you . . .
With every passing day the stress increases as the outcome is yet to be known.
It's nerve racking to want to voice out every problem to you and yet everything inside my head fights it.
Now is hardly the time for it - why worry you as well.
Of course tho I don't want to deal with that alone.
I don't want to deal with this alone.
Even if it may not be true - even if it's all ok and just a scare.
But - I'd like you to be there.
Maybe that's why I'm pushing for a lot this week.
I want to talk and feel close because this . . well it could change everything.
Or not.
It's up in the air. I feel it's not worth mentioning but at the same time, i need to know what should happen.
I know how it's made me feel and made me want to do but you . . i have ideas but - excuse me if I look for a confirmation.
And then I can't really believe you said that.
Am I really such a bother that you ask me not to talk for a while.
My apologies.
I'll work on that and leave you alone.
Like i get it but still . . .
That's. . . .
Too many things I just don't understand enough to agree with.
Change is prevalent and unstoppable.
It holds us and it drags us. It allows no moment for delay and when we deny it of it's natural duty we seen to suffer.
We can not stop it with any great display nor deny it because we feel certain ways.
So take it and make it your own.
Mold it to what best fits you.
Adapt it - and adapt yourself.
Is it really so simple as a 5 words sentence.
Fuck no.
But it's possible.
It eats and tears and makes you want to bleed out.
THis pain this fear the unknown.
You "want" it to be like this. Well this is what it "is"
So how to handle what you've never been able to handle?
It's so lame to look on from such a weird angle at these things that you have no effect on.
Once perhaps your words would be heard but now you watch a situation that makes you want to bleed out and your not part of it. So what motivates that feeling within you? I wonder, i do.
It's redundant and reminds me of so much.
Reminds me of other things I've watched and can't stand to see.
I want it to be fixed.
I want it to be better.
Some things aren't meant to be.
Accept that.
While I try to do the same.
It'll be better.
I know it will be.
You have so much.
Ignore the selfishness and carry on.
You deserve more than you could realize.
My head is on fire and pounds with the introduction of light into my retina.
Where does the pain stem from and how to make it go away.
Love stress. I should really turn it into a positive.
You know turn myself into a workaholic then there will be no need to think about the headache thats there thats getting worse with every new thought of it.
3 more days of classes and then one more day of finals.
a little more than a week for work left and boy does that feel weird.
I won't have a job coming back.
I'm being laid off.
What a bad position to be in.
Talk about a stress factor.
Have we seen the economy?
And I can't function without work either.
I need to keep busy - otherwise i lose myself in my head.
I prefer to be functioning everyday.
I'm done writing now.
Not that anyone followed anything but the work situation.
But yeah no more.
It's nerve racking to want to voice out every problem to you and yet everything inside my head fights it.
Now is hardly the time for it - why worry you as well.
Of course tho I don't want to deal with that alone.
I don't want to deal with this alone.
Even if it may not be true - even if it's all ok and just a scare.
But - I'd like you to be there.
Maybe that's why I'm pushing for a lot this week.
I want to talk and feel close because this . . well it could change everything.
Or not.
It's up in the air. I feel it's not worth mentioning but at the same time, i need to know what should happen.
I know how it's made me feel and made me want to do but you . . i have ideas but - excuse me if I look for a confirmation.
And then I can't really believe you said that.
Am I really such a bother that you ask me not to talk for a while.
My apologies.
I'll work on that and leave you alone.
Like i get it but still . . .
That's. . . .
Too many things I just don't understand enough to agree with.
Change is prevalent and unstoppable.
It holds us and it drags us. It allows no moment for delay and when we deny it of it's natural duty we seen to suffer.
We can not stop it with any great display nor deny it because we feel certain ways.
So take it and make it your own.
Mold it to what best fits you.
Adapt it - and adapt yourself.
Is it really so simple as a 5 words sentence.
Fuck no.
But it's possible.
It eats and tears and makes you want to bleed out.
THis pain this fear the unknown.
You "want" it to be like this. Well this is what it "is"
So how to handle what you've never been able to handle?
It's so lame to look on from such a weird angle at these things that you have no effect on.
Once perhaps your words would be heard but now you watch a situation that makes you want to bleed out and your not part of it. So what motivates that feeling within you? I wonder, i do.
It's redundant and reminds me of so much.
Reminds me of other things I've watched and can't stand to see.
I want it to be fixed.
I want it to be better.
Some things aren't meant to be.
Accept that.
While I try to do the same.
It'll be better.
I know it will be.
You have so much.
Ignore the selfishness and carry on.
You deserve more than you could realize.
My head is on fire and pounds with the introduction of light into my retina.
Where does the pain stem from and how to make it go away.
Love stress. I should really turn it into a positive.
You know turn myself into a workaholic then there will be no need to think about the headache thats there thats getting worse with every new thought of it.
3 more days of classes and then one more day of finals.
a little more than a week for work left and boy does that feel weird.
I won't have a job coming back.
I'm being laid off.
What a bad position to be in.
Talk about a stress factor.
Have we seen the economy?
And I can't function without work either.
I need to keep busy - otherwise i lose myself in my head.
I prefer to be functioning everyday.
I'm done writing now.
Not that anyone followed anything but the work situation.
But yeah no more.