Makes me wonder
It's a wonder how situations develop like they do.
It's a wonder how feelings emerge like they do.
It's a wonder how emotions react as they do.
It's really all just a wonder.
I'll sit and try to figure out - why - why not?
Should I? Should I not?
It's just sometimes thinking doesn't get me anywhere.
Like I circle myself around and again.
It's hardly productive so what do I do?
Think more. As if that should help the situation at all.
It's strange though, for every situation I'm in part of me almost can't remember how I was able to get in this position at all
What led to it, and what will lead to it again?
Will i let history repeat or is repeating an indication of all I'm doing wrong - or the wrong things I'm trying to fight.
I don't think it's wrong though. I don't feel like me taking these things into my own hands is wrong. I don't . . I don't know.
I'm not pleased as things are.
Not pleased with my feelings entirely.
I wonder if things have improved or maybe progressively worsened with the pleasantries that make me want to believe its all okay.
That everything I feel is natural for now.
But is it?
Should I feel like such a stranger when i talk to someone I know better than the back of my own hand?
Or maybe it's a bad analogy because i never look at the lines on my own hands.
Does that seem appauling? Does it seem ridiculous?
I wonder if I should feel a stranger to my own head. But then i think about it and I think I usually feel like a stranger.
It's like I've disconnected from my head because I don't know how to address everything else that's in my life.
There are so many things, so many things that hit me too hard, that don't sit well with me, that I don't understand, and that I just can't believe my luck.
And I'm tired of this everything will be ok.
Time, in time.
We'll fix it!
Patience.
It's like what's wrong with now?
Or is it all just another excuse?
I just feel like - like people want to walk away and they won't or they can't admit that they have.
To be held by the smallest of strings can be painful if you can't think of the positive to try and focus on why the strings still there.
Is it a burden? Or is it a blessing?
I wonder.
But somehow I know.
At least know how I feel.
But that's all I know - cause that's all I ever get.
I've spent more time in my head than talking to anyone.
And that sucks.
Because somehow - its become such a routine that my head doesn't want that pressure.
My own head doesn't want me.
And that feeling like its shared around me as well just make the pressure more apparent.
Makes it a little too real.
It's a wonder how feelings emerge like they do.
It's a wonder how emotions react as they do.
It's really all just a wonder.
I'll sit and try to figure out - why - why not?
Should I? Should I not?
It's just sometimes thinking doesn't get me anywhere.
Like I circle myself around and again.
It's hardly productive so what do I do?
Think more. As if that should help the situation at all.
It's strange though, for every situation I'm in part of me almost can't remember how I was able to get in this position at all
What led to it, and what will lead to it again?
Will i let history repeat or is repeating an indication of all I'm doing wrong - or the wrong things I'm trying to fight.
I don't think it's wrong though. I don't feel like me taking these things into my own hands is wrong. I don't . . I don't know.
I'm not pleased as things are.
Not pleased with my feelings entirely.
I wonder if things have improved or maybe progressively worsened with the pleasantries that make me want to believe its all okay.
That everything I feel is natural for now.
But is it?
Should I feel like such a stranger when i talk to someone I know better than the back of my own hand?
Or maybe it's a bad analogy because i never look at the lines on my own hands.
Does that seem appauling? Does it seem ridiculous?
I wonder if I should feel a stranger to my own head. But then i think about it and I think I usually feel like a stranger.
It's like I've disconnected from my head because I don't know how to address everything else that's in my life.
There are so many things, so many things that hit me too hard, that don't sit well with me, that I don't understand, and that I just can't believe my luck.
And I'm tired of this everything will be ok.
Time, in time.
We'll fix it!
Patience.
It's like what's wrong with now?
Or is it all just another excuse?
I just feel like - like people want to walk away and they won't or they can't admit that they have.
To be held by the smallest of strings can be painful if you can't think of the positive to try and focus on why the strings still there.
Is it a burden? Or is it a blessing?
I wonder.
But somehow I know.
At least know how I feel.
But that's all I know - cause that's all I ever get.
I've spent more time in my head than talking to anyone.
And that sucks.
Because somehow - its become such a routine that my head doesn't want that pressure.
My own head doesn't want me.
And that feeling like its shared around me as well just make the pressure more apparent.
Makes it a little too real.