shifted uncomfortably. Drag really wasn't his thing and he'd been caught unawares tonight: this seemed much more of a big deal than the usual drag queens who hammed it up for a few laughs at the club. He'd hardly even noticed them - the entire club hadn't stopped to watch their performances, and Sirius had been able to have a drink and flirt with Neville and whoever else happened to be at the bar. Even all the staff had stopped work to watch.
Music started - Sirius couldn’t tell whether it was coming from the sound system or the orchestra pit that had been fashioned when the cinema had been renovated. The man began to turn round slowly and gave a sultry smile to the audience - Sirius could have sworn that he winked at Neville as well - and began to descend the stairs, microphone in one hand. He paused once he reached the middle step and Sirius could see him looking straight at Neville, that smile still in place.
Neville looked as though he was loving it.
The music slowed and the man - Sirius was not going to call him Dolly - lifted the microphone to his lips and began to sing.
‘Hello, Neville... well hello, Harry... it’s so nice to be back home, where I belong.’
His voice was soft and breathy with a powerful note to it and Sirius supposed he could see why everyone had stopped to watch. The man was singing - actually singing - not just miming to the original track as Sirius had seen so many other drag queens do. He’d caught Neville’s eye and waved at him, that damn sexy smile still in place before he’d shifted his gaze to another young man perched at the opposite end of the bar to Sirius, bespectacled and scruffy-haired. The lad waved eagerly back at the man on the stairs and raised his glass to him as well, grinning widely.
The man continued to descend the stairs, turning towards the other bar at the opposite side of the room, singing to two identical barmen.
‘You are looking swell, Freddie, I can tell, Georgie, you’re still glowin’, you’re still crowin’, you’re still goin’ strong.’
It didn’t rhyme like the original did, though Sirius supposed that it didn’t matter - the identical barmen (both of whom he’d avoided since he’d started patronising the club due to a bad experience he’d had with a set of twins when he was much younger and much more stupid) seemed to be loving it, swooning over one another and blowing the man kisses.
‘... So, bridge that gap, fellas, find me an empty lap, fellas, Dolly’ll never go away again!’ The man grinned as he finished his first part of the song and swung down off the stairs onto the stage, where a number of men were pouring out of the wings, dressed as waiters and singing the chorus part. Two of them linked arms with the man and the three began to high-kick their way across the stage, the routine clearly rehearsed to perfection as the rest of the waiters danced and sang before the drag queen burst into song again.
‘Here’s my hat, fellas, I’m stayin’ where I’m at, fellas-'
‘Promise you’ll never go away again!’
Sirius jumped as the chorus line was shouted - it would have been far too generous to say sang - by both the chorus onstage, the barmen - including Neville and the twins and the scruffy-haired lad at the end of the bar who was having the back of his neck stroked by Neville - and several members of the audience, too, all of whom looked to be thoroughly enjoying themselves as they watched the spectacle. Sirius couldn’t help but be intrigued. He really was good, this bloke, even if Sirius didn’t get the point or the appeal of drag and probably never would. The singing and dancing continued with none of the performers missing a beat, and the main man himself looked genuinely thrilled to be onstage. He had a gorgeous smile, even if it was obscured slightly by the bright red lipstick he was sporting.
‘...And you still get glances from us handsome men-‘
‘Look at you all, you’re all so handsome-‘ he stroked the face of one of the waiters and pushed another’s hair back, pressing his lips to one’s cheek before continuing - ‘Golly gee, fellas, find me an empty knee, fellas, Dolly’ll never go away again!’
The end of the song clearly approaching, Sirius wasn’t quite sure what to do with himself when what felt like everyone in the room apart from him began singing along with the chorus as they had done earlier.
‘Well, well, hello, Dolly, well hello, Dolly, it’s so nice to have you back where you belong! You’re looking swell, Dolly, we can tell, Dolly, you’re still glowin’, you’re still crowin’, you’re still goin’ strong! We hear the ice tinkle-‘ Sirius could spot the identical barmen pissing about with their ice buckets and some cocktail glasses ‘-I hear it tinkle!’ the drag queen cried, both of his arms spread wide as he sang- ‘See the lights twinkle-‘ ‘I see them twinkle!’
‘And you still get glances from us handsome men!’ Everybody joined in, and the man onstage beamed, looking genuinely happy before finishing the song.
‘Mmm, wow, wow, wow, fellas - look at the old girl now, fellas! Dolly’ll never go away, no, Dolly’ll never go away, Dolly’ll never go away again!’
He held the last note for what seemed like forever as everyone in the club who wasn’t already standing got to their feet and thundered their applause. Despite his suspicion of drag, Sirius was grinning from ear to ear, swept up with the atmosphere inside the club.
‘Didn’t I tell you?’ Neville shouted to Sirius over the clapping and cheering. ‘Didn’t I tell you she was fucking brilliant?’
Sirius laughed and nodded. He had to give him that.
‘What’s his real name?’ he shouted back. Dolly was a great stage name but he couldn’t refer to another bloke as Dolly, for Christ’s sake.
‘Not at liberty to say!’ Neville said with a grin, holding both of his hands palms-up and shaking his head as he went to serve the other customers as the applause died down somewhat.
~*~
After watching three more show-stopping performances from Dolly, complete with the chorus, costume changes, and just as much enthusiasm from the crowd as there had been for what appeared to be his signature tune, Sirius was ready to call it a day. He’d had a great evening, even if he hadn’t felt like picking anyone up and had serious competition for Neville’s attention, which he just wasn’t used to. Humming Don’t Rain on My Parade under his breath, Sirius picked up his scarf and was just about to tie it around his neck when he was stopped by a voice behind him.
‘Oh. I was rather hoping to get you a drink.’ The voice was soft - little more than a whisper, and Sirius could detect a Northern edge to it that was very pleasant indeed. He turned round, raising his eyebrows at the man who stood there.
‘You were?’ he said, smiling lopsidedly at the man, who was dressed in an unassuming pair of brown cords and a light blue shirt. His complexion was pale and his eyes were tired, but kind. His hair was a dusty sort of non-colour with a few threads of grey running through it, Sirius noted, and he really wasn’t Sirius’s usual type (young and fit and cheeky), but there was something incredibly intriguing about him, and Sirius knew he wanted to find out more about him.
The man smiled - just slightly - and nodded. ‘Don’t feel obliged, of course, but if you’re interested-‘
‘Yes,’ Sirius said, putting his scarf back down on his barstool and nodding. He seemed very familiar. ‘Yes, uh, I’d like that.’
‘Remus Lupin,’ the man said, offering his hand.
‘Sirius Black,’ Sirius replied, smiling again as he slid his hand into Remus’s.
‘Pleasure,’ Remus said, squeezing Sirius’s hand gently and swinging up onto the barstool next to Sirius’s. The crowds had been thinning out for some time after Dolly had finished and there were only a few men left at the bar Neville was manning. ‘Harry?’ he called, and Sirius turned his head as he climbed back onto the barstool he’d been occupying all evening to see the messy-haired bespectacled lad look up from his cocktail he’d been drinking through a bright green straw. ‘Harry, be a dear and get me my usual, would you, and Sirius, you’ll have...?’
‘A gin and lime,’ Neville said, grinning as he lifted the hatch up for Harry, kissing his cheek as he walked past.
‘I didn’t know you were a regular, I haven’t seen you here before,’ Sirius said, his eyes flicking between Remus and Harry, who was clearly doing his best with their drinks but was nowhere near as efficient as Neville.
Remus smiled again. ‘I’m Harry’s godfather, his mother and father, wonderful pair that they are, own this rather fabulous establishment,’ he said, his smile widening into a grin. Sirius couldn’t help but feel that he’d seen that smile before, but he’d certainly never met Remus. He’d have remembered, so long as he hadn’t been roaring drunk at the time, and he hadn’t really been roaring drunk recently. He’d have to correct that.
‘Oh, I see,’ he said, smiling. ‘You mean - a straight couple own this place?’
‘Yes, to everyone’s endless amusement,’ Remus said, taking his drink from Harry with a wink for the lad, smiling easily at Sirius. Sirius laughed. ‘It was a scheme Lily and I cooked up one rainy afternoon many moons ago, there are times I can hardly believe that James went for it, isn’t that right, Harry?’
Harry grinned. ‘I’m glad he did,’ he said, handing Sirius his drink, looking eager. ‘I hope I’ve mixed it right,’ he said. ‘I’m not as good as the old ball and chain here is-‘
‘I heard that!’ Neville called over his shoulder, and Remus huffed a laugh as Harry wrapped his arms around Neville’s waist from behind.
‘Young love,’ he said, watching them both with a fond look in his eye. ‘Of course, I’m insanely jealous.’
‘You don’t sound it,’ Sirius said with another wide smile, sipping his drink and wincing slightly at the taste.
‘Oh, believe me, I am,’ Remus said, leaning in slightly to whisper. ‘He’s overdone it on the lime, hasn’t he?’ he murmured.
‘Yeah, just a tad,’ Sirius said with a quiet laugh. Remus tilted his head to check that Harry was occupied with Neville before reaching a long arm behind the bar and grabbing the tap for soda water, taking Sirius’s drink and adding a short burst of water to it.
‘That ought to do it,’ Remus said, maintaining his earlier proximity, Sirius was pleased to note.
‘Cheers,’ Sirius said, laughing again. He had to stop that, actually, the laughing. He sounded as though he was simple. ‘So, uh, what is it you do?
‘Oh, a bit of everything,’ Remus said vaguely. ‘I’ve actually been travelling for the past couple of years-‘
‘Travelling, really?’
‘Yeah, mid-life crisis,’ Remus said, waving his hand dismissively. ’Stupid idea, I missed everyone horribly and all I found out was that I much prefer being at home to anywhere else.’
‘Well, at least you learnt something,’ Sirius said, brushing his hair back.
‘I suppose you’re right,’ Remus nodded, sipping his drink, his gaze seeming to follow the movement of Sirius’s hand. Sirius smiled. He felt nervous, though he couldn’t explain why. ‘I’m not keeping you from anything, am I?’ Remus asked, his eyes on Sirius’s once again.
‘Sorry?’ Sirius said, blinking.
‘Only you were leaving,’ Remus said with a smile.
‘Oh! Oh. No, no, only my Ziggy Stardust LP and a slice of toast. This is far more interesting,’ he assured Remus, fixing him with one of his best flirty looks. Remus didn’t miss it, and laughed.
‘I don’t know,’ he said. ‘That’s a damn good record.’
Sirius grinned. ‘Remus,’ he said. ‘We’re going to get along splendidly.’
~*~
Sirius finally returned to his flat that night after spending two and a half hours in conversation with Remus, Neville and the rest of the bar staff resorting to cleaning up around them rather than asking them to leave as they had done with everyone else, though Sirius suspected that had more to do with the fact that Remus was clearly very good friends with the owners of the club than his own charm and devastating good looks.
They’d made no concrete plans to see one another again, though Sirius knew it would happen again, and happen again it did. Sirius turned up at the club for three consecutive nights and had spent his evenings with Remus, tucked away in a booth in the corner, Neville or Harry running drinks to them at regular intervals and in return having their pockets discretely lined with a bit of spending money for them both from Remus as well as Sirius.
There was still something nigglingly familiar about Remus that Sirius couldn’t place, but he pushed it to the back of his mind and concentrated all of his efforts on trying to get Remus to go back to his flat with him. Irritatingly enough, however, it appeared that Remus enjoyed teasing, as whenever Sirius leant in close enough to bring their lips together, he’d move away with a smirk, nip to the bar or to the gents’ or whatever, leaving Sirius hanging and wanting. Everything about Remus seemed to be infuriatingly sexy - the way he smiled and arched just one eyebrow, the way he’d stare lazily at Sirius, his eyes screaming fuck me, unblinking, waiting ever so patiently, the way he rested his ankle against Sirius’s calf and rubbed ever so, ever so slowly, just enough to drive Sirius mad. The more Remus denied him, the more Sirius wanted him, and on the fourth day on the trot of turning up at the club, he was determined to get it. Even if it was just a snog, or even a bit of a kiss, he didn’t care, he wanted and needed to feel Remus’s lips against his.
He marched purposefully into the club and was surprised when, after five minutes, he couldn’t spot Remus. A sign outside had said Dolly was performing again tonight and, as a result, the club was rapidly filling up. Sirius claimed a stool at his usual bar quickly for fear of having nowhere to sit.
‘Remus not around tonight?’ he asked Neville as Neville sorted him out with a drink, trying to sound as casual as possible. A smile tugged at Neville’s lips. ‘He’s around,’ he said, nodding. ‘I imagine he’ll come and find you before long.’
‘That’s nice and vague,’ Sirius said, rolling his eyes as he sipped his drink gratefully, handing Neville a few coins, who waved them away.
‘It’s on Remus’s tab,’ he said, putting the coins in his pocket with a sigh when Sirius insisted on it. ‘Thank you.’
Sirius waved him away. Before long, the lights dimmed as they had done a few nights ago and Sirius settled in to watch. He’d decided he didn’t mind drag as long as it was done like this - well. The curtain went up and Sirius’s eyes widened as pennies dropped all over the place. Shit. How had he not noticed? He’d spent so many minutes over the past few days studying Remus’s face that - even under all the make-up - Dolly’s identity was glaringly obvious. He turned to Neville, who, along with Harry, appeared to have been waiting for Sirius’s reaction, seeing as both of them cracked up laughing.
Remus was stretched out across the somewhat battered grand piano that had been hoisted up onto the stage from its usual position at the foot of it. A spotlight was focused on him and his face looked as mournful as the notes that were being picked out by the pianist, though with a determined edge that was fitting for the song, seeing which one it was.
Sirius gaped as Remus sat up, the black dress he was wearing clinging to the masculine lines of his chest and broad shoulders, emphasising his narrow waist, its sleeveless quality showcasing his lightly muscled arms. Even with the make-up and the dark wig and the fact he was wearing a dress and heels, Sirius was shocked to find that he still found Remus attractive, still wanted to shag him silly. He bit down on his bottom lip without meaning to.
‘Maybe this time,’ Remus began to sing, his voice carrying a husky quality it hadn’t done in his other performances. ‘I’ll be lucky. Maybe this time, he’ll stay...’ He was frowning, his eyes shut, his head tilted towards the ceiling, one hand pressed against his chest, over his heart.
Sirius was mesmerized.
‘Maybe this time, for the first time, love won’t hurry away...’ Remus continued, stretching out the notes, dragging as much emotion as he could out of them. ‘He will hold me... fast,’ he sighed, ‘I’ll be home at last.’ He opened his eyes and stared straight at Sirius, his frown still in place before he looked away, down at the top of the grand.
‘Not a loser, anymore, like the last time, and the time before.’ The pianist played a short few notes as Remus slid down off the piano, pushing his mic into its stand, gripping it with both hands.
‘Everybody,’ he sang, his volume and intensity growing with each syllable, ‘loves a winner... so nobody loved me. Lady Peaceful, Lady Happy, that’s what I long to be...’ The piano picked up the pace as well, and the rest of the assembled band began to join in as the song progressed. Remus took his mic out of the stand again and held one arm out, raising it along with his voice. ‘Well all the odds are, they’re in my favour, something’s bound to begin! It’s gotta happen, happen sometime, maybe this time, I’ll win!’
Sirius watched, swallowing from a mixture of nerves and lust and other unidentifiable emotions that he was experiencing from watching Remus perform. He wasn’t looking at Sirius now, but belting the song out with all his heart, his eyes closed as he sang, the spotlight focused on him and only him.
Sirius had never wanted anything more in his life.
‘It’s gotta happen!’ Remus sang again, ‘Happen sometime... maybe this time...’ he opened his eyes as he quietened down, meeting Sirius’s again, ‘maybe this time...’ He turned away and sang at full volume and intensity once more. ‘Maybe this time, I’ll win!’
The final note stretched out over the applause and, dumbfounded, Sirius clapped as maniacally as everybody else.
~*~
‘Sorry I didn’t tell you I had an alter-ego,’ Remus said with a smile, having sneaked up behind Sirius. Sirius whirled round on his barstool, nearly falling off.
‘I... bloody hell, I thought you were familiar, when you asked if you could get me a drink and I couldn’t place you and it’s been driving me mad and... I don’t even like drag, but you...’
Remus laughed, folding his arms across his chest.
‘You’re so bloody... different up there.’
‘That’s my job,’ Remus said quietly, still looking amused.
‘Is it only a job to you?’ Sirius asked, frowning.
‘Yes and no,’ Remus said, taking a step closer.
‘Do you enjoy it?’
‘Yes and no. Any more questions, Inspector Holmes?’
‘Yes, actually!’ Sirius said, feeling indignant for no particular reason. How could Remus be so... cool about everything? ‘That... that song... the one you sand first... Maybe This Time, is it?’ Remus nodded. ‘Is that... did that have anything to do with... were you... was it... aimed at me?’
There was a short silence. ‘My God, you do think a lot of yourself, don’t you?’ Remus said with a grin, stepping closer to Sirius so that he was stood in between Sirius’s legs, his hips pressed against the barstool. ‘Ever going to kiss me, Black?’
Sirius glared at Remus. ‘You know full well I’ve been trying to do exactly that for-‘
He didn’t get to finish his sentence, as Remus’s lips were suddenly on his, warm and soft, then his tongue was pushing into his mouth, hot, and wet, and God, it was every bit as good as Sirius thought it would be. He growled, low in his throat, and pulled Remus closer, threading his hands in Remus’s greying hair, nipping sharply at Remus’s bottom lip, his stomach thrilling when Remus gave a moan. He reluctantly pulled away when he grew short of breath, pressing several open-mouthed half-kisses to Remus’s slick lips.
‘I wanted you to like me for me,’ his tone serious, one Sirius hadn’t heard from him before. ‘For being Remus, and not for being Dolly, d’you... d’you understand?’ he murmured, his lips still brushing Sirius’s.
Sirius grinned. ‘I don’t like Dolly,’ he said.
Remus pulled back and raised his eyebrows. ‘You don’t?’
‘No,’ Sirius said, shaking his head. ‘I think she’s a diva. All that make-up, bloody hell, she must put it on with a trowel. And I couldn’t run my hands through those wigs of hers, now, could I?’ he asked, brushing a hand through Remus’s hair.
Remus smiled and leant into the touch.
‘And those dresses look like they’d be a bugger to get anybody out of,’ he added in a murmur, biting down on Remus’s earlobe, groaning when Remus shivered and hissed.
‘C’mon,’ Remus muttered, grabbing Sirius’s wrist and tugging him towards the door, ‘I’ve been thinking about your cock up my arse since Saturday.’
Sirius moaned and pushed Remus in the direction of the door, grabbing his coat and scarf as he hurried towards the exit.
‘Good to know we’re on the same page.'
Prompt: I pinched myprettycabinet’s prompt for rs_small_gifts's bonus round: ‘Fun, happy, romantic non-magic AU! How about...Remus works at reception in a building that Sirius frequents for one reason or another, and Sirius becomes smitten and keeps coming back for different fake reasons just to see Remus. And they end up together and live happily ever after, etc.’
Fandom: Harry Potter
Characters/Pairing: Remus/Sirius, Harry/Neville, Fred and George
Rating: PG-13/R
Contains: Language, adult themes, drag, camp, silliness, Barbra Streisand.
Word Count: 4211
Summary: A non-magic AU in which Sirius Black comes across one of London’s most popular drag queens, Dolly, who in her spare time calls herself Remus Lupin and likes the colour brown. Fred and George feature as does Neville/Harry.
Notes: I got a bit carried away with this, but I had fun writing it! I’m tone deaf and haven’t had any sort of musical education so descriptions could potentially be a little bit off there, I apologise in advance. It's not set in any specific period but Harry and co. are in their early twenties, which would make Remus and Sirius mid-forties. Anyway, I hope it fits the brief and that you all like it! <3
Oh, and the songs Remus sings are ‘Hello, Dolly!’ from Hello, Dolly!, originally sung by Barbra Streisand, and ‘Maybe This Time’ from Cabaret, originally sung by Liza Minelli.
'It's rather busy tonight, isn't it?' Sirius said, swinging himself up onto a stool in the gay club he'd recently discovered in London and that had quickly become his favourite. It couldn't really be called a club in the nightclub sense of the word, nor was it a bar, or a pub, or a members-only club. The venue wasn't entirely sure what it was, or where it stood, but it was popular enough and the atmosphere was pleasant, and that was good enough for Sirius.
'Oh, haven't you heard?' said Neville, smiling as he fetched a glass out from underneath the bar. Neville was Sirius's favourite bartender - he was attractive (but irritatingly off-limits), eager to listen to whatever you had to say (or at least gave that impression), and he always remembered what Sirius liked to drink.
'Heard what?' Sirius said, frowning slightly, rolling his shirt sleeves up.
'It's Dolly's big return tonight,' Neville said, still smiling. He filled a quarter of the glass with gin and poured soda water and crushed ice in after it, adding a dash of lime cordial with a flick of his wrist and squeezing a wedge of fresh lime and a straw, as well as a drink stirrer, into the side of the glass.
'Dolly?' Sirius said with a puzzled looking smile, slipping a note into Neville's hand as he took the drink and waving the change away, pleased when Neville pocketed it.
'Dolly,' Neville said. 'You must have heard about Dolly, everyone's heard about Dolly.'
Sirius shook his head. 'I haven't been coming all that long, have I?'
'You've been missing out,' Neville grinned, throwing a small handtowel over his shoulder. 'She was our best drag queen before she left for the bright lights of Paris a few years ago, seems they weren't as bright as she thought they'd be, but hey, I'm glad she's back.'
Sirius raised his eyebrows and smiled, sipping his drink. 'Mixed to perfection as always, Neville, thank you very much,' he said, raising the glass and inclining his head towards Neville.
'One does one's best,' Neville returned with a smile. 'I'll talk to you later,' he said, before flitting off to serve a group of men at the other end of the bar.
Sirius looked around the club, the main room that he was in rapidly filling up. The club was a cinema that had been converted in the sixties and as such everything was naturally angled towards the back of the cavernous room where the screen had once been and a stage now stood, two staircases leading down from the upper level of the club onto the wooden boards of the stage. Sirius leant back against one of the three bars in the place, half-listening to the pianist at the foot of the stage, scoping the room lazily for a potential pick-up until the lights began to dim and a hush descended over the room, working from the stage backwards until everyone was quiet, everyone's attention focused on the spotlight illuminating the first few steps of one of the staircases. A man stood there with his back to the audience - his frame clearly masculine despite the sparkling golden dress and the auburn wig and the - were those feathers? that Sirius could see in his hair. Well. The wig's hair. Sirius shifted uncomfortably. Drag really wasn't his thing and he'd been caught unawares tonight: this seemed much more of a big deal than the usual drag queens who hammed it up for a few laughs at the club. He'd hardly even noticed them - the entire club hadn't stopped to watch their performances, and Sirius had been able to have a drink and flirt with Neville and whoever else happened to be at the bar. Even all the staff had stopped work to watch.
Music started - Sirius couldn’t tell whether it was coming from the sound system or the orchestra pit that had been fashioned when the cinema had been renovated. The man began to turn round slowly and gave a sultry smile to the audience - Sirius could have sworn that he winked at Neville as well - and began to descend the stairs, microphone in one hand. He paused once he reached the middle step and Sirius could see him looking straight at Neville, that smile still in place.
Neville looked as though he was loving it.
The music slowed and the man - Sirius was not going to call him Dolly - lifted the microphone to his lips and began to sing.
‘Hello, Neville... well hello, Harry... it’s so nice to be back home, where I belong.’
His voice was soft and breathy with a powerful note to it and Sirius supposed he could see why everyone had stopped to watch. The man was singing - actually singing - not just miming to the original track as Sirius had seen so many other drag queens do. He’d caught Neville’s eye and waved at him, that damn sexy smile still in place before he’d shifted his gaze to another young man perched at the opposite end of the bar to Sirius, bespectacled and scruffy-haired. The lad waved eagerly back at the man on the stairs and raised his glass to him as well, grinning widely.
The man continued to descend the stairs, turning towards the other bar at the opposite side of the room, singing to two identical barmen.
‘You are looking swell, Freddie, I can tell, Georgie, you’re still glowin’, you’re still crowin’, you’re still goin’ strong.’
It didn’t rhyme like the original did, though Sirius supposed that it didn’t matter - the identical barmen (both of whom he’d avoided since he’d started patronising the club due to a bad experience he’d had with a set of twins when he was much younger and much more stupid) seemed to be loving it, swooning over one another and blowing the man kisses.
‘... So, bridge that gap, fellas, find me an empty lap, fellas, Dolly’ll never go away again!’ The man grinned as he finished his first part of the song and swung down off the stairs onto the stage, where a number of men were pouring out of the wings, dressed as waiters and singing the chorus part. Two of them linked arms with the man and the three began to high-kick their way across the stage, the routine clearly rehearsed to perfection as the rest of the waiters danced and sang before the drag queen burst into song again.
‘Here’s my hat, fellas, I’m stayin’ where I’m at, fellas-'
‘Promise you’ll never go away again!’
Sirius jumped as the chorus line was shouted - it would have been far too generous to say sang - by both the chorus onstage, the barmen - including Neville and the twins and the scruffy-haired lad at the end of the bar who was having the back of his neck stroked by Neville - and several members of the audience, too, all of whom looked to be thoroughly enjoying themselves as they watched the spectacle. Sirius couldn’t help but be intrigued. He really was good, this bloke, even if Sirius didn’t get the point or the appeal of drag and probably never would. The singing and dancing continued with none of the performers missing a beat, and the main man himself looked genuinely thrilled to be onstage. He had a gorgeous smile, even if it was obscured slightly by the bright red lipstick he was sporting.
‘...And you still get glances from us handsome men-‘
‘Look at you all, you’re all so handsome-‘ he stroked the face of one of the waiters and pushed another’s hair back, pressing his lips to one’s cheek before continuing - ‘Golly gee, fellas, find me an empty knee, fellas, Dolly’ll never go away again!’
The end of the song clearly approaching, Sirius wasn’t quite sure what to do with himself when what felt like everyone in the room apart from him began singing along with the chorus as they had done earlier.
‘Well, well, hello, Dolly, well hello, Dolly, it’s so nice to have you back where you belong! You’re looking swell, Dolly, we can tell, Dolly, you’re still glowin’, you’re still crowin’, you’re still goin’ strong! We hear the ice tinkle-‘ Sirius could spot the identical barmen pissing about with their ice buckets and some cocktail glasses ‘-I hear it tinkle!’ the drag queen cried, both of his arms spread wide as he sang- ‘See the lights twinkle-‘ ‘I see them twinkle!’
‘And you still get glances from us handsome men!’ Everybody joined in, and the man onstage beamed, looking genuinely happy before finishing the song.
‘Mmm, wow, wow, wow, fellas - look at the old girl now, fellas! Dolly’ll never go away, no, Dolly’ll never go away, Dolly’ll never go away again!’
He held the last note for what seemed like forever as everyone in the club who wasn’t already standing got to their feet and thundered their applause. Despite his suspicion of drag, Sirius was grinning from ear to ear, swept up with the atmosphere inside the club.
‘Didn’t I tell you?’ Neville shouted to Sirius over the clapping and cheering. ‘Didn’t I tell you she was fucking brilliant?’
Sirius laughed and nodded. He had to give him that.
‘What’s his real name?’ he shouted back. Dolly was a great stage name but he couldn’t refer to another bloke as Dolly, for Christ’s sake.
‘Not at liberty to say!’ Neville said with a grin, holding both of his hands palms-up and shaking his head as he went to serve the other customers as the applause died down somewhat.
~*~
After watching three more show-stopping performances from Dolly, complete with the chorus, costume changes, and just as much enthusiasm from the crowd as there had been for what appeared to be his signature tune, Sirius was ready to call it a day. He’d had a great evening, even if he hadn’t felt like picking anyone up and had serious competition for Neville’s attention, which he just wasn’t used to. Humming Don’t Rain on My Parade under his breath, Sirius picked up his scarf and was just about to tie it around his neck when he was stopped by a voice behind him.
‘Oh. I was rather hoping to get you a drink.’ The voice was soft - little more than a whisper, and Sirius could detect a Northern edge to it that was very pleasant indeed. He turned round, raising his eyebrows at the man who stood there.
‘You were?’ he said, smiling lopsidedly at the man, who was dressed in an unassuming pair of brown cords and a light blue shirt. His complexion was pale and his eyes were tired, but kind. His hair was a dusty sort of non-colour with a few threads of grey running through it, Sirius noted, and he really wasn’t Sirius’s usual type (young and fit and cheeky), but there was something incredibly intriguing about him, and Sirius knew he wanted to find out more about him.
The man smiled - just slightly - and nodded. ‘Don’t feel obliged, of course, but if you’re interested-‘
‘Yes,’ Sirius said, putting his scarf back down on his barstool and nodding. He seemed very familiar. ‘Yes, uh, I’d like that.’
‘Remus Lupin,’ the man said, offering his hand.
‘Sirius Black,’ Sirius replied, smiling again as he slid his hand into Remus’s.
‘Pleasure,’ Remus said, squeezing Sirius’s hand gently and swinging up onto the barstool next to Sirius’s. The crowds had been thinning out for some time after Dolly had finished and there were only a few men left at the bar Neville was manning. ‘Harry?’ he called, and Sirius turned his head as he climbed back onto the barstool he’d been occupying all evening to see the messy-haired bespectacled lad look up from his cocktail he’d been drinking through a bright green straw. ‘Harry, be a dear and get me my usual, would you, and Sirius, you’ll have...?’
‘A gin and lime,’ Neville said, grinning as he lifted the hatch up for Harry, kissing his cheek as he walked past.
‘I didn’t know you were a regular, I haven’t seen you here before,’ Sirius said, his eyes flicking between Remus and Harry, who was clearly doing his best with their drinks but was nowhere near as efficient as Neville.
Remus smiled again. ‘I’m Harry’s godfather, his mother and father, wonderful pair that they are, own this rather fabulous establishment,’ he said, his smile widening into a grin. Sirius couldn’t help but feel that he’d seen that smile before, but he’d certainly never met Remus. He’d have remembered, so long as he hadn’t been roaring drunk at the time, and he hadn’t really been roaring drunk recently. He’d have to correct that.
‘Oh, I see,’ he said, smiling. ‘You mean - a straight couple own this place?’
‘Yes, to everyone’s endless amusement,’ Remus said, taking his drink from Harry with a wink for the lad, smiling easily at Sirius. Sirius laughed. ‘It was a scheme Lily and I cooked up one rainy afternoon many moons ago, there are times I can hardly believe that James went for it, isn’t that right, Harry?’
Harry grinned. ‘I’m glad he did,’ he said, handing Sirius his drink, looking eager. ‘I hope I’ve mixed it right,’ he said. ‘I’m not as good as the old ball and chain here is-‘
‘I heard that!’ Neville called over his shoulder, and Remus huffed a laugh as Harry wrapped his arms around Neville’s waist from behind.
‘Young love,’ he said, watching them both with a fond look in his eye. ‘Of course, I’m insanely jealous.’
‘You don’t sound it,’ Sirius said with another wide smile, sipping his drink and wincing slightly at the taste.
‘Oh, believe me, I am,’ Remus said, leaning in slightly to whisper. ‘He’s overdone it on the lime, hasn’t he?’ he murmured.
‘Yeah, just a tad,’ Sirius said with a quiet laugh. Remus tilted his head to check that Harry was occupied with Neville before reaching a long arm behind the bar and grabbing the tap for soda water, taking Sirius’s drink and adding a short burst of water to it.
‘That ought to do it,’ Remus said, maintaining his earlier proximity, Sirius was pleased to note.
‘Cheers,’ Sirius said, laughing again. He had to stop that, actually, the laughing. He sounded as though he was simple. ‘So, uh, what is it you do?
‘Oh, a bit of everything,’ Remus said vaguely. ‘I’ve actually been travelling for the past couple of years-‘
‘Travelling, really?’
‘Yeah, mid-life crisis,’ Remus said, waving his hand dismissively. ’Stupid idea, I missed everyone horribly and all I found out was that I much prefer being at home to anywhere else.’
‘Well, at least you learnt something,’ Sirius said, brushing his hair back.
‘I suppose you’re right,’ Remus nodded, sipping his drink, his gaze seeming to follow the movement of Sirius’s hand. Sirius smiled. He felt nervous, though he couldn’t explain why. ‘I’m not keeping you from anything, am I?’ Remus asked, his eyes on Sirius’s once again.
‘Sorry?’ Sirius said, blinking.
‘Only you were leaving,’ Remus said with a smile.
‘Oh! Oh. No, no, only my Ziggy Stardust LP and a slice of toast. This is far more interesting,’ he assured Remus, fixing him with one of his best flirty looks. Remus didn’t miss it, and laughed.
‘I don’t know,’ he said. ‘That’s a damn good record.’
Sirius grinned. ‘Remus,’ he said. ‘We’re going to get along splendidly.’
~*~
Sirius finally returned to his flat that night after spending two and a half hours in conversation with Remus, Neville and the rest of the bar staff resorting to cleaning up around them rather than asking them to leave as they had done with everyone else, though Sirius suspected that had more to do with the fact that Remus was clearly very good friends with the owners of the club than his own charm and devastating good looks.
They’d made no concrete plans to see one another again, though Sirius knew it would happen again, and happen again it did. Sirius turned up at the club for three consecutive nights and had spent his evenings with Remus, tucked away in a booth in the corner, Neville or Harry running drinks to them at regular intervals and in return having their pockets discretely lined with a bit of spending money for them both from Remus as well as Sirius.
There was still something nigglingly familiar about Remus that Sirius couldn’t place, but he pushed it to the back of his mind and concentrated all of his efforts on trying to get Remus to go back to his flat with him. Irritatingly enough, however, it appeared that Remus enjoyed teasing, as whenever Sirius leant in close enough to bring their lips together, he’d move away with a smirk, nip to the bar or to the gents’ or whatever, leaving Sirius hanging and wanting. Everything about Remus seemed to be infuriatingly sexy - the way he smiled and arched just one eyebrow, the way he’d stare lazily at Sirius, his eyes screaming fuck me, unblinking, waiting ever so patiently, the way he rested his ankle against Sirius’s calf and rubbed ever so, ever so slowly, just enough to drive Sirius mad. The more Remus denied him, the more Sirius wanted him, and on the fourth day on the trot of turning up at the club, he was determined to get it. Even if it was just a snog, or even a bit of a kiss, he didn’t care, he wanted and needed to feel Remus’s lips against his.
He marched purposefully into the club and was surprised when, after five minutes, he couldn’t spot Remus. A sign outside had said Dolly was performing again tonight and, as a result, the club was rapidly filling up. Sirius claimed a stool at his usual bar quickly for fear of having nowhere to sit.
‘Remus not around tonight?’ he asked Neville as Neville sorted him out with a drink, trying to sound as casual as possible. A smile tugged at Neville’s lips. ‘He’s around,’ he said, nodding. ‘I imagine he’ll come and find you before long.’
‘That’s nice and vague,’ Sirius said, rolling his eyes as he sipped his drink gratefully, handing Neville a few coins, who waved them away.
‘It’s on Remus’s tab,’ he said, putting the coins in his pocket with a sigh when Sirius insisted on it. ‘Thank you.’
Sirius waved him away. Before long, the lights dimmed as they had done a few nights ago and Sirius settled in to watch. He’d decided he didn’t mind drag as long as it was done like this - well. The curtain went up and Sirius’s eyes widened as pennies dropped all over the place. Shit. How had he not noticed? He’d spent so many minutes over the past few days studying Remus’s face that - even under all the make-up - Dolly’s identity was glaringly obvious. He turned to Neville, who, along with Harry, appeared to have been waiting for Sirius’s reaction, seeing as both of them cracked up laughing.
Remus was stretched out across the somewhat battered grand piano that had been hoisted up onto the stage from its usual position at the foot of it. A spotlight was focused on him and his face looked as mournful as the notes that were being picked out by the pianist, though with a determined edge that was fitting for the song, seeing which one it was.
Sirius gaped as Remus sat up, the black dress he was wearing clinging to the masculine lines of his chest and broad shoulders, emphasising his narrow waist, its sleeveless quality showcasing his lightly muscled arms. Even with the make-up and the dark wig and the fact he was wearing a dress and heels, Sirius was shocked to find that he still found Remus attractive, still wanted to shag him silly. He bit down on his bottom lip without meaning to.
‘Maybe this time,’ Remus began to sing, his voice carrying a husky quality it hadn’t done in his other performances. ‘I’ll be lucky. Maybe this time, he’ll stay...’ He was frowning, his eyes shut, his head tilted towards the ceiling, one hand pressed against his chest, over his heart.
Sirius was mesmerized.
‘Maybe this time, for the first time, love won’t hurry away...’ Remus continued, stretching out the notes, dragging as much emotion as he could out of them. ‘He will hold me... fast,’ he sighed, ‘I’ll be home at last.’ He opened his eyes and stared straight at Sirius, his frown still in place before he looked away, down at the top of the grand.
‘Not a loser, anymore, like the last time, and the time before.’ The pianist played a short few notes as Remus slid down off the piano, pushing his mic into its stand, gripping it with both hands.
‘Everybody,’ he sang, his volume and intensity growing with each syllable, ‘loves a winner... so nobody loved me. Lady Peaceful, Lady Happy, that’s what I long to be...’ The piano picked up the pace as well, and the rest of the assembled band began to join in as the song progressed. Remus took his mic out of the stand again and held one arm out, raising it along with his voice. ‘Well all the odds are, they’re in my favour, something’s bound to begin! It’s gotta happen, happen sometime, maybe this time, I’ll win!’
Sirius watched, swallowing from a mixture of nerves and lust and other unidentifiable emotions that he was experiencing from watching Remus perform. He wasn’t looking at Sirius now, but belting the song out with all his heart, his eyes closed as he sang, the spotlight focused on him and only him.
Sirius had never wanted anything more in his life.
‘It’s gotta happen!’ Remus sang again, ‘Happen sometime... maybe this time...’ he opened his eyes as he quietened down, meeting Sirius’s again, ‘maybe this time...’ He turned away and sang at full volume and intensity once more. ‘Maybe this time, I’ll win!’
The final note stretched out over the applause and, dumbfounded, Sirius clapped as maniacally as everybody else.
~*~
‘Sorry I didn’t tell you I had an alter-ego,’ Remus said with a smile, having sneaked up behind Sirius. Sirius whirled round on his barstool, nearly falling off.
‘I... bloody hell, I thought you were familiar, when you asked if you could get me a drink and I couldn’t place you and it’s been driving me mad and... I don’t even like drag, but you...’
Remus laughed, folding his arms across his chest.
‘You’re so bloody... different up there.’
‘That’s my job,’ Remus said quietly, still looking amused.
‘Is it only a job to you?’ Sirius asked, frowning.
‘Yes and no,’ Remus said, taking a step closer.
‘Do you enjoy it?’
‘Yes and no. Any more questions, Inspector Holmes?’
‘Yes, actually!’ Sirius said, feeling indignant for no particular reason. How could Remus be so... cool about everything? ‘That... that song... the one you sand first... Maybe This Time, is it?’ Remus nodded. ‘Is that... did that have anything to do with... were you... was it... aimed at me?’
There was a short silence. ‘My God, you do think a lot of yourself, don’t you?’ Remus said with a grin, stepping closer to Sirius so that he was stood in between Sirius’s legs, his hips pressed against the barstool. ‘Ever going to kiss me, Black?’
Sirius glared at Remus. ‘You know full well I’ve been trying to do exactly that for-‘
He didn’t get to finish his sentence, as Remus’s lips were suddenly on his, warm and soft, then his tongue was pushing into his mouth, hot, and wet, and God, it was every bit as good as Sirius thought it would be. He growled, low in his throat, and pulled Remus closer, threading his hands in Remus’s greying hair, nipping sharply at Remus’s bottom lip, his stomach thrilling when Remus gave a moan. He reluctantly pulled away when he grew short of breath, pressing several open-mouthed half-kisses to Remus’s slick lips.
‘I wanted you to like me for me,’ his tone serious, one Sirius hadn’t heard from him before. ‘For being Remus, and not for being Dolly, d’you... d’you understand?’ he murmured, his lips still brushing Sirius’s.
Sirius grinned. ‘I don’t like Dolly,’ he said.
Remus pulled back and raised his eyebrows. ‘You don’t?’
‘No,’ Sirius said, shaking his head. ‘I think she’s a diva. All that make-up, bloody hell, she must put it on with a trowel. And I couldn’t run my hands through those wigs of hers, now, could I?’ he asked, brushing a hand through Remus’s hair.
Remus smiled and leant into the touch.
‘And those dresses look like they’d be a bugger to get anybody out of,’ he added in a murmur, biting down on Remus’s earlobe, groaning when Remus shivered and hissed.
‘C’mon,’ Remus muttered, grabbing Sirius’s wrist and tugging him towards the door, ‘I’ve been thinking about your cock up my arse since Saturday.’
Sirius moaned and pushed Remus in the direction of the door, grabbing his coat and scarf as he hurried towards the exit.
‘Good to know we’re on the same page.'