"simple livin' is a bitch, but damn i do it well..."
i should probably be sleeping right now but im in a mood. i couldn't sleep if i wanted to. too much on my mind. for-warning...long, boring, pointless entry. most likely it will be so vague i won't even understand it, let alone anyone else. but, its a way to get things off my mind.
friends.
what is a friend? someone who will be there 110% of the time? someone who stands up for you no matter how wrong you are? someone who would ditch anyone at any given moment just to hear you vent? not one person i have ever met can fill all of those qualifications. and as time goes by the position is less likely to be filled. yeah people are there for a couple years, you fight, you go your separate ways, and sometimes your paths cross. but when they do it usually results in a fight. then there are those people that you want to trust but can't because they just have to be base of the 'grape vine' [as christy calls it]. no matter what, even the best of friends will defy sooner or later. sooner most preferably as to not screw too much up. once someone knows your weaknesses you are doomed, envy can bring out the worst in even the best of people. but in retrospective there is always that person trying to connect with you but you are too caught up in the drama.
family.
my dad got a new job. he gets a new work minivan which means i get the truck. sweet! im pretty psyched. he is supposed to be making a lot more money too, thats always a great sign. ever since we moved we were making it money wise, but there wasn't much extra money [even though my dad goes out and buys a surround sound set-up, two $100 light sabers, and a PSP + games]. he said that there will be enough money now to even get another car, the little toy for the weekends, hew as thinking a Pontiac GTO...possibly not anymore though. well my dad and christy's mom karen have been going out for a while. its kinda weird but im not too concerned because, well, christy and i were the ones to hook them up. its cute. karens great and i already love her, shes such a sweetie.
etc. [you know]
nothing ever works out. honestly. there are always complications no matter how clear you think it is. if everyone was predictable and readable there wouldn't be so many heartbreaks or high hopes. there wouldn't be the adrenaline, but there wouldn't be the deception. never happy with what you have, always striving for something higher. theres always someone, and then someone else 'just in case'. then there are the cases when you are the victim. and when i say victim im not meaning it 'lightly.' intepret as you will. its hard to be friendly and not have someone take it in a different way. its impossible just to laugh and joke around without someone turning it sexual or into 'flirting.' maybe i will just stop talking. its funny hwo you never get hte attention of who you want, it always comes out wrong. sometimes that's a good thing, most of the time it isn't. you can't please everyone, but its so hard to just focus on yourself when people always need to add their 2 cents.
thats all for now, i just got a lot off my chest, its about time.
-ashley
p.s. whoever wants to buy me the new Fall Out Boy cd 'From Under the Cork Tree' i will gladly accept it <333x565482 im broke, but in love. haha.
friends.
what is a friend? someone who will be there 110% of the time? someone who stands up for you no matter how wrong you are? someone who would ditch anyone at any given moment just to hear you vent? not one person i have ever met can fill all of those qualifications. and as time goes by the position is less likely to be filled. yeah people are there for a couple years, you fight, you go your separate ways, and sometimes your paths cross. but when they do it usually results in a fight. then there are those people that you want to trust but can't because they just have to be base of the 'grape vine' [as christy calls it]. no matter what, even the best of friends will defy sooner or later. sooner most preferably as to not screw too much up. once someone knows your weaknesses you are doomed, envy can bring out the worst in even the best of people. but in retrospective there is always that person trying to connect with you but you are too caught up in the drama.
family.
my dad got a new job. he gets a new work minivan which means i get the truck. sweet! im pretty psyched. he is supposed to be making a lot more money too, thats always a great sign. ever since we moved we were making it money wise, but there wasn't much extra money [even though my dad goes out and buys a surround sound set-up, two $100 light sabers, and a PSP + games]. he said that there will be enough money now to even get another car, the little toy for the weekends, hew as thinking a Pontiac GTO...possibly not anymore though. well my dad and christy's mom karen have been going out for a while. its kinda weird but im not too concerned because, well, christy and i were the ones to hook them up. its cute. karens great and i already love her, shes such a sweetie.
etc. [you know]
nothing ever works out. honestly. there are always complications no matter how clear you think it is. if everyone was predictable and readable there wouldn't be so many heartbreaks or high hopes. there wouldn't be the adrenaline, but there wouldn't be the deception. never happy with what you have, always striving for something higher. theres always someone, and then someone else 'just in case'. then there are the cases when you are the victim. and when i say victim im not meaning it 'lightly.' intepret as you will. its hard to be friendly and not have someone take it in a different way. its impossible just to laugh and joke around without someone turning it sexual or into 'flirting.' maybe i will just stop talking. its funny hwo you never get hte attention of who you want, it always comes out wrong. sometimes that's a good thing, most of the time it isn't. you can't please everyone, but its so hard to just focus on yourself when people always need to add their 2 cents.
thats all for now, i just got a lot off my chest, its about time.
-ashley
p.s. whoever wants to buy me the new Fall Out Boy cd 'From Under the Cork Tree' i will gladly accept it <333x565482 im broke, but in love. haha.