Paranoia ..
So i cant help but think what is wrong with me. And why do i always think there is something wrong with me. In the past couple of weeks i have felt more manipulated and gullible then ever. Are people as cynical as i think or am i the cynical one? Everything seem to have a double meaning to me. I dont know who is real and who isnt and even if its not my fault i still say sorry. What am i scared of? This whole brandon and jake situation confuses me more then anything. Who is lying here? Jake or brandon? Brandon has no reason to lie about jakes age but i dont feel like i can trust him because he is so fake. Jake, i really dont know him. I feel bad for being so straight forward to him. I feel the worst about asking if he was gay, but brandon told me all that stuff and i jsut didnt know what to believe anymore. I wish i didnt care but they are both living a fucking lie. It is actually really obxnious to see them walk around telling people different stories of their lives. No you didnt win a lotto, both your houses actually suck and you guys arent rich and fabulous. Get over yourself. Why do i hangout with people i cant stand? Am i as fake as them if i hangout with them? I need to stop comparing myself but i get stuck with shitty people and i dont know anymore. I feel like im just settling and people are just settling for me. Does ben really want to hangout with me or does he want a ride? lol MAKE ME STOP THINKING! i need my mind to just STOP.