i am ready
my stomach keeps turning knots.
i talked with my mom this evening. it was sorta, lets see her reaction. which was a firm NO. blah. the whole deal is I have to be 18. period. no if ands or buts about it, so she says.
i drop it. not worth an arguement. well. it is, but it wasn't. because my mom was in a good mood, and running me to do my things.
blah. so we were in the starbucks drive through.
"so are you sure I can't go in december?"
"NO. sarah. we've talked about this. you have to be 18."
this is the biggest factor against me really.
i keep pressing her. she asks once more how old Chris is. i get a kick out of that "NO!!"
its not like i talk about a dozen guys with her, from on line - and its not like i haven't mentioned him a million times. if not a million times a day. geeez.
she asks if i'd have sex with him. it almost broke the tension. its not something i would talk to my mother about, or would admit to her.. so i give off a no, in which i knew i couldn't keep a straight face. which made it even funnier. i don't think i could lie to my mother about something like that, but i couldn't really tell her. i mean. yah. what was the point of that question again.
yah. but to make this long story short. she ended up by telling me that she doesn't care, really. that i have to pull it together. i have to find out the details. the legal regaurds. and such things. and take care of any financial business.
she's more worried about my safety and i don't think so much with him. but the whole idea.
at least she dropped the whole "you have to be 18"
meep. yes. just meep.
there's been comfort in knowing April of next year is a long ways away. i mean. december. thats like less than a half a year away.
she asked if i'd come home. i told her yes.
my stomach is still turning knots.
however. im pleased with the way the conversation turned out. i feel like i made progress, good or bad i don't know. she offered to go with me. that was certainly progress on my moms part. i'd rather take chiara or tera, but yeah.
i don't really need my mommy holding my hand - my mom and i don't have that kind of relationship. but i wouldn't tell her no, really.
still. it was progress when she seemed ok with next summer (not that she has any say then, except if im still living here) then it was always the animals had to go long before i left. but honestly - yes i would plan on returning before i never came home again. going down in december would give me that chance.
i don't know what to think. i don't know what to say. i don't even know how i feel right now. like a dream could be coming true? perhaps.
i really truly honestly don't know.
anyhow. today wasn't bad. we went and saw halloween ressurrection. it didn't really do anything for me. it wasn't a bad movie. i just. i can't watch movies. i started watching shallow hal last night. i actually can't wait to finish it tonight.
im not looking forward to work tomorrow, though. not in the least. i want to sleep, and sleep, and sleep.
i talked with my mom this evening. it was sorta, lets see her reaction. which was a firm NO. blah. the whole deal is I have to be 18. period. no if ands or buts about it, so she says.
i drop it. not worth an arguement. well. it is, but it wasn't. because my mom was in a good mood, and running me to do my things.
blah. so we were in the starbucks drive through.
"so are you sure I can't go in december?"
"NO. sarah. we've talked about this. you have to be 18."
this is the biggest factor against me really.
i keep pressing her. she asks once more how old Chris is. i get a kick out of that "NO!!"
its not like i talk about a dozen guys with her, from on line - and its not like i haven't mentioned him a million times. if not a million times a day. geeez.
she asks if i'd have sex with him. it almost broke the tension. its not something i would talk to my mother about, or would admit to her.. so i give off a no, in which i knew i couldn't keep a straight face. which made it even funnier. i don't think i could lie to my mother about something like that, but i couldn't really tell her. i mean. yah. what was the point of that question again.
yah. but to make this long story short. she ended up by telling me that she doesn't care, really. that i have to pull it together. i have to find out the details. the legal regaurds. and such things. and take care of any financial business.
she's more worried about my safety and i don't think so much with him. but the whole idea.
at least she dropped the whole "you have to be 18"
meep. yes. just meep.
there's been comfort in knowing April of next year is a long ways away. i mean. december. thats like less than a half a year away.
she asked if i'd come home. i told her yes.
my stomach is still turning knots.
however. im pleased with the way the conversation turned out. i feel like i made progress, good or bad i don't know. she offered to go with me. that was certainly progress on my moms part. i'd rather take chiara or tera, but yeah.
i don't really need my mommy holding my hand - my mom and i don't have that kind of relationship. but i wouldn't tell her no, really.
still. it was progress when she seemed ok with next summer (not that she has any say then, except if im still living here) then it was always the animals had to go long before i left. but honestly - yes i would plan on returning before i never came home again. going down in december would give me that chance.
i don't know what to think. i don't know what to say. i don't even know how i feel right now. like a dream could be coming true? perhaps.
i really truly honestly don't know.
anyhow. today wasn't bad. we went and saw halloween ressurrection. it didn't really do anything for me. it wasn't a bad movie. i just. i can't watch movies. i started watching shallow hal last night. i actually can't wait to finish it tonight.
im not looking forward to work tomorrow, though. not in the least. i want to sleep, and sleep, and sleep.