(no subject)
So, wow, so much has happened. Prom, graduation, all that jaz. How does anyone make sense of it all? So, prom was great, despite the fact I hated my dress and just threw my hair into a pony tail haha. My boyfriend (John) basically ignored me the whole time and having him AND Brandon there was odd, because I was trying to give them equal attention as to not make Brandon feel like shit and not make John jealous that I was paying attention to Brandon. As we all know, I cant dance, but I did it anyway and had a load of fun. No one is going to remember how I was dancing, and if they do, oh well I had fun anyway so MEH! My dress was falling down all evening until Brandon took off his tie and pinned it for me, that helped a bit. Sadly, he left early because of a "headache" when really I think he just felt bad having John there, and actually...so did I. He was unfortunately a real buz kill, and I couldnt help but to feel as if I should have been there with Brandon in the first place. I know, that's terrible right? (After prom all of us girls went back to Maggie's to swim (heated pool) and we had a blast. It was definantly a great night.)
After not talking to John for weeks at a time and him calling me maybe once a month to talk for ten mins, I eventually made the decision to break up with him. He seemed okay on the phone, but I have a feeling that he took it harder than he let on. I really do care for him, but I just felt like we acted more like friends anyway, and that having the relationship end took a lot of the stress away from the situation.
Unfotunatly (leave it to me) now I'm stuck in this giant web of guys again and I have no clue where to turn. Of course there is Brandon, and I have to admit, there is definately a spark, hasnt there always been? I really considered asking him out again at the beginning of this year, but Crystal talked me out of it, and now I wish I hadnt listend. There have been little moments all this year, like when he drove me home from concerts and such and it was just us, alone, laughing. It just felt, right I guess. Maybe it was one sided, but I dont think so. Then, at Maggie's graduation party, we hit the pool again (me in my clothes haha) Brandon and I spent most of the time watching Maggie's niece and his fathering skills really made me smile. He was playing games with her, us chasing her back and forth and tickling her and such (I LOVE kids, so that is the hugest plus). Then, at one point I gave him a hug from behind and he wrapped my arms around him and held my hands, and I layed my head on his shoulder. That was, until he thought somone would notice. I really feel like we both feel it there, but I cant help but to think that I will end up hurting him again, I just dont know. I'm definantly not good enough for him.
Then, Dakota, ah Dakota. Dakota has been there for me, in and out for years. He's like my big cuddly brother, that I happen to love in, unsisterly ways haha. (Nothing gross there, I promise). He takes care of me, and no matter what he always makes me happy. He loves me to death, and even said that he hopes to some day be my husband but if it doesnt happen, he just hopes that I'm happy with whoever I'm with. I know no matter what, Dakota will always love me and be there for me and I love that. Not mention, his mom is a HUGE sweetheart and his friends ROCK, could it get better? (I have no clue.)
Then there is Daniel, a fairly new addition. I had a crush on him the moment I saw him, but for the wrong reasons. (Those reasons being that he is so unbelievably hot it's unreal...and I have no clue how he has stayed single for a year.) He is a bit younger than me at 17, and we didnt used to get along that well, but latly there has been this bond there. He's confusing though, one second he loves me and the next he is all pissy. Usually, I'm great with reading people in general, especially guys, but Daniel remains a huge mystery to me. Maybe that is the point though? Could it be that that is what was missing all this time, somone that actually requires a lot of effort on my part to understand and make sure he's happy. The downside to Daniel is that physical beauty means a lot to him, and I'm not exactly his type...or, maybe I'm not his type at all, I really have no clue, but I really really like him, I dont know why....He's just great, makes me feel secure and yet, he makes me want to better myself in an overall way.
Then there is this burning question of, should I shop around? Maybe if I found someone entirly new, just, went out and actually MET somone someplace. Should I try to find someone that maybe has all of these qualities or should I stick with whats familiar and go with the guys I know already love me, even if its in the tiniest way.
I dont know, any suggestions?
PS: I wanted to go to Manson/Slayer today! *hissy fits* I'm really bumbed...had I known Crystal would go, I SO would have invited her, but Trev asked her first, and then she asked Andy and Daniel...and then I had no one to go with. Not fair *folds arms*. Meh, I'll get over it....
After not talking to John for weeks at a time and him calling me maybe once a month to talk for ten mins, I eventually made the decision to break up with him. He seemed okay on the phone, but I have a feeling that he took it harder than he let on. I really do care for him, but I just felt like we acted more like friends anyway, and that having the relationship end took a lot of the stress away from the situation.
Unfotunatly (leave it to me) now I'm stuck in this giant web of guys again and I have no clue where to turn. Of course there is Brandon, and I have to admit, there is definately a spark, hasnt there always been? I really considered asking him out again at the beginning of this year, but Crystal talked me out of it, and now I wish I hadnt listend. There have been little moments all this year, like when he drove me home from concerts and such and it was just us, alone, laughing. It just felt, right I guess. Maybe it was one sided, but I dont think so. Then, at Maggie's graduation party, we hit the pool again (me in my clothes haha) Brandon and I spent most of the time watching Maggie's niece and his fathering skills really made me smile. He was playing games with her, us chasing her back and forth and tickling her and such (I LOVE kids, so that is the hugest plus). Then, at one point I gave him a hug from behind and he wrapped my arms around him and held my hands, and I layed my head on his shoulder. That was, until he thought somone would notice. I really feel like we both feel it there, but I cant help but to think that I will end up hurting him again, I just dont know. I'm definantly not good enough for him.
Then, Dakota, ah Dakota. Dakota has been there for me, in and out for years. He's like my big cuddly brother, that I happen to love in, unsisterly ways haha. (Nothing gross there, I promise). He takes care of me, and no matter what he always makes me happy. He loves me to death, and even said that he hopes to some day be my husband but if it doesnt happen, he just hopes that I'm happy with whoever I'm with. I know no matter what, Dakota will always love me and be there for me and I love that. Not mention, his mom is a HUGE sweetheart and his friends ROCK, could it get better? (I have no clue.)
Then there is Daniel, a fairly new addition. I had a crush on him the moment I saw him, but for the wrong reasons. (Those reasons being that he is so unbelievably hot it's unreal...and I have no clue how he has stayed single for a year.) He is a bit younger than me at 17, and we didnt used to get along that well, but latly there has been this bond there. He's confusing though, one second he loves me and the next he is all pissy. Usually, I'm great with reading people in general, especially guys, but Daniel remains a huge mystery to me. Maybe that is the point though? Could it be that that is what was missing all this time, somone that actually requires a lot of effort on my part to understand and make sure he's happy. The downside to Daniel is that physical beauty means a lot to him, and I'm not exactly his type...or, maybe I'm not his type at all, I really have no clue, but I really really like him, I dont know why....He's just great, makes me feel secure and yet, he makes me want to better myself in an overall way.
Then there is this burning question of, should I shop around? Maybe if I found someone entirly new, just, went out and actually MET somone someplace. Should I try to find someone that maybe has all of these qualities or should I stick with whats familiar and go with the guys I know already love me, even if its in the tiniest way.
I dont know, any suggestions?
PS: I wanted to go to Manson/Slayer today! *hissy fits* I'm really bumbed...had I known Crystal would go, I SO would have invited her, but Trev asked her first, and then she asked Andy and Daniel...and then I had no one to go with. Not fair *folds arms*. Meh, I'll get over it....