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[losttoxichope]

It's happened again. I'm in a place so low its hard to even see the sun anymore. Between friends family and lovers I've fallen. I'm not wanted nor seen. But as usual I think I've put myself here. It's so hard to decide what I want and what i should do. I feel like the odds work against me. I work against me. Sometimes it's so hard to try without

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[losttoxichope]

Its lots of things that have happened. This time it was somethign with Brett. Lies and things to work against us. But yes wishing only does so much. And I don't know what things are lately. I'm not sure what to make of them though I know they are not the same.

And maybe I am just unhappy in general and it's coming off in every area of my life. I jsut don't know how to fix things. I guess part of me is afraid that it won't matter if I try my hardest to see people and to try and fix thigns. Or at least get close and try to have fun. And I don't know If i really need to question why support it low. I know that ive done most of the damage and put myself where i am. I guess I just hit a place and didn't realize it and then or now that I realize it I don't know what to do about it. Too much damage maybe thigns can't be fixed or improved. It scares me.

And as far as people coming to me. I just want to feel like I'm still wanted around. With everything that has gone on I feel like no one wants anything to do with me. And even after trying I feel like I'm the only one doing that and maybe I'm not trying hard enough. Maybe there's too much damge for things to happen easily butt it's starting to just hit a lot harder and I feel like I'm just not wanted and it's hard to know what to do or where to go with that. I don't know I think I've stopped making sense.