Fic: If Not by Choice 4/5 (Derek/Jackson, NC-17)
Title: If Not by Choice (4/5)
Rating: NC-17 for this part
Pairing: Derek/Jackson
Spoilers: Season 1
Warnings: Slash, possible canon-timeline mistakes, explicit sex in this part!
Word Count: 7328 words in this part
Disclaimer: Oh, how I wish they were mine. But nothing here belongs to me, except for the plot.
Summary: He'd have to go and take a look at those marks, make sure he was just worrying too much and he hadn't done anything stupid that he couldn't remember.
Author's Notes: Good old Fuck-or-Die. Written for a prompt at TeenwolfKink. Goes AU from "Heart Monitor" and the Derek/Jackson locker room scene in "The Tell" didn't happen. Thanks to larantula for the beta and support.
Also, the lovely thefrozenheart made a beautiful graphic inspired by this fic, go check it out here!
When Jackson woke up, he felt like his entire body was frozen, like a big Jackson-shaped ice sculpture. He couldn’t feel his fingers or toes and whatever he was lying on was so cold and wet that it crept through his clothes to bare skin, making him shiver uncontrollably.
He blinked against the haze clouding his vision but it was pitch black wherever he looked and he had to feel his way around. There was dirt and wet leaves all over the ground and it smelled like fresh rain and moist wood. The forest. How did he get to the forest?
He sat up, rubbing his bare arms and torso to get warmer. He’d been wearing a shirt when he’d left the McCall house. He remembered ripping it when jumping down from the roof because it got caught on the edge of a tile, but he’d still been wearing it. His t-shirt was in shreds as well, letting the cold in and spread all over his body.
He didn’t remember heading for the woods. He’d climbed out of the window and down the back porch and then circumvented the house to get to the street, to find people because Derek wouldn’t manage to drag him back if there were enough people around.
But he didn’t remember reaching the street. If he had, why would he double back and head for the woods? Had Derek found him before he’d gotten to the street?
He heard a rustle, like something moving through bushes.
“Derek?” he asked quietly into the darkness. “I-is that you? I can’t see you, it’s too dark. . . Derek?”
Something growled on his left, low and warning and Jackson froze mid-motion, his eyes wide. He didn’t dare turn his head in the direction of the sound, terrified to move and set off whatever it was.
He prayed that it was Derek. He’d probably be pissed at him for running away but Derek had made it clear that he didn’t want to hurt Jackson. And Derek had probably expected him to take off at some point, he’d be an idiot if he didn’t, so he shouldn’t be that surprised-
The sound of leaves ruffling, then footsteps coming closer. More than two feet. Jackson held his breath, blinking against the tears threatening to fall. Derek wouldn’t hurt him. He wouldn’t. He’d had so many chances to do so already and he hadn’t.
But he couldn’t just sit there and do nothing. He squeezed his eyes shut for just a second, scrambling up his last bits of courage and then carefully moved back on all fours, one limb at a time, trying not to jostle any of the leaves on the ground.
His back suddenly hit a tree and he gasped, his heart almost stopping. The tree bark was digging into his back but he pressed himself closer anyway, like he was trying to disappear into the tree and maybe he was.
Another growl, closer than before but Jackson still couldn’t see anything. Anyone. His heart was pounding against his ribcage, maybe loud enough to be heard by a werewolf, and the thought made his skin crawl. He couldn’t get away, there was nowhere to hide. He didn’t even know where exactly in the woods he was and it was too dark to see past the tree right next to him.
He didn’t dare to run. He’d watched a lot of horror movies with Danny; the one who ran was always the one who got killed first. Running attracted attention. He’d learned that from the movie about the unicorns that Lydia had forced him to watch-
And suddenly it was there, right in front of him. Something shifted in the dark, a shadow between more shadows and then the eyes appeared, glowing in the black space between trees. Red eyes.
Not Derek.
“Oh shit-” he yelped, too terrified to close his eyes as the wolf came closer, setting one huge paw in front of the other, leaves crunching beneath them. “P-please, don’t-” He choked on the words when the wolf surged forward without warning, his paws hitting Jackson’s shoulders hard and pressing him into the tree.
It was the one from the video store, the one who’d killed the clerk, pushed him to the ground and then jumped right through a window. Jackson hadn’t gotten a good look at it then but there was no mistaking it now.
“Y-you let me go last time, remember?” He stammered, flinching when the wolf growled in response, digging its claws into Jackson’s barely covered shoulders. “You saw these and-” he leaned his head to the side and lowered it, hoping for the scratches to be visible. “-and then you let me go. . .”
It occurred to him that reasoning with a big-ass werewolf who probably ate a person for breakfast each day might be useless but he didn’t know how much human consciousness was still active when a werewolf shifted. He should have asked Derek, should have asked him anything about werewolves but he’d been busy being stupid.
The beast made a noise in its throat, like a quiet rumbling and then dipped down. Jackson closed his eyes in horror, gritting his teeth as hard as he could when he felt a wet nose sniff his neck, leaving a rapidly cooling trail behind while moving up to his neck and then to his cheek.
It was close enough that Jackson could smell it, a combination of wood, earth and wet dog. He could feel short, scratchy fur tickling his skin and he had to dig his fingers into the ground to stop himself from pushing the wolf away in disgust.
Derek hadn’t looked like that when he shifted. His face had changed and his eyes had glowed blue but he’d still been Derek, sort of. He’d had the same sharp claws though and Jackson briefly wondered why he was always the one who had them dig into his skin because it fucking hurt-
“Ow, what-” Jackson cried out in surprise when the wolf suddenly shoved him to the side, insistingly pushing and nudging at him until he moved on his own, away from the tree and uphill behind it. He slipped on the muddy earth more than once, stones and little twigs digging into his palms.
The wolf growled and yanked at his t-shirt when they reached the top of the hill, pulling him to a stop.
“What now? Are we. . . staying here?” Jackson asked shakily. He couldn’t shake the feeling that the wolf was taking him to his lair to eat him there in the comfort of its home. He was incredibly tired, his body barely obeying him anymore and the cold had probably sunk into his bones by now.
Or maybe it was interested in something entirely different because the werewolf was still pulling at his t-shirt, yanking at the battered cloth until it ripped more and more. Jackson watched helplessly, eyes wide and horrified, while the seams popped one by one until the last one gave way and the t-shirt was pulled from his body.
Oh god, please let him keep the jeans, please let him-
The werewolf gave a growl, dark and warning and then turned on its heel and dashed away, right in the direction they came from, Jackson’s t-shirt in its maw.
It was laying a trap, Jackson realized. It was using his clothes - his scent - to lure someone here, Derek, maybe.
But what if Derek wasn’t coming? What if he wasn’t even looking for Jackson? He’d made it clear that this entire situation hadn’t been his choice either, that he was just trying to cope and make the best of it. He was trying to save Jackson’s life, he’d said. His own life wasn’t even on the line.
Cold dread filled Jackson’s stomach, made him shiver even harder. If the werewolf was laying a trap for Derek and Derek wasn’t coming. . . then Jackson was going to become very disposable very soon.
Without thinking, he stumbled to his feet and ran. Down the hill and as fast as he could, the cold wind making him shiver. He crashed through branches and bushes, almost ran into a tree more than once and almost lost consciousness when he tripped over a stone and fell, cutting his palm open on something sharp.
He cursed and stayed still for a moment, feeling the wet earth against his chest. He stared at the long gash on his palm before he could react, putting pressure on it with his other hand. He tried gathering his strength for a few seconds and listening for anyone following him. He wasn’t sure for how long he could keep running.
His entire body ached, bone-deep, whether from the cold or the sickness he didn’t know but he wouldn’t make it until the edge of the forest. Running in the opposite direction of the werewolf probably meant that he was running away from the street. Deeper into the woods. Jackson blinked against the burn in his eyes, wiping across them with the back of his hand, probably smearing dirt everywhere.
Stop crying, you’re okay.
Fuck Derek, this was all his fault. If he’d controlled himself, he wouldn’t have scratched Jackson and they wouldn’t be in this mess.
I made a mistake.
A mistake. Something he had to fix, that’s what Jackson was to him. Something that wasn’t right, wasn’t natural. He’d said he was trying to save Jackson but that really wasn’t what this was about.
When two werewolves do this, it’s because they want to spend their lives together.
Instead, Derek planned to fuck him and then leave when he was better. Not that Jackson had other plans in that aspect, he didn’t, but that didn’t make it any less fucked up.
You think I want this? I don't. You're really not who I would have chosen for a mate but I didn't get to choose.
Jackson swallowed against the lump in his throat, wiped the wetness from his eyes once more and pushed himself to his feet, slightly swaying on shaky legs. Derek wasn’t coming for him, probably hadn’t even looked when he’d noticed Jackson gone. If he had noticed at all.
It was stupid, he wasn’t going to outrun a werewolf, not even on a good day and especially not on this one, but he couldn’t just sit here and wait for it to-
Jackson cried out when something slammed into him from the side, pushing him over onto his back and into the wet ground. He stared up into furious, red eyes.
“Please” he begged, “please, don’t. . . I-I won’t run again, I swear-”
The wolf snarled at him, all fangs and strong jaw and Jackson squeezed his eyes shut when it moved in on his neck, preparing himself for the pain that never came.
There was an earsplitting howl and a crash, together with a gush of wind and Jackson’s eyes flew open.
Derek.
The man stood with his back to him, his shoulders pulled together in a defensive stance, trembling in rage and staring at the alpha werewolf he’d shoved away from him with a strength Jackson hadn’t known he possessed.
Derek was here. Saving him. Like a fucking storybook hero.
With an incredible rush of relief, all the adrenaline left his body at once, making him slump to the ground and watch helplessly as the alpha surged forward.
He swiped Derek off his feet with one hit from his huge paw and jumped on him as soon as he was down, clawing and growling and shit, he was going to kill Derek.
“No. No no no. NO!” Jackson shouted at the top of his lungs but he was ignored. He tried to push himself up, to find something to throw at the alpha, a rock maybe, or a branch but couldn’t find anything in his panic and suddenly he heard Derek’s voice, loud and clear over the monster’s growls.
“He’s my mate! Not Scott’s, you have the wrong person!”
What?
Did the alpha take him because he thought he was Scott’s mate? That didn’t make sense-
The alpha stopped, his claws dug deep into Derek’s arm that he’d raised to protect his face. The wolf hesitated visibly, wavering indecisively before sniffing the air, then Derek’s arm, then the air again.
And then it left, pushing off Derek and disappearing into the woods, out of sight in mere seconds.
“Derek-” Jackson’s voice caught in his throat. “You okay- Derek!”
He struggled to get to his knees but his legs gave out underneath him. He couldn’t see much except for a dark shape on the ground but he’d seen the alpha lunge at him so he was probably hurt badly. “Derek!”
The shape stirred, slowly moving once limb at a time, then pushing up into a sitting position and suddenly kneeling in front of him a second later, blue eyes boring into Jackson’s and he’d never been more grateful to see someone in his entire life.
“I’m okay, calm down. Are you hurt?”
Jackson couldn’t say a word, his throat completely choked up and a few tears spilling down his cheeks, leaving clean streaks on his dirty skin. He quickly shook his head.
“Okay. Let me just make sure.” Derek said quietly and began to run his hands over Jackson’s body, light and careful and Jackson sat unmoving while he did. Derek found the cut on his hand and a few bruises and scratches that he traced with his fingertips.
“W-What was that?” Jackson forced out breathlessly. “Why- how did you-” His heart was still going a million miles in his chest, pumping like it was trying to break his ribs from the inside.
“Breathe, Jackson. You’re fine.” Derek murmured, wiping a tear from his cheek with the back of his hand. “He mistook you for Scott’s mate. He tried to lure him out here by leaving your scent all over the place. He’s gone now.”
“Why did he think. . . that I was Scott’s mate?” Was there a way for werewolves to tell? Like a sign?
“He probably saw you leave Scott’s house, wearing Scott’s clothes, smelling like him because you were in his bed. . . so he just took you. Don’t worry, he won’t do it again, he’s not interested in my mate-”
“How can you know that?” Jackson blurted out, his voice trembling. What if it changed its mind, came back as soon as he was alone again, as soon as Derek didn’t protect him anymore? Derek wasn’t going to stay with him after the mating was complete, he’d said so, and Jackson didn’t know how to protect himself from an alpha werewolf.
“Because I’m not his pack, you’re not his pack, so he doesn’t need us. He’s focused on Scott, okay? I’ll explain it all later. Now let’s get you home, you’re freezing.” Derek rubbed his arms soothingly, his warm hands a sharp contrast on Jackson’s cold, naked skin. Jackson nodded quickly, trying to stand up with Derek’s help but his knees were shaking and he was just exhausted.
Derek’s arm slung around his waist and pulled him upright, keeping their bodies close together and gently pulling him forward.
“I got you. Come on, it’s not far.”
The started walking, their bodies pushing together with every step and Jackson felt safe. The feeling was overwhelming and consuming, overshadowing all other emotions for the moment. He stopped dead in his tracks.
Derek looked at him, his eyes glinting with worry. “Jackson?”
“I believe you.”
“What?” Derek gently laid a hand in his nape, just over the mating scratches and Jackson could suddenly feel the concern and fear coming from him, clear as day.
“I believe you. About the mate thing. I-I’ll do it. Complete the bond.”
Feelings exploded in his chest, deep gratefulness and relief and happiness, all at the same time and they were all coming from Derek.
---
Jackson had never been at the Hale house before. He'd seen it from afar, passed it a few times and seen pictures of it in the papers when it burned down years ago. It looked like disaster and death, but Jackson wasn't scared of it. His body was numb and cold, almost enough to distract him from what was about to happen. He was saving his own life. He had to focus on that for as long as he could or he'd run again.
It shouldn’t be such a big deal. It was just sex. People did it all the time in every possible way, even with complete strangers, and Jackson had slept with a girl before. It’d been far different from what he’d expected, very inexperienced on both sides and more hit-or-miss than he wanted to admit but he’d liked it and so had the girl.
Danny had told him about sleeping with a man. He’d called Jackson after his first time, still nervous about it and a little shaky and had told him everything. In detail, even. It didn’t gross Jackson out at that time because Danny was his best friend and nothing Danny did and liked could ever gross him out.
So sex with Derek shouldn’t be this huge thing, hanging over them like a storm cloud waiting for lightning to strike.
“Come on.” Derek said softly, interrupting his thoughts by nudging him forward with the arm he’d slung around his waist to support him when his legs had threatened to give out on the way here.
He was getting worse. The fever had broken but he was shivering all the time now. Stumbling around in the woods and crawling over wet earth hadn’t helped with that and now he couldn’t really make his legs support him anymore. His stomach rolled whenever he moved too fast so he had Derek walk them slowly to the house, one step at a time, while he kept his gaze firmly on the ground in front of him, first the wooden porch and then the hallway until the reached the stairs.
The climb up was difficult and slow and Jackson grabbed Derek’s shirt when his foot caught on a loose panel and he almost fell forward, but eventually they made it and Derek steered him towards a door on his right which lead to a bathroom.
It was in a slightly better state than the rest of the house, the tiles on the walls cracked or missing but the ones on the floor were new and clean, as were the sink, toilet and shower.
“Did you repair all that?” Jackson asked quietly, his voice low and raspy. It couldn’t have been easy, rebuilding the home his entire family had died in. He wasn’t sure why Derek did it at all. It couldn’t possibly hold any good memories for him.
“I needed a bathroom.” Derek shrugged, helping him get to the toilet so he could sit down on the lid. “Do you need help?”
Jackson’s head shot up, his eyes wide. “With what?”
“Undressing. Washing.” Derek replied, entirely unfazed. “You’re dirty and you’re freezing, you need a hot shower. So do I. And then...”
And then they’ll have sex, Jackson added silently when Derek didn’t continue.
Jackson’s mind played out his options for him in a split second. He could stay as dirty as he was and make sex with Derek even more unbearable because he’d be disgustingly filthy or he could shower alone and possibly faint and crack his head open on the tiles which would make sex with Derek unnecessary but also result in his death. . . or he could suck it up and accept Derek’s help.
It was fascinating how he never had any remotely good options these days.
“I’m good.” he finally decided on a middle ground. “You can. . . stay close, just in case.”
Derek looked slightly grim at that but nodded, stepping back and leaning against the tiled walls. He didn’t watch Jackson pull off his remaining clothes slowly, first Derek’s shirt, then his shoes, socks and jeans. His fingers stopped on the waistband of his boxers.
He’d undressed in front of other guys a million times before. No one was actually very shy after hours of intense lacrosse practice with Coach Finstock screaming in your face. All you wanted to do was wash all the sweat and grime off and relax under the hot water.
This shouldn’t be any different.
“Just do it.” Derek suddenly murmured, still looking at the floor. “I’m not looking.”
“I know you’re not looking!” Jackson snapped without wanting to, pressing a hand against his temple to soothe the deep headache, “Just shut up, okay?”
He chewed on his bottom lip for a moment and then pushed the boxers down. He didn’t check if Derek still wasn’t looking but quickly stepped into the shower and turned the water on.
The first touch of wet heat on his cold skin made his knees buckle and only his remaining reflexes prevented him from tumbling to the floor. He quickly caught himself on the metal pole above him, breathing deeply when he retrieved his balance.
“Step back.”
Jackson yelped in surprise when Derek opened the glass door and stepped inside the shower cubicle without hesitation, making Jackson slump against the opposite wall and when had Derek undressed?
“What are you doing?! I said I don’t need your help-!”
He couldn’t handle this, too much naked guy skin on too little space and oh god, those were Derek’s arms wrapping around his waist and pulling him closer, almost enough so their chests touched.
Something inside his chest loosened, a knot that had been there ever since he’d woken up in the woods, staring into the alpha wolf’s eyes with no one in sight to save him.
“I’m not going to risk you hitting your head, so suck it up.” Derek grumbled, letting his hands rest on the small of Jackson’s back. “I’ll make sure you don’t fall but I won’t touch any more of you for now. It’s not up for discussion. The sooner you accept this, the sooner we’re out of here. So get on with it.”
Bastard.
Jackson gritted his teeth against the need to kick Derek in the balls and turned away to grab the shower gel. Derek was so full of shit, claiming to go at Jackson’s pace when he really just bossed him around. Why would he give him choices if he was just going to do what he wanted anyway?
Right, because he didn’t actually care. He wasn’t doing this for himself. He didn’t get anything out of it in the end. It wasn’t his life in danger, he didn’t need Jackson to like him.
It’d be over soon. Just a little longer and Jackson would be out of here. He’d go home and he’d be fine. He wouldn’t have to see Derek again, he could forget about this whole thing.
The hot water felt good on his cool skin, quickly warming him up and dissolving the dried dirt that was sticking to him everywhere, but he couldn’t relax so he just started cleaning himself where he could reach.
His arm brushed Derek’s when he reached down to wash intimate places, his fingers cold and shaking, and he kept his eyes firmly on the tiles next to the werewolf’s shoulder so he didn’t have to see if he was watching.
When finally the last of the soap had left his skin, he pushed against the hold and Derek stepped back without a word, his hand moving to Jackson’s upper arm until he was safely out of the cubicle and on the bathroom rug.
A chill passed over his skin when Derek finally turned away to pass him a towel. This place really needed some heating installed.
“Sit down and wait, I won’t take long.” Derek said and stepped back into the shower, keeping his back to Jackson while he cleaned up.
Jackson shouldn’t watch. Derek hadn’t watched and it wasn’t fair.
But he had to know what to expect, right? He shouldn’t go into this blind--
“You have to stop thinking about this so much.” Derek suddenly said from behind the glass wall and Jackson flinched. “You’re just making yourself more nervous.”
More nervous? Jackson was pretty sure it wasn’t humanly possible to be any more nervous.
“You have no idea what I’m thinking.” he murmured. He knew Derek could still hear him over the sound of the shower. “The bond doesn’t work that way.”
“I don’t need the bond for that. You’re like an open book.”
Jackson’s shoulders tensed sharply. “I’m not. Don’t do that, don’t. . . talk to me like that..”
“Like what?” Derek turned around and Jackson quickly averted his eyes. Derek sighed in annoyance. “God, Jackson, just look, okay? We’re going to have sex in a few minutes and you’re really not making this easier for any of us by playing the blushing virgin.”
Jackson’s jaw dropped. “I’m not- You-. . I’m not playing anything! I’m not gay, this is a fucking big deal for me-”
“And you’re making it even worse by obsessing over it.” Derek turned the shower off and the sudden silence made him uncomfortable until Derek reached for a towel to wrap around his hips and continued, his voice soft. “It won’t be as bad as you’re imagining it. I know what to do, I’ve done this before. It’ll be over fast and it won’t hurt much. And you’ll feel better afterwards, your body will recover quickly after you’ve had some rest.”
Jackson snorted. “You’re an asshole, you know that?”
Derek just nodded and helped Jackson to his feet.. “So I’ve been told. You’re lucky it’s not true.”
The sight of the large bed with the thick, gray bedding and a sturdy, wooden frame made Jackson's heart jump in his chest but he quickly sank down on it when they reached it, so Derek could let go. He was surprised Derek even had a bed. A dirty, old mattress sounded more like him but the bed looked new, barely slept in.
“We can . . . talk for a few minutes, if you want.” Derek said quietly while he sat down next to Jackson, leaving a few inches of space between them.
“You said we don't have time. That it’d be over fast.” Jackson replied, his voice pathetically small and he couldn't seem to stop staring at Derek's eyes, bright and blue. “What’s there to talk about?”
“I don’t know but,” Derek's frown deepened, like he was fighting a headache, “I don't want to, just, jump in either-”
Jackson's stomach suddenly rolled and he swallowed against the rush of saliva in his mouth. “I- I think I'm gonna be sick-” he gasped and Derek reacted in the blink of an eye, grasping Jackson's chin so he had to look at the man.
“You don't. Just take a deep breath. In and out, come on.” Derek urged and started rubbing his back soothingly with one hand while Jackson breathed, his chest heaving, and he tried to do what Derek had said and stop thinking about this as such a big thing but it was and why couldn’t Derek understand that?
A wave of calmness and security came from Derek and Jackson pulled away when the nausea subsided a little, rubbing his face with both hands to clear the haze in his mind, and then shook his head. He didn't want to draw this out. The longer they waited, the less lucid he was and if he had to do this, if he had to sleep with a werewolf, a stranger, then he wanted to be wide awake and as much in control as he could possibly be. Which wasn't a lot but Jackson would take it.
“No, I- I don't want to talk. I want to get this over with.” he replied and Derek quickly nodded his consent.
“Okay. Do you. . . want to kiss for a while? It might help with your nerves.”
Nerves. Like he was a girl, about to have her first time.
Jackson's stomach cramped again at that but he didn't know what to say. He didn't particularly want to kiss Derek, had only once kissed Danny at this really wild party about a year ago, but he barely remembered that and was it any different? Kissing a man? He couldn't decide whether to start out slowly, ease into this as much as they could or just jump to it, get it done as fast as they could. Both options sounded equally good and horrible to him.
“I don’t wanna do this. . .” he murmured, the words leaving his lips before he could stop them. Derek huffed in annoyance, pulling away, and unwrapped the towel from his waist to throw it on the floor, making Jackson flinch in surprise.
“Me neither.” the werewolf replied harshly, “but we have to. At least try to help me out here? It’s not easy for me either, believe me. I’m basically raping my mate, the wolf is going berserk, I have no idea how to control it through this and I still have to get hard somehow. So please, just try to get through this with me. It’s going to be fine, I swear.”
Jackson couldn’t do more than shake his head, his throat tightening. He hated this, being so weak and so scared of something people did every day, something that should be natural and, according to Danny, awesome, something that he should do with someone he liked.
Maybe he could have liked Derek. Not like this but as a friend. If this hadn't happened, if he hadn't provoked Derek that day in the school hallway. If Derek hadn't scratched him, hadn't pushed them both head-first into this, not even remotely ready. But it was too late now and Jackson doubted they could ever even be friends.
“I am trying, okay?” Jackson finally rasped out. “We can. . . we can kiss. I can handle kissing.”
If Derek noticed the lie, he chose not to call Jackson on it. He just leaned forward, very slowly crossing the space between them and Jackson froze, his eyes falling shut to avoid Derek's intense stare.
A second passed, then two, before Derek's lips brushed his and he flinched away automatically but Derek followed him, wordlessly obeying Jackson's earlier decision to do this and their lips met, too warm and too soft and he hadn’t asked for this. Jackson quickly opened his lips against Derek's mouth, demanding to deepen the kiss.
Derek was there in a second, his tongue darting out to meet Jackson's and for a while he thought he could do this. It didn't actually feel bad. Derek was a good kisser, experienced and easily falling into a rhythm with him.
Derek’s arms slung around Jackson’s waist, more like support than holding him and Jackson let himself be pushed back into the soft pillows, groaning quietly when the ache in his back lessened. He brought his arms up around Derek’s neck, holding on, and Derek made a grateful sound in his throat.
Jackson felt a hand at his knees, carefully pushing them apart and he tensed, pulling away from the kiss.
“Wait, no-” he gasped, his eyes wide, when Derek slid between his legs, their hips perfectly aligned, and Jackson had never felt another man this close, this intimate, with nothing separating them.
“Relax.” Derek murmured against his lips, a hand on the outside of Jackson’s thigh, stroking up and down in soothing circles. “It’ll feel good. Let it happen.”
Jackson couldn’t suppress a moan when he felt another cock rub against his own, all soft skin and sweet friction, making familiar heat curl in his belly. It took only seconds for him to grow hard, his body entirely on board with what was happening which wasn’t really that surprising, considering that Derek really seemed to know what he was doing.
They were kissing again now, hurried and messy, but so good that Jackson managed to relax a little. There was something like hunger coming from Derek’s side, meeting Jackson’s despair and fear but Derek licked into his mouth again, distracting him as much as he could. Jackson crossed his arms behind Derek’s neck and pulled him closer until their chests touched, using Derek as his support, his lifeline. They were in this together, at least for now.
Derek’s hands were soft and all over his body, rubbing Jackson’s skin wherever he found a spot that still felt cold despite the hot shower earlier until he was satisfied that Jackson felt as warm as possible. He was taking care of him, Jackson realized. He’d meant it when he’d said that he didn’t want to jump into this. Derek was trying to make this good for him somehow and Jackson’s stomach ached sharply at the thought.
“Can we-” he started but broke off when Derek pulled back slowly and met his gaze. They were too close to see each other clearly but the question still shone brightly in the other man’s eyes. “I’m. . . I’m okay but. . . I’m getting tired.”
It was only half a lie, his body weak and completely exhausted but not enough to rush through this, and they both knew. Derek nodded anyway, his jaw tense, and reached under the bed to get the small tube he’d had stashed away there.
“Turn around.” Derek commanded gently, tapping Jackson’s hip with two fingers, and Jackson gratefully complied, even though his head ached sharply at the motion, because this still felt better, not as weak and scary when Derek wasn’t covering him with his entire body.
Derek pushed his legs apart again, nudging one of his knees further up until he had the space he needed. Jackson expected Derek’s hands on his ass, it was the logical next step after all but still flinched when he felt it, soft fingers exploring the skin between his cheeks, trailing down to stroke his balls and back up.
What he hadn’t expected was being so sensitive down there, his skin tingling wherever Derek touched him, making his dick twitch against the sheets and leak pearl-white drops of precome.
“That okay?” Derek asked quietly, seeking reassurance. Maybe he was just as nervous as Jackson. “I have to prepare you a little. You know what that means, right?”
“Yeah. Fingers.” Jackson grunted, squirming a little when Derek’s fingertips found his opening, tracing around the rim gently, carefully. It felt good, really fucking good, and if this had been all they’d had to do, Jackson could have liked it, he thought. He closed his eyes and pushed his face into the pillow, muffling his next words. “Do it.”
There was the quiet sound of the tube being opened, then a moment of pause while Derek stroked along the backside of his thigh with one hand before the fingers on Derek’s other hand slipped between his cheeks. He flinched at the touch of cool lube being rubbed into the skin around his opening but it warmed up quickly when Derek kept massaging the skin in little circles, adding more and more gel until everything felt wet and smooth and relaxed.
“Fuck-” Jackson groaned heartily, spreading his legs just a little bit more. The heat in his belly spread, first down to his steel-hard cock and then up to his head, clouding his vision. He felt himself slipping into a kind of dreamy state but he wanted to stay awake, needed to stay awake and keep some control.
He felt the now familiar panic rising up, tried to close his legs and gasped when Derek held them open with firm hands. “No, wait, Derek-” He reached back with trembling fingers, closed them around Derek’s wrist and pulled him away weakly, only succeeding because Derek let him.
“What? What’s wrong?” Derek urged, turning his hand so he was holding Jackson’s with it.
“I can’t. . . can’t stay awake.” Jackson murmured, blinking hard against the tears threatening to fall. “You have to hurry up-”
“If I hurry, I’ll hurt you.” Derek stated. “It’s okay. We knew this might happen. You’re getting weaker. Just relax-”
“No!” Jackson insisted, his voice small and scared. “I have to be awake for this, please-”
Derek was quiet for a moment but Jackson didn’t look up. If asked, he’d say he felt disappointment radiating from him because Jackson wasn’t trusting him, not enough to give himself into Derek’s hands like this. But he wasn't sure, couldn't really identify it. Was that how the bond worked? Would it stay like that, them being able to tell how the other felt. Derek had said something about it but he couldn't remember.
“It’s not that I don’t trust you.” he started, feeling the need to set this right.
“You don’t trust me.” Derek stated as a matter-of-fact. “I know that. It doesn’t matter.”
“That’s not it.” Jackson insisted anyway, his voice slightly slurred. “But I can’t just. . . sleep through this. I’m losing my gay virginity here, I can’t wake up and. . . know that it’s done and I have no idea what happened.”
If this was happening, he owed it to Danny to tell him all about it and let himself be mocked for being scared.
Also, the thought of being completely at a werewolf’s mercy didn’t get any less terrifying, no matter how nice Derek was.
Derek sighed, rubbing his clean hand over Jackson’s ass again. “What do you want me to do? I can’t keep you from fainting.”
“I know but you have to.” Jackson murmured. “I have to tell Danny.”
“Who’s Danny?”
“Danny!” Jackson frowned, raising his head. “I just told you, I have to tell Danny, fucking pay attention...!”
He broke off when Derek patted his thigh soothingly, gently pushing his head back into the pillow, raking his fingers through his hair a few times and yeah, that felt pretty nice. “It’s okay. You’re not making sense but it’s okay. Don’t worry. You can tell Danny all about it.”
“About what?” Jackson asked quietly. “I can’t think--” His headache worsened by the second but his dick was still hard enough to pound nails although he couldn’t remember why.
“Not important. We’ll talk about it later. Just relax now.”
Right, oh, there’d been fingers, playing around at his ass and they were back now. Gently massaging the rim and then a fingertip dipping inside, just to test, to check. Little sparks of pleasure penetrated the thick fog in his mind and he thought he felt pain when the finger pushed inside insistingly but nothing could be worse than the pain in his head.
He moaned quietly, rubbing his hips against the mattress, moving against the finger, two fingers now, moving in, in, in and then out again, so slow and deep and Jackson groaned at the feeling, pushing his ass up a little to demand more, faster.
“Fuck-” Derek growled quietly. “I’m sorry, I can’t wait...”
Jackson didn’t know what he was talking about but he didn’t care as long as the fingers kept thrusting into him, pushing against that spot that really fucking awesome.
He moaned in disappointment when the fingers left but then Derek’s body was covering his, a hot smooth chest against his back and he felt blunt pressure at his opening, pushing and rubbing, making his skin tingle with need. He tilted his ass up just so, to, maybe, make it easier and oh. Oh god.
Derek eased into him like he belonged there, all pressure and a little pain and something inside Jackson slotted into place. His eyes shot open when he was suddenly wide awake, everything rushing back and making sense again. It was like a floodgate being opened, sensations pouring into him from all sides, from Derek.
“Oh shit-” he gasped, reaching back on reflex to feel where they were joined, tracing the part of Derek’s cock that wasn’t in him with trembling fingers, earning a quiet growl from behind him.
“I have to move.” Derek groaned desperately, leaning his forehead onto Jackson’s shoulder. “Please, Jackson-”
“Yeah.” Jackson panted, one hand pushing against Derek’s abs. “Yeah, okay.”
Derek pulled back, as slowly as he could until just the tip remained inside and then pushed in again and okay, that one really hurt so Jackson had to bite his bottom lip to keep from crying out.
He squeezed his eyes shut against the burn of tears, moving one hand down to grip his wilting erection, trying to distract himself a little by jacking it the way he liked, fast and a little rough.
Suddenly Derek’s arms tightened around him and pulled him up, moving back so that Jackson landed in Derek’s lap, sinking down on his cock until it was impossibly deep, shouting in surprise at the feeling of it dragging along his prostate.
“Move.” Derek ordered, sounding dark and wrecked. “You’ll be okay now. It won’t hurt as much if you do it at your pace.”
Okay. He was okay. Safe.
Jackson almost sobbed at the thought and complied, grateful for Derek’s hands supporting his hips when his thighs trembled with the strain of moving up and down. He went slowly at first, trying to get used to the feeling of having Derek so deep but the white-hot pleasure that coursed through him at every stroke surprised him again and again. His hand was still moving quickly in his lap, his cock now rock-hard and leaking.
“Fuck, let me-” Derek murmured and pushed his hand away and yeah, someone else’s hand on his dick was so much better, bringing him to the brink of orgasm in the blink of an eye. Then Derek suddenly moved his hips up to thrust in hard, hitting his sweet spot perfectly and at the same time there was a sharp pain in his shoulder, something trickling down his back and Jackson was gone.
He came with a shout, spurting thick ropes of cum all over his own thighs and Derek jacked him through it, massaging the head to make little electric shocks hit Jackson’s balls every few seconds. He knew he was moaning incoherently, probably babbling too, but his orgasm just kept going, on and on, until it became too much and Jackson grabbed Derek’s wrist to stop him.
Only Derek’s arms kept him from sinking forward in exhausted bliss, his eyes drooping but he felt Derek leaving his body carefully and when exactly had he finished? Shouldn’t Jackson have felt that? Could anyone feel that...?
He’d ask Danny, just to embarrass the hell out of him.
“Did you-” He broke off when Derek laid him down onto the bed, face-first, and gently ruffled his hair.
“Rest now. I’ll be right back.” he said quietly and then Jackson felt the mattress dip next to him before Derek left the room, his feet making quiet padding sounds on the wooden floor.
Jackson squirmed a little until he was comfortable. He was sore in several places, he’d definitely feel it in the morning and he reached back to check his shoulder, quickly finding the hurting spot, a little mark in his skin.
His fingers came back red and wet. Blood. Had Derek bitten him?
He knew he should freak out about that, he really should because he didn’t know if that part of the werewolf lore was true but he was so tired. And he was safe, he wasn’t going to die, so everything else could wait.
He was barely awake when Derek came back to lie down beside him, clean him up and tuck the covers firmly around Jackson’s body and he was asleep before Derek pulled him into his arms.
---
Thanks for reading! Can't believe it took me an entire month to get this out but I've rewritten this scene no less than 5 times. I hope the wait was worth it! There's one more part to come after this.
Rating: NC-17 for this part
Pairing: Derek/Jackson
Spoilers: Season 1
Warnings: Slash, possible canon-timeline mistakes, explicit sex in this part!
Word Count: 7328 words in this part
Disclaimer: Oh, how I wish they were mine. But nothing here belongs to me, except for the plot.
Summary: He'd have to go and take a look at those marks, make sure he was just worrying too much and he hadn't done anything stupid that he couldn't remember.
Author's Notes: Good old Fuck-or-Die. Written for a prompt at TeenwolfKink. Goes AU from "Heart Monitor" and the Derek/Jackson locker room scene in "The Tell" didn't happen. Thanks to larantula for the beta and support.
Also, the lovely thefrozenheart made a beautiful graphic inspired by this fic, go check it out here!
When Jackson woke up, he felt like his entire body was frozen, like a big Jackson-shaped ice sculpture. He couldn’t feel his fingers or toes and whatever he was lying on was so cold and wet that it crept through his clothes to bare skin, making him shiver uncontrollably.
He blinked against the haze clouding his vision but it was pitch black wherever he looked and he had to feel his way around. There was dirt and wet leaves all over the ground and it smelled like fresh rain and moist wood. The forest. How did he get to the forest?
He sat up, rubbing his bare arms and torso to get warmer. He’d been wearing a shirt when he’d left the McCall house. He remembered ripping it when jumping down from the roof because it got caught on the edge of a tile, but he’d still been wearing it. His t-shirt was in shreds as well, letting the cold in and spread all over his body.
He didn’t remember heading for the woods. He’d climbed out of the window and down the back porch and then circumvented the house to get to the street, to find people because Derek wouldn’t manage to drag him back if there were enough people around.
But he didn’t remember reaching the street. If he had, why would he double back and head for the woods? Had Derek found him before he’d gotten to the street?
He heard a rustle, like something moving through bushes.
“Derek?” he asked quietly into the darkness. “I-is that you? I can’t see you, it’s too dark. . . Derek?”
Something growled on his left, low and warning and Jackson froze mid-motion, his eyes wide. He didn’t dare turn his head in the direction of the sound, terrified to move and set off whatever it was.
He prayed that it was Derek. He’d probably be pissed at him for running away but Derek had made it clear that he didn’t want to hurt Jackson. And Derek had probably expected him to take off at some point, he’d be an idiot if he didn’t, so he shouldn’t be that surprised-
The sound of leaves ruffling, then footsteps coming closer. More than two feet. Jackson held his breath, blinking against the tears threatening to fall. Derek wouldn’t hurt him. He wouldn’t. He’d had so many chances to do so already and he hadn’t.
But he couldn’t just sit there and do nothing. He squeezed his eyes shut for just a second, scrambling up his last bits of courage and then carefully moved back on all fours, one limb at a time, trying not to jostle any of the leaves on the ground.
His back suddenly hit a tree and he gasped, his heart almost stopping. The tree bark was digging into his back but he pressed himself closer anyway, like he was trying to disappear into the tree and maybe he was.
Another growl, closer than before but Jackson still couldn’t see anything. Anyone. His heart was pounding against his ribcage, maybe loud enough to be heard by a werewolf, and the thought made his skin crawl. He couldn’t get away, there was nowhere to hide. He didn’t even know where exactly in the woods he was and it was too dark to see past the tree right next to him.
He didn’t dare to run. He’d watched a lot of horror movies with Danny; the one who ran was always the one who got killed first. Running attracted attention. He’d learned that from the movie about the unicorns that Lydia had forced him to watch-
And suddenly it was there, right in front of him. Something shifted in the dark, a shadow between more shadows and then the eyes appeared, glowing in the black space between trees. Red eyes.
Not Derek.
“Oh shit-” he yelped, too terrified to close his eyes as the wolf came closer, setting one huge paw in front of the other, leaves crunching beneath them. “P-please, don’t-” He choked on the words when the wolf surged forward without warning, his paws hitting Jackson’s shoulders hard and pressing him into the tree.
It was the one from the video store, the one who’d killed the clerk, pushed him to the ground and then jumped right through a window. Jackson hadn’t gotten a good look at it then but there was no mistaking it now.
“Y-you let me go last time, remember?” He stammered, flinching when the wolf growled in response, digging its claws into Jackson’s barely covered shoulders. “You saw these and-” he leaned his head to the side and lowered it, hoping for the scratches to be visible. “-and then you let me go. . .”
It occurred to him that reasoning with a big-ass werewolf who probably ate a person for breakfast each day might be useless but he didn’t know how much human consciousness was still active when a werewolf shifted. He should have asked Derek, should have asked him anything about werewolves but he’d been busy being stupid.
The beast made a noise in its throat, like a quiet rumbling and then dipped down. Jackson closed his eyes in horror, gritting his teeth as hard as he could when he felt a wet nose sniff his neck, leaving a rapidly cooling trail behind while moving up to his neck and then to his cheek.
It was close enough that Jackson could smell it, a combination of wood, earth and wet dog. He could feel short, scratchy fur tickling his skin and he had to dig his fingers into the ground to stop himself from pushing the wolf away in disgust.
Derek hadn’t looked like that when he shifted. His face had changed and his eyes had glowed blue but he’d still been Derek, sort of. He’d had the same sharp claws though and Jackson briefly wondered why he was always the one who had them dig into his skin because it fucking hurt-
“Ow, what-” Jackson cried out in surprise when the wolf suddenly shoved him to the side, insistingly pushing and nudging at him until he moved on his own, away from the tree and uphill behind it. He slipped on the muddy earth more than once, stones and little twigs digging into his palms.
The wolf growled and yanked at his t-shirt when they reached the top of the hill, pulling him to a stop.
“What now? Are we. . . staying here?” Jackson asked shakily. He couldn’t shake the feeling that the wolf was taking him to his lair to eat him there in the comfort of its home. He was incredibly tired, his body barely obeying him anymore and the cold had probably sunk into his bones by now.
Or maybe it was interested in something entirely different because the werewolf was still pulling at his t-shirt, yanking at the battered cloth until it ripped more and more. Jackson watched helplessly, eyes wide and horrified, while the seams popped one by one until the last one gave way and the t-shirt was pulled from his body.
Oh god, please let him keep the jeans, please let him-
The werewolf gave a growl, dark and warning and then turned on its heel and dashed away, right in the direction they came from, Jackson’s t-shirt in its maw.
It was laying a trap, Jackson realized. It was using his clothes - his scent - to lure someone here, Derek, maybe.
But what if Derek wasn’t coming? What if he wasn’t even looking for Jackson? He’d made it clear that this entire situation hadn’t been his choice either, that he was just trying to cope and make the best of it. He was trying to save Jackson’s life, he’d said. His own life wasn’t even on the line.
Cold dread filled Jackson’s stomach, made him shiver even harder. If the werewolf was laying a trap for Derek and Derek wasn’t coming. . . then Jackson was going to become very disposable very soon.
Without thinking, he stumbled to his feet and ran. Down the hill and as fast as he could, the cold wind making him shiver. He crashed through branches and bushes, almost ran into a tree more than once and almost lost consciousness when he tripped over a stone and fell, cutting his palm open on something sharp.
He cursed and stayed still for a moment, feeling the wet earth against his chest. He stared at the long gash on his palm before he could react, putting pressure on it with his other hand. He tried gathering his strength for a few seconds and listening for anyone following him. He wasn’t sure for how long he could keep running.
His entire body ached, bone-deep, whether from the cold or the sickness he didn’t know but he wouldn’t make it until the edge of the forest. Running in the opposite direction of the werewolf probably meant that he was running away from the street. Deeper into the woods. Jackson blinked against the burn in his eyes, wiping across them with the back of his hand, probably smearing dirt everywhere.
Stop crying, you’re okay.
Fuck Derek, this was all his fault. If he’d controlled himself, he wouldn’t have scratched Jackson and they wouldn’t be in this mess.
I made a mistake.
A mistake. Something he had to fix, that’s what Jackson was to him. Something that wasn’t right, wasn’t natural. He’d said he was trying to save Jackson but that really wasn’t what this was about.
When two werewolves do this, it’s because they want to spend their lives together.
Instead, Derek planned to fuck him and then leave when he was better. Not that Jackson had other plans in that aspect, he didn’t, but that didn’t make it any less fucked up.
You think I want this? I don't. You're really not who I would have chosen for a mate but I didn't get to choose.
Jackson swallowed against the lump in his throat, wiped the wetness from his eyes once more and pushed himself to his feet, slightly swaying on shaky legs. Derek wasn’t coming for him, probably hadn’t even looked when he’d noticed Jackson gone. If he had noticed at all.
It was stupid, he wasn’t going to outrun a werewolf, not even on a good day and especially not on this one, but he couldn’t just sit here and wait for it to-
Jackson cried out when something slammed into him from the side, pushing him over onto his back and into the wet ground. He stared up into furious, red eyes.
“Please” he begged, “please, don’t. . . I-I won’t run again, I swear-”
The wolf snarled at him, all fangs and strong jaw and Jackson squeezed his eyes shut when it moved in on his neck, preparing himself for the pain that never came.
There was an earsplitting howl and a crash, together with a gush of wind and Jackson’s eyes flew open.
Derek.
The man stood with his back to him, his shoulders pulled together in a defensive stance, trembling in rage and staring at the alpha werewolf he’d shoved away from him with a strength Jackson hadn’t known he possessed.
Derek was here. Saving him. Like a fucking storybook hero.
With an incredible rush of relief, all the adrenaline left his body at once, making him slump to the ground and watch helplessly as the alpha surged forward.
He swiped Derek off his feet with one hit from his huge paw and jumped on him as soon as he was down, clawing and growling and shit, he was going to kill Derek.
“No. No no no. NO!” Jackson shouted at the top of his lungs but he was ignored. He tried to push himself up, to find something to throw at the alpha, a rock maybe, or a branch but couldn’t find anything in his panic and suddenly he heard Derek’s voice, loud and clear over the monster’s growls.
“He’s my mate! Not Scott’s, you have the wrong person!”
What?
Did the alpha take him because he thought he was Scott’s mate? That didn’t make sense-
The alpha stopped, his claws dug deep into Derek’s arm that he’d raised to protect his face. The wolf hesitated visibly, wavering indecisively before sniffing the air, then Derek’s arm, then the air again.
And then it left, pushing off Derek and disappearing into the woods, out of sight in mere seconds.
“Derek-” Jackson’s voice caught in his throat. “You okay- Derek!”
He struggled to get to his knees but his legs gave out underneath him. He couldn’t see much except for a dark shape on the ground but he’d seen the alpha lunge at him so he was probably hurt badly. “Derek!”
The shape stirred, slowly moving once limb at a time, then pushing up into a sitting position and suddenly kneeling in front of him a second later, blue eyes boring into Jackson’s and he’d never been more grateful to see someone in his entire life.
“I’m okay, calm down. Are you hurt?”
Jackson couldn’t say a word, his throat completely choked up and a few tears spilling down his cheeks, leaving clean streaks on his dirty skin. He quickly shook his head.
“Okay. Let me just make sure.” Derek said quietly and began to run his hands over Jackson’s body, light and careful and Jackson sat unmoving while he did. Derek found the cut on his hand and a few bruises and scratches that he traced with his fingertips.
“W-What was that?” Jackson forced out breathlessly. “Why- how did you-” His heart was still going a million miles in his chest, pumping like it was trying to break his ribs from the inside.
“Breathe, Jackson. You’re fine.” Derek murmured, wiping a tear from his cheek with the back of his hand. “He mistook you for Scott’s mate. He tried to lure him out here by leaving your scent all over the place. He’s gone now.”
“Why did he think. . . that I was Scott’s mate?” Was there a way for werewolves to tell? Like a sign?
“He probably saw you leave Scott’s house, wearing Scott’s clothes, smelling like him because you were in his bed. . . so he just took you. Don’t worry, he won’t do it again, he’s not interested in my mate-”
“How can you know that?” Jackson blurted out, his voice trembling. What if it changed its mind, came back as soon as he was alone again, as soon as Derek didn’t protect him anymore? Derek wasn’t going to stay with him after the mating was complete, he’d said so, and Jackson didn’t know how to protect himself from an alpha werewolf.
“Because I’m not his pack, you’re not his pack, so he doesn’t need us. He’s focused on Scott, okay? I’ll explain it all later. Now let’s get you home, you’re freezing.” Derek rubbed his arms soothingly, his warm hands a sharp contrast on Jackson’s cold, naked skin. Jackson nodded quickly, trying to stand up with Derek’s help but his knees were shaking and he was just exhausted.
Derek’s arm slung around his waist and pulled him upright, keeping their bodies close together and gently pulling him forward.
“I got you. Come on, it’s not far.”
The started walking, their bodies pushing together with every step and Jackson felt safe. The feeling was overwhelming and consuming, overshadowing all other emotions for the moment. He stopped dead in his tracks.
Derek looked at him, his eyes glinting with worry. “Jackson?”
“I believe you.”
“What?” Derek gently laid a hand in his nape, just over the mating scratches and Jackson could suddenly feel the concern and fear coming from him, clear as day.
“I believe you. About the mate thing. I-I’ll do it. Complete the bond.”
Feelings exploded in his chest, deep gratefulness and relief and happiness, all at the same time and they were all coming from Derek.
---
Jackson had never been at the Hale house before. He'd seen it from afar, passed it a few times and seen pictures of it in the papers when it burned down years ago. It looked like disaster and death, but Jackson wasn't scared of it. His body was numb and cold, almost enough to distract him from what was about to happen. He was saving his own life. He had to focus on that for as long as he could or he'd run again.
It shouldn’t be such a big deal. It was just sex. People did it all the time in every possible way, even with complete strangers, and Jackson had slept with a girl before. It’d been far different from what he’d expected, very inexperienced on both sides and more hit-or-miss than he wanted to admit but he’d liked it and so had the girl.
Danny had told him about sleeping with a man. He’d called Jackson after his first time, still nervous about it and a little shaky and had told him everything. In detail, even. It didn’t gross Jackson out at that time because Danny was his best friend and nothing Danny did and liked could ever gross him out.
So sex with Derek shouldn’t be this huge thing, hanging over them like a storm cloud waiting for lightning to strike.
“Come on.” Derek said softly, interrupting his thoughts by nudging him forward with the arm he’d slung around his waist to support him when his legs had threatened to give out on the way here.
He was getting worse. The fever had broken but he was shivering all the time now. Stumbling around in the woods and crawling over wet earth hadn’t helped with that and now he couldn’t really make his legs support him anymore. His stomach rolled whenever he moved too fast so he had Derek walk them slowly to the house, one step at a time, while he kept his gaze firmly on the ground in front of him, first the wooden porch and then the hallway until the reached the stairs.
The climb up was difficult and slow and Jackson grabbed Derek’s shirt when his foot caught on a loose panel and he almost fell forward, but eventually they made it and Derek steered him towards a door on his right which lead to a bathroom.
It was in a slightly better state than the rest of the house, the tiles on the walls cracked or missing but the ones on the floor were new and clean, as were the sink, toilet and shower.
“Did you repair all that?” Jackson asked quietly, his voice low and raspy. It couldn’t have been easy, rebuilding the home his entire family had died in. He wasn’t sure why Derek did it at all. It couldn’t possibly hold any good memories for him.
“I needed a bathroom.” Derek shrugged, helping him get to the toilet so he could sit down on the lid. “Do you need help?”
Jackson’s head shot up, his eyes wide. “With what?”
“Undressing. Washing.” Derek replied, entirely unfazed. “You’re dirty and you’re freezing, you need a hot shower. So do I. And then...”
And then they’ll have sex, Jackson added silently when Derek didn’t continue.
Jackson’s mind played out his options for him in a split second. He could stay as dirty as he was and make sex with Derek even more unbearable because he’d be disgustingly filthy or he could shower alone and possibly faint and crack his head open on the tiles which would make sex with Derek unnecessary but also result in his death. . . or he could suck it up and accept Derek’s help.
It was fascinating how he never had any remotely good options these days.
“I’m good.” he finally decided on a middle ground. “You can. . . stay close, just in case.”
Derek looked slightly grim at that but nodded, stepping back and leaning against the tiled walls. He didn’t watch Jackson pull off his remaining clothes slowly, first Derek’s shirt, then his shoes, socks and jeans. His fingers stopped on the waistband of his boxers.
He’d undressed in front of other guys a million times before. No one was actually very shy after hours of intense lacrosse practice with Coach Finstock screaming in your face. All you wanted to do was wash all the sweat and grime off and relax under the hot water.
This shouldn’t be any different.
“Just do it.” Derek suddenly murmured, still looking at the floor. “I’m not looking.”
“I know you’re not looking!” Jackson snapped without wanting to, pressing a hand against his temple to soothe the deep headache, “Just shut up, okay?”
He chewed on his bottom lip for a moment and then pushed the boxers down. He didn’t check if Derek still wasn’t looking but quickly stepped into the shower and turned the water on.
The first touch of wet heat on his cold skin made his knees buckle and only his remaining reflexes prevented him from tumbling to the floor. He quickly caught himself on the metal pole above him, breathing deeply when he retrieved his balance.
“Step back.”
Jackson yelped in surprise when Derek opened the glass door and stepped inside the shower cubicle without hesitation, making Jackson slump against the opposite wall and when had Derek undressed?
“What are you doing?! I said I don’t need your help-!”
He couldn’t handle this, too much naked guy skin on too little space and oh god, those were Derek’s arms wrapping around his waist and pulling him closer, almost enough so their chests touched.
Something inside his chest loosened, a knot that had been there ever since he’d woken up in the woods, staring into the alpha wolf’s eyes with no one in sight to save him.
“I’m not going to risk you hitting your head, so suck it up.” Derek grumbled, letting his hands rest on the small of Jackson’s back. “I’ll make sure you don’t fall but I won’t touch any more of you for now. It’s not up for discussion. The sooner you accept this, the sooner we’re out of here. So get on with it.”
Bastard.
Jackson gritted his teeth against the need to kick Derek in the balls and turned away to grab the shower gel. Derek was so full of shit, claiming to go at Jackson’s pace when he really just bossed him around. Why would he give him choices if he was just going to do what he wanted anyway?
Right, because he didn’t actually care. He wasn’t doing this for himself. He didn’t get anything out of it in the end. It wasn’t his life in danger, he didn’t need Jackson to like him.
It’d be over soon. Just a little longer and Jackson would be out of here. He’d go home and he’d be fine. He wouldn’t have to see Derek again, he could forget about this whole thing.
The hot water felt good on his cool skin, quickly warming him up and dissolving the dried dirt that was sticking to him everywhere, but he couldn’t relax so he just started cleaning himself where he could reach.
His arm brushed Derek’s when he reached down to wash intimate places, his fingers cold and shaking, and he kept his eyes firmly on the tiles next to the werewolf’s shoulder so he didn’t have to see if he was watching.
When finally the last of the soap had left his skin, he pushed against the hold and Derek stepped back without a word, his hand moving to Jackson’s upper arm until he was safely out of the cubicle and on the bathroom rug.
A chill passed over his skin when Derek finally turned away to pass him a towel. This place really needed some heating installed.
“Sit down and wait, I won’t take long.” Derek said and stepped back into the shower, keeping his back to Jackson while he cleaned up.
Jackson shouldn’t watch. Derek hadn’t watched and it wasn’t fair.
But he had to know what to expect, right? He shouldn’t go into this blind--
“You have to stop thinking about this so much.” Derek suddenly said from behind the glass wall and Jackson flinched. “You’re just making yourself more nervous.”
More nervous? Jackson was pretty sure it wasn’t humanly possible to be any more nervous.
“You have no idea what I’m thinking.” he murmured. He knew Derek could still hear him over the sound of the shower. “The bond doesn’t work that way.”
“I don’t need the bond for that. You’re like an open book.”
Jackson’s shoulders tensed sharply. “I’m not. Don’t do that, don’t. . . talk to me like that..”
“Like what?” Derek turned around and Jackson quickly averted his eyes. Derek sighed in annoyance. “God, Jackson, just look, okay? We’re going to have sex in a few minutes and you’re really not making this easier for any of us by playing the blushing virgin.”
Jackson’s jaw dropped. “I’m not- You-. . I’m not playing anything! I’m not gay, this is a fucking big deal for me-”
“And you’re making it even worse by obsessing over it.” Derek turned the shower off and the sudden silence made him uncomfortable until Derek reached for a towel to wrap around his hips and continued, his voice soft. “It won’t be as bad as you’re imagining it. I know what to do, I’ve done this before. It’ll be over fast and it won’t hurt much. And you’ll feel better afterwards, your body will recover quickly after you’ve had some rest.”
Jackson snorted. “You’re an asshole, you know that?”
Derek just nodded and helped Jackson to his feet.. “So I’ve been told. You’re lucky it’s not true.”
The sight of the large bed with the thick, gray bedding and a sturdy, wooden frame made Jackson's heart jump in his chest but he quickly sank down on it when they reached it, so Derek could let go. He was surprised Derek even had a bed. A dirty, old mattress sounded more like him but the bed looked new, barely slept in.
“We can . . . talk for a few minutes, if you want.” Derek said quietly while he sat down next to Jackson, leaving a few inches of space between them.
“You said we don't have time. That it’d be over fast.” Jackson replied, his voice pathetically small and he couldn't seem to stop staring at Derek's eyes, bright and blue. “What’s there to talk about?”
“I don’t know but,” Derek's frown deepened, like he was fighting a headache, “I don't want to, just, jump in either-”
Jackson's stomach suddenly rolled and he swallowed against the rush of saliva in his mouth. “I- I think I'm gonna be sick-” he gasped and Derek reacted in the blink of an eye, grasping Jackson's chin so he had to look at the man.
“You don't. Just take a deep breath. In and out, come on.” Derek urged and started rubbing his back soothingly with one hand while Jackson breathed, his chest heaving, and he tried to do what Derek had said and stop thinking about this as such a big thing but it was and why couldn’t Derek understand that?
A wave of calmness and security came from Derek and Jackson pulled away when the nausea subsided a little, rubbing his face with both hands to clear the haze in his mind, and then shook his head. He didn't want to draw this out. The longer they waited, the less lucid he was and if he had to do this, if he had to sleep with a werewolf, a stranger, then he wanted to be wide awake and as much in control as he could possibly be. Which wasn't a lot but Jackson would take it.
“No, I- I don't want to talk. I want to get this over with.” he replied and Derek quickly nodded his consent.
“Okay. Do you. . . want to kiss for a while? It might help with your nerves.”
Nerves. Like he was a girl, about to have her first time.
Jackson's stomach cramped again at that but he didn't know what to say. He didn't particularly want to kiss Derek, had only once kissed Danny at this really wild party about a year ago, but he barely remembered that and was it any different? Kissing a man? He couldn't decide whether to start out slowly, ease into this as much as they could or just jump to it, get it done as fast as they could. Both options sounded equally good and horrible to him.
“I don’t wanna do this. . .” he murmured, the words leaving his lips before he could stop them. Derek huffed in annoyance, pulling away, and unwrapped the towel from his waist to throw it on the floor, making Jackson flinch in surprise.
“Me neither.” the werewolf replied harshly, “but we have to. At least try to help me out here? It’s not easy for me either, believe me. I’m basically raping my mate, the wolf is going berserk, I have no idea how to control it through this and I still have to get hard somehow. So please, just try to get through this with me. It’s going to be fine, I swear.”
Jackson couldn’t do more than shake his head, his throat tightening. He hated this, being so weak and so scared of something people did every day, something that should be natural and, according to Danny, awesome, something that he should do with someone he liked.
Maybe he could have liked Derek. Not like this but as a friend. If this hadn't happened, if he hadn't provoked Derek that day in the school hallway. If Derek hadn't scratched him, hadn't pushed them both head-first into this, not even remotely ready. But it was too late now and Jackson doubted they could ever even be friends.
“I am trying, okay?” Jackson finally rasped out. “We can. . . we can kiss. I can handle kissing.”
If Derek noticed the lie, he chose not to call Jackson on it. He just leaned forward, very slowly crossing the space between them and Jackson froze, his eyes falling shut to avoid Derek's intense stare.
A second passed, then two, before Derek's lips brushed his and he flinched away automatically but Derek followed him, wordlessly obeying Jackson's earlier decision to do this and their lips met, too warm and too soft and he hadn’t asked for this. Jackson quickly opened his lips against Derek's mouth, demanding to deepen the kiss.
Derek was there in a second, his tongue darting out to meet Jackson's and for a while he thought he could do this. It didn't actually feel bad. Derek was a good kisser, experienced and easily falling into a rhythm with him.
Derek’s arms slung around Jackson’s waist, more like support than holding him and Jackson let himself be pushed back into the soft pillows, groaning quietly when the ache in his back lessened. He brought his arms up around Derek’s neck, holding on, and Derek made a grateful sound in his throat.
Jackson felt a hand at his knees, carefully pushing them apart and he tensed, pulling away from the kiss.
“Wait, no-” he gasped, his eyes wide, when Derek slid between his legs, their hips perfectly aligned, and Jackson had never felt another man this close, this intimate, with nothing separating them.
“Relax.” Derek murmured against his lips, a hand on the outside of Jackson’s thigh, stroking up and down in soothing circles. “It’ll feel good. Let it happen.”
Jackson couldn’t suppress a moan when he felt another cock rub against his own, all soft skin and sweet friction, making familiar heat curl in his belly. It took only seconds for him to grow hard, his body entirely on board with what was happening which wasn’t really that surprising, considering that Derek really seemed to know what he was doing.
They were kissing again now, hurried and messy, but so good that Jackson managed to relax a little. There was something like hunger coming from Derek’s side, meeting Jackson’s despair and fear but Derek licked into his mouth again, distracting him as much as he could. Jackson crossed his arms behind Derek’s neck and pulled him closer until their chests touched, using Derek as his support, his lifeline. They were in this together, at least for now.
Derek’s hands were soft and all over his body, rubbing Jackson’s skin wherever he found a spot that still felt cold despite the hot shower earlier until he was satisfied that Jackson felt as warm as possible. He was taking care of him, Jackson realized. He’d meant it when he’d said that he didn’t want to jump into this. Derek was trying to make this good for him somehow and Jackson’s stomach ached sharply at the thought.
“Can we-” he started but broke off when Derek pulled back slowly and met his gaze. They were too close to see each other clearly but the question still shone brightly in the other man’s eyes. “I’m. . . I’m okay but. . . I’m getting tired.”
It was only half a lie, his body weak and completely exhausted but not enough to rush through this, and they both knew. Derek nodded anyway, his jaw tense, and reached under the bed to get the small tube he’d had stashed away there.
“Turn around.” Derek commanded gently, tapping Jackson’s hip with two fingers, and Jackson gratefully complied, even though his head ached sharply at the motion, because this still felt better, not as weak and scary when Derek wasn’t covering him with his entire body.
Derek pushed his legs apart again, nudging one of his knees further up until he had the space he needed. Jackson expected Derek’s hands on his ass, it was the logical next step after all but still flinched when he felt it, soft fingers exploring the skin between his cheeks, trailing down to stroke his balls and back up.
What he hadn’t expected was being so sensitive down there, his skin tingling wherever Derek touched him, making his dick twitch against the sheets and leak pearl-white drops of precome.
“That okay?” Derek asked quietly, seeking reassurance. Maybe he was just as nervous as Jackson. “I have to prepare you a little. You know what that means, right?”
“Yeah. Fingers.” Jackson grunted, squirming a little when Derek’s fingertips found his opening, tracing around the rim gently, carefully. It felt good, really fucking good, and if this had been all they’d had to do, Jackson could have liked it, he thought. He closed his eyes and pushed his face into the pillow, muffling his next words. “Do it.”
There was the quiet sound of the tube being opened, then a moment of pause while Derek stroked along the backside of his thigh with one hand before the fingers on Derek’s other hand slipped between his cheeks. He flinched at the touch of cool lube being rubbed into the skin around his opening but it warmed up quickly when Derek kept massaging the skin in little circles, adding more and more gel until everything felt wet and smooth and relaxed.
“Fuck-” Jackson groaned heartily, spreading his legs just a little bit more. The heat in his belly spread, first down to his steel-hard cock and then up to his head, clouding his vision. He felt himself slipping into a kind of dreamy state but he wanted to stay awake, needed to stay awake and keep some control.
He felt the now familiar panic rising up, tried to close his legs and gasped when Derek held them open with firm hands. “No, wait, Derek-” He reached back with trembling fingers, closed them around Derek’s wrist and pulled him away weakly, only succeeding because Derek let him.
“What? What’s wrong?” Derek urged, turning his hand so he was holding Jackson’s with it.
“I can’t. . . can’t stay awake.” Jackson murmured, blinking hard against the tears threatening to fall. “You have to hurry up-”
“If I hurry, I’ll hurt you.” Derek stated. “It’s okay. We knew this might happen. You’re getting weaker. Just relax-”
“No!” Jackson insisted, his voice small and scared. “I have to be awake for this, please-”
Derek was quiet for a moment but Jackson didn’t look up. If asked, he’d say he felt disappointment radiating from him because Jackson wasn’t trusting him, not enough to give himself into Derek’s hands like this. But he wasn't sure, couldn't really identify it. Was that how the bond worked? Would it stay like that, them being able to tell how the other felt. Derek had said something about it but he couldn't remember.
“It’s not that I don’t trust you.” he started, feeling the need to set this right.
“You don’t trust me.” Derek stated as a matter-of-fact. “I know that. It doesn’t matter.”
“That’s not it.” Jackson insisted anyway, his voice slightly slurred. “But I can’t just. . . sleep through this. I’m losing my gay virginity here, I can’t wake up and. . . know that it’s done and I have no idea what happened.”
If this was happening, he owed it to Danny to tell him all about it and let himself be mocked for being scared.
Also, the thought of being completely at a werewolf’s mercy didn’t get any less terrifying, no matter how nice Derek was.
Derek sighed, rubbing his clean hand over Jackson’s ass again. “What do you want me to do? I can’t keep you from fainting.”
“I know but you have to.” Jackson murmured. “I have to tell Danny.”
“Who’s Danny?”
“Danny!” Jackson frowned, raising his head. “I just told you, I have to tell Danny, fucking pay attention...!”
He broke off when Derek patted his thigh soothingly, gently pushing his head back into the pillow, raking his fingers through his hair a few times and yeah, that felt pretty nice. “It’s okay. You’re not making sense but it’s okay. Don’t worry. You can tell Danny all about it.”
“About what?” Jackson asked quietly. “I can’t think--” His headache worsened by the second but his dick was still hard enough to pound nails although he couldn’t remember why.
“Not important. We’ll talk about it later. Just relax now.”
Right, oh, there’d been fingers, playing around at his ass and they were back now. Gently massaging the rim and then a fingertip dipping inside, just to test, to check. Little sparks of pleasure penetrated the thick fog in his mind and he thought he felt pain when the finger pushed inside insistingly but nothing could be worse than the pain in his head.
He moaned quietly, rubbing his hips against the mattress, moving against the finger, two fingers now, moving in, in, in and then out again, so slow and deep and Jackson groaned at the feeling, pushing his ass up a little to demand more, faster.
“Fuck-” Derek growled quietly. “I’m sorry, I can’t wait...”
Jackson didn’t know what he was talking about but he didn’t care as long as the fingers kept thrusting into him, pushing against that spot that really fucking awesome.
He moaned in disappointment when the fingers left but then Derek’s body was covering his, a hot smooth chest against his back and he felt blunt pressure at his opening, pushing and rubbing, making his skin tingle with need. He tilted his ass up just so, to, maybe, make it easier and oh. Oh god.
Derek eased into him like he belonged there, all pressure and a little pain and something inside Jackson slotted into place. His eyes shot open when he was suddenly wide awake, everything rushing back and making sense again. It was like a floodgate being opened, sensations pouring into him from all sides, from Derek.
“Oh shit-” he gasped, reaching back on reflex to feel where they were joined, tracing the part of Derek’s cock that wasn’t in him with trembling fingers, earning a quiet growl from behind him.
“I have to move.” Derek groaned desperately, leaning his forehead onto Jackson’s shoulder. “Please, Jackson-”
“Yeah.” Jackson panted, one hand pushing against Derek’s abs. “Yeah, okay.”
Derek pulled back, as slowly as he could until just the tip remained inside and then pushed in again and okay, that one really hurt so Jackson had to bite his bottom lip to keep from crying out.
He squeezed his eyes shut against the burn of tears, moving one hand down to grip his wilting erection, trying to distract himself a little by jacking it the way he liked, fast and a little rough.
Suddenly Derek’s arms tightened around him and pulled him up, moving back so that Jackson landed in Derek’s lap, sinking down on his cock until it was impossibly deep, shouting in surprise at the feeling of it dragging along his prostate.
“Move.” Derek ordered, sounding dark and wrecked. “You’ll be okay now. It won’t hurt as much if you do it at your pace.”
Okay. He was okay. Safe.
Jackson almost sobbed at the thought and complied, grateful for Derek’s hands supporting his hips when his thighs trembled with the strain of moving up and down. He went slowly at first, trying to get used to the feeling of having Derek so deep but the white-hot pleasure that coursed through him at every stroke surprised him again and again. His hand was still moving quickly in his lap, his cock now rock-hard and leaking.
“Fuck, let me-” Derek murmured and pushed his hand away and yeah, someone else’s hand on his dick was so much better, bringing him to the brink of orgasm in the blink of an eye. Then Derek suddenly moved his hips up to thrust in hard, hitting his sweet spot perfectly and at the same time there was a sharp pain in his shoulder, something trickling down his back and Jackson was gone.
He came with a shout, spurting thick ropes of cum all over his own thighs and Derek jacked him through it, massaging the head to make little electric shocks hit Jackson’s balls every few seconds. He knew he was moaning incoherently, probably babbling too, but his orgasm just kept going, on and on, until it became too much and Jackson grabbed Derek’s wrist to stop him.
Only Derek’s arms kept him from sinking forward in exhausted bliss, his eyes drooping but he felt Derek leaving his body carefully and when exactly had he finished? Shouldn’t Jackson have felt that? Could anyone feel that...?
He’d ask Danny, just to embarrass the hell out of him.
“Did you-” He broke off when Derek laid him down onto the bed, face-first, and gently ruffled his hair.
“Rest now. I’ll be right back.” he said quietly and then Jackson felt the mattress dip next to him before Derek left the room, his feet making quiet padding sounds on the wooden floor.
Jackson squirmed a little until he was comfortable. He was sore in several places, he’d definitely feel it in the morning and he reached back to check his shoulder, quickly finding the hurting spot, a little mark in his skin.
His fingers came back red and wet. Blood. Had Derek bitten him?
He knew he should freak out about that, he really should because he didn’t know if that part of the werewolf lore was true but he was so tired. And he was safe, he wasn’t going to die, so everything else could wait.
He was barely awake when Derek came back to lie down beside him, clean him up and tuck the covers firmly around Jackson’s body and he was asleep before Derek pulled him into his arms.
---
Thanks for reading! Can't believe it took me an entire month to get this out but I've rewritten this scene no less than 5 times. I hope the wait was worth it! There's one more part to come after this.