(no subject)
ya ya ya ya ya ohh man whats a girl supposed to do/think/say/want. ayaya
edit- so im leaving the time and date of the original post because this is what was supposed to be said last night..
Ok, i do not need babysitting. Seriously. Me of all people, i can look after myself! Yes it shows you care and yes its just an indication of how good friends you are but at the same time, what you don't trust me? I had other people there to go home with, i was up for a big night, i didn't drive, apart from that one time which was a couple of months ago now anyway, with you guys for the first time in literally months, and what happens? You aren't up for it as much as me so you want to leave. I know what it is like to drive and want to leave before other people are ready, hence why i told you all to go and leave me because i was having too good a time and didn't want people to stay who dont want to be there. Besides it was only like 1am, since when do we leave ANYWHERE that early, paricularly when there are so many of us there. Fucken other nights its a lets stay till close thing when i drive, but not this time. Sorry i sound like a bitch but it honestly ticked me off. OK leave if you want, but leave. Don't make a big deal of it and say you are gonna stay because you cant leave me when im telling you over and over and over that i will be fine. Yes i was drinking but whatever, i am a big girl, and besides, there were even people there that YOU knew that you knew would look after me, you even spoke to them to make sure they did. It was that you guys care and get worried, but for you dear i sense it was also slightly the jealousy factor because of who i was staying with (even though its totally subconsciously for you as well as completely unwarranted).
Then when you talk to people to make sure im ok blah blah blah and i finally convince you and you leave, dont then call like an hour later saying you are still there and that you have been upstairs waiting for me when i know for a fact you guys left and dropped the boys off and instead of you going home, you come back for me, people have mouths you know. Please don't lie. I know i should be greatful but its not like i couldnt get home, its not like the people i was with dont live basically a couple of streets away from me. I know it sounds like im a bitch and dont appreciate it but i do, just see it from my point of view and how it makes me feel like you dont think i can look after myself/you dont trust me/think im that fucked up that i dont know what im doing? I of all people, you know how i am, you know i dont need people beside me 24/7, you know i look after myself more than anyone else you guys know, i do not need babysitting.
In regards to the top comment, well something would have happened if i had ended up staying and going back with the other, so i guess its a good thing because i cant afford anything to happen. It was coming on that whole time and both of us become so much more relaxed and open and touchy when we are out/drink (i know everyone does, its the alcohol talking, but its like with us there is some sort of unspoken agreement that it is ok?) We have a weird enough relationship normally, and then on nights like last night it takes another turn deeper into that weirdness. Like all the shit we do and say doesn't have to be made out to be a joke. Thing is i know he would and he knows i would and its just kinda awkward, but a good awkward if there is any such thing?
edit- so im leaving the time and date of the original post because this is what was supposed to be said last night..
Ok, i do not need babysitting. Seriously. Me of all people, i can look after myself! Yes it shows you care and yes its just an indication of how good friends you are but at the same time, what you don't trust me? I had other people there to go home with, i was up for a big night, i didn't drive, apart from that one time which was a couple of months ago now anyway, with you guys for the first time in literally months, and what happens? You aren't up for it as much as me so you want to leave. I know what it is like to drive and want to leave before other people are ready, hence why i told you all to go and leave me because i was having too good a time and didn't want people to stay who dont want to be there. Besides it was only like 1am, since when do we leave ANYWHERE that early, paricularly when there are so many of us there. Fucken other nights its a lets stay till close thing when i drive, but not this time. Sorry i sound like a bitch but it honestly ticked me off. OK leave if you want, but leave. Don't make a big deal of it and say you are gonna stay because you cant leave me when im telling you over and over and over that i will be fine. Yes i was drinking but whatever, i am a big girl, and besides, there were even people there that YOU knew that you knew would look after me, you even spoke to them to make sure they did. It was that you guys care and get worried, but for you dear i sense it was also slightly the jealousy factor because of who i was staying with (even though its totally subconsciously for you as well as completely unwarranted).
Then when you talk to people to make sure im ok blah blah blah and i finally convince you and you leave, dont then call like an hour later saying you are still there and that you have been upstairs waiting for me when i know for a fact you guys left and dropped the boys off and instead of you going home, you come back for me, people have mouths you know. Please don't lie. I know i should be greatful but its not like i couldnt get home, its not like the people i was with dont live basically a couple of streets away from me. I know it sounds like im a bitch and dont appreciate it but i do, just see it from my point of view and how it makes me feel like you dont think i can look after myself/you dont trust me/think im that fucked up that i dont know what im doing? I of all people, you know how i am, you know i dont need people beside me 24/7, you know i look after myself more than anyone else you guys know, i do not need babysitting.
In regards to the top comment, well something would have happened if i had ended up staying and going back with the other, so i guess its a good thing because i cant afford anything to happen. It was coming on that whole time and both of us become so much more relaxed and open and touchy when we are out/drink (i know everyone does, its the alcohol talking, but its like with us there is some sort of unspoken agreement that it is ok?) We have a weird enough relationship normally, and then on nights like last night it takes another turn deeper into that weirdness. Like all the shit we do and say doesn't have to be made out to be a joke. Thing is i know he would and he knows i would and its just kinda awkward, but a good awkward if there is any such thing?