(no subject)
Everything is so fucked up. I feel like i would be better off alone, and without friends. I just don't think i deserve any friends right now. I hate feeling like this. I keep wondering why I'm here. There is really no point to my life. I'm either at home, or at work (which actually... there is no more work since yesterday), or with matt, jamie or jenny. I keep feeling myself pushing people away and I don't know why I do that. I just, I want to be alone. Someone can say something and it will trigger something in me and just cause a downfall. I don't like to bring peoples moods down when that happens... so i just pretend that everythings o.k. I might get a bit quieter.... but... everyone believes that i'm fine because i say i am. No one really knows whats going on with me. But i guess im just that good at pretending.? Or do people know and just dont give a fuck? I need to get out of davison, i need to get out of michigan. Everything is falling apart. I don't belong here. I think for this week... since i dont have to work... its just going to be me! I think im just going to stay home and not do anything... maybe ill write more poems. The poems arent great, they've made people cry before... but.... it gets a couple things out i guess. Everything was a little bit better when i stayed in my room and never came out. But then my dad yelled at me for it, and now he yells at me for never being home. Which will make him happy? Why arent I happy? I hate my life and everything about it. I just... want to go away and NEVER return.