In a room crowded with voices, can you really just talk to yourself?
I'm not sure anyone really reads this anymore. I feel like the fad of it has passed. I still find it therapeutic to write so I will continue to do so.
Life certainly has taken some turns over the last 10 months. I don't remember if I mentioned it in earlier posts or not, but my father was diagnosed with colon rectal cancer some months back. I want to say it was in April or May. I remember being there with him when they told him. My father took it well, hell, he took it a lot better than I think I would have. The doctors came in the room to tell him and you could just feel it in the air, the weight of it all. Well, he did chemo and radiation therapy all Summer long and then this past Monday he had surgery to remove the tumor. The pathologist told him today that they got all but the smallest piece and they would get that with some more radiation therapy. Throughout it all, my Dad has had the best attitude about this. He's said all along that he wasn't going to let this beat him.
A few weeks ago was the annual Casco Bay Brewfest hosted by Point Sebago. It was a lot of fun, despite the rain. This year we rented one of the nicer places. A two story vacation home. Even though we had to rent it for two nights, everyone agreed that it was a really nice place to stay. We may try to rent one again next year. I think we all might be getting a little old, on Saturday night we all crashed out by 10pm. Though, we were up till 2am the night before.
I'm still in a bit of a funk about things. I don't really like being single, I miss having someone to share things with, a significant other. I know I have my friends and family, but it's not the same. Besides, almost all of my friends are in relationships, so I see them and it makes miss it a little more. I'll admit that I miss a lot of the physical aspects too, mostly just being touched, a hand to hold, arms to hug me, lips to kiss. I miss having someone share that huge bed I sleep in too.
In the last few days I've been forced to do some hard thinking. I've come to realize as much as I care for Tiffany, it's really boiled down to the care that I have for my close friends. I don't think that I could ever have a relationship with her again, I can't trust my heart to her anymore.
This realization is terrifying.
So where do I go from here? I've been told I need to move on, that I should start dating other girls. This is a terrifying prospect to me. I have dated exactly one person in my life (Tiffany) and I have asked out a total of four women in my life (not Tiffany). I am not exactly a ladies man, I really don't know how to talk to women, I don't exactly have those kinds of skills. I really don't have that kind of self confidence either. It's funny, with work and school I have all kinds of confidence. In my social life I do not. These are things I think I need to figure out how to change before I can really move past this. I'm going to have to rely heavily on my friends for this. Though, there is one girl that I've kind of been flirting with, and I think she has been with me too. Problem is I only see her about once every six weeks or so.
I guess that's all I have for now. Till next time, take care.
"Sanity may be madness but the maddest of all is to see life as it is and not as it should be." -Don Quixote
Life certainly has taken some turns over the last 10 months. I don't remember if I mentioned it in earlier posts or not, but my father was diagnosed with colon rectal cancer some months back. I want to say it was in April or May. I remember being there with him when they told him. My father took it well, hell, he took it a lot better than I think I would have. The doctors came in the room to tell him and you could just feel it in the air, the weight of it all. Well, he did chemo and radiation therapy all Summer long and then this past Monday he had surgery to remove the tumor. The pathologist told him today that they got all but the smallest piece and they would get that with some more radiation therapy. Throughout it all, my Dad has had the best attitude about this. He's said all along that he wasn't going to let this beat him.
A few weeks ago was the annual Casco Bay Brewfest hosted by Point Sebago. It was a lot of fun, despite the rain. This year we rented one of the nicer places. A two story vacation home. Even though we had to rent it for two nights, everyone agreed that it was a really nice place to stay. We may try to rent one again next year. I think we all might be getting a little old, on Saturday night we all crashed out by 10pm. Though, we were up till 2am the night before.
I'm still in a bit of a funk about things. I don't really like being single, I miss having someone to share things with, a significant other. I know I have my friends and family, but it's not the same. Besides, almost all of my friends are in relationships, so I see them and it makes miss it a little more. I'll admit that I miss a lot of the physical aspects too, mostly just being touched, a hand to hold, arms to hug me, lips to kiss. I miss having someone share that huge bed I sleep in too.
In the last few days I've been forced to do some hard thinking. I've come to realize as much as I care for Tiffany, it's really boiled down to the care that I have for my close friends. I don't think that I could ever have a relationship with her again, I can't trust my heart to her anymore.
This realization is terrifying.
So where do I go from here? I've been told I need to move on, that I should start dating other girls. This is a terrifying prospect to me. I have dated exactly one person in my life (Tiffany) and I have asked out a total of four women in my life (not Tiffany). I am not exactly a ladies man, I really don't know how to talk to women, I don't exactly have those kinds of skills. I really don't have that kind of self confidence either. It's funny, with work and school I have all kinds of confidence. In my social life I do not. These are things I think I need to figure out how to change before I can really move past this. I'm going to have to rely heavily on my friends for this. Though, there is one girl that I've kind of been flirting with, and I think she has been with me too. Problem is I only see her about once every six weeks or so.
I guess that's all I have for now. Till next time, take care.
"Sanity may be madness but the maddest of all is to see life as it is and not as it should be." -Don Quixote