I think it's different to believe someone would act a certain way now, based on their past actions, than to believe someone would act in a way that you have no basis for thinking they ever did. in your case, you know someone behaved a certain way in the past, and from what you've heard, you have come to believe she still behaves that way. Now, for one thing, I know enough about you to know that if you talked to her in person, you'd be open to anything she had to say on her own behalf, and even if you came away thinking that, after all, she hadn't changed, it would be based on your own judgement, not on rumor. :)
The people who said things about me...lied. not only did they lie but the rumors they spread were based entirely on their own delusion and not on any previous behavior of mine. i'm not actually angry with them about it anymore, but i would definitely be angry with anyone who brought it up, unless of course they brought it up as a joke, knowing it was absolutely untrue, in which case I'd be releived. lol.
david and I have talked frequently about how there are such negative connotations with the word "judge" these days. instead of meaning that one weighs the information at hand (and the information one knows is absent), it seems to have been confused with the legal definition, which is to make an irreversible pronouncement on a person, and not only that, but people associate it with a purely negative pronouncement. i have to say that yes, I do judge situations and people--by the first definition--and that sometimes it is in a negative light. but irreversible? and pronouncement? my judgements stay within my head or at least my journal and trusted friends, they don't get pronounced to the world...with the exception of my 'judgements' on world issues. i think it's bizarre for a person to say, 'oh, i'm not judgemental!' everyone makes judgements. Constantly. unconsciously. It's not a bad thing, as long as your mind doesn't shut the doors behind each question.
damn, you do know me pretty well! ;) i agree, there is a distinct difference there. because of what i have experienced and witnessed with these two it troubles me to hear these rumors and feel in the pit of my stomach that it's absolutely true - that the nature of their relationship as become more complicated as it matures along the same vien, and in my opinion, is terribly abusive. just the same i don't think i have earned the right to speculate further without checking my facts - getting their perspective. i feel a discombobulated emotional rant coming on so i'm going to stop here.
wow - that type of behavior is just juvenille and malicious. i think i'd be angry at first and then just curious to get to the bottom of it, especially cause once i've let you in, i'm not easy to shake, lol! over all, sounds like BIG RED FLAGS to slowly step back from and reflect on beofre you react.
you know that sylvia plath quote: "Everything she said was like a secret voice speaking straight out of my bones."
i feel that about you quite frequently. :)
i've never thought about judgement in quite those terms exactly, but i've always been befuddled by people who consider being judgemental unatural. like you said, we all make judgements - it's human nature... i think how you choose to proceed with them is where the transition to a negative blanket opinion based on a first impression, or open consideration and observation allow for you to confirm and shift your view... and how you relay such to the world.
having said that, i also put a lot of wieght on trusting my instincts which can include negative first impressions.
paragraph 1: from what you've written about this situation, I can definitely see why you're having those feelings. And anytime you want to let loose a discombobulated emotional rant to me via e-mail or phone, feel free!
paragraph 2: yes, indeed...juvenile is exactly the word for it. as for the malicious, it IS malicious in one sense, but I don't think it was done with malicious intent. just stupid young men acting like stupid young boys. which is bad enough. lol.
paragraph 3/4: that's funny, because when you quoted that in your journal the other day i instantly thought about my emotional response to your writings. :)
paragraph 5: *nod* *nod* *nod*
paragraph 6: *vehement nod* I tend to be nervous of my instinctive negative emotional impressions of people, because I invariably feel i owe everyone a chance, i owe it to them to find out why I have that reaction. i've regretted it every time i've gone against my instinct, and every time, I tell myself, "I'm going to trust myself next time," and the next time, i feel bad for feeling that "Stay away from this person" reaction, and i do it all over again. *sigh* OTOH, i trust myself when i have really good reactions to people, and that has panned out well, even when it didn't look from all evidence as if it were going to. :)
someday I will learn to accept that, while everyone deserves a chance to overcome a negative emotional impression, I don't have to go out of my way to try and prove myself wrong. They can overcome it without my help or hindrance, and i can still be open-minded enough to accept it if/when they do. :)
The people who said things about me...lied. not only did they lie but the rumors they spread were based entirely on their own delusion and not on any previous behavior of mine. i'm not actually angry with them about it anymore, but i would definitely be angry with anyone who brought it up, unless of course they brought it up as a joke, knowing it was absolutely untrue, in which case I'd be releived. lol.
david and I have talked frequently about how there are such negative connotations with the word "judge" these days. instead of meaning that one weighs the information at hand (and the information one knows is absent), it seems to have been confused with the legal definition, which is to make an irreversible pronouncement on a person, and not only that, but people associate it with a purely negative pronouncement. i have to say that yes, I do judge situations and people--by the first definition--and that sometimes it is in a negative light. but irreversible? and pronouncement? my judgements stay within my head or at least my journal and trusted friends, they don't get pronounced to the world...with the exception of my 'judgements' on world issues. i think it's bizarre for a person to say, 'oh, i'm not judgemental!' everyone makes judgements. Constantly. unconsciously. It's not a bad thing, as long as your mind doesn't shut the doors behind each question.
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wow - that type of behavior is just juvenille and malicious. i think i'd be angry at first and then just curious to get to the bottom of it, especially cause once i've let you in, i'm not easy to shake, lol! over all, sounds like BIG RED FLAGS to slowly step back from and reflect on beofre you react.
you know that sylvia plath quote: "Everything she said was like a secret voice speaking straight out of my bones."
i feel that about you quite frequently. :)
i've never thought about judgement in quite those terms exactly, but i've always been befuddled by people who consider being judgemental unatural. like you said, we all make judgements - it's human nature... i think how you choose to proceed with them is where the transition to a negative blanket opinion based on a first impression, or open consideration and observation allow for you to confirm and shift your view... and how you relay such to the world.
having said that, i also put a lot of wieght on trusting my instincts which can include negative first impressions.
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paragraph 2: yes, indeed...juvenile is exactly the word for it. as for the malicious, it IS malicious in one sense, but I don't think it was done with malicious intent. just stupid young men acting like stupid young boys. which is bad enough. lol.
paragraph 3/4: that's funny, because when you quoted that in your journal the other day i instantly thought about my emotional response to your writings. :)
paragraph 5: *nod* *nod* *nod*
paragraph 6: *vehement nod* I tend to be nervous of my instinctive negative emotional impressions of people, because I invariably feel i owe everyone a chance, i owe it to them to find out why I have that reaction. i've regretted it every time i've gone against my instinct, and every time, I tell myself, "I'm going to trust myself next time," and the next time, i feel bad for feeling that "Stay away from this person" reaction, and i do it all over again. *sigh* OTOH, i trust myself when i have really good reactions to people, and that has panned out well, even when it didn't look from all evidence as if it were going to. :)
someday I will learn to accept that, while everyone deserves a chance to overcome a negative emotional impression, I don't have to go out of my way to try and prove myself wrong. They can overcome it without my help or hindrance, and i can still be open-minded enough to accept it if/when they do. :)
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