LIFE!
is soooo much different for me. In a good way. I am learning that it is more than ok to be able to just chill at home by myself. I don't need a man in my life. Even though the way that the break-up went down hurt me a lot, it definitely has made me a stronger woman. And now I know that I can and should be independent and want to better my life, and eventually be with someone who wants the same for me. I won't let anyone hold me down anymore. I am learning that I should always do what is best for me, and the ones in my life who truly love me and care about me, will always support me. It is just that before Ben I figured I would always be alone, and i have to remind myself to change my mind set and just be optimistic and remember that everything happens for a reason (cliche, I know) and eventually, everything I want will come to me, if I work hard. Which is what I am planning on doing. I am planning on succeeding and making something out of myself. So, when you're still sitting at your mom's house, bouncing from one friend to the other to get everything you need, I will be out making my own money with someone who actually cares about me and isn't just playing head games with me. I tried to hang on to him, and it was hard to think more about the bad times than the good ones, but there was a reason why we didn't work. and even if we had/did get back together it wouldn't last. And I know, but he was my first love. So, come on! gimme a little bit more time to heal. :)
Also, I have promised myself one thing:
I will never ever ever let a man control me/change me/decide for me. I will always stand up for myself. Not that my ex did ay of that, but it seems like lately, I have noticed more women are like that. I will always do what I want, if it is reasonable. And if i ever want to be with my girlfriends, then god dammit, I will be with them! I just wish more women could do that. If a man really truly loves you, he wants nothing more than for you to be HAPPY. and he won't do everything in his power to keep you at his side 24/7 and he will give you freedom and space when requested.
btw;
I'M 20! bahahaha and i feel good. still a little hurt but I can feel that I made the right choice and I will heal in time.
"i can be alone, yeah I can watch a sunset, on my own, i can be alone, yeah "