i got the mic and you got the moshpit cause in the end it's always the same!

[loststarz]

so yeah today... eh.. took lots of pictures... fun... bleh...Rei was suppose to get me the HIM CD and ... i still dont have it... yup... uhm hopefully tommorrow i get to go to Melon's house... dont feel llike going to the mall unless someone worth wild is going... but doubt it... ehg i sound depressed... i dont know why... i should be happy... but i dont know why... maybe its because i feel left out... and that i ruined the plan.. and i that betray people... man i really dont feel like a good friend... its hard to explain... but i do truely love i just dont know the real meaning of that word...yeah i can say "i love you" but when you say it back do you really mean it? or are you just saying it to make me smile? either way its all fake... love something that i wont find anytime soon... man me and Dany are talking about... but now i'm loseing Jonathen... even though he doesnt wanna admit it.. i'm loseing him... ahg its sad how he got mad at me for forgiving Dany and welcoming him back with open arms instead of bitching at him... and i go you know sometimes a person doesnt have to say they are sorry or yell at a person for doing something like that... a real friend stares into the persons eyes and opens their arms... and holds that other person and says welcome back i missed you... and i would the same thing to you when you do cheet like that to me its the way i am.. i dont why i put up with cheet like that.. but whatever... i cant wait till i reach 18 and move out of this hell... Melon and I are planing on moving to Germany... or somewhere far away from this hell.... far away from our families.. who feed us this bullcheet that they care and love us when all they do is make us feel worthless make us feel not worth living... its sad really... ahg... and with Cheese... i guess i'm not the girl for him.. he wants someone thats willing to put out... and i wont... i like him alot... but i guess that i'm not meant for someone to love me... because every guy that i fall for pretty hard wines up feeding me the same lines.. and when they finally turn me down they lead me on and get my hopes up then you find out from other people that its all lies.. yeah it suckx... i hope i die... well its late bye
sweet dreamz
Melly