Awaiting the Hour.................................
..................Before I return to work after three days off. I spent Thanksgiving without human companionship. Compared to last Thanksgiving when I was on an away trip with my ex at the hot springs. Life is really interesting these days. As I was making my dinner, I thought to myself, "You might as well get used to being alone on the holidays." Truthfully, I wasn't feeling sorry for myself, my inner voice was just preparing me for what is to come. Thank goodness I work X-mas Eve and Night. I loathe the holidays. I am thankful for Paxil, because quite honestly I would most likely carry through with my internal wish of removing myself from this world. I think about it quite a bit, but could never divulge this to anyone in my family. We just lost a great guy, my dad's school chum, to suicide this summer. Julian was a huge radiating light. His soul was so beautiful. My father is still rather devastated from his departure.